How to find out if you have psychological trauma

What types of injuries are there?

Variety. For each of us, the degree of traumatic event is different. Children are most susceptible to injury. Whether or not a child will receive childhood psychological trauma depends largely on the individual sensitivity, activity of the child, as well as the presence or absence of parental support and care when the child encounters trauma.

Thus, the trauma of violence in a child can arise both from the regular use of physical punishment by parents and from force-feeding.
The occurrence of trauma associated with sexual abuse ranges from cases of a child experiencing exhibitionism (showing their genitals to an adult) to cases of direct sexual abuse.
Children can suffer life-threatening injuries both when faced with a real threat (road accidents, etc.) and during medical interventions and operations.
The trauma of rejection can arise both in the case if a child at an early age is left for a long time without parental care (parents leave, leaving the child with other relatives, the child goes to kindergarten before the age of 3, not being ready for this, etc.), and in the case rejection by children in children's groups (kindergarten, school).

It should be noted that psychological trauma is not necessarily an acquisition of childhood. An adult can also be injured in a life-threatening situation or sudden, catastrophic loss.

Reasons for appearance

Reasons for the development of rejection trauma:

Mother's narcissism. She sees the child as a continuation of herself and accepts him only in those moments when the child pleases. The slightest manifestation of independence causes anger and coldness of the mother.
Dislike of a child, for example, because he is unwanted, or because he does not live up to expectations in some way. The mother perceives the child as a problem, and therefore entrusts his upbringing to someone, for example, a grandmother, or abandons the baby altogether.
The mother perceives the child as a competitor, transfers the “sins” of another person or her own shortcomings onto him. They ascribe to him qualities that he does not have, or they exaggerate his existing shortcomings, constantly criticize and insult him.

The trauma of rejection is formed before the age of 6 years. Its cause is an unmet need for security and close communication with the mother. Adequate contact with the mother is the foundation of a person’s future relationship with the world. If this foundation is not there, then you need to turn to psychotherapy.

Do I have psychological trauma?

The results of studies on the prevalence of experiences of psychological trauma show that the prevalence of traumatic experiences is much higher than previously estimated by experts.

Below is a list of psychological processes and conditions, each of which, even manifesting independently and in the singular, can be a sign of unprocessed mental trauma. Often these conditions manifest themselves in multiple forms.

From time to time, unusually vivid memories involuntarily come to you, lasting from a few seconds to several hours, during which it seems that a terrible episode from the past is intruding into present reality.
You delve into memories against your will and experience past events as if they were happening here and now.
Your sleep is disturbed and you have nightmares.
Sometimes you experience a condition similar to depression.
It is difficult for you to plan the future; your perception of your own life and your capabilities is limited.
You hurt yourself, either intentionally or accidentally (frequently falling, cutting yourself, hitting yourself) or getting sick frequently.
You have phobias (you are afraid of closed spaces, open spaces, insects, animals, air travel, etc.).
You have anxiety attacks or anxiety attacks.
You are wary, constantly living in anticipation of danger, hypervigilant.
You are irritable, regularly experience outbursts of anger, and often take offense at other people.
You experience a wide range of problems in relationships with other people, disrupting your social and personal life.
You constantly “step on the same rake”, meet people or find yourself in situations that do more harm than good.
You feel like you are living in a daze, positive emotions are muted, not expressed, you do not experience joy, pleasure, happiness.
You have difficulty concentrating.
You abuse alcohol or other psychotropic substances.

Ambush in dealing with rejection or projective identification

And if the therapist, when working with rejection, encounters the client’s projection, then he can easily return it, demonstrate: “Yes, here it is! You put it on me, but it’s not mine! Who do you really want to reject now?” But if this projection gets into the therapist’s identification, then the therapist becomes traumatized and loses his therapeutic position.

A little about the difference between projection and projective identification, simplified and in simple words.

Let’s say I love chocolate, but I am a member of the “life without chocolate” society and I have the conviction that, as a member of this society, I should not love this sweet product! And so I project my love for sweets onto my friend, saying: “I brought chocolate again! You’re just some kind of sweet tooth!” And if my friend has nothing to do with this chocolate and doesn’t eat it at all, then she will simply be angry with me and my projection. Projection has no relation to the reality of the other.

