Why you want to run away from everyone and change everything: reasons and what to do

Brightness of life

There was a period in my life when I wanted to give up everything, leave and start a new life. And what do you think I did? I just decided to move from my small town with a population of 60,000 people to Voronezh. I have had apathy towards Borisoglebsk for the last 2 years. My soul was out of place because nothing in my life was changing. I simply understood that the process of my development here had reached some kind of ceiling. I needed to make an “upgrade” in my life. And I realized that only a change of environment would help me.

I told my reasons. Everyone has their own. But they are based simply on dissatisfaction with some aspect of their life and the desire to become a happier person. Everyone wants to be happy, only some are waiting for a miracle and believe that their Savior will come, others constantly complain and do not try to change it, and only others believe in a better life and create it with their work. Starting a new life is always scary, it’s a way out of your comfort zone, there’s only uncertainty ahead. But it's worth it. You just need to be optimistic about the future and not be afraid of change.

The beginning of a new life?! We follow the algorithm...

So, you constantly say within yourself, “I want to start a new life,” but for some reason you don’t do it. Most likely, you don’t know where to start a better life, what first steps to take. Then follow this algorithm.

Find out the reason for the dissatisfaction

The desire to start a new life never arises out of nowhere. As a rule, we want to get rid of something bad. As I already said, the reasons can be very different. And the first step is to figure out what is the geyser of your discontent. To do this you need to be very honest with yourself. There is no point in hiding something from yourself. Just acknowledge the presence of unwanted things in your life and move on to the second step.

Take responsibility for your life

You should not blame your parents, your environment, the president of the country, or universal injustice for the way you live now. Complaining and whining have never helped anyone. It's a waste of time. The path to a new life lies only through change. To manage changes in your life, you need to take responsibility for your life. This is the main and only key that will open the door to a new and bright life for you.

Choose a way to change

The third step will be to determine which actions will help you 100%. Sometimes it can be something small. Like throwing away your old things and buying new ones. And sometimes it is necessary to resort to drastic changes. Like, let’s say, I picked up and moved to another city. The more acute your problem, the more drastic a method you will need. Below I will list the most popular and effective ones. You can borrow it or come up with your own.

Set a goal and make a plan

The first 3 steps can be called preparatory. Real changes can only happen if you specifically set yourself a goal based on the method, draw up a detailed plan and begin to act. The goal should, as always, be specific, measurable and realistic. My goal was to move to another city, specifically to Voronezh. I outlined the points that I need to do to make the move more comfortable.

Take action

And, of course, probably the most important step is the actions themselves. They must be as effective as possible. Don't wait for the right moment, act right now. There is no need to tell myself that on Monday I will start a new life. Postponing and procrastination will not help you in this matter. Only actions in the present will change your future.

What to do when you want change

There comes a certain point in life when you want change. What exists no longer suits and does not bring satisfaction. It’s not clear what you want.

As a rule, at this point there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding. Vulnerabilities. And also shame and intolerance towards oneself. An adult, but lost in three pines like a child. I don’t want to mark time, I want to quickly understand what’s wrong, what to change. You throw yourself into every new activity with hope, but over time you realize that everything is still empty inside. This hope drives you into an unknown distance, exhausts you, weakens you, which makes you even more bitter. It seems like I tried this and this, but nothing changes. It's not the same.

You constantly compare yourself with more successful peers. Some people got married for the second time, others had a third child. Someone is opening a third business. And everything you have is wrong. And the business was so-so, and the marriage never worked out. Friends... Where are they, friends? They only call when they need something.

You don’t compare yourself with those who rush around just like you. They have circumstances. Serious reasons to be on the search. But you can't do that. You must always be on top. It is difficult to admit that you are “at zero”. It’s hard to believe that you can’t jump out of the point you’re in in one go. Too deep.

However, to make changes in life, you first need to understand what exactly you are not happy with. But this place is not so easy to get to. There are many feelings there, often difficult to bear.

Fear. Allow yourself to be dissatisfied, to want a better life.

Guilt. My peers have already built a house and raised their sons, but I...

Shame. It’s a shame to find yourself helpless and confused.

Anger. Why didn’t I notice before that what I was doing was meaningless and unnecessary?

Anxiety. What if I stay stuck at this point? Can't find myself again?

By mastering and recognizing each of these feelings, it is possible to admit to yourself that a crisis is ripe in your life. Reading about a midlife crisis is one thing. Experiencing it is something else entirely. There are no supports. And those that exist seem flimsy and unreliable.

In our culture, it is not acceptable to be helpless and ignorant.

