What is hopelessness and how to deal with it? Psychologist's answer

Hopelessness is a feeling that has complex mechanisms of formation, belonging to the negative layer of experiences, the basis of which is the subjective perception of the picture of the world as hopeless, since there is no objective unsolvability. It is born when faced with insurmountable obstacles or the impossibility of correcting what happened, i.e. borders closely on hopelessness, despair, and a feeling of one’s own powerlessness.

A feeling of hopelessness appears when faith and hope for a different outcome of the situation disappear, actions become meaningless and a person realizes the impossibility of changes in the desired direction. The inability to see ways of achieving exactly what you want gives rise to a feeling of hopelessness, since the irreversibility of the desired and pleasant consequences, which will also be impossible to prevent, will cause a feeling of joy and slight euphoria. There is also a version that hopelessness arises with the goal of protecting the nervous system from overload, and a person from wrong actions, being a defense mechanism against the wrong path. Those. It’s easier for the body to cut off the supply of energy to something that the subconscious has already assessed as unpromising than to try to reverse the uselessness.

What it is

A state of extreme hopelessness rarely occurs on its own; usually a person takes an active part in this, driving himself into a hopeless corner, losing faith and giving up. Without being biologically fixed at the level of reflexive behavior, fear, satisfaction, security, and hopelessness are largely regulated by the person himself, his ability to notice meanings and maintain his inner faith.

The feeling of hopelessness is a critical moment in the perception of the world and oneself, influencing changes in the value and semantic space. In such a state, everything takes on a negative connotation and there is no way out anywhere, guidelines and desires are lost, the meaning of daily actions, and possibly the whole life. Lost illusions associated with achieving what you want can turn a person towards other goals, or they can force them to stumble into a dead end of impossibility and slow down their whole life. In such a dead end, there is no strength to turn around to choose another direction and there is a terrible awareness of the impossibility of moving on.

A state of extreme hopelessness leads people to alcoholism and drug addiction as ways to escape from the impossibility of reality, and pushes some to commit suicide. This is the highest measure of development and sensation of this feeling, gradually covering all areas of life, regardless of where it began, like metastases in the last stages of cancer. That is why it is important to notice the first signs of loss of faith and hope for changing the situation, for the prospect of development and overcoming, because these are the internal supports that help overcome hopelessness.

There are many life situations that contribute to the development of hopelessness. This is when your health has deteriorated, and after that your apartment has been robbed, when you don’t have a job you love and close relationships, when a project is not a year old, doesn’t get off the ground, or the child whose treatment you are treating isn’t getting better. There are many other examples, both in everyday life and in unique circumstances, but the worst moments of despair occur when several personally significant factors come together. Personal significance is paramount, because even if people die around you, but these are strangers and not loved ones, it is unlikely that this will shake your previous world order with the same force as the death of one dear person. But at the same time, not critical violations, but from all aspects of life can lead to the same result, taken in quantity. It will feel like there will be two different hopelessness - the first is about the loss of an important sphere of life, the second is about the permanent meaninglessness of life.

The most difficult moments are when several factors are combined, and one of them is basic in a person’s semantic system. Seeing exclusively the destruction of his own needs, a person loses faith in the best and loses the strength to overcome difficulties; he turns out to be able to notice only closed doors, without the ability to look around. In many ways, this inability to look around in search of new meanings and paths is due to the large number of frustrations experienced and the lesson learned that the more you look, the more disappointments you have to experience. Without proper support, possibly psychotherapy, hopelessness of this level leads to thoughts of ending life.

Being in a long-term chronic state of hopelessness, not only the mood and volitional manifestations of a person begin to deteriorate, this affects his personality as a whole, and also affects somatic development. The most common physiological reactions are decreased immunity, weakness, postural disorders (hunched over, stooped), breathing problems (pneumonia and bronchitis), neurological disorders (limb tremors and nervous tics), sleep disorders (insomnia, nightmares, intermittent sleep). The longer a person does not get out of the state of hopelessness, the more the disorders worsen, and if in the initial stages it is possible to cope even with physical problems by adjusting the psychological component, then later you have to seek help from physical specialists.

Signs of hopelessness

Hopelessness as an emotional state has many signs and factors. Here are the most common ones:

• Depressed mood for a long time, regardless of any circumstances;
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that you previously enjoyed;
• Pessimism;
• Time trouble;
• Feelings of doom, fear, anxiety;
• Low self-esteem;
• The appearance of suicidal thoughts;
• Lack of concentration, decreased ability and desire to make even the simplest decisions;
• Insomnia, excessive sleepiness and other symptoms.

