Tired of people: how to cope without leaving for a desert island?

• October 9, 2018
• Depressive states
• Smirnova Alexandra

In the modern world, situations are increasingly encountered when a person gets tired of people and is unable to cope with such psychological problems on his own.

Absolutely anyone can get tired of their surroundings. Even the most efficient and active person is a true optimist and enthusiast of his work. But the types of fatigue from others are different, and, importantly, have different effects on a particular person. It is important to be able to distinguish psychological fatigue from physical fatigue.

A photo of a tired person is unlikely to look surprising to anyone.

Psychological fatigue

However, there is another type of fatigue - psychological or moral. Academician Pavlov mentioned psychological fatigue in his writings and characterized it as causing irritation, apathy, heaviness, an unpleasant feeling that is not eliminated through simple rest and intensifies over time. Modern psychologists often define psychological fatigue with a term such as emotional burnout.

That is, we can say that a person is simply tired of life.

They also note that this condition has recently become widespread. So much so that it periodically affects almost any person.

Psychological fatigue from other people has some signs by which it can be distinguished from other types of fatigue.

How does a misanthrope usually feel towards other people?

Most often, he is characterized by disrespect, contempt and cynicism towards others - even if they have not done anything wrong to him. Misanthropy often develops into a desire to harm others, to cause them moral and sometimes physical suffering. In this way, people with this feature can vent their anger. Researchers at Vladimir State University named after A.G. and N.G. Stoletov consider misanthropy to be a pathology of personality development. The compilers of the Psychiatric Encyclopedic Dictionary emphasize that the condition often becomes a signal of dissocial disorder, paranoia, pseudopsychopathic schizophrenia, psychopathy, and depression.

In some cases, misanthropy is compensation for one’s own inferiority. With its help, a person seeks to show by his behavior that others are not important to him, and that he himself is an individualist who does not need support. Sometimes hatred of people appears after strong disappointment with the actions and behavior of others.

Sometimes misanthropes are credited with a predisposition to social phobia, but most often this opinion is erroneous. What they may definitely have is anthropophobia - fear of crowds of people, but not situations related to communication.

How does it all begin?

At first, a morally tired person begins to experience indifference and disgust from what he previously enjoyed doing with the people around him. After this, the state of indifference transforms into pronounced irritation if you have to interact with people. Moreover, irritation concerns not only activities that provoke fatigue, but also begins to transfer to everything that is around, including close people. Suddenly a person discovers that his child cries too often, his spouse spends too much time at the computer. At the same time, it seems as if the whole world is in a militia and its only goal is to annoy us. What brought joy and pleasure yesterday turns out to be completely unnecessary and unpleasant today. The eyes of a tired man are dull.

Most often, this condition haunts people in their professional activities, that is, at work.

How can you be less mentally tired from communication?

What to do?

1. Minimize or break off relationships with “toxic” people: abusers, passive aggressors and chronic whiners.
2. Dose and differentiate different communications: work, friendship, with older relatives, with men, with children, etc. Change social roles and do not try to fit into ideal images.
3. Find time to be alone with yourself. Moreover, not only without entering into communication with those present, but also without being in front of anyone.
4. If it is not possible to be alone for a relatively long period of time, do not neglect small breaks: for example, smoke breaks and a lunch break at work.
5. If you are around people for a long time, learn to “go away into yourself”: at least just by “getting stuck” in your phone, laptop or music in your headphones.
6. Don't be shy about refusing to communicate with people when you don't have the resources to do so. There is nothing wrong with saying “I’m tired today, let’s chat later.”
7. If it’s easier for you, transfer communication to a format convenient for you. For example, ask not to call, but to write, to set up not a real meeting, but a video conference session, etc.

Getting tired of communication is not a shame or unacceptable; it is the same natural fatigue as physical fatigue. Therefore, it is important to simply learn not to bring this fatigue to the limit, relax and find harmony with yourself.

Website www.sympaty.net – Beautiful and Successful. Author: Daria Blinova. The article was checked by a special psychologist Olga Yuryevna Gryzlova. More information about the site's authors

The first signs of emotional burnout

Interacting with others is both responsible, hard work and great joy. Therefore, the inability to cope with the emerging moral fatigue from communicating with friends and colleagues can lead to general irritation. This means that at the first signs of emotional burnout, it is important to immediately begin actions aimed at restoring mental strength. Otherwise, the resulting condition will begin to affect colleagues and loved ones, which will cause them to respond with irritation. As a result, the situation will only become more complicated.

