This article was originally written for the video. It's only a third new. The other two thirds are a retelling of the main ideas from my old articles on the same topic. Here I tried to express my thoughts more simply and clearly.
Everyone wants to please others. It is beneficial to be liked by others. After all, when you are valued and loved, they simply treat you well: they invite you, wait, help, cooperate, your company makes others happy.
That is, when others consider you important, it’s wonderful! Problems begin when you make yourself important. The fact is that we have difficulty distinguishing our self-importance (feeling of self-importance) from our real importance to others.
That is, there is real local importance, when you are useful somewhere. And sometimes there is self-proclaimed global importance, when you consider yourself important in general, as if it were an objective truth.
Maybe you are not at all important to your interlocutor - he has a different taste, but since you have chosen yourself to be important, you expect the appropriate attitude: you demand love and respect. You think you deserve them. FSA is an irrational belief in one’s own high value. It seems like the more swollen your ego is, the more love you are entitled to.
This is how the conflict with reality begins. Your fantasies about your importance come across external assessment - someone else's opinion, someone else's demand.
You understand that others may not know how important you are - you need to tell them about it! And you begin to emphasize your importance this way and that. In some places you show your real strengths, and in others you lie completely without noticing it. To get as many likes as possible, you brag, show off, and assert yourself.
What does the abbreviation ChSV mean?
SSV - a sense of self-importance - is not just a desire for leadership in any situation. Trying to get ahead and overtake the “competitors,” the CSV-subject in some cases may not have sufficient competence. However, this does not bother him at all. As a rule, a self-sufficient person imagines himself as an all-knowing expert until the moment he is caught as an amateur.
Remember the famous character from the Harry Potter series of books. Professor Chrysostom Lockhart, who has only a basic and, apparently, theoretical understanding of defense against the dark arts, managed to write several books on this topic and even become a teacher at Hogwarts. The truth is, all the feats described in his writings were performed by other wizards, and Zlatopust himself was an ordinary narcissistic charlatan and a flamboyant showman who knew how to beautifully veil his illiteracy.
A person with an inflated sense of self-importance (ESI) strives to attract the attention of others on literally every occasion. Don't be surprised if he begins to passionately express his position, passionately argue and give advice in those moments when no one asked. Tactfully refusing and putting him in his place is tantamount to a sharp answer in a rude form: if you even slightly hint that you don’t need his opinion, this will provoke the anger and resentment of the emergency worker.
Another popular name for FSN syndrome is narcissism. It is extremely important for a narcissist to remain on top of his game in any situation, even in the case of ridiculous mistakes: believe me, he will always find an excuse for his mistakes. Not seeing the thorn in his own eye, the narcissist gets unspeakable pleasure from finding faults in those around him. Sudden remarks that have nothing to do with politeness give him the reputation of being a very “toxic” emergency person.
Summary
In the Internet space, the word “CHSV” has a negative character: both for ordinary users and for gamers.
On social networks, the abbreviation serves as a source of jokes: how many memes are associated with this problem! It’s always funny until it concerns you or your surroundings, but when the emergency gets closer, it can be sad and difficult. Not for you - for those around you. The symptoms are as follows: too high a desire to stand out, to show that the person is different, unlike the others. It doesn’t matter whether you loudly say who is great here, or suffer demonstrably.
There are a number of situations in which people may behave exactly as described above. You shouldn't mix them.
It is difficult to curb your Sense of Self-Importance, but it is possible if you wish. Both forms (with underestimated and overestimated indicators) need correction. FSN influences an adequate assessment of reality, narrows the range of interests to exclusively one’s own and awakens extreme egocentrism in people.
We offer above some practical tips on how to get out of this situation, but they won’t work if you don’t want to solve this problem yourself. It's up to you!
The main signs of CVS
A sense of self-importance (SIE) can manifest itself in both women and men. Each of us at least once in our lives has encountered so-called “bitches”, who, it would seem, cannot exist without constant disputes and criticism of other people. Such private-sex ladies, as a rule, are extremely demanding of their partners and cannot boast of a large number of close acquaintances.
A man with excessively high self-esteem often uses his membership of the “stronger sex” as the main argument in disputes with women: supposedly due to this, his opinion becomes the only correct one. A man with CVS is always ready to challenge a competitor, is prone to competition and is preoccupied with a thirst for fame, even in narrow circles.