However, if my friend is on a chocolate-free diet, but in the evenings, when no one is looking, she can eat a couple of slices, then in response to my projective phrase: “Again, chocolate is in your house! You’re just some kind of sweet tooth!” will be offended, ashamed, in general, will experience a certain range of feelings, because... my words and my projection will fall into my friend’s reality.

I remember a joke.

On the exercise yard in the psychiatric hospital: - Who is this crazy person there in the yard?! That's a camel! After all, he spits on everyone! - Not everyone, only those who think that he is a camel.

Let me illustrate with an example from my work:

A woman came to me (we have been working with her not long ago) and began to complain about her husband. I thought that this had already happened in the previous session, that I had already heard these complaints, that we were going in circles, and I wanted to draw my client’s attention to this. But as soon as I opened my mouth to respond to her complaints, she immediately interrupted me:

- Listen, Lyuba, I know what you want to say! Now you will begin to lead me away from the essence again, beating around the bush, asking your inappropriate questions! It's the same thing every time! Come up with something new already! And I don't intend to listen to this!!!

At this moment I become confused and, apart from my stop, I am unable to feel anything else. I begin to devalue myself, the whole process, the client, “what the hell does she want!” The feeling of an impending disaster... Yes! Stop!!! I’m beginning to realize that the client, with her projection, got into something of mine...

Help from a psychologist for psychological trauma

First, a psychologist helps you find resources to cope with difficult experiences. And then comes the process of processing the trauma. You remember a traumatic event, but in a safe environment, using technology for working with trauma. As a result, painful memories become bearable, nightmares go away, it becomes easier to cope with irritability and resentment, and strength and energy appear in the body.

This is long-term work (from several months to several years), during which you can feel liberated, able to change your life for the better, use your inner knowledge and intuition, feel the presence of strength to make your life the way you want or accept the situation , which cannot be changed.

People who have undergone quality work with trauma say, “It seems like nothing has changed, and at the same time, a lot has changed.” Life becomes qualitatively different when trauma ceases to control us, but finds a place of peace in our soul.

Be healthy and happy!

What feelings does a person experience when experiencing rejection?

During the experience of rejection, a person experiences:

fear of death, behind which lies the fear of the unknown and uncertainty;
aggression towards the mother (this is normal, it is important to accept and acknowledge it);
feelings of guilt and shame (as consequences of the ban on expressing aggression towards the mother).

To heal the trauma of a rejected person, it is important to understand that everything that happened is not your fault. This is the weakness of parents, their inferiority and pain. They were not mature individuals, so they could not give you the love you needed.

IN PRISON"

The teacher’s words hit my self-esteem hard and had a very bad effect on my self-image. My classmates laughed at me, they were amused, calling me stupid. This terrible word became my nickname, which many students called me.

It seemed to me that from everywhere in school they were shouting at me: “Hey, stupid!” This label gave me such a deep sense of inferiority that it hurt me even years later, long after I had mastered the algebra material I had missed. I think that every person at one time or another in their life felt unwanted and rejected. Some people recovered from this, while others are kept by the devil in a prison of pain and suffering for the rest of their lives, using these memories. These people never feel needed or desired and consider themselves inferior to others. They live in a constant feeling that they “fall short”, no matter what they have already achieved in their lives and no matter how successful they have become. They live with this wound their whole lives. But it is not God’s will for them to live like this!

Develop resilience

Resilience is your ability to maintain balance or bounce back from setbacks. This quality can and should be learned. Look for resources to improve things like being open-minded, avoiding black-and-white thinking, enjoying small victories, focusing on solutions rather than obstacles, and appreciating the importance of the experience rather than just achieving the big goal.

Greater resilience is facilitated by humor, strong close connections, understanding one's strengths, seeing mistakes as important steps toward success, an internal locus of control, and psychological self-help practices.

The American Psychological Association (APA) has developed a list of 10 tips for those who want to make their own psyche more adaptive and resilient:

Create strong connections.
Don't view crises as insurmountable problems.
Accept change as an integral part of life.
Move towards your goal.
Take action.
Look for opportunities for self-development.
Develop a positive vision of yourself.
Don't lose sight of the future, think bigger.
Keep hope alive.
Take care of yourself.

GOD'S OPINION

But notice how Paul ends this verse: he boldly states that those whom the world rejects, God chooses! 1 Corinthians 1:28 can be translated from the Greek as follows: “God has chosen people who are mocked, and through them he brings into confusion those who think they are important and powerful. Those whom the world considers inferior, second-rate, unremarkable, mediocre, worthless, and so ordinary that in the eyes of the world they are not worthy of even the slightest attention—those are the people God chooses.”

