Ideal relationships only exist in fairy tales. But even there, during a period of family crisis, against the background of regular quarrels and insults, such a phenomenon as female infidelity often arises. It can be triggered by a lack of sex or its inferiority, a drop in interest in each other, a decrease in trust, or simply a genetic predisposition of the female sex to weakness in the form of trips to the left.
But how can you find out whether your wife was unfaithful with 100 percent accuracy, without making a mess and thereby destroying the family idyll? In fact, all the signs of female infidelity are purely indirect and may indicate problems of a completely different nature that have nothing to do with betrayal. Next on the blog, we’ll look at working ways to recognize a vile cheater in your woman, and also give a number of useful tips that will help you get rid of painful thoughts once and for all and start living with calm nerves.
What to do when you suspect your wife of cheating
If, against the backdrop of a seemingly normal family situation, thoughts begin to creep into your head that your wife is not faithful to you, remember that it will be very difficult to bring her out into the open if she is really cheating on you.
In any case, you will have to find out the truth, but before that, follow a few simple rules:
- Calm down and try not to think about the bad, because nothing has been confirmed yet;
- Do not attack your wife with questions - wild jealousy never leads to good;
- Don't try to follow her around in hopes of tracking down her secret admirer. If you don’t trust your woman to that extent, it’s better to immediately end any relationship with her;
- Well, start paying attention to the little things. Usually the fact of betrayal is hidden on the surface, you just need to correctly recognize it, and we will tell you how later.
In 80 percent of cases, suspicions of infidelity remain just suspicions, so don’t overthink it, continue to live a calm family life, following our further instructions, and perhaps then you will be convinced that your wife loves only you and no one else.
I listened to them silently and... you know?
I was even glad that my children had the wisdom not to lose warm feelings for me as a father, and for Lera as a mother. But I cannot forgive my wife. The image from that ill-fated video constantly appears before my eyes. I understand that I can no longer lie in the same bed with my wife...
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Folk signs
When a married woman has a lover, she begins to change. At the same time, many men may point blank not notice obvious things, continuing to blindly believe in a happy fairy tale called “The Ideal Family.”
At the initial stage of the investigation, folk signs will help. So our great-grandfathers could easily identify female infidelity by a simple sign - the wife began to mention the name of another man too often. She can compare him with you, praise him, or, on the contrary, scold his behavior, thereby trying to abstract herself from the internal unpleasant feeling of betrayal.
One of the signs of folk wisdom is her long and thoughtful gaze. If your wife suddenly begins to sit for a long time and look at one point with a worried look, this may indicate that she is trying to find the right words to confess her sin. But you cannot take this sign as a basis, because thoughtfulness in itself is not a sign of betrayal.
How to talk to a woman about cheating
Before you start a direct conversation with the woman you love, remember two important details.
Firstly . All females are excellent psychologists, which may well leave you a fool during the conversation.
Secondly . Your chosen one may not be at all guilty of the sins that you are going to convict her of. As you know, groundless suspicions destroy marriages, so we leave frank conversations for last.
However, if you feel good as an actor, act out a funny scene where the plot is based on suspicions of treason.
Naturally, if your woman is at a loss, not understanding what is happening, it is necessary to turn the investigation into a joke as soon as possible and refer to the fact that such things strengthen the relationship.
Interestingly, a woman who feels guilty even for the same flirting will behave suspiciously strangely. And if there has been treason, there is a high chance of immediately finding out the whole truth on the spot.
If you do not have acting skills, pay attention to the little things. A woman in whose life there is betrayal will change either towards increased love or, on the contrary, apathy.
Does your woman behave differently than she did a month ago, or indeed throughout the entire time you met? This is a great reason to talk to her without any hints or suspicions. Believe me, if there is something to be ashamed of, oddities will continue during the conversation, and this will be a reason for further investigation.
