Who is an egoist?
An egoist is a person who is guided in his actions solely by his own interests, without worrying about the inconvenience he causes to others. The word “egoism” (like “egocentrism”) is derived from the Latin “ego” - “I”. This term does not have an exact translation into Russian, but the word “self-love” can be considered a conditional synonym. Selfishness is behavior in which a person’s actions are dictated solely by his own interests. Accordingly, an egoist is one who cares only about himself.
Selfishness is a natural feature of the behavior of most people, formed by evolution. But its scale is different for everyone, and it happens that a person has a consumerist attitude towards everyone around him, including those closest to him. He is not able to assess the consequences of his own actions, and his relationship with his family becomes abnormally consumerist and resembles parasitism.
In fairness, it should be noted that moderate egoism is a natural phenomenon characteristic of everyone. And people who use this term do not always correctly understand who an egoist is and what behavioral features are characteristic of him.
Results.
So, there are two types of egoism. We can talk about healthy selfishness, which is rooted in psychological abundance, and contrast it with unhealthy selfishness, which is rooted in psychological poverty. Healthy selfishness requires self-love. A person driven by healthy selfishness is motivated by the desire to become a unique individual, learn, grow and be happy. Balanced, healthy egoism is not a bad thing. It is the determination that you too have the right to happiness. You can't shame people for doing good for themselves. When we prioritize ourselves, we help ourselves and everyone around us. In modern society, we really lack self-love. We need to think more seriously about creating conditions that allow people to develop their unique intellectual, creative and emotional abilities, the freedom to affirm the integrity of their being, and the opportunity to satisfy their basic needs. This will lead to a decrease in hatred and a decrease in the desire to destroy oneself and others.
Don't be afraid to love yourself, take care of yourself, and do things that benefit you. This is not selfishness, it is a mindset of happiness that creates the ability to love and care for others.
How to recognize an egoist?
In any situation, an egoist strives to satisfy his own needs, regardless of the interests of the people around him. He doesn't care that he might cause inconvenience or harm to anyone. However, it is usually well camouflaged. Therefore, in order to recognize an egoist, you must first pay attention to such behavioral features as:
- tendency to blame others for one’s own failures;
- inability to listen;
- unshakable confidence in one’s own rightness;
- ignoring comments;
- tendency to brag;
- attempts to manipulate others;
- display of material wealth;
- desire to be the center of attention;
- the tendency to evaluate people by wealth, success, intelligence and other “status” characteristics.
If a person systematically demonstrates several of the listed signs, you have a natural egoist. But there is no need to rush to conclusions after noticing one or two signs. Don't forget that moderate selfishness is the norm, and almost anyone can periodically demonstrate selfish behavior while remaining a responsive and caring person.
Pros of an egoist
Able to distinguish his own goals and desires from others
Many of us tend to be influenced by others. We spend a lot of effort on achieving goals imposed by public opinion, parents or friends. Sometimes we sacrifice our own interests and desires simply because we were asked to help. Of course, altruism is a good quality, but not so much that it allows you to manipulate yourself. Feel free to show selfishness by making choices in favor of your own interests.
Achieves goals more often and faster
Who is an egoist? This is a person who always clearly understands what he wants! A dubious goal cannot be imposed on him, the value of which he does not see. But when solving his own problems, he is ready to act quickly and harshly, without thinking that he might interfere or harm someone. The ability to go ahead makes egoists more successful.
Knows how to say “No!”
Almost every person has encountered a situation in life when they were unable to respond in time to say “no” to an unwanted offer or request. Egoists know an excellent way to rid themselves of other people's worries: if consent obviously does not bring benefits. They simply answer “No!”
Cons of an egoist
Problems with socialization
It is more difficult for a selfish person to get close to people. He rarely becomes the “life of the party”; he is bad at establishing relationships with colleagues and making friends. Usually his social circle consists of a small number of not particularly close friends.
Inability to build personal relationships
It is difficult for an egoist to build romantic relationships. Even if there are sincere feelings between him and his potential “soul mate,” his behavior interferes with rapprochement. He takes into account only his own interests, makes excessive demands on his partner, does not ask his opinion, tries to amaze him with his “exclusivity” and almost never gives compliments.
Lack of people willing to help
Anyone can need help. And the egoist has the hardest time in such a situation. He has few close people. In addition, the egoist believes that each person should cope with difficulties on their own, without asking for help.
