Some statistics
Scientists conducted a large-scale study to find out what percentage of men cheat on their wives. The results were not very encouraging. Thus, it turned out that about 74% of Russian men in an official or civil marriage have at least once entered into intimate relationships on the side, and 40% do this regularly. Experts also came to the conclusion that on average such novels last about three months. During this time, the adulterer enters into intimate relationships with his new partner approximately 7-10 times. However, every fourth husband cheats on his wife for much longer. Their romances can last from one year to several years. Most often, over many years of marriage, men experience several similar relationships.
In addition, experts have concluded that cheating is becoming less and less common among spouses. If 40 years ago this situation was perceived by women as a terrible tragedy and in most cases ended in divorce, today many spouses are trying to solve such problems together and trying to save the family.
Why do men cheat on their wives?
How to find out about betrayal is not an easy question. Psychologists are confident that no couple is immune from this situation, regardless of the number of children and years lived together. Therefore, in order to prevent such a development of events, every representative of the fair half of humanity should know the main reasons why a husband cheats on his wife .
Natural instincts
This reason is perhaps common in itself. The fact is that very often representatives of the stronger sex begin to go “to the left” because of natural instincts: they try to compare women in order to find the best. Such betrayal has nothing to do with love. Therefore, the legal spouses of men who are interested in fleeting romances, as a rule, do not have to worry about their marriage.
The occurrence of dangerous circumstances
Often a husband cheats on his wife while going on a business trip, vacation, long trip or bachelor party. A sudden feeling of freedom, rising hormones, and sometimes alcohol can put an end to marital fidelity.
Family routine
This reason is equally relevant not only for formal, but also for female marriage. So, often after 10-15 years of marriage, spouses stop noticing each other’s attractiveness and dignity. And if you add to all this a uniform and routine family life, seasoned with regular quarrels, it becomes almost impossible to avoid betrayal.
Homosexual
This reason is very rare, but similar situations still occur. It happens that after living with a woman for many years, a man realizes that he is really attracted to members of the opposite sex. In this case, the deceived spouse does not even need to try to save the marriage.
Reasons for male infidelity
Only complete womanizers cheat without reason, with whom either those who are ready to turn a blind eye to infidelity or too naive women connect their fate. In other cases, after decades of marriage, wives themselves can become the reason for the cooling of passion. After all, marriage is a constant work on oneself and relationships. The strength of the union and the monogamy of a man completely depend on the woman, on her wisdom and experience. And no matter how unpleasant it may sound, you need to know the provoking factors and be on alert:
- Routine and fatigue. A husband is not an addition to the family; he does not become property after being registered at the registry office. This is a living person with his own shortcomings, emotions and desires. Often, especially after the birth of a child, a wife distances herself from her husband, turning him into an addition to the budget, forgetting about the need to be desired. In more than half of the cases, during the maternity period, men stare at the young and carefree, relaxing in fleeting affairs and replenishing their sexual dissatisfaction in them.
- Frequent business trips. A job that involves constant travel tests a couple. Men cannot live without sexual intercourse for long, and the more often and longer the absences occur, especially to the same places, the higher the chance of ceasing to be the only one. The only exceptions can be considered workers of drilling wells, who fly to uninhabited places, contacting only male colleagues for months at a time. But this is more due to lack of opportunity.
- Wild life. In a couple where the man freely enjoys gatherings with friends in the evenings, often drinks or has other bad habits, cheating is only a matter of time.
- Lack of variety. Differences in sexual temperament cannot but be a problem. If a wife has enough sex once a week and according to a monotonous program, and her husband wants new positions, toys and role-playing games, then, having not received what he wanted on the marital bed, go elsewhere.
Signs of a husband cheating: what percentage of men cheat on their wives
My husband began to take more care of himself
First of all, you should be vigilant if your spouse begins to closely monitor his appearance: dress stylishly, use expensive cologne, shave often and visit the hairdresser, etc. These are all, of course, little things, but you should not ignore them. You should also be wary if your loved one has become too attentive to you. Perhaps there is no trick here, but there is a possibility that he feels guilty for what he did and therefore tries to surround his legal spouse with care and affection.
Making new friends
A sign of your husband’s betrayal may be the sudden appearance of new friends in his life, with whom he spends a lot of time, but somehow does not introduce you. Also, suspicion should be caused by excessive workload, forcing the spouse to spend the night in the office. Of course, everything could be completely innocent and your husband is simply pursuing a career, but there is a risk that this is not the case.
My husband started changing his habits
Another suspicious point is the habits of change . For example, your husband suddenly quit smoking, started eating other foods, or preferred, for example, a brand of wine he previously disliked. It is likely that his mistress is pushing him to make such changes.
The family has less money
There is practically no need to conduct a test for your husband’s infidelity if money suddenly begins to disappear from your family budget without a trace or your spouse begins to spend more time on his earnings. After all, you need to give your mistress flowers, gifts, take her to restaurants, etc.
The beloved began to hide who he communicates with on the phone
If you are sure of yourself: “I suspect my husband of cheating,” in order not to exhaust yourself with unnecessary emotions, you need to try to find out the truth. To do this, first of all, pay attention to how your spouse communicates on the phone. After all, if he constantly goes out to talk in another room, then most likely he has something to hide. To be more sure, you can check the contents of his phone. It may not delete call information or save nice SMS messages. Also, pay attention to your husband's car. Carefully inspect the salon: if the spouse uses the machine to meet the hostess, then you will most likely find lost hair, glitter, a scarf or other evidence.