The main signs of female infidelity
It is impossible to find out that a wife is cheating on her husband with 100 percent accuracy, relying only on signs or indirect signs, but there is a chance to take your investigation to a new level. So if a number of the following signs are present in the relationship between you and your wife, you can safely hire a private detective and interrupt this relationship in the bud:
- A sudden change in behavior. If suddenly your wife has become cheerful and joyful, despite the fact that your relationship has not been a reason for joy for a long time, you should check the box and move on to the next point;
- Excessive delays at work. Nobody canceled office romances, and if she started coming home much later than usual, and at the same time she did not have a promotion, which is usually the reason for failure at work, we put a second tick;
- Mysterious friend. The appearance of a certain girlfriend, whom you have never even seen and did not know about her existence, can add to the list of your suspicions, if it is already full to capacity. If no other signs of betrayal are observed, it is quite possible that your friend is real and your fears are unfounded;
- Marks on the body. This is a very serious reason not only to think about it, but also to have a serious conversation with your wife face to face. Try not to raise your voice and calmly find out what’s going on. Perhaps she was the victim of someone’s rude attitude and was afraid to tell you about it, and that’s a completely different story;
- Endless change of underwear. At the same time, new romantic collections can appear almost every week, despite the fact that your sex has long ceased to be the same as it was two or three years ago. Agree, it’s stupid to buy chic lace panties if they are never intended for you. Think about it;
- Unexpected password change on the phone. And this is against the backdrop of constantly carrying a smart gadget with you. If your wife doesn't allow herself to leave her phone for a second, even while going to the toilet or shower, it makes sense to start worrying;
- Changing your appearance, regular makeup, diet, fitness, gym and so on. In a word, your wife has begun to take care of herself, and sometimes the desire to become more beautiful reaches the point of absurdity. Carefully analyze your relationship before and after she began to zealously preen herself. If she pays maximum attention to you and spends all her time with you, then she simply decided to add new colors to your relationship. If not, most likely another man is already waiting for her somewhere;
- A very clear sign of betrayal is the end of quarrels and cutting of brains for any reason. Oddly enough, the more your wife is dissatisfied with you, the more this indicates her love for you. With her behavior, she tries to identify all your shortcomings and correct them, molding you into the very man she would like to see next to her. If this is not the case, draw conclusions, check the box;
- Missed calls. This is actually a very alarming signal. Regular phone calls that your wife misses in your presence may mean that her lover is calling her. She can refer to advertising agents or meticulous bank employees, despite the fact that previously she did not hesitate to pick up the phone and calmly refuse an offer that was not interesting to her.
If, coupled with the above signs, your wife becomes uncomfortable with physical contact with you, she begins to look away more often, and also complains about the lack of communication, with a high degree of probability she has found someone else. We'll tell you what to do next a little later, but for now let's talk about the types of female infidelity.
But then it gets worse.
Having offered to “drink” me a couple of glasses of vodka, Igor began the monologue with the words: “Dude, I have something to tell you, just promise to control yourself…”.
I was wary, but nodded.
Igor told me something that I couldn’t even think of in my worst nightmare...
During my last business trip, Lera cheated on me by getting drunk during an interview with a rock star. The culprit mentioned this to Igor when my friend called him to get his opinion on the work of his subordinate, a journalist.
The comrade was not unfounded. For a certain fee, he took out a video from the dressing room.
I wish I hadn't seen this post.
There was no limit to rage, resentment and anger. My dear one, barely standing on her feet, in such “mud”... When I came home, Lera, naturally, noticed my condition. She herself understood everything and almost on her knees began to apologize to me and make excuses... It hurt me a lot. How to forgive this? And before we were so happy!
I didn’t answer her anything to her pleas for forgiveness. I just silently left the apartment.
That day I came to my daughter to spend the night. She and her husband have two rooms, so I didn’t cause them any inconvenience. I spent the next day in a state of delirium.
I don’t remember how I filled out reports at work, how I got there and how I got back. I arrived at my home late.
The whole family was waiting for me there. The daughter and son expressed their opinion about the sincerity of the mother’s repentance. Lera added that she would quit her job and vowed to prove to me that she was incredibly sorry for her mistake and could not forgive herself. She begged me not to get a divorce.
Types of female infidelity
Yes, there are different types of betrayal, and the consequences from them can also be very ambiguous. In one case, a woman may have sex with a friend, an employee at a corporate event, or with a casual acquaintance due to alcohol or sudden passion. In another case, she does this consciously, calculating her every step and carefully veiling any evidence of her crime.
As a rule, random and unexpected relationships are single and most often that’s where it all ends. After the incident, the woman experiences a deep sense of guilt and tries in every possible way to correct her mistake, which manifests itself in the form of excessive care, affection, and an attempt to give her loved one maximum pleasure.