Reasons for selfishness
Selfishness is a character trait that develops in childhood. Most often it is a consequence of a number of typical mistakes made by parents:
- Possessive attitude
. Parents treat the child as property and do not consider him as a person. They do not teach him independence and responsibility, as a result of which he grows up to be a capricious egoist, inclined to blame others for his mistakes. - Excessive care and boundless love
. Often parents simply do not allow their child to become independent, caring for him until adolescence. As a result, he grows up to be a selfish and dependent person, unable to adequately assess reality and take into account the interests of others. - Selfish attitude
. By setting a bad example, you can raise an excellent egoist. If parents are not interested in their child’s life and constantly tell them how hard it is for them, then the child will grow up fixated exclusively on his own problems. - Lack of attention
. Today, parents spend less time with their children, allowing them to have fun on the Internet and play computer games from an early age. Of course, such a child will not receive basic communication skills and normal social interaction.
Selfishness and mental health.
Some mental health problems can contribute to the development of selfishness. Many personality disorders, especially antisocial and narcissistic, cause people to become so consumed by their own desires that they either fail to notice or do not care about the needs of others. Many other mental illnesses can cause excessive self-involvement, which can contribute to selfishness. For example, a depressed person may be so consumed by their own feelings of distress that they are unable to provide for their children or communicate with their partner.
How to deal with an egoist?
In personal life, selfishness is guaranteed to become the cause of groundless accusations and quarrels. Building a relationship with a selfish person is extremely difficult, but this is not a reason to refuse the opportunity to be with your loved one. To learn to avoid unpleasant situations, you need to clearly understand who an egoist is and how he perceives the world around him.
We bring to your attention some tips from psychologists, using which you can get along even with an extremely selfish person:
- You can't just walk away from an egoist
. If the relationship is not satisfactory, it is usually broken off. But it’s not so simple - if you try to leave him, you will find yourself to blame for all his problems. And don’t hope that he will rethink anything or understand and call you back. Instead, he will colorfully tell mutual acquaintances and describe in detail on social networks how you betrayed him and abandoned him. Therefore, there are only two options: find a way to adequately break off the relationship (at the initiative of the egoist) or seek a compromise. - Don't try to re-educate an egoist
. You will spend a lot of emotional energy trying to re-educate, but you will not get any results. Selfishness is established in childhood, and trying to correct this deficiency in an adult is practically useless. It is better to change your own attitude towards your partner and always be prepared for the characteristic features of his behavior. - Try to influence not the character of the egoist, but his attitude towards you
. Demand more attention and respect from him, explain what characteristics of behavior you do not want to tolerate. Gradually, he will get used to taking your interests into account and learn to restrain his own selfish nature. - Demonstrate mirror selfish behavior
. Let him feel how unpleasant the selfishness of a loved one is. Behave indifferently, do not put unnecessary obligations on your shoulders. If your partner demands more attention from you, but refuses to change, perhaps the only reasonable option really is separation.
If you have to live with an egoist, it is important to build the relationship correctly and maintain a reasonable balance. Discuss mutual obligations, agree not to blame each other, but to jointly find a solution to any misunderstandings that arise. When dealing with an egoist, it is important to avoid quarrels, accusations and claims. By learning this, you can build really strong relationships without unnecessary negativity.
When you need and can be selfish: 10 reasons for reasonable selfishness
Let's consider cases when reasonable egoism is not just appropriate, but necessary:
Least favorite job
Many people don’t even imagine that work can be fun. There are many people who do their work with pleasure, and all because at one time they found something they liked. Don't stay in a company or company if you don't like the work. Look for what you like and you will find it. Salary, of course, plays a decisive role here, but you should set goals for yourself to get the job of your dreams. After all, a huge part of our life is spent on work; we need to live it in pleasure, and not in eternal dissatisfaction and remorse.
Wage
Many people are embarrassed to ask for a salary increase. While others ask and receive. Many work late and are not paid extra for it. While others clearly voice their position that their work hours should be paid. If you don’t see prospects for career and financial growth, don’t cling to this job, look for something new. Healthy selfishness is pursuing one’s goals without sacrificing others. Don't you and your family deserve better? Enrich yourself, not your bosses, if they don’t see you as a valuable person. It is important to realistically assess your capabilities and contribution to the common cause.
When is it necessary to be selfish?
