A pause in a relationship initiated by a girl: how to behave?

December 7, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Angelica Braldi

It is generally accepted that a break in a relationship initiated by a girl is much less common than a break arranged at the request of a man. Indeed, the overwhelming majority of representatives of the fair sex live by the principle “if you endure it, you fall in love” and prefer to be close to their chosen one, regardless of how the relationship between them develops.

Of course, not all women behave this way; some do not at all consider a man a “prize” worth holding on to in the literal and figurative sense. Of course, when faced with a girl’s desire to take a time out in a relationship, men are lost and don’t understand how to react to this, how to behave. Advice from psychologists will help you understand this situation.

What is time out in a relationship?

What does a pause in a relationship mean? Is this a break? Evidence that a breakup is ahead? A situation that screams that the partners “didn’t get along”? Time during which you can find someone else, and if that doesn’t work out, then resume your previous relationship?

This is how men perceive a break in most cases. This specificity is due to the fact that they themselves, if they plan to take a break in the relationship, mean by this time-out a chance to find someone better, but at the same time retain the opportunity to return to their previous partner in case of failure.

However, women who initiate a pause put a completely different meaning into this concept. For girls, such a break, as a rule, is a forced measure or the time needed to understand themselves and their own feelings. In other words, a pause is not a reason for cheating, looking for new partners, or waiting for the relationship to end. That is, a time-out is just a break, and not a harbinger of an imminent separation.

What does it mean?

Relationships develop in stages. During periods of crisis, people see the shortcomings of another person as much as possible.

It becomes impossible to be close, to live together, to sleep in the same bed. Irritation sets in and conflicts become more frequent.

As a result, there is a desire to break up with your partner, since being in a state of constant war is quite difficult and exhausts the nervous system.

Feelings cannot always be constant. At first, there is love, romanticism and spirituality between you. But there comes a stage when the partner is rejected.

At this time, many people decide to break up, instead of going through a period of crisis, understanding themselves and their loved one.

Falling in love disappears, alienation is felt in the relationship, hostility towards a loved one, you want to leave him.

The partners decide to live separately for some time, not see each other, not even call or write. This is called a pause in a relationship. You don’t break up completely, but you give yourself and your loved one the opportunity to rest and rethink what’s happening.

What kind of pause could there be?

If there is a break in the relationship, how should a man behave? What can and should be done, and what cannot be done? Without a doubt, this is the question that interests most of the representatives of the stronger half of humanity. But to answer it, you need to understand what kind of pause the woman took.

A time-out in a relationship between two people can be:

checking;
forced break due to circumstances;
a gesture of despair;
a form of protest.

The man’s line of behavior should be built in accordance with the exact pause the woman took. In other words, if a girl decides to take a break out of desperation, she should behave differently than in a situation of a temporary break caused by objective circumstances.

Pause as a check

If a pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative is justified by the need to check something, then you need to ask yourself whether this relationship is worth the effort and time spent on it.

As a rule, women utter a rather general phrase, borrowed from magazines or films: “We need to check our feelings.” But what should we check them for? If a woman cannot answer this question clearly and clearly, then she is either eccentric and prone to blindly following “fashion trends,” or she is simply not sure that she wants to maintain a relationship with her partner. What to do in this case? It’s very simple: “check” your own feelings. Ask questions about what connects with the girl, whether there is a place for love, whether the relationship has become a habit, and so on. If a man is better off without a woman than with her, then he needs to notify her that the “test” failed and the temporary gap has grown into separation.

However, a pause, as a test, is not always a whim or evidence of cooling. Quite often she says exactly the opposite: that the girl has an extremely serious attitude towards the events taking place in her life. That is, such a pause may be evidence of a woman’s responsibility, her tendency to make thoughtful and rational decisions. In this case, you need not to spoil anything, if, of course, you want to connect your life with this girl.

Broke up with a girl: how to forget and start living

Let go of the past and you will get the future. This is the answer to the question “what to do if a girl breaks up with me.” Start small - delete her phone number, friend her on social networks and stop following her there. And here are a couple more practical tips under the heading “broke up with a girl, how to forget.”

Scientists have found that rupture provokes the production of adrenaline in the body. This is a genetically determined reaction to stress with accompanying symptoms - headaches, fatigue and anxiety. Getting rid of excess adrenaline is simple - lace up your sneakers and go to the gym.
Do you feel empty? Load your refrigerator with delicious food. Foods with tryptophan - found in cheese, fish, meat, mushrooms and nuts - will help cope with depression and blues. Caffeine, vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids have antidepressant properties. A cup of coffee with chocolate, a good steak or grilled salmon is what you need right now.
In general, congratulations. You are the lucky one who had the opportunity to start life from scratch and do what you wanted to do before, but did not succeed due to a banal lack of time (relationships are a time-consuming resource). This is called freedom. Enjoy it, old man.