• "Stay calm and carry on!"
• “Stop whining, I’m sick of you with your whining!”
• “Maybe you’ll already settle on something, how much can you try and jump on top?”

You would be glad to get together. And I would be glad to stop whining. And I want to stop already. But there is no possibility. A huge amount of work is going on inside to complete an entire period of life. A period in which there was certainty, a place, clear schemes and reliable supports. It's scary to part with him. It's scary to face the unknown.

Any change is the beginning of something new. To start something, you need to complete something. And completion is associated with farewell, mourning. With living through what seems like an endless string of feelings. Without this, the transition to a new stage is impossible. It is impossible to set new goals, to understand what you really want.

Often this step is skipped. The bet is made on the future; you can give up on the past. But is it?

By not allowing oneself to fully live a farewell to what is important, a person dooms a part of himself to voluntary imprisonment in the prison of oblivion. Cuts it off. Doesn't notice, doesn't hear. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists and takes a huge part of the strength and energy to be imprisoned in the depths of consciousness. But the understanding of where you want to go still doesn’t come.

What to do when “you need to change something”?

First, understand what is happening at the “present” point. What exactly doesn’t suit you in relationships, in work, in friends. Honestly face your expectations - from yourself and from others. Understand which expectations are unrealistic and which simply cannot be met in specific circumstances.

Secondly, live through disappointment. What happened is what happened. That life turned out the way it did. That right here and now there is no way to get what you really want.

Thirdly, understand what you really want? New job or find your calling? New relationships or feel loved, needed, important? What is the very need that pushes you to explore yourself?

It's not an easy job. You can do it yourself, or you can do it in a therapeutic group. Take out your “cut off” part. Helpless, vulnerable, ashamed. Give her a voice. Let her talk about what is happening to her. What is she afraid of, ashamed of? Why does he feel guilty?

Being able to talk about it is healing. That is why there is such a great need for live communication now. In communication that is sensitive, understanding, accepting. Reflective. Giving you the opportunity to share experiences. To see that you are not alone with your confusion and helplessness. Hear other stories. Find a response within yourself. View from different focuses.

Read my book that will help you achieve happiness, success and wealth

1 unique personality development system
3 important questions for awareness

7 areas for creating a harmonious life

21 vectors for effective development

Read a book

Spiritual growth

Understand your uniqueness. Develop positive thinking. Learn to be grateful.

Personal growth

Draw the life of your dreams. Set clear goals in all areas. Outline an action plan.

Health

To refuse from bad habits. Switch to proper nutrition. Workout.

Relationship

Create a new image Find a soul mate Change your social circle

Career

Change your job Change your profession Start doing what you love

Finance

Create a financial safety net Get an income of at least 100,000 rubles Create several sources of income

Brightness of life

Go on a trip. Change your place of residence. Get yourself a new hobby.

Big changes in life occur contrary to old habits and rules

It’s strange to live and think that something will change in life if you continue to live “out of habit.” You do the same things every day, weekends follow the standard scenario, and 2 times a year you take a vacation during which you don’t have time to rest. So where should life start to change?

First, stop thinking that you are unworthy of the right to experiment and make mistakes. Naturally, you shouldn’t go to great lengths by dyeing your hair a poisonous shade. But some details in both clothing and behavior can be changed. If you feel that men are not paying attention (and you yourself wear a floor-length dress and no makeup), spend the money you saved for a new sofa on shopping, style your hair, and smile. And the result will not be long in coming. Once your reflection in the mirror surprises and pleases you, someone else will like it too. But it is important to understand that it is not enough to replace a black skirt below the knee with a brown one. Change your wardrobe completely! Ask a friend for help. Big changes in life are always difficult for people who are unsure of success, so start working with the belief that everything is within your control and forgivable - both small mistakes and happy victories.

"Train of My Dreams"

The guy loved trains from his early youth and dreamed of becoming a driver. He graduated from the railway and got a job as a junior assistant. Harsh everyday life turned out to be not as beautiful as dreams: early rises, long shifts, sleepless nights, heavy workload, little money. Friends were already starting to earn money, buying their first cars, but he still lived with his parents and saved every penny. I got tired, dropped everything, and went to work at a construction site. For five years, he worked in many ways: as a bricklayer, concrete worker, even as a crane operator. But my soul was not in the right place; at night I dreamed of trains. He left the construction site and returned to the depot. He was hired as an assistant driver. The boss was a former classmate who had risen to promotion during this time. “I really regret that I left then, now I would have been a driver myself. And, you know, I want to leave again, but I can overcome myself.”

In what ways do we usually change our lives?

