Dependence on other people's opinions often becomes a barrier to personal and professional development. For example, you want to launch your own project, change career, move to another city, but you are afraid of negative evaluation from the outside and, as a result, put off your dream. And perhaps you don’t return to it at all. This fear of “not being approved” is associated with low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. But how to get rid of this addiction and learn to analyze yourself effectively? We answer this question by understanding the phenomenon of social approval.
Afterword
A dependent person does not know himself. In this, adults but dependent people are similar to preschoolers. Those who have not yet developed self-esteem, they draw conclusions about themselves based on the assessments and judgments of others. So you still look at the words of others as your mirror reflection.
It's time to grow up. To do this, you need to do a lot of self-knowledge. Study your temperament, character, abilities. Make it a rule to analyze whose judgments control you: personal or familiar people. Work on your personal boundaries.
To work through psychological trauma and eliminate post-traumatic syndrome, I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.
It shouldn't worry you
What others think about you is their business. This should not concern you in any way. Even if you find out someone else's opinion about yourself, it still will not make you a different person and will not change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. But this shouldn’t happen. You can't control the opinions of others, so don't pay so much attention to them and focus on yourself.
How dependence on other people's opinions manifests itself
If in the process of making a decision you ask yourself what my relatives, friends, acquaintances, colleagues will say about me, then you are a dependent person. Subordination to the judgments of other people can manifest itself in anything. You may refuse to go to the cinema because friends say the film is not interesting. You can buy not the dress you like, but the one that your friends advise you to buy. You can order not tea with fruit in a cafe, but espresso, because everyone else chose it. But is this right?
Dependence on other people's opinions can not only cause harm in the real moment, but also ruin your entire life. So, addicted people get jobs they hate, girls marry the man their parents chose, someone gives up hobbies because it is not fashionable or distracts from communication. But, excluding pleasant moments from life just because other people want it, you will never find true happiness. Therefore, it is important to learn how to deal with addiction.
People don't pay attention to you as often as you think
The people around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which worries them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what those around you are wearing? Is their shirt dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her tights? I'm willing to bet that you either don't think about it at all or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So those around you do the same.
Option 2
Each person has a different attitude towards public opinion. Some people are used to trusting him completely, while others fundamentally go against even undeniable truths. I believe that public opinion is just the point of view of the majority, the same people who can be wrong. In addition, prejudices and moral principles passed down from generation to generation are of great importance. And it often happens that the attitude of others towards life does not correspond to modern reality, and sometimes can even lead to tragedy. A similar situation is described in the drama by A.N. Ostrovsky "The Thunderstorm".
At the heart of the work is the conflict between adherents of the patriarchal order and the new generation promoting the ideas of enlightenment. Having become Tikhon's wife, the main character found herself in a world where cruelty and tyranny flourish. Kabanikha kept her family at bay, not accepting disobedience and free-thinking. She believed that a wife should be afraid of her husband, otherwise she would bring shame into the house. It was people like Kabanikha who shaped public opinion, so it was obviously erroneous, expressing only one side of an outdated ideology.
Society could not accept Katerina’s behavior that went beyond what was permitted. She just wanted to be happy, but her future depended entirely on those around her. Misunderstanding of other people led to a real tragedy, because the main character had no choice but to take her own life.
Many writers were concerned not only with the influence of public opinion on the life of a particular person, but also on the entire history of mankind as a whole. For example, Ray Bradbury in his science fiction novel “Fahrenheit 451” shows what a specially imposed incorrect worldview can lead to.
In the world described by the writer, those who think differently from the majority are considered crazy. In this future, people have long stopped thinking. They no longer thought about questions of existence; only the material side of life was of value to them. For example, the main character’s wife always thinks only about how to buy another television wall. Mildred follows the lead of public opinion, believing that after the long-awaited purchase, joy will come to their home. She really doesn’t understand why she’s unhappy, although she doesn’t even think about such concepts as happiness or unhappiness.
The life of Guy Montag was not much different from the life of other people; it changed only after meeting Clarissa McLellan, who was not like everyone else. Thanks to the girl’s worldview, the main character saw what was previously inaccessible to him. He simply lived as expected, fulfilling his task, without thinking about his true purpose. Gradually, Guy came to understand that those around him were making mistakes. He realized the imperfection of the world order, realized that people were forcibly instilled with confidence in the dangers of art. A stupid crowd is much easier to control, and a thinking person always poses a threat, because he is able to make independent decisions. The main character eventually became just such a threat, devoting his future life to preserving the knowledge accumulated by civilization over all previous years for future generations.