It is important to note that the process does not stop there. If urgent measures are not taken, a mentally tired person begins to suffer from a decrease in the overall level of awareness. A person does not understand what is happening to him: all positive emotions from the surrounding society disappear, and they are replaced by either disgust or complete indifference.

He constantly gets tired of people.

If you don't give yourself a break, you'll develop a gag reflex.

Each of these people followed the call of their soul, did what they loved, lived with a loved one, but at the same time felt tired, depressed, and out of place. An analogy is being built: no matter how much you love eclairs, if you eat them every day, the moment of saturation will come. And if you ignore this signal, continuing to push cakes into yourself, your stomach will begin to turn out. This applies not only to food, but also to work, hobbies, and communication. All these people at some point ignored the “saturation” stage, and as a result they began to feel sick.

Methods to combat burnout

It may seem that dealing with this condition is quite simple. If the condition that arises is a type of fatigue, then it is necessary to take a break from the surrounding society. Because of this erroneous belief, a person begins to isolate himself from communication with people, goes out for walks alone, and sleeps more. But this approach does not improve the situation; moreover, the rest itself becomes painful for a person. From this we can conclude that the chosen tactics turned out to be wrong.

Experts in the field of psychology recommend that when a person is tired of life, first get rid of negative emotions caused by psychological fatigue. After this, you can already resort to a variety of restoration techniques, of which a lot is known today.

Not the usual blues

As the name implies, chronic fatigue syndrome is a set of symptoms that characterize a painful condition of the body that requires long-term treatment.
Experts focus on the following symptoms, if at least four of the eight are present, we can talk about a possible diagnosis: ♦ lack of a feeling of rest after a full night’s sleep;

♦ frequently recurring headaches for no apparent reason;

♦ increased sleepiness during the day;

♦ inability to fall asleep quickly even after strenuous physical labor;

♦ unmotivated irritation;

♦ bad mood, for which there is no reason;

♦ frequent infectious diseases;

♦ decreased memory and ability to concentrate;

♦ pharyngitis, inflamed lymph nodes in the neck and axillary area;

♦ unexplained muscle pain.

Get rid of negativity

So, if a girl has become separated from a young man, from her friends, and in general from all her loved ones, she first needs to get rid of the negativity. You can try to analyze the situation that has arisen and try to figure out what exactly is taking away your strength.

You need to look for exactly those emotions that cause serious fatigue. It is important to understand that they are often hidden in the deepest place of the subconscious, but sometimes they lie on the surface. Most often, negativity is caused by:

1. Situations in which a person cannot forgive someone for a certain action.
2. The feeling that some duty has not been fulfilled.
3. Pride, and in some cases even arrogance.
4. Perfectionism. The desire to do everything perfectly, without the right to make mistakes.

When a patient complains that he is tired of people, is there anything I can advise?

Psychophysiological

In this case, fatigue occurs due to biochemical or hormonal changes in the human body. For example, if there is a lack of some vitamins and minerals, which causes increased irritability and excitability, or hormonal changes during pregnancy, breastfeeding, menopause, etc.

This condition may go away on its own, or may require taking certain medications (sedatives, vitamin complexes, hormone replacement therapy).

Psychological skills

Improving the following skills is also effective:

1. Learn to refuse and say “no” to the people who make you the most tired. This is the first thing a tired person should be able to say.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask other people for help and admit to yourself your inability to complete things efficiently and on time.
3. It is faster to get from people what is needed, or at least to receive information from them about why it was not possible to accomplish this or that.
4. Stop expecting more from others than they can actually give.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to find the cause of emotional burnout, and in some cases there may be several such causes. In this case, you will need to unravel a whole tangle of reasons, which is not always possible to do easily and quickly.

There is another way to get rid of negative emotions. It is called the path of generosity, since this path lies through the gift of positive energy to the people around us. In this case, a natural question always arises about what a person can share if he himself does not have enough strength for anything, and he is in an irritated and apathetic state.