If this article did not help you, you can seek help from a specialist on the website psy-chat.ru. It's absolutely free!

So, if a girl offers to break up, don’t believe it, don’t be afraid, don’t ask. “I respect your decision, but I want to preserve our relationship,” your answer will at least discourage her. And even if everything is serious, and she really leaves, remember, life has no dead ends. There are traps into which we drive ourselves. And only those who look up conquer the peaks.

Forced pause

This type of time-out is more common than other types of pauses in relationships. It depends little on the will of people and, in principle, is an excellent real test of their feelings for strength.

What is it? This is a temporary separation due to life circumstances. For example, one of the partners may go to work under a contract in another country for a couple of years.

As a rule, if a girl takes a break from a relationship for an objective reason related to her career, the man reacts very painfully. Some even try to put the question bluntly or put forward ultimatums. Of course, you don't need to do this.

Pause as a gesture of despair

Such a time-out in relationships between people is always a consequence of something, some out-of-the-ordinary act that simply cannot be ignored.

If a pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative is a gesture of despair, then the man is to blame for something, and not in a figurative sense, but in the most literal sense. The woman simply does not know what exactly she should do, whether she can continue this relationship, and therefore takes a time out.

The cause of such a temporary gap can be infidelity, an act of physical violence against a woman or her pet, a child, a statement about the lack of desire to have descendants and hints at the need to have an abortion, and much more. Whatever the reason for the pause, which is a gesture of despair, it is always very specific. Therefore, you cannot leave the situation unattended; you must try to correct your own mistakes and regain the woman’s trust and love. If, of course, you want to connect your future with this girl.

Pause as a form of protest

What it is? This is a demonstrative departure of a woman “to freedom” with the designation of a list of conditions that a man must fulfill for her return.

A pause in a relationship at the girl’s initiative, which is a protest, can be a kind of game. This is often done by women who believe that “feelings should be kept in good shape.” In other words, this may be a banal attempt to avoid routine and ordinariness in a relationship. In this case, it is quite possible to play along with your soulmate.

However, sometimes such a time-out is not a game at all. The girl can demonstrate that, given the opportunity, she has the determination to end the relationship. Or, in this way, she shows her power over her partner and control over their life, that is, she demonstrates “who’s boss.” This behavior may also be due to personal complexes and the need for self-affirmation.

Are there couples who just need a break?

Small breaks are especially needed in long-term relationships in which people have been together for too long and may have lost that sense of freshness and newness, which are just as important as stability and predictability. Sometimes, to add freshness to a relationship, you need to lose it. At least for a little while. It’s such a wonderful meeting when you have time to get bored. And a familiar and familiar person seems to be a little stranger, a little different, and this, among other things, allows you to maintain your partner’s sexual attractiveness and sharpens the perception of his or her attractiveness.

It is important to understand that parting is not a panacea; it will most likely reveal and make more visible what is in the relationship at the moment and what is not. And this is exactly why a pause is useful and necessary when the situation seems deadlocked

But looking for ways out of it, discussing ways to get what is missing or how to build relationships further is definitely better in dialogue. A pause in a relationship can be used as a litmus test, a time out, a stimulator of the creative process, but not a cure for relationship problems.

Why is there a desire to temporarily interrupt a stable relationship in which there are no problems?

Sometimes people decide to take a break in a relationship without having any outwardly noticeable reasons. As a rule, the second partner in such a situation feels betrayed, since for him the world is really “collapsing.” Just imagine: a man is sure that he has a stable rear, next to him is a faithful, understanding, loving woman. And then he finds out that, in fact, everything is not good at all and there can be no talk of any stability in the family.

In the West, in such situations, married couples or those people who have lived together for a long time turn to psychologists who specialize in resolving crises that arise in relationships. Accordingly, the phenomenon of time-out in relationships has been well studied by specialists.

Psychologists believe that the most common reason that prompts one of the partners to temporarily interrupt the relationship is the subjective feeling of “being at a dead end.” It occurs when there is a loss of warmth, mutual respect and trust. That is, when people stop talking for a long time in the evenings, sharing their thoughts and feelings, and communicate only when necessary, for example, talking about what needs to be bought in the store or finding out who will pick up the children from kindergarten. In other words, when emotional intimacy is replaced by routine and habit, then one of the partners, usually a woman, begins to feel burdened by the relationship and look for a way out of the “emotional impasse.”