In rare cases, a woman herself can confess everything to her husband, and then the outcome of the situation will depend only on him. Here, any signs of betrayal that we noted above will not appear for the simple reason that the main factor of the second type of betrayal – its regularity – will be absent.
Yes, this type of infidelity is much more terrible and here all the signs of female infidelity can appear at once. Sometimes a wife may not hide her indecent behavior, but most often the husband will have to guess the reasons for the dramatic changes in his wife’s behavior.
If she cheats consciously, it means that it was preceded by a good reason on the part of her husband, or she herself is very greedy “On the front” and in life would not mind sharing a bed with a good lover. Of course, you need to run away from such a woman like fire, and if the methods described above help you with this, we will only be glad that another man has freed himself from the shackles of an insidious cheater and found true happiness with a truly faithful and loving wife.
Three days later she returned.
There was something strange in her behavior. I asked several times: is everything okay with her? Was she able to carry out her plans? Anyway, how did the interview go? To all my questions, she smiled somewhat bewilderedly and said that everything was fine.
My questions were exhausted, but something was nagging me. It was as if cats were scratching inside... And, as it turned out, for good reason. Soon, an old friend called me (the same one who helped my beloved wife get a job). Igor invited me to the bar, and I readily agreed. The last time we met for a glass of beer was quite a long time ago. At the appointed time, in the agreed place, we met and talked about something casual.
My wife cheated - this is not a death sentence for marriage
- Quantum Manifestation
Since you've been married for 16 years, it's not easy to throw everything away. The fact that she woke up crying tells me that she knows what she did was wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. Yeah, looks like she slept with him.
Middle-aged women are passionate because their biological clock is ticking. The reason is that even if she already has a son with you, this is the last chance in her entire life to get pregnant.
She may not want any more children, but her gonads have directed her actions differently. Of course, not all women cheat when this age comes, but all premenopausal women become very horny.
Some leave their husbands for younger men. Your wife is one of those women who can currently only be satisfied with sex outside of marriage. Someone can leave their husband because they have such an opportunity. Your wife could not do this, since you both are held together by joint living expenses and apparently shared property.
Okay, what now? Once you understand and accept this fact without feeling betrayed or choking with anger, then you will be ready to talk to her without judgment. Tell her that you understand why she does this and tell her that this is natural for all women.
Be like her close friend and she will open up. Don't cry, don't get angry, and don't judge; tell her that you think it is unwise to give up 16 years of marriage to enjoy what is undoubtedly a temporary period of pleasure.
If you still love her, then tell her that you know this is temporary because you know in your heart how much she loves you.
If the guy she's with now is younger, I can bet he'll dump her as soon as she comes out of her pre-menopausal sexual energy. Then she will come running to you.
The question is, can you wait that long? Can you accept the fact that your wife is intimate with another man?
Keep in mind that she will not be the same woman after she finishes her sexual adventures and returns to you. You will always see her as being with someone else.
This is similar to marrying a woman who was previously married to another man. If you can accept this, then go ahead and save your marriage.
I guarantee she will come back. If you can't accept this, then divorce her and move on.
He gets out of it: it means he loses trust
- It's me
She seems to reveal the truth only when you can catch her lying. I am 100% sure that yours has not yet told you the whole truth. I think she's still not telling you the whole truth because she keeps cheating or wants to cheat again.
Women become passionate but usually cheat because they are dissatisfied with the relationship or because they simply don't take commitment seriously.
If you want to work this out, I recommend that you talk to her and tell her that this is her last chance to save the relationship and that if you later find out that she was hiding anything, you will end the relationship instantly.
Once she tells you everything she tells you, you should "trust but verify" everything she says. Just keep your eyes open and you will be able to see if she is doing anything.
I recommend letting her do what she wants and not trying to stop her, but be prepared to walk away if you catch her doing something she shouldn't do.
Your son not wanting the house to be sold is not a sufficient reason for you to make any decision in this matter.
- Harry
You are a good person and deserve better. My ex cheated and my kids stumbled upon them. At that time I was in the hospital.
She was still denying the affair when I returned home. However, she was later forced to confess. I stayed for the sake of the children; they were still small then. What my daughter saw was wrong.
Leave now while you can. I made the mistake of staying with my wife because of the children. We ended up breaking up anyway, years later. But this sacrifice did not bring me anything good.
- Rafa
What makes you think she will tell you the truth without proof? She denied speaking to this person until you provided a transcript of the phone calls.