Here, in fact, everything is quite simple, and the method in question is time-tested. You just need to want to share any daily activities, making it something of a generosity ritual. Generosity can color absolutely any task, for example, cooking. You can also gratefully accept something given by others. Thus, by giving something away on our own initiative, we do not lose it. In addition, this approach allows you to take a break from your own actions, stereotypical and habitual reactions.

If a person is tired of communicating with people, he can use special recovery techniques.

How to fit hypersensitivity into your life

Accept

To accept your sensitivity, it is not enough to simply agree with everything described above. Acceptance can take a lot of time; it is necessary to live your past life with the understanding that your sensitivity influenced and influences literally all its areas. You need to learn to talk about this - not only to your family and friends, but also to yourself: “I think I’m a little more sensitive than I thought.”

Understand

To change your perspective on sensitivity, try reframing your past experiences in ways that reflect your particularity. Yes, we are deprived of a lot because we get tired quickly or feel too strongly influenced by everything that surrounds us. But we can learn to understand well what we need.

For example, you missed out on a good position that required you to spend a lot of time with a lot of people, in a noisy place, or where there were constant flights and negotiations. But allow yourself the thought that this would be difficult for your hypersensitive nervous system - and it’s good that you didn’t work in such a place, forgive yourself for that. And then you can thank yourself for the fact that you will not suffer from chronic overstimulation - and therefore fatigue, anxiety and insomnia.

Consider

One indicator of high sensitivity is overstimulation. This is perhaps the main negative side effect of this trait. We need more time to rest, we cannot be very fast or reactive, we often need time to think.

Yes, because of this, high sensitivity can deprive us of a lot, but at the same time it makes our lives brighter. For example, sensitive people have a keen sense of art and feel feelings more fully, be it love or friendship. How you use your sensitivity is up to you. It can be both a curse and a blessing for you.

Tom Falkenstein compares high sensitivity to having too white skin: If you have little melanin, it doesn't mean you can't be in the sun - but you need to be more careful about tanning and take care of your skin differently. This is no better or worse than people with high amounts of melatonin. Just different.

Communicate

A big challenge for a hypersensitive person can be the need to explain their characteristics to others. It’s not obvious to everyone why it’s hard for you to be in a noisy room for a long time or that after a day of walking around the city you don’t want to go to a bar (or you do, but you’re tired and the bar won’t give you pleasure). And suggestions to “just try” or “stay with everyone” can be perceived as pressure.

A sensitive person in such cases feels guilty: he would not want other people to think that they are the reason for his behavior. In my opinion, the responsibility for explaining the reason for the refusal lies with us. This is necessary so that no one blames anyone.

Only you yourself understand better than others what will please you more: a soft bed after a hard day or loud music in a bar.

To others, you can explain it this way: “I’m just tired, and if I go to the bar, it will be difficult for me to sleep and I will feel bad all day tomorrow.”

Fatigue is associated with overstimulation or overstimulation. If you know this about a hypersensitive nervous system, you won’t be surprised why everything irritates you after going to the mall. You will understand that the nervous system just needs rest.

The body in a state of overexcitation behaves much like during anxiety, which is why the manifestation of hyperstimulation of the highly sensitive nervous system is so difficult to separate from anxiety or restlessness.

Separate from shyness

Other people may mistake your high sensitivity for shyness. But judging someone as shy is usually superficial and inaccurate. It is generally better to exclude such a concept from your vocabulary and self-esteem, because it is loaded with assumptions about the true character of a person. It is better to use the more accurate and neutral expression “social discomfort.”

Of course, highly sensitive people, like others, can be shy. But psychologists Susan Brodt and Philip Zimbardo conducted an experiment that explained the social failures of hypersensitive people differently.

They brought shy and non-shy college students into the laboratory and asked them to talk to an attractive man. The women were sitting in a small room waiting for a conversation, and suddenly a loud noise was heard. Some shy women have been warned that the noise can cause heart palpitations (the most common sign of social anxiety). After that, they spent some time alone with the man, who did not know whether his interlocutor was shy.

As a result, shy women who had been led to believe that their rapid heartbeat was due to a possible noise not only participated in the conversation, but also controlled the flow of the conversation, regulating the topic as actively as the non-shy women. And those students who had nothing to explain their inner anxiety spoke much less and were less proactive in the conversation. After the experiment, the man was asked to determine which women were shy. He was unable to distinguish relaxed interlocutors from shy ones who believed that the reason for their excitement was noise.