Why do people decide to break up temporarily?

This phenomenon has long been studied in detail by professional psychologists who work in the field of personal psychology.

The main reason that leads to the decision to temporarily separate is that the partners realized that they were at an impasse. Moreover, they suddenly realize that they are experiencing alienation, and the former warmth has gone somewhere.

In this state, people want to find themselves in a different situation, to feel their own individuality, separateness from their partner. And this is not surprising, considering that the presence of a partner nearby has ceased to be a source of joy and comfort.

A pause in a relationship has the advantage of not always implying that the story will end with a final breakup. Nevertheless, quite often the pauses drag on and gradually develop into the end of the relationship.

Someone will say that if people love each other, then they don’t need any pauses, because those who love feel good together. This means that all these pauses are just one way to gently hint to your partner that the need for him has disappeared forever, and the feelings have faded away.

But life is much more complex and multifaceted. Every couple can experience crises, and this does not mean at all that feelings in this union no longer live.

At the root of such problems lie, as a rule, various circumstances that did not allow a couple or an individual partner to realize any goals or fulfill a life plan.

Despite the fact that everyone understands that life is often unpredictable, few are willing to accept the collapse of their own hopes due to starting a family.

But among the most basic factors that can lead to alienation in a union, psychologists name:

Lack of romance. Almost all couples who are in long-term unions face this problem. It may seem that romantic nonsense is not the foundation required for a happy marriage. But without passion, without romance, without courtship and without beauty, it is impossible to maintain a harmonious relationship between the sexes. Unfortunately, after the candy-bouquet period, the romance in the couple gradually fades away. It is replaced by a dull life, life turns into “Groundhog Day”. And living in such circumstances is quite difficult. Therefore, sooner or later, monotony will bring one of the partners or both to the extreme point. A couple or one partner will decide to separate. In this situation, a temporary separation will help to take a break from each other, from everyday life, from the usual course of life. If mutual feelings are still alive in the couple, then such a measure may well save the union and refresh it.
Lack of confidence in your partner . Complete trust in a couple is very rare, despite the fact that harmonious and healthy relationships can only be built on the foundation of mutual trust. Often one of the partners considers the other to be flighty, sometimes with good reason. As a result, the level of trust in an unreliable partner decreases, becoming lower and lower over time. A state of constant tension, worry, fear, uncertainty - all these negative feelings can ultimately lead to the first partner deciding to break up, because it will be vital for him to get rid of this negative burden and free himself from mistrust. But even in this situation, a temporary separation does not mean a complete break. Perhaps the partners just need a break from each other.
Constant scandals . Quarrels in family life cannot be avoided, but in some couples they become an integral part of life. Moreover, each time the showdown becomes louder, brighter, more hysterical. If one of the couple has a temperament prone to conflict, and the other does not, then over time the first will mortally tire the second with his constant desire to quarrel. As a result, the second member of the couple will need a pause in the relationship in order to free themselves from the constant oppression of aggression. Quite often in such situations the pause turns into a complete break.
Treason . This event is difficult for every couple. And not all partners are able to cope with their own feelings and solve the problem quickly and competently. Being angry and resentful, a person can make the wrong decision. Therefore, in such a situation, it would be quite reasonable to take a break from the relationship to calm down, come to your senses, check your partner and his ability to keep his word, and also decide whether you can forgive him. Often, when cheating, pauses drag on, since it can be difficult for the injured party to make a final decision in favor of maintaining or ending the relationship.
Affairs on the side . A pause in a relationship is not always used for noble purposes. Often they hide behind it in order to try a relationship with another person whom they have liked for a long time. In this case, the person does not risk anything, because if the new relationship does not work out, he will be able to return to the previous one. But if the second member of the couple finds out that his partner has already started a new affair, then he may follow his example, and then the situation will become even more complicated.
Severe stress . Despite the fact that it is customary for couples to help each other, in some situations a person just needs to be alone. Certain types of stress can be so severe that no amount of persuasion and support will help you get back to normal. On the contrary, the participation of another person irritates and causes aggression. In such circumstances, a break in the relationship is initiated by the partner who is in a state of stress, because he needs to solve the problems that have arisen in a calm environment, alone with himself, to experience grief or simply cope with an emotional upheaval. After this, he will be able to return to the family and continue normal communication with his partner.
Lack of confidence in feelings . This is also a fairly common reason for breaks in relationships. Over time, people stop noticing the feelings that were previously in the couple. And both from the partner’s side and from one’s own. As a result, people wonder if these feelings exist at all? Perhaps everything has long been overgrown with cobwebs, and we are together only out of habit? To test their own relationships and return passion to them, people decide to take a break.