I know it's hard to believe that someone you love would do anything to hurt you. You made a vow to love and honor each other. She betrayed that trust. You don't want to see her as someone who is intentionally hurting you, but she lied to you.
She withheld information that destroyed your trust in her. If she was lacking attention, she should have discussed it with you first.
In the morning, when you woke up and found her crying, you had to take advantage of the moment and squeeze a confession out of her. Answering your question, did she have sex with this man, you can safely answer YES.
My wife cheated - this is a fatal diagnosis for a marriage
- Stas
She cheated on you and accepted another man into her body. This was the ultimate display of disrespect and contempt for you. The contempt was complemented by her lies. Her lies suggest that you are “too stupid” to connect the dots.
By giving you little information along the way, it will prolong your suffering for many years. It would be better for your health if you stopped the nightmare and tried to cope with it. Protect your son; he deserves better, but remember:
A cuckold will always hate himself, even if he stays for the sake of the children. We lie to ourselves about our weaknesses, and when we stay, we suffer nightmares, anxiety, and hell for the rest of our lives. When the years go by and you think everything is fine, some post-trauma trigger makes itself known and the pain becomes as sharp as it was yesterday.
Prohibitions
In solving the “Crime of the Century,” there are a lot of “Don’ts” that you should never do if you don’t want to ruin the lives of yourself and your loved ones.
So you shouldn’t make wild scenes of jealousy in front of children. Remember, childhood complexes and traumas are practically not cured.
Do not rush to sort things out until you are sure of your woman’s infidelity, that is, one hundred percent. Otherwise, you risk getting into an awkward situation when your perceived betrayal may turn out to be something else.
Don't involve your parents in your quarrel. Even if everything is confirmed and the marriage ends, you will still have to maintain a relationship with her parents, no matter who the children live with, if there are any, of course.
And, of course, you shouldn’t go beyond the law, look for her lover, beat a woman and do similar things. The calmer you are about this problem, the easier it will be for you to start a new life, and perhaps even remain friends with your ex-wife.
Rational decision
When a young man finds out about his wife's infidelity, he may experience a state of emotional shock, accompanied by a strong desire to be punished for infidelity. Often this can lead to irreversible consequences. Therefore, to begin with, it is very important to calm down and analyze the problem that has arisen. It often happens that when making a decision, a man blames his girlfriend for everything and does not think about the true reasons for such an act and his role in it. In fact, it is useful to analyze the circumstances that could have prompted the lady to engage in such indecent behavior. This will help you understand the situation, distribute thoughts in your head and make a reasonable decision.
The reasons for female infidelity may be as follows:
- If you have an early marriage (for example, due to an unexpected pregnancy), then perhaps your spouse was not mentally prepared for it. After all, this is a deprivation of a certain freedom, constraint by family obligations, etc. In other words, she did not have time to work up and is now trying to make up for lost time.
- Perhaps your partner is more temperamental than you and may simply be unsatisfied in the intimate sphere, so she is looking for “supplements” on the side. Especially if lately you have begun to refuse her for some reason. For example, due to being very busy or tired.
- The satellite behaves repulsively. For example, flirting with other ladies, potential infidelity, frequent use of alcohol (and possibly drugs), use of physical force towards a partner, stinginess and hiding money, etc.
It is important to calmly consider the possible reasons for the betrayal of your significant other and understand what your role is in this. On this basis, a decision is already made on what to do next with your relationship. But here you need to take into account some points:
- everything must be within the law,
- violence with the use of physical force is excluded,
- It is prohibited to involve third parties in your disputes, especially children.
Disappointment after infidelity
Such an act by a loved one caused many to become disappointed not only in the relationship, but also in themselves. Having experienced betrayal, we stop trusting the opposite sex and believe that we will still find that person who will truly love us. We cannot forgive the traitor for taking away our hope for a better life and happiness; he destroyed our illusions, dreams and self-confidence.
Humiliation from betrayal
We cannot forgive betrayal of another because we cannot forgive the humiliation that we had to endure. For many, the very fact that a replacement was found is humiliating. Almost all survivors of betrayal believe that they are somehow worse, second class. But the most humiliating thing is not this, but the fact that everyone around you knows that you have been cheated on and this is a real blow to your pride. Those around you immediately label you with labels like “no one runs away from a normal man or woman” and many are forced to carry this “shame” for a long time.