By replacing the concept of “shyness” with the words “social discomfort,” we seem to emphasize that our difficulties in society are not our permanent quality, but a transitory state. Discomfort is normal and temporary. To others, you can explain your tightness like this: “Yes, I know that I’m holding myself a little tense, but it will pass in a few minutes.”

Recovery techniques

One of the restorative types of recreation is tourism and treatment in sanatorium-resort conditions. The concept of recreational rest began to be used in the 60s of the 20th century in the literature of socio-economic, medical, physiological content, which covered the problems of health and recuperation of workers.

Recreational rest is usually understood as the process of replenishing psychological and emotional strength, ability to work and health, which consists of rest outside the home. This could be a tourist trip, outdoor recreation, etc. Specialized recreational enterprises are boarding houses, dispensaries, and sanatoriums. But not every person has the opportunity and is able to afford to give up everything at once and go on vacation. More often than not, you have to wait a long time for the desired vacation. What to do in this case?

It's normal to be tired of everything

People may become tired of the things they love or the people they care about. Either we merge with the objects of passion, then we separate again and want to be alone to digest our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. It's not about negative experiences, it's about the intensity of your reactions. At some point, so many of them accumulate that the body needs a reboot. Give yourself permission to take breaks and rest from the things you love. Without this process, it is impossible to fully experience intimacy in a relationship. Without this, it is impossible to find true meaning in activity. By the way, the more actively you love, the more selflessly you show yourself at work or in relationships, the more often you will have to reboot, the more time you need for yourself. These are the laws of conservation of energy.

Technique rating

The problem of emotional burnout and psychological fatigue from people was studied at the end of the last century. Research shows that there are quite a few techniques to relieve fatigue in people.

If we consider them taking into account their effectiveness and positive impact on a mentally tired person, we can make a certain rating:

1. Reviewing your own diet, enriching it with fresh foods that are rich in active substances, herbs, and juices. You should carefully monitor the calorie content of the foods you consume and follow the drinking regime.
2. Physical activity, walks in the fresh air, sports activities. You can also harmonize your state with the help of swimming, dancing, primarily oriental. Walking at a fast pace contributes to effective recovery. It is believed that almost all negative energy when walking goes into the ground.
3. Creation. It is worth noting that creativity can be of any kind, the main rule is that the activity should bring pleasure.
4. Meditative practices. Even a couple of minutes is often enough for meditation. You need to set a timer for a few minutes, turn on melodic music, sit comfortably, and close your eyes. In the allotted time, you should try to relax and pay attention to your breathing. You must try to make it smooth and calm. After the timer rings, you need to shift your focus to the floor, your feet, and only then slowly open your eyes.
5. Tea rituals. All sorts of rituals allow many people to relax, so it makes sense to create them specifically. For example, once a day, take a break from all your activities and drink tea in a comfortable and calm environment, using beautiful dishes.
6. Regularly engage in enjoyable activities. For one person it might be a visit to a beauty salon, and for another it might be a hike. Some would prefer to read a book, meet friends, go on a trip, or go to the theater.
7. Dreams. It is simply necessary for every person to hope and dream. Even if these dreams are not destined to come true.
8. You should also remember about simple but very effective relaxation methods: massage, SPA treatments, a bath with aromatic oils, communication with animals.

Destroying the myth of purpose

You've all heard the phrase: "Find something you love and you'll never have to work." It also has a lot of variations: with a loved one there is no boredom or fatigue; what you love cannot get boring; if you experience negative emotions, this is a signal that you are going in the wrong direction. It sounds beautiful and complex, but it’s never about real life. After all, no matter how much we love our loved ones or the business we do, our resources are not endless. We can get tired, sick, burn out. This is the body's natural reaction to loss of energy.

If your car runs out of gas, you won’t say that the car is bad or clearly not suitable for you. There is simply a fact - you need to fill up the tank. So it is with a person. You need to take a break, relax, restore wasted resources. Irritation is a signal of mental overload. You have forgotten about other areas of life and stopped thinking creatively. You got too deep into something or someone, lost yourself, which led to psychological rejection (a natural mental defense mechanism). If you continue to force yourself, you will break. Anxiety, depression, psychosomatics will arise, you will hate your life.