1. Let's start a new life. We tell ourselves: “That’s it! — starting Monday (New Year, Birthday...) I’m starting a new life!” - And we’re starting! We start playing sports, get rid of junk, go on a diet, give up something... But for some reason our new life ends very quickly, and everything returns to the old ways. As a rule, we do not limit ourselves to just the beginning of a new life, persistently starting it over and over again. But the more often we repeat attempts, the more we become convinced that we simply do not have enough willpower, unlike “that guy” - and the next attempt is already doomed to failure, because we do not believe in ourselves. Over time, we make less and less attempts to start a new life, and more and more often we are visited by depression, because we continue to not like life...
2. We change our attitude towards life. The first method did not work - we go the other way: we are trying not to start a new life, but to get rid of depression and adapt to the existing life. There are many tips on how to cope with depression and apathy - from purely hygienic ones to keeping a “gratitude diary,” for example. The advice to accept the present life and learn to enjoy it is wonderful, but following it will turn our life into a fairy tale only in one case - when it was already a fairy tale, and we, due to our criticality and ingratitude, did not notice it - “we were crazy”, we were bored it was... But more often it happens differently: it’s not in vain that we so wanted to start a new life? — something in our present life does not suit us deeply and seriously. Gratitude and the ability to enjoy little things will certainly lift our spirits and improve our character, but they will not solve the problem. The petty thought that we are simply engaged in self-deception will creep into our heads more and more persistently.
3. We change our lives by changing our thoughts. We get carried away with “working on ourselves”, having read books with promises that as soon as we change and tune in correctly, our lives will magically change. More precisely, as soon as we believe in what we want, it will fall on us. It's just that until now we wanted the wrong thing or wanted it wrong. You can play this game for quite a long time, motivating yourself that we will soon find this magic formula, understand everything correctly - and happiness will come! This will take years, during which nothing will really change - including ourselves. Sooner or later we will discover that our “work on ourselves” was a pleasant self-deception, that we are still far from that same formula, and it is unlikely that it even exists. Because where then are these lucky people who know how to simply want and receive? If everything were so simple, then there would be hundreds of thousands of them... But “no matter how much you say “halva”, it will not become sweeter in your mouth.”
4. Let's leave and change the circumstances. Those who are bolder act radically - get divorced, change jobs or place of residence. Great - here it is, a truly new life! But time passes - and the problems in the new marriage turn out to be the same, if not worse. The new job is just as boring as the old one, and there is no increase in happiness in the new place... Our problems have moved with us into a new life - only the scenery has changed. If this does not enlighten us, we can repeat this attempt, and more than once - the result will be the same. Is it that over the years we will become more and more disappointed, it will be easier to leave and complain more and more... And we are guaranteed a “broken trough” at the end of the road if we do not understand in time that leaving is not an option.
5. Let's turn to mysticism. When all our attempts to change our lives fail, it occurs to us that since we try so hard and achieve nothing, then maybe it’s due to some external secret force? Fate, karma, the evil eye, the crown of celibacy, a love spell, just a bad horoscope... - in general, “dark forces are viciously oppressing us.” And we turn to specialists in working with “dark forces” who really find the cause of our troubles and promise to help. Hooray! How come we didn't think of it before? It’s so simple: a few thousand rubles, a couple of ritual actions - and all our problems will be solved by themselves, a new life will come with the wave of a magic wand. Logic and common sense have already abandoned us... I don’t want to tell you how such experiments usually end and why - scaring is not part of my plans today. Let me just say that this method of finding a new happy life is even less effective than the previous ones.

Where to start making changes for the better

If you want changes in your life, start behaving radically differently. For example, deal differently with those who take advantage of you. Is your friend used to borrowing money and then “forgetting” about it? But the natural feeling of fear that a friend may be offended does not allow you to say a firm “no” to someone who takes advantage of your inability to refuse. Think about it and refuse next time, citing the fact that the money is borrowed by those who return it. Believe me, it’s not difficult, and by changing your communication tactics, you will respect yourself.

The habit of living by inertia will not make you happy

Stop reflexively stopping in the face of difficulties. Don't be afraid to step towards something new, acting against the rules. This is the situation: spouses live in scandals, he has someone on his side, she has memories of the past when they were happy. But the appearance of family is maintained. For what? “What will people say, what if I don’t find anyone in my old age, but they got divorced and now they’re both single.” In fact, it is simply fear of the future, an internal brake that stops the beginning of changes in life, where there can be many happy moments, regardless of age. So replace the usual excuse that everything will work out with an honest admission to yourself: “We need to act differently, and our relationship ended a long time ago.”