From an early age, Zlatopust Lokons, the negative ESC hero of the book “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,” was distinguished by his willingness to do anything for the sake of popularity except systematic self-development and work. In terms of his level of competence, he stagnated in one place for years, but this did not prevent his narcissism from crossing all permitted boundaries.
How is ChSV formed?
Let's talk about the level of self-esteem (LSE) when it has already crossed the threshold of the normal, “average” level and rushed to a higher level. At the same time, we will not take into account the extreme cases of emergency situations described above, but will consider more adequate situations of emergency response.
In fact, high self-esteem (normal heart rate) may well be a good basis for successfully building a career, achieving your goals, receiving recognition and awards. Psychologists agree that a successful person should not be modest, otherwise he will have to “stand in line” all his life. Considering that the queue for a prestigious job, comfortable living conditions, a happy marriage and other “superstructures” amounts to millions of people around the world, a modest person runs the risk of standing around fruitlessly all his life.
Therefore, if you feel that your self-esteem (SER) is not up to the required level, and that competitors are rapidly surpassing you in places where you could collect your own victories, you urgently need to work on your SER. Try the following simple tools to increase your heart rate:
- A conversation with yourself on the eve of an upcoming speech, presentation, or any other interaction with an audience. Even if there are only two people listening to you - for example, potential managers at an interview - plan your speech in such a way that they will be delighted.
- Don't waste time looking for other people's faults. Instead of asserting yourself through someone else's mistakes, focus on your own strengths. Find and try to develop what exactly you can be unique in and stand out from other people. This will help keep HR at an adequate level.
- Don't assert your rightness where it is inappropriate. In simple words, share advice only when you are directly asked for it. If you feel a vital need to constantly express an opinion, then simply start a thematic blog on some popular service.
How to cure the disease?
Yes, it will be difficult to overcome your inner demons, but the process of healing SWS is quite possible. To begin with, it is important to recognize the fact that there is a problem and want to fix it. Then you will gradually give up actions that repel others from you:
- you will learn to avoid sudden sharp jokes that offend the feelings of other people;
- come to terms with the fact that different points of view exist;
- You will think about other people's feelings before you speak about your superiority.
Engage in self-development, visit a sports club, find a suitable hobby and constantly filter your thoughts, desires and feelings. Systematic work on yourself will certainly bear fruit, and you will be able to defeat the disease, protecting yourself from social loneliness and spiritual emptiness.
Inflated self-esteem (high heart rate)
An overestimation of one’s capabilities (inflated HR) results in the idealization of the individual. Focusing exclusively on success, victory, recognition turns into sincere surprise in case of defeat. The reason for failure, in the opinion of the individual, lies in chance, unfavorable combination of circumstances and, of course, in the mistakes of others, and not at all in his personal feelings.
Most of us have experienced this.
Still from the series “Like My Wife”
Have you recently been promoted at work? Have you been assigned new responsibilities or been entrusted with leading a team? However, do you somehow feel like you don't deserve it? Welcome to the club of people with impostor syndrome.
This is the name given to a person’s ability to think that all his successes are just a lucky coincidence of circumstances, and not something deserved and under his control. Instead of proudly accepting the fact of his promotion or objectively assessing his progress, a person with impostor syndrome downplays his abilities, accomplishments, and awards. And this happens even to those who own large companies, run the state or are the idol of millions.
For those who are familiar with this quality first-hand, we have collected nine tips that will help, if not completely get rid of impostor syndrome, then at least overcome its most striking manifestations.
What is the risk of heart failure?
Constantly deceiving others, a person with CVS leads by the nose, first of all, himself. In this case, there is no talk of any real development at all. An individual with CVS, who has chosen the path of self-deception and cherishes the “crown on his head,” begins to seriously believe that he has achieved extraordinary heights. The truth is, you have to fall from such a height in the event of a discouraging revelation quickly and... painfully.
Emergency situations always go hand-in-hand with vulnerabilities. Moreover, the further things go, the more the weaknesses associated with emergency situations strengthen their positions. In the depths of his soul, the unfortunate EMS subject understands that he has cut off all escape routes, and to refuse self-promotion is tantamount to admitting himself to be a failure. The internal conflicts of a liar, who fears being caught in a fraud, form a dependence on the opinions of others and quite undermine the narcissist’s nervous system.