Based on all of the above, we can come to the conclusion that a person who is looking for the truth cannot be led by public opinion. Everyone has their own view on the same things, so you don’t need to deprive yourself of your individuality by adapting to those around you. It often happens that the opinion of one person does not coincide with the opinion of others, not because he is wrong, but because the others are wrong.
Is other people's opinion important?
Someone else’s opinion should be listened to, taken into account, and sometimes guided by it. But, firstly, not on any other person’s opinion, but only on the opinion of close and significant people. Secondly, you need to understand the other person’s position, but not necessarily accept it. We must not forget about ourselves, we need to find a balance of selfishness and altruism.
Dependence creates internal tension, an inferiority complex, fears, and anxiety. A person is confident in his insignificance and worthlessness. Gradually, the condition is aggravated by psychosomatic diseases, a feeling of powerlessness, and general dissatisfaction with life.
Envy or opinion
There is another point that not everyone always takes into account. This is envy. Including professional, which also forms a different focus of perception of everything, and, accordingly, different opinions on the same object or subject. For example, one person has received one, two or three higher educations, the second has no education. One of them - no matter who - earns money, the second - does not. What can someone who does not have something (scarcity thinking) do periodically? He tries to show his expertise by belittling the merits of another person who has shown better results in the material sphere. Of course, this may not always be the case; it all depends on the level of awareness, the presence of pride and the level of culture itself. And yet the question is: is the presence of a diploma or its absence a guarantee of 100% professionalism and humanity of at least one of them? Unfortunately no. For some, the level of trust or another indicator is a person’s deeds, for some, material wealth, for others, crusts, i.e. diplomas, and for some all together. That is why now, for example, in business and the information business itself there is an unspoken war between those who have an education and those who have no education at all.
The bottom line is this: no matter what you do, there will always be at least one person who is unhappy. It’s another matter whether you continue your business, your life... or everything goes downhill because someone somewhere said something. And you may not have even seen this person, and if you did, then what? The second point, for those who consider their opinion to be the only correct one and impose or push it on others, whether consciously or not - it is still impossible to change everyone to suit you. The more you redo it, the more counter-resistance and external or internal aggression there will be.
Another example. There are competitors or unknown experts who consider it their honor to drown all or some of these people, except themselves, so they hire professional trolls who organize anti-PR on the Internet or in life. Fortunately, at first this all seems to go unpunished on the Internet. But it only seems so. Always and everywhere there is a boomerang law. Therefore, if someone is dissatisfied with you, wish them luck, say thank you for their opinion... and then do as you see fit. Be it your mother, your boss, a competitor or some well-wisher on the Internet. Everything else is your personal business and is regulated at most by the laws of the country in which you are located. However, the laws are read differently.
In conclusion, I would like to add something that we periodically forget: before looking for faults in other people, look to see if everything is in order in your own kingdom: family, finances, work, morality.
And for those who value other people’s opinions too much, think about whether you really need it? Maybe those people who criticize you or cast unkind glances at you simply lack attention or love? Or maybe they are just in a bad mood or simple envy. Then smile at them and at yourself and...forward to your goals, no matter what or no one. Everyone has their own truth and their own reasons for acting the way they do.
Be honest with yourself and live in the present.
It's up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and anxiety from the thought that society will not approve of your action? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry about whether someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. This is the only way you can be happy. Only in this way will you understand that every person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.
Signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions
It is not difficult to identify someone who does not live by his own mind; just carefully study his habits.
- Before doing anything, a person must think about how those around him will perceive his action.
- When he hears criticism from the outside, condemnation of his actions, he immediately becomes despondent, becomes very nervous, suffers, and feels that his pride is very hurt.
- Such a person is very afraid of being in the “language” of others and strives to do everything so that no one finds out about his misdeeds.
- His actions are aimed at gaining approval and praise from others. And regardless of age.
- In the event that his efforts are not appreciated, discomfort and emotional distress arise.
- Even if a great idea arises in his thoughts, he keeps it “to himself,” but welcomes someone else’s.
- He never participates in discussions and will never defend his own point of view.