Know how to say “no”
While others mutter something inaudibly under their breath, others know how to say “no” if the situation is inconvenient for them. Because of their inability to refuse, people lend money even if they didn’t want to. Because of their inability to refuse, people agree to work after hours. Because of the inability to refuse, people comply with the whims of relatives and friends that go against their wishes. Who ultimately suffers? Only the person who simply could not say one simple and firm word “sorry, no!” In such situations, you need to be selfish, otherwise you risk becoming a convenient lifesaver for those who will quickly understand that you can be manipulated and you cannot refuse.
Extra friendship
There are people who do not bring you happiness, joy, or benefit, but at the same time they take up a lot of free time, they can dump their problems on you and burden you with their requests. But at the same time, if you ask for something, you may be refused. Many people have a girlfriend who constantly calls, takes up a lot of free time, and you cannot rely on her. And there are a lot of such stories and examples.
Trying to get rid of unnecessary friendships can drag on for many years. Learn not to waste your time on dubious friendships, because instead you can start a friendly relationship with a good and congenial person. You should not abruptly interrupt communication in a rude manner; it is enough to make it clear to the person that you have other concerns and you simply have no time for him. Of course, such a person will be offended, but this should not worry you. Don’t even think about reproaching yourself and feeling guilty.
Family
In the minds of many women there is an understanding that you are a woman, you are a mother, and you simply must, at any cost, do the best for your family every day. Some household members do not take into account the fact that the mother is tired, that she also wants to relax and do her favorite things, instead of serving the family. On weekends, the woman will clean, wash, cook, while the household can watch TV and do their own thing.
In this case, the woman simply must be “selfish,” let’s call it that, and attract all family members to help. Children can clean their own rooms; they should be taught to help from childhood. The husband can vacuum or peel the potatoes. And then the whole family will have a day off. If household members don’t want to help, let them take care of themselves; mom should also have a day off.
Examples of healthy egoism
Children
It is not uncommon for a husband and wife, not loving each other, to live for many years in marriage for the sake of their children. People who do not love each other deceive themselves, trying to portray the illusion of happiness in marriage. It’s easier for them to do this than to try to explain to the child that mom and dad will now live separately, but will still love the child just the same. You should not sacrifice yourself to fears, stereotypes and fear of responsibility for your life.
You need to take responsibility for your personal happiness, even if you are called selfish, even if you are dissuaded and condemned for depriving your child of a full-fledged family. The best way to make a child happy is to show him this by example. The same goes for your career. You can often hear a mother reproaching her child: “I quit my job because of you, and you...”, “I quit my job in order to spend all my time with the baby...” and things like that. Don't give up on your career if you want to work and achieve career heights.
Move towards your dream
Many people encounter this on the verge of leaving school. When parents choose a university instead of a child, without taking into account the fact that he would like to enroll in another. This can be presented so cunningly that a person will believe that he himself made his choice. And only after a while he can understand that he has taken a wrong turn in his life. Over time, your choices can be influenced by your spouse, bosses, and others. A reasonable egoist will understand in time that these are not his desires and will take the path to his dream, even if everyone dissuades him.
Extra politeness
If you have had the habit of apologizing for any reason since childhood, you need to correct it a little. If you step on a person’s foot on the subway, you definitely need to apologize. However, you should not apologize for someone else if their inappropriate actions can be associated with you. Everyone must be accountable for themselves, but not for anyone else. For example, you went with your friend to a cafe, she had too much and started dancing on the tables. You don't have to apologize for her behavior; she is responsible for her actions. Refusal of unnecessary politeness concerns many areas of human relations.
Sex
In pursuit of the desire to please a loved one, some people forget about their own pleasure. In addition, many women worry about how they look, whether the extra pounds are too noticeable, or whether their hair is funny. During sex, healthy egoism should also be present. Firstly, you should stop thinking about things like appearance, an unattractive tan and similar little things that are not important to your partner. Secondly, you should think about how to get pleasure yourself and give in to passion without second thoughts. Then your partner will be happy, not just you.
Self love
Remember the phrase “Do you want others to love you? Love yourself first!” This phrase means that you need to learn to understand your desires and not deny yourself. For example, do you want that handbag? Buy it for yourself. Instead of constantly remembering and regretting it later. This is a primitive example, but it expresses the essence of the issue. A person who loves himself radiates happiness; he can give others kindness and a good mood. It's easy with such a person.
Selfishness or self-love
On the path to healthy egoism, try not to become overegoists. Your egoism should be within the bounds of reason and not run free. The phrase from the Soviet cartoon “Love yourself, sneeze on everyone, and success will await you in life” should not be taken literally. You don’t need to sneeze at everyone, but learning to love yourself, respect your personal space and value your own time is definitely worth it.