It is quite possible to present the illusion of PSV-greatness to society in the best traditions of commerce. Having found the problems and “pains” of a certain group of people, a person with CVS can deftly put pressure on them, and immediately after, “sell” his personality as a guiding star and authority. However, only inexperienced followers, of whom, unfortunately, there are many, are capable of blindly falling for such tricks.
Living in fear of your real self, creating complexes within yourself and breaking your own thinking means sooner or later acquiring an unlimited ticket to a psychiatrist. By the way, a person with CHF Zlatopust Lokons, whom we mentioned above, was a potential client of a specialist in mental disorders.
Pros and cons of ChSV
So, emergency situations are not always bad. Since this concept is directly related to self-esteem and its level, the presence of moderate heart rate is quite normal. Let's look at the main pros and cons of a private character in order to determine once and for all whether it is good or bad.
| Pros of ChSV | Disadvantages of ChSV |
| Having high self-esteem, especially if it is healthy and justified, will help you defend your position and personal boundaries in any quarrels and conflicts. You can always fight back against your offender. | An inflated sense of self-importance requires constant emotional feeding (by analogy with emotional vampires), which necessitates constant quarrels, conflicts and humiliation of others. |
| A normal level of self-esteem allows you to love yourself, objectively assess your strengths and significance in society. | Increased heart rate can cause complete and utter loneliness. No person wants to endure constant barbs and ridicule directed at themselves. |
| ChSV can help in eliminating contacts with people you don’t like. Of course, such communication on your part should not be accompanied by direct insults and humiliation of the individual. | If a person with HF is a boss, then relationships in the work team can turn into tyranny, which is unlikely to have a beneficial effect on the work process. |
| A sense of self-importance is a way of realizing oneself as a strong and strong-willed person who is respected and accepted by the team. But, again, you cannot resort to extreme measures - insulting and humiliating other people. | A break from reality and immersion in a fictional world can be a consequence of a sense of self-importance. Such a person stops perceiving current events literally - he constantly thinks up and attributes non-existent characteristics to them. Accordingly, a person’s self-perception will also begin to tend to zero. |
| ChSV is a special kind of human manipulation. Manipulation is not always bad and can be used for the benefit of all people (team, class, group). | Lack of real friends and loved ones. FWS leads to the fact that you completely become a hostage to your image. Society ceases to perceive you as a person who needs help and support. |
Table of pros and cons of ChSV
Differences between selfishness and selfishness
A sense of self-importance (SIE) is, in fact, a synonym for the concept of “self-esteem.” At the same time, emotional distress is quite closely intertwined with egoism and self-centeredness: many people, not knowing the distinctive features of both, confuse these terms. Let's figure out what the difference is here.
Selfishness can often manifest itself in conditions of low self-esteem (low heart rate). Imagine an insecure teenager who is afraid to once again express an opinion in class, thinking that the whole class will laugh at him. At the same time, he does not at all consider it shameful to demand attention from family members, as well as gifts and financial support. A kind of emotional emergency “vampire” with an inflated ego.
Any deviation of self-esteem to a greater or lesser extent from the normal level (overestimated or underestimated heart rate) can give rise to selfishness. At the same time, an adequate degree of self-perception (normal heart rate) will never be accompanied by egocentricity.
conclusions
Do not create illusions, the manifestation of emergency situations harms you rather than benefits you. I saw how people refused emergency situations and got a good position and earned a lot of money, because they assessed themselves realistically, and by showing emergency, they denied the oppression of their superiors over themselves, and therefore did not want to change anything in life.
Read more: What are Hellinger constellations?
I’ll repeat once again to the question of the ChSVshniks, who are they? These are people with low self-esteem, trying to become higher than others. You don't have to be like that. In fact, this is a simple article that I wrote in 15 minutes, so sorry for the mistakes and other shortcomings. But I'm not ChSV.
Self-esteem (SSD)
HRV is aimed exclusively at external values: recognition in society, wealth, expensive branded items, thirst for flattery, praise and awards. In turn, self-esteem – self-esteem – is a manifestation of one’s internal self-sufficiency. Such value can be formed solely on the basis of an objective understanding of one’s own pros and cons, victories and failures, growth areas in a particular area. In other words, this concept runs counter to narcissism (inflated HRV).
Video
How to become a confident man and increase your self-esteem
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How to identify a person with increased heart rate
There are several signs by which it is easy to identify a person with an abnormally high heart rate:
- A pretentious tone, often also an arrogant facial expression.
- Defiant, provocative behavior.
- Concern about the impression he makes.