In most cases in which a decision is made to break a relationship, there is a real threat of its complete termination.

Therefore, you should not take this method of regulating relationships in a couple lightly. After all, the consequences can be unpredictable. It is quite easy to destroy an alliance, but it is almost impossible to gain the trust of a partner again.

What else could cause you to want to take a time out?

Often, relationships are perceived by a man and a woman completely differently. What does this mean? Only that one of the partners can suppress the other, dominate him and hinder self-realization, development and professional activity, but do this completely unconsciously and, moreover, not even understand it. Of course, in most cases, men suppress women, and not vice versa.

In other words, a pause in a relationship with a man may be necessary for a woman as a “breath of fresh air.” That is, she is not at all tired of the relationship, however, while in it, she cannot do something important, for example, achieve a promotion or learn a foreign language. As a rule, this happens in couples in which the woman devotes all her time and energy to the man and home. At first, this activity inspires and pleases her, but over time she realizes that she has found herself in a real trap and remembers what she once wanted, what she strived for. A man, as a rule, does not see any problems in such relationships, everything suits him, and he simply cannot understand why his significant other is dissatisfied.

There is always a chance

Is everything really so hopeless? After all, it happens that couples come together again. Of course, such situations do occur. But this requires desire on the part of both partners. No doubt, no one is perfect.

It is extremely difficult to date a person for at least a year and not make a mistake. There are no saints among us, and ideal relationships, like a blue sky without a single cloud, exist only on the pages of books. If the initiator of the temporary break rethinks the situation and changes his line of behavior, everything has a good chance of working out. It often happens that after a pause in a relationship, a new round of feelings begins.

There is a wonderful film by American director Jerry Rees, “The Marrying Habit.” According to its plot, the characters, played by Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin, appeared at the altar five times. Their story is full of passion and vivid emotions, although, of course, it was not without difficulties. However, the partners, one way or another, returned to each other's arms. Those who are in deep thought about the further development of their own personal life will find it extremely useful to take the time to watch this romantic comedy.

What to do if the relationship is broken due to lack of self-realization

If, due to a lack of personal development and self-realization, a woman takes a break in a relationship, how should she behave? At first glance, such a question seems absurd, like the whole situation. If the problem is that a woman wants to build a career or learn something, she just needs to stop being a housewife, get a job or sign up for some training courses. This is exactly how the overwhelming majority of men argue, claiming that they do not see any problems if their wife or partner works or engages in personal development.

However, if everything were so simple, women would not break off stable relationships with men, but would go and get a job. As a rule, the need for a time-out does not arise in one minute. Moreover, it is completely unrelated to the “official position” of the man. What pushes women to a temporary breakup is the behavior of their partners, various little things that men usually do not attach importance to.

How exactly do men push women to pause? For example, when discussing her emotional state and desire to pursue a career with her husband or partner, a woman hears: “Of course, dear, go to work if that’s what you want.” The girl is happy, proud of how understanding her partner is, and begins to look for something to do.

What happens next? A woman starts working or studying and is faced with the fact that her partner has no intention of changing his own everyday habits. That is, the house still rests only on women’s shoulders. The man doesn’t even try to wash his plate, not to mention cleaning or doing laundry. That is, the partner lives the way he is used to.

What to do? Change your perception of the situation. A woman who is busy doing something outside the home is different from one for whom the meaning of life is serving a man and creating comfort. She simply does not have enough time and energy. Not only must you accept that the dominant partner is no longer a priority, but you must also behave differently. Household responsibilities need to be shared. For example, if a man returns from work before a woman, then he may well prepare dinner rather than wait for his wife and ask what she will feed him.

There are a lot of little things like this, each pair has its own, its own and unique. If you can’t figure out on your own exactly how you should behave, it makes sense to talk to the girl about it.

Why do men take time out in relationships?

A pause in a relationship initiated by a man, as a rule, is caused by completely different reasons than a time-out initiated by a woman. Of course, representatives of the stronger sex are most often afraid to take responsibility, are afraid of the rapid development of relationships, or simply do not feel confident that the woman is “the one, the one and only.”