All these signs surprisingly describe a state of hopelessness. And if within two to three weeks a person experiences at least three of the above symptoms, we can conclude that a depressive state has developed.

Two reasons for despair and powerlessness

There are several main reasons for despair and powerlessness. Usually two stand out. Of course, each specific case is individual, but consideration of these two aspects is necessary to understand the essence of hopelessness.

First reason

A person is too focused on some goal that he cannot give up, leave, let go

The second reason

Lack of connection with the deep structure of existence. This means that there is no sense of the value of life, no sense of one’s own depth and one’s own worth as a person. There is no longer any sense of meaning that defines existence.

This analysis of the causes of despair and powerlessness provides a basis for assistance. Instead of continuing to cling feverishly, grasping at what was dear, you need to say goodbye and let go. For example, in despair that the disease turned out to be fatal, all that remains is to come to terms with it. Say: “Yes, this is it.” And let's see what I can do with it now.

By the way, a feeling of hopelessness is often a consequence of the autumn blues. Be sure to read and find out more about it using the link!

What happens to a person during a state of hopelessness?

When experiencing strong fear, emotions consume the mind, and the person becomes unable to soberly assess the situation. He thinks it's terrible. A person’s morbid imagination is capable of inventing things that do not correspond to reality. By instilling thoughts about negative events that will never happen, a person brings himself to an empty panic.

An emotionally traumatized person is unable to adequately look at the situation. The emotion of fear consumes him so much that it leads to a state of hopelessness. Anyone who experiences fear sees reality in a distorted form. “Everything is lost,” “nothing can be returned,” “it’s all over!” - such thoughts flash through the head of a person who is in a depressed state.

Feeling of hopelessness in women

Women, by general definition, are more sensual and emotional. These traits are influenced by both physiological characteristics (for example, changes in hormonal levels) and social factors that shape the character and final image of a person. This is not to say that women and girls experience feelings of hopelessness more often - their experiences are more noticeable and longer lasting.

The feeling of hopelessness in women can be accurately described in two words: helplessness and oppression. The feeling of helplessness may be a consequence of various social stereotypes or stressful situations and conflicts in which women unwittingly act as victims. Oppression is accompanied by the feeling that a person has no choice, that every decision he makes will not affect the course of events. This is compounded by feelings of abandonment and powerlessness due to a lack of support and confidence.

Specialist help:

Most often in psychology, when correcting feelings of doom, the following is used:

• Psychocorrection . Exercises and group games are used to train concentration, stability of attention, self-control skills, the ability to be responsible for one’s actions, and predict the outcome of events.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy. The specialist identifies behavioral triggers and develops a plan to deal with the behavior.
• Group classes. They practice stability of attention, the skill of self-control, and the ability to be responsible for one’s actions.
• Individual session with a psychotherapist. The specialist helps to master the ability to inhibit immediate impulses, that is, to stop and think, to predict the result.
• Drug therapy. Used in rare cases. Antidepressants are prescribed.
• Lifestyle changes. The specialist will recommend keeping a diary, with which you can assess errors in nutrition and daily routine, and then correct them. The ability to plan things, avoid unnecessary temptations, and competently alternate between rest and work allows you to avoid impulsive actions and prevent pessimistic thoughts about the doom of life.

The most common feelings of hopelessness

If we characterize the behavior of all people, then the most common experience that happens at least once in a lifetime would be a feeling of despair. What it is:

• Feeling of alienation. This feeling is formed in a person against the background of difficult relationships with loved ones, family or friends, when unpleasant emotions begin to appear over time. There is an involuntary feeling that your loved ones are ignoring you, deliberately moving away. You also begin to consider yourself unworthy of their love, attention and care. This feeling is especially typical for introverts, who are closed most of the time and cannot open up even to those closest to them. Over time, the emotional and spiritual “gap” becomes wider, problems arise more often, and the feeling of alienation deepens.
• Feeling of annihilation (self-flagellation). The feeling of annihilation is almost entirely reminiscent of despair, accompanied by a sense of loss of meaning in life. It is often expressed in people who have struggled for a long time with difficulties in their lives or with a serious illness.
• Feeling abandoned. All pleas and cries for help were in vain, all calls and instructions were unnecessary. The man was abandoned, betrayed at a difficult moment, when he so desperately needed the help and support of his loved ones. This creates a feeling of abandonment.
• Feeling powerless. People need a sense of fullness of life, which is indicated by a loss of control over their actions and the ability to make their own decisions. As soon as this feeling weakens, anxiety arises, followed by a feeling of powerlessness, the inability to do what you want.