Have you noticed that the lost, unbelieving world today either ridicules believers or ignores them, pretending that they do not exist? This is not a new phenomenon. The grammatical tense in 1 Corinthians 1:28 indicates that the lost world's bad opinion of believers will continue to be the same.

THERE IS A WAY OUT!

No matter who we are, we are all sometimes treated unfairly, dishonestly, wrongly, and cause us pain. Therefore, it is important to decide in advance how we will respond to situations that make us feel inferior, unappreciated, unloved, unwanted or rejected.

Personally, when I have been abandoned by friends, rejected by the world or even by certain believers, I have always turned to one verse of Scripture and it has given me strength. It says, “God has chosen the base things of the world, the base things, and the base things...” (1 Corinthians 1:28). Paul wrote this verse to the believers of the city of Corinth, who were considered outcasts and fools by the unbelieving society. These people did not accept the Christian faith. And instead of trying to understand, they simply decided that Christians are stupid and have no place in their society. They treated Christians with such disdain that, as Paul relates in his letter, they humiliated the Corinthian church.

OPINION OF THE WORLD

The Greek word exoutheneo, which Paul used in 1 Corinthians 1:28, means “to disparage,” as well as not to take seriously, to despise, to disrespect, to despise, to disregard. It describes someone who is so bad and disgusting that he is considered terrible, repulsive, disgusting, sickening. In other words, this word describes a person whom people consider an outcast; he is so low in their eyes that he is neglected. They pretend it doesn't exist. They don't pay any attention to him and pass by.

What happens to the life of the outcast?

In a nutshell - nothing good. Moreover, while the child is small, and the sad outcome of events could have been prevented, no one pays attention to the manifestation of signs of rejection: all the child’s attempts to feel his importance, to prove to himself that he exists, are perceived by the parents as whims and in most cases are harshly suppressed. What could it be? Most often, the rejected person tries to hide, to become invisible, but paradoxically, he does this in such a way as to attract as much attention as possible to himself, thereby causing even greater dissatisfaction with his parents. The circle is closed: adults deprive the child of their society as punishment, and he, feeling rejected, does everything he considers right to get into this society.

As the child grows up, so do his complexes. Now a person with such a trauma is trying not to attract the attention of those who, in his opinion, rejected him, but initially tries to make sure that he is not rejected - simply to avoid contact with such people. And if, nevertheless, interaction cannot be avoided and communication does not occur as one would like, the rejected person will blame himself for everything and move even further away from the one who, in his opinion (usually subjective), rejected him.

Multiple and combined injuries - features of first aid

Depending on the condition of a patient who has received multiple or combined injuries after a disaster, the service does not always send an ambulance to him. Quite often in such situations, it may be necessary to consult a neurosurgeon, traumatologist or resuscitator to more accurately determine the victim’s condition, stabilize his condition and prepare for transportation. Unlike the proposals of competitors, who propose to immediately carry out long-term transportation to the department of patients in an unstable condition, a victim who contacts our service can receive the necessary primary care for multiple and severe combined body injuries directly at the scene of the incident.

THERE WILL BE A REASON!

I'm grateful that what happened to me in high school didn't have a lasting impact on my life. Now I even laugh about it. But since school, I have had more than one reason to feel rejected. For example, when my family and I moved to the former Soviet Union in 1991, we began to put our hearts into our business. We devoted our money, energy and almost all our strength to the creation of churches, the broadcast of God's Word on television and the spiritual development of people living in this region of the world. But again and again I was stunned by newspaper articles denigrating me and my ministry, calling us criminals, cult leaders, a dangerous cult, etc.

The concept of rejection in psychology

Photo by SharkBite: Pexels
This is a negative interpersonal assessment, rejection, the opposite of sympathy, acceptance. Rejection may include frequent criticism and reprimands, denial, hostility, and neglect of the other person or family members. It can also refer to a person's attitude towards themselves ("self-hatred").

Everyone constantly faces rejection in life: one is rejected by a potential employer, a loved one leaves another, a friend doesn’t want to meet a third today, a fourth’s project idea is discarded in the office.

Anyone can be rejected anywhere, and unfortunately there is no real way to prevent it.