- The desire to talk only about himself: the problems and opinions of others concern him little.
- An acutely negative reaction to criticism of oneself from other people. He doesn't need other people's advice.
- Attentive attitude to anyone's shortcomings except your own, as well as a tendency to condemn and insult. In the name of self-affirmation, of course.
- Willingness to defend yourself, sort things out, argue heatedly.
When you don’t need to talk about emergency situations
In what cases should you not talk about emergency situations?
- In case someone else's opinion is immoral, against humanity, against laws and against religion. For example, it could be fascism, nationalism, racism, etc.
- If a person simply expresses his assessment and opinion
- If one person's opinion doesn't match the group's
In all these cases, there is no need to talk about emergency response. They either exceed the meaning of this concept or do not apply to it at all.
How to determine heart rate? If you see all these qualities in a person, you can definitely say that he has a heart attack:
- arrogance;
- demonstrating your intelligence and uniqueness;
- perception of oneself as the “coolest” person;
- demonstration of one’s absolute rightness;
- the desire to say the final word;
So, if you notice that in a person’s behavior there is not one, not two, but several of the signs listed above, then you can tell him about the emergency response. You may even notice traits in yourself that should make you think about your behavior.
How does heart rate manifest?
Excessively high self-esteem usually has the following manifestations:
- Constant thirst for power.
- The desire to buy expensive things and interior items at all costs, even if the private individual does not have the necessary amounts of money and is, to put it mildly, not at the same level of the social ladder where image accessories are important. People call this “showing off.”
- Collecting broken hearts and sexual victories.
- Litigation, defending one's rights where it is not required, in order to make oneself known or receive a cash bonus.
- Attempts to parasitize celebrities.
- Spreading rumors about an allegedly incurable or difficult-to-treat disease, the role of a great martyr. The result is increased attention, compassion, care from loved ones.
- Hypertrophied guardianship, control over destinies, when loved ones are literally not given freedom and independence.
- Focusing on a single area of life, such as a hobby, to the detriment of everything else.
How to deal with emergency situations
Admitting to yourself that you have a problem with HF is already half the success, because this stage is the most difficult. Psychologists talk about what to do next with your emotional narcissism:
- First of all, you need to analyze not only actions, but also the reasons for what is happening. Keep a separate notebook to record the actions, origins and reactions of others. Be aware of your HR level.
- Before you say or do something, try on the role of your interlocutor and evaluate how adequate your attitude is at a certain moment.
- Talk to your loved ones: honestly, openly and impartially. Listen from the outside about those qualities of your character and personal feelings that cause them discomfort.
- Now write down in a notebook all the real achievements that you can be proud of. Soberly evaluate the facts, discarding fantasies and emergency situations.
- Think seriously: what bonuses does the feeling of pompous exclusivity give you? Will something bad happen if you give up this position and reduce your HRV? Maybe there will be less disappointments, resentments, fears and complexes in your life?
Psychological blindness
We like to feel our importance so much that we inflate it to the greatest possible size. And the size of the emergency response is limited only by your adequacy. If you can believe that you are God himself, then your ego will swell enormously. That is, in order to believe in your own transcendent importance, you just need to go a little crazy.
Therefore, the less clarity you have in your head, the grander your illusions. So you can consider yourself Napoleon, Christ, or God himself. And the more clarity you have in your head, the more modest you are. You clearly see your real place in the universe and don’t turn up your nose.
Therefore, not everyone likes to feel clearly and think clearly. They choose to refuse development in order to preserve illusions about themselves—their inflated self-esteem. This happens to everyone. On progressman.ru I talked about this in more detail in an article about fluctuating self-esteem.
If you initially develop to become important and show off, it’s easier to immediately engage in self-promotion: telling yourself and others how cool you are.
Every moment you have a choice: either fool yourself with your importance, or really develop.
The problem is that someone else's love is so pleasant and desirable that you become hooked on it from birth, and then spend your whole life hunting for it.
We are already loved for our real strengths. But this is not enough. We constantly get ahead of ourselves, as if hinting that we deserve more love. To get the maximum, we fabricate an artificial image of a wonderful person. In some places we exaggerate about our strength, in others we are outright vain.
And it doesn’t matter that they no longer love you. They don't know the real you. You don’t really know yourself anymore. You begin to believe that your beautiful mask is you. This is how you lose contact with reality. When you are afraid of the truth, it is easier to convince yourself of a beautiful lie.