Get out of the environment of eternally unhappy whiners

Almost everyone has negative people in their life. They are not necessarily angry or aggressive, perhaps tearful, always dissatisfied with everything, loading them with their problems. You try to help them, to delve into their troubles (often fictitious) with all your heart, but you yourself are drawn into a whirlpool of bad thoughts. Get rid of such comrades if you want changes in life. Or keep communication with the whiner to a minimum. He will not support your changes in life for the better, because an unhappy person always needs a vest. He will not accept the fact that you have become happier, because it does not fit into his picture of the world. So you also risk becoming enemy number one.

Find the good in the little things

You've probably seen cheerful, easy-going, good-natured people, with whom you feel very at ease after talking to them. And you’ve also probably wondered why you can’t go through life so easily. It’s just that these cheerful people can pull themselves together and enjoy every little thing, and not “get stressed out” over any trifle. If you want to change yourself and your life, take action. If you are used to walking down the street gloomy, smile at a passerby, look into the eyes of a stranger, change yourself. Something good comes to positive people faster.

Record and reflect

To make things easier, write down in your diary the main points that bother you. And try to change yourself and your life by acting differently than you are used to. Model the situation and your standard behavior in it. And do exactly the opposite, even if such behavior seems absurd and unacceptable at first glance. Here’s an example: your husband is used to staying up late with friends, knowing that you’ve been waiting for him at home for an hour with dinner. Surprise your spouse - go to a meeting with a friend (or just take a walk around the city), and “forget” about dinner or cook something very simple (like scrambled eggs). This will not only help you unwind, but will also make your husband think. Do the opposite if you want changes in your life. And in your diary, record changes in behavior and reactions to this from others.

Be prepared for failure

Changes in your life occurred constantly, when you had to experience both joyful and difficult moments. But they all taught something. The losses made me stronger and showed that even severe grief can be overcome. Happy moments allowed me to retain vivid memories in my thoughts. Don’t be afraid to take the blow of fate and be open to happiness if you want changes in your life. Troubles happen to everyone - it's inevitable, so don't be discouraged. Changes for the better will come to life if you act contrary to your foundations. But don’t try too hard to create the illusion of complete happiness. Starting changes in life is stressful, so take it gradually. At first, breakdowns are possible, so do not deceive yourself, give your emotions the opportunity to come out. Changing yourself is hard work, so sometimes tears and sadness are completely acceptable.

Changes in your life are the path to success and self-sufficiency

And lastly, stop looking at other people’s opinions when your dramatic changes in life begin to bear first fruit. Believe me, there will be those who will not like it. But it’s not because you’re doing something shameful, there are simply people for whom someone else’s success is a bone in their throat. Big changes in life, with the help of reviewing the situation and doing the opposite, will transform your reality and help you look at the world without black colors. Open up to change to start a new happy life and change yourself. Don't be afraid to do things you've never done before. This is a guaranteed path to change.

What to do in life

Everything is extremely simple and takes no more than 10-15 minutes per brainstorming session. Personally, I created a document on my computer desktop in which I write down my dreams and desires at certain intervals. I'm trying to understand what I want and how much this or that activity will make me happier.

To make the task of creating your list easier, I recommend answering the following questions:

• What would happen if you passed away tomorrow? What is the most important thing you would like to do today?
• What would you do if you had unlimited time, money and resources?
• What countries and places would you like to visit?
• What feelings would you like to experience?
• What moments would you like to witness?
• What is the most important thing on your personal scale of values ​​that you would like to achieve?
• What craft would you like to learn?
• Who would you like to meet in person?
• What would you like to achieve in different areas of your life (social, family, physical, spiritual)?

Refer to these questions as often as necessary to build your personal wish list. Take as much time as it takes. Read the list below for further inspiration.

What will help you pull yourself out of Groundhog Day?

Here are some ideas.

Finish unfinished business

Letters that need to be finally sent, documents that need to be completed, cabinets that need to be sorted, and dentists that need to be made an appointment - all this quietly drains your strength. Things that are not completed put a heavy burden on your shoulders, whisper a feeling of guilt, pull you down and prevent you from moving.

It turns out to be a vicious circle: old unfinished tasks prevent you from setting goals and doing something new. Try to slowly, in small steps, finish what you started. Make a list of all the issues that are waiting for your attention. Start with the easiest ones - those that require the least time: making a call, writing a letter, taking things to the dry cleaner.

When you have completed something, cross it off: it is very pleasant, it lifts your spirits and helps you believe in yourself. Once you've cleared out all your old tasks, you'll have the space and inspiration to take on something new.

You will need it