Don't be offended
Why harbor anger and cultivate aggression if you can directly but gently explain to the person what you don’t like? Sometimes your opponent himself does not understand that he can offend you with a rude word or an imperative intonation. Everything is simple here: “let’s talk the talk” and stop sulking.
It is more difficult if the “adult” is offended by the child (yes, such cases are not uncommon). Logic, rationality or efficiency are difficult to find in such a situation. We advise you to analyze your requirements for children and expectations from them, and fix in your head the fact that you are offended by the child’s behavior, and not by the child himself.
Ask the heirs what caused their behavior, and together think about what to do. If this doesn't help, then the problem is deeper. Normally, a child wants to obey, but for some reason he can’t - that’s what psychologists think.
Not afraid of criticism
You have prepared a report, go into the boss’s office and already notice dissatisfaction in his eyes.
Your palms are sweating, your hands are shaking, your thoughts are spinning as fast as business ideas in Rudkovskaya’s head... Perhaps as a child, you were often a victim of toxic behavior from adults - then (and even now!) it was called “education.” Feeling like a fifth grader at the blackboard when you are 34 is not good. Remember: constructive criticism is a great opportunity to look at your work from the outside and additional motivation to improve. You are not a schoolboy who forgot about his homework!
It’s another matter if the boss begins to evaluate your mental abilities and external data. This must be stopped.
Respect others, do not label
The word “respect” itself is vague. This is not a throbbing pain in the temples, not the poor butterflies that are immured in the stomach, and not even a runny nose. True respect is a story about feelings, the ability to appreciate a person’s ability to be themselves.
It’s hard to believe that a mature person would be rude to the cleaning lady or create scandals at the checkout. No reproaches, insults, ridicule, comparisons (oh, this is the favorite technique of many parents when arguments run out in a dispute), criticism of appearance and preferences. No, it's not difficult. Yes, it increases the degree of positivity around. Try it!
How to become an emotionally mature person
Triggers
By noticing triggers, you can recognize moments when you are in a defensive position. We need to find out the reasons for such fears. Most often, the answers lie in childhood: parents, school environment or friends. Some people are afraid to dig that deep. But this definitely brings us closer to becoming an emotionally mature person.
Accept reality
An emotionally mature person does not blame circumstances or fate for all his troubles, which can last a lifetime. Stop being disappointed in people and being surprised by their “wrong behavior.”
A mature act would be to change your attitude towards people and their actions, since every person hides something good in himself. Surround yourself with positive people who give you energy rather than take it away.
Responsibility
Any reaction to a particular situation is only your own reaction, for which you are personally responsible. A mature person adequately approaches the impossibility of solving certain problems. It is necessary to work out a negative attitude towards problems.
Identity
The topic of identity is very important in the development of emotional maturity, because here a person determines what he wants from life, what kind of family life he wants, friends, neighbors, attitude towards people and people towards you (this is about personal boundaries).
Integrity
Integrity acts as a definition of what is good for you and what is evil, which is categorically contrary to your principles. Integrity means obtaining information on the most complex corners of the personality. To become an emotionally mature person, decide for yourself clearly how you will react to a given situation.
Self-discipline
Self-discipline keeps emotions in check so they don't get out of control. Discipline allows you to be reliable to yourself and to other people. To learn discipline, you can start planning and completing small goals throughout the week. It is worth gradually increasing the complexity and scale of goals. The “muscle” of willpower in an emotionally mature person is accustomed to constant training.
You can become emotionally mature by considering only yourself as the main person in your life and at the same time caring for others, maintaining a balance of compassion, kindness and personal boundaries. A great way to overcome stress is to help others, not to save the world, but to pay attention to loved ones and others. The main quality of personal development is the ability to cope with emotions, discipline and patience.
Are developing
At the university we are told that we need to forget everything that was taught at school, at work - to erase university knowledge from our memory. So what do we get? A person who develops only in professional activities, without “pumping up” the emotional and cultural knowledge necessary to broaden his horizons.
What have you done with this outlook, you say! Well, how? What can we talk about with a person if, for example, we don’t understand “contracts with reimbursement of expenses” and “rheological properties of materials”? Plus, returning to point 4, constantly learning something new, you prevent the development of Alzheimer's disease, and few people want to date this “uncle”.
Take care of your health
And now some numbers - they are more convincing than any words, don’t you agree? Three quarters of Russians are interested in their health and about half undergo regular medical examinations. Does this characterize them as mature individuals? Undoubtedly!
Anyone who ignores high blood pressure, does not take care of fillings and hemoglobin, apparently dreams of becoming a burden to their loved ones in ten years. Or is this form of toxicity another reason to suffer and beg for attention?