In addition, men are pushed to temporarily end relationships by the following factors:

lack of thrill both in sex and outside of bed;
a woman’s everyday habits – the notorious hair curlers, old T-shirts and wrinkled bathrobes, worn-out slippers, scattered intimate hygiene items, etc.;
uncertainty in the chosen one, in the fullness of her feelings and in the similarity of ideas about the future;
scandals, scenes of jealousy, attempts at control.

Many women are sure that a man who wants to end a relationship for a while is already infatuated with someone or wants to “go all out.” However, when did having a spouse prevent representatives of the stronger sex from having fun with their mistress?

Psychologists believe that the most important reason for a man’s desire to take a break is the lack of a sense of his own worth as a person and significance in the eyes of a woman. In other words, if a partner does not feel like a man in every sense of the word while in a relationship, then he sees no other way out of the situation other than time-out.

What should a girl do if a man wants a break?

Of course, any problem in relationships between people is easier to prevent than to solve. You should not instill in a man the idea of his worthlessness and insolvency, then he will not even think about breaking off a relationship with a woman.

But what to do if your loved one has already started talking about the need for a pause? You should understand what caused this desire and eliminate the problem. This is not at all as simple as it seems, and many couples need the help of a family psychologist to understand their relationship.

Free to the pampas!

A vacation in a relationship should be spent in the same way as any regular vacation: with pleasure and for your own benefit! First: don't cry. Second: don't cry again! Third: smile and think that a pause in a relationship gives you a lot of free time, which you can occupy with things that you have been putting off for a long time. You are not alone and, God forbid, you are not abandoned. Banish these thoughts! You will live more interesting and active than before. You will be the way you always wanted - but you were afraid to allow yourself...

A strict rule for the entire period of “vacation” is not to call him and not remind him of yourself. Is your hand reaching for the phone? Use the recommendations from our article “The Fox and the Grapes, or Why You Shouldn’t Write to Your Ex” >>>

How to deal with time out in a relationship?

If a girl initiates a break in the relationship, “what to do” is not the only question worrying a man. Many representatives of the stronger sex also think about how they should relate to what happened. Should a timeout be taken as an alarm signal, or should we not pay much attention to the fact of the pause?

Although a temporary separation, not caused by objective circumstances beyond the will of the person, is not a final break in the relationship, it should be taken very seriously.

A time out is evidence that not everything is going well between people; there are problems in their relationship that need to be resolved together. In other words, a temporary gap is a crisis that will have to be overcome.

Break rules

Choose the right moment for important conversations - only in person and not during a quarrel. Emotions can do a bad job - tears and resentment will not give you the opportunity to listen to words.

If we are talking about a temporary separation, you should immediately establish certain rules that will suit both and help resolve the existing problem. Explain the reason in detail, give arguments, try to convey the essence of your thoughts as calmly as possible.

Specify the time required to make a decision - there are no clear definitions here, and it all depends on the complexity of the situation. For some, it will take a week, while for others, for example, after betrayal, it will take months.

How should a man behave?

If a girl initiates a pause in the relationship, how should a man behave? What should you do: ignore him, shower him with flowers and gifts, invite him on a date? The strong half of humanity is almost always perplexed when faced with a time-out initiated by a woman.

Of course, men try to understand what girls want from them and behave according to their expectations. In order to do this, you need to understand the reasons for the pause. They are the ones who determine the line of behavior for a man.

If the temporary break was the result of some misconduct, for example, betrayal, then, without a doubt, it is necessary to make amends and try to convince the girl that what happened was an accident. Under no circumstances should a woman be left alone; it is necessary to surround her with attention and care, but at the same time not become intrusive.

If a woman tries to achieve something from a man with such behavior, then it is worth thinking about whether it is necessary to succumb to such blackmail. After all, having once achieved what she wanted through a demonstration “leaving for freedom,” the girl will definitely begin to use this method in the future.

Self-examination

Many people go to extremes of self-examination when there is a pause in the relationship. How to behave is half the battle. It’s a completely different story to realize with your mind that the problem is not you. Thanks to sad thoughts about lost love, not a single beautiful poem or melody was born, but for the soul they are extremely painful, especially when a person is tormented by ignorance and feels sorry for himself. After all, they underestimated him, turned away, and it is unclear why.

It often happens that a pause in a relationship causes even greater feelings for the object of adoration. After all, if a person leaves, he is better than us. And in this case, you should strive for it, hold on to it. Although, most likely, you are not very suitable for each other, your positive qualities were not seen or not considered such, adoration was used only as fertilizer for the growth of your own ego, they did not want to recognize your feelings and share their own.