Of course, the feelings listed can only partially describe human emotions - their range is so great that no words can convey them. Even every profession has its own “despair”, which is formed against the background of professional deformation of the individual.

Hopelessness is a feeling that can arise in absolutely every person.

How not to fall into despair - prevention

From constant living in despair, psychosomatic problems arise, the psyche is destroyed, and the quality of life suffers. It is necessary to prevent this condition when everything is good in life, in order to prevent a feeling of hopelessness. What is needed for this:

1. Realize the need for hobbies and interests in life, and be sure to leave time for them. Hobbies fill you with energy, which is enough for all tasks.
2. More new things in life, the picture should constantly change. New impressions, people, places. This mechanism is formed by evolution, and novelty helps maintain self-confidence.
3. If a person is physically active, then the likelihood of feeling hopeless is noticeably reduced.
4. Constantly set goals and achieve them. This fills a person with internal resources, joy, a sense of satisfaction and pride in himself.
5. Help others, do not remain indifferent to someone else's misfortune. It's energizing.

What else is a good prevention of hopelessness and despair?

It is important to learn to relax, to free your head from negative thoughts (creativity, meditative practices, communication with animals, relaxation methods can help with this).

On our website there is a practice called “Yes, but”, it allows you to look at circumstances from the other side.

How to overcome the despair of lack of money

It is difficult to fight the despair of lack of money, since the modern world broadcasts the attitude that only those who have money are successful. You can do it yourself:

1. Learn to spend money wisely.
2. Show ingenuity and creativity. Not everything a person needs can be bought with money. You can do something with your own hands, you can repair something old, you can exchange it with someone. There are joint purchases.
3. Understand that wealth is not just about money. Rich is the one who can freely manage his time. A rich person is one who has well-established social connections, etc.
4. Think about what opportunities were obtained due to a lack of money (for example, the ability to sew, cook with a minimum of ingredients), and also about which of these opportunities will help improve financial well-being.

How not to despair from loneliness

Moments of despair and hopelessness in people are often associated with a feeling of loneliness. How to survive this state and not succumb to negative emotions:

1. Realize that the presence or absence of a soulmate does not make a person bad or good.
2. Do not meet “the first person you meet” to fill the feeling of inner emptiness.
3. Analyze your condition, understand why it’s bad to be alone, what negative consequences may arise from this.
4. Read more interesting books, watch quality films.
5. Join a club based on your interests. Every city has development centers, coworking spaces, and studios.
6. Chat online, look for friends on the Internet.
7. Animals are also great friends, so it's worth considering getting a four-legged companion.
8. Go for walks more often.
9. Realize that a person, first of all, must be his own best friend.

Thank you for reading the article. We would like to remind you that you can find a way out of any situation, the main thing is to change the destructive feeling of hopelessness to actions towards what you want.

Repost the article, send it to your family and friends, save it for yourself so that you can return to the techniques from time to time and work through your negative feelings.

Why do people despair - reasons for hopelessness

A state in which a person no longer has hope appears due to difficulties in life that at the moment seem irreversible.

Self-help:

Recognizing the fact of your own problem is the key to success. This will help to see a dead end situation, that life has stopped, the person does not move, but performs useless, exhausting actions and it seems that he is doomed.

• Start taking care of yourself. Start observing a work-rest schedule. Sleep and eat on time, get enough sleep.
• Satisfy your needs. Don't ignore them.
• Try to cry. Tears relieve internal nervous tension.
• Take a walk. A walk relieves physical stress and shifts your attention.
• Watch your diet. Food is associated with emotions.
• Communicate with other people more often. Don't be alone.

How not to do stupid things out of despair

The feeling of hopelessness sometimes overwhelms a person so much that he stops thinking sensibly and can do stupid things. You can get rid of obsessive thoughts and protect yourself from stupidity in different ways:

1. Just take a deep breath and then exhale. Do this exercise several times. Sometimes the brain just needs some fresh air to make a decision.
2. Try not to do anything serious in a state of despair. It is advisable to rest, go to bed, and solve the problem with a fresh mind.
3. Force your own brain to think in a positive way, imagine the most beautiful and positive outcome of the situation. This will improve a person's well-being.
4. Talk honestly with yourself and decide what exactly will change in life if the situation is decided not in the person’s favor. Most likely, nothing major will happen, and troubles can always be solved or corrected. And if you do something stupid, the situation won't get any easier.
5. Do not be afraid to ask for help from family and friends, but never descend to ordinary whining and complaints.

Have you ever done something stupid in a state of despair? Do you know how to cope with despair? Share your experience in the comments.