Those who are now 50+ advise 30-year-olds to take care of their health (especially their teeth!) - and this is not their only wise advice.
Help others for free
An accomplished person always has an oversized heart. By helping others, he feels needed, communicates with like-minded people, finds new friends and, no matter how pretentious it may sound, changes the world for the better. Is it really worth becoming a blood donor, for example? Only our desire and a little time (200 ml of blood does not count, it is a renewable resource).
America's most famous mother, Esther Wojcicki, who raised three representatives of the Forbes list, considers charity and volunteering an important pillar in raising independent and successful people.
Psychological time of maturity
It is generally accepted that the psychological time of maturity is an individual indicator. Nevertheless, there is a modern periodization proposed in the middle of the last century. According to the generally accepted scale, the time of maturity occurs at the age of:
- early - from 21 to 25;
- average - from 25 to 40;
- later - from 40 to 55;
- pre-retirement - from 55 to 65.
However, a psychologically immature person can be found even in old age. Let me note: the time scale is not know-how and was well known long before our era in ancient China and Ancient Greece. In the Celestial Empire, the concept of psychological maturity of the individual was associated (unlike in modern times) with physical maturation, and periodization was also divided into 4 stages:
- marriage - from 20 to 30 years;
- fulfilling social obligations - from 30 to 40;
- awareness of one’s own misconceptions - from 40 to 50;
- the final segment of life is from 50 to 60.
The representative of Hellas, Pythagoras (570 - 490 BC), gave his fellow citizens two decades for moral maturation - from 20 to 40 years.
A psychologically mature person uses his experience (taking into account mistakes and conclusions), understands responsibility for his decisions and actions, which are the key to his success or failure in the future
“Pumping up” awareness
Remember the song “I’m in the moment” that everyone is tired of? Here she is about it. The ability to live here and now, without discussion and criticism, to be present in every minute of the present and to be free from patterns of behavior and emotions is the highest pleasure for a mature personality.
Make time your friend, not your enemy. Various bodily practices, yoga and meditation will help you with this. The state “caught” during these activities will later become a habit.
Have healthy self-esteem
“At your age, it would be time to…”, “Are you stupid?”, “Nothing good will come of him” - if you have ever heard these phrases addressed to you, then you know what low self-esteem is. Where do you think insecure adults come from, living in constant neurosis and seeking the approval of others instead of being themselves?
There is an antidote! Give up negative thinking, accept your differences and finally love yourself. There is no other person like him on Earth. By the way, here are some practical tips that will help raise your self-esteem from your knees.
What is “emotional maturity”
A healthy person knows how to manage his thoughts, emotions and sensations. She easily interprets her emotional state, knows how to restrain negative impulses and correctly gets out of stressful situations. All of these skills demonstrate the presence of emotional maturity. In other words, the individual’s psyche is prepared for life. This means that a person is able to communicate with others, function fully in different areas of his life and improve his life skills.
Many equate the level of intelligence and emotional maturity, but this is a deep misconception. Acquired academic knowledge or innate abilities for successful education are necessary for successful career growth and socialization in society. That is, the acquired knowledge finds its applied application. Emotional maturity is the internal state of an individual, the result of nurturing one’s reactions and feelings, the ability to build healthy and harmonious relationships with others, properly managing one’s emotions.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions - this is a very important life skill. By purchasing it, a person is able to soberly assess his capabilities and correctly overcome difficulties. In addition, communication with people and adaptation in society is easy and painless. It is not for nothing that John Mayer and Peter Salovey called the ability to manage emotions emotional intelligence, possessing which a person is able to recognize people’s reactions and respond correctly to them.
When a person is unable to maintain a negative reaction in an everyday situation, he is usually called an “immature person” because he is not able to correct the negative emotion and respond as the situation requires. Moreover, any person can determine the immaturity of a person; this process occurs intuitively; sometimes the person himself does not understand how he managed to recognize an emotionally immature person the first time. Intelligence of this quality is inherent from birth, but its development depends on various factors. Do not forget that any situation that can turn consciousness upside down can affect the emotional background of a person.
In addition to global reasons in the form of upbringing and the influence of society, there are personal motives not to develop the emotional-volitional sphere in oneself. This is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, eternal attempts to shift serious decisions onto others, so that in case of failure there is someone to blame. Such a reason can appear at any time in life, including in adulthood. The origin of this phenomenon is difficult to explain; most likely, its appearance is a series of unsuccessful attempts to achieve results in a particular matter. A person comes to the conclusion that it is not possible to get what he wants and waits for outside help.