Betrayal
Don't forget that many romances start on the Internet today. Therefore, if your husband begins to correspond for a long time, then be sure to find out who his interlocutor is.
It will help to analyze all your husband’s social networks and find out who he communicates with. In just 3-4 minutes you will find out all the ins and outs of your husband on the Internet!
If you seriously suspect your spouse of infidelity, but cannot prove anything, take a close look at your own friends, neighbors, and his female colleagues. After all, most men enter into relationships with well-known representatives of the fair half of humanity.
So, as we see, there are a lot of on how to test a man for treason But what if the result is positive and you find out that your spouse is not being honest with you?
Other signs
One of the obvious evidence of a man’s infidelity is foreign hair on his clothes, the aroma of unfamiliar women’s perfume, a barely noticeable mark of lipstick on his cheek, etc. Also, do not forget that all lovers of the fairer sex love to give their gifts to loved ones. Some men will never bring him home, some will give him a new tie or sweater from friends or colleagues. Therefore, the appearance of such a thing on your spouse should alert you.
Which methods are doomed to fail from the start?
A woman's fantasy, fueled by jealousy, has no boundaries. Therefore, women are constantly coming up with new ways to test a man for jealousy. At the same time, there are several initially disastrous options that not only will not help strengthen the relationship, but will completely destroy it. These methods include:
- persistent calls and the desire to constantly monitor every step of the partner;
- an abrupt cessation of communication in the hope that the guy will come to his senses and understand what he is losing. In such cases, men perceive their partner’s actions as a desire to end the relationship or as evidence that they have found another love;
- making inquiries about the whereabouts, plans and capabilities of a loved one from those around him - friends, relatives, colleagues.
In any case, you need to understand that healthy harmonious relationships do not need testing. Love, respect and trust for each other initially reign there. If doubts about your partner’s fidelity begin to creep in, and you begin to notice that you are turning into a notoriously jealous person, you need to immediately think about whether this person is really that valuable to you and what he can give you in the future. Based on this, draw your conclusions, love and be loved, change yourself and help your partner - build your love together, where there is no place for betrayal and deception.
Forgive your husband for cheating?
It is impossible to give a definite answer to this question. After all, a woman must decide for herself whether to continue the relationship after her husband’s betrayal . If your spouse does not yet know that you are aware of his “dirty” actions, then try to think about the situation as calmly as possible. Analyze his behavior in this situation, because it is possible that he did his best to hide his infidelity so as not to offend you, which, of course, is little consolation, but proves his concern and desire to stay close to you. Also remember the years spent together: what was good and what was bad? Think about what reasons might prompt your husband to go “left”. Perhaps you yourself accidentally pushed him to take such a step.
Try to discuss the situation with your husband as calmly as possible, without shouting or hysterics. If your spouse proposes a divorce because he has been in a relationship with another woman whom he loves for a long time, then there is no point in trying to keep him close to you by force. But what if he repents of what he did and assures that he will never repeat a similar mistake in the future? Should I forgive my husband’s infidelity?” in her own way “But it’s still worth thinking carefully about everything before breaking off a long-term relationship or, conversely, again trusting a person who regularly deceives you.
If you were able to forgive your husband’s infidelity, in the future you need to try to do everything possible to prevent this situation from happening again. First of all, never blame your spouse for what happened. And you shouldn’t waste time and nerves thinking about your former opponent. After all, even if he is younger, more attractive and slimmer than you, it does not matter at all, because in the end you are the winner.
How to behave if you find out that you are being cheated on?
Consider the situation: just yesterday you found out that your partner cheated on you. What to do?
Psychologist Oleg Ivanov
recommends first of all not to cut from the shoulder. Express your emotions, but don't make decisions. If you want to scream, swear and cry - please. But don’t rush to throw things away or kick the cheater out of the house. This is how the first stage passes - the stage of denial. This painful period can last quite a long time, up to two weeks. While you are in a state of shock, it is difficult to make any adequate decisions regarding your future relationship. So give yourself time - as much as you need.
Next comes the acceptance stage. Yes, there was betrayal, nothing can be fixed. You need to calm down and choose further tactics of behavior:
– If your partner regrets, repents and asks for forgiveness, make a decision whether to continue the relationship or not.
– If cheating implies separation (the partner leaves), then you need to try to let go and move on.
“Any decision requires a serious and thoughtful conversation with your partner. And also a look at the situation from the outside. Cheating doesn't always mean breaking up. If partners want to stay together, it is important to view cheating not as a betrayal, but as a starting point for a new relationship. Don't look back, your goal is to move on. To get out of the crisis and restore trust, serious joint work is needed. But if a couple copes with this, their relationship will certainly become more serious and deep,” notes Oleg Ivanov.
Photo: YAY/TASS
Maria Babushkina advises talking with your partner about why this happened and how to live further - together or apart. If you are experiencing cheating in your relationship, consider the following questions: ⠀
- What's going on with your relationship? Maybe you are in crisis? How are things going in the sexual sphere?
- In a relationship, does everyone get what they would like to receive?
- What would each partner like to receive that was not available in your relationship?
- Did cheating help meet everyone's needs?
- What plans and guidelines does everyone have after what happened? ⠀
“These questions don’t have to reduce the pain of cheating, but they can help analyze what’s happening and provide a basis for dialogue with your partner. Everyone decides for himself whether he is ready to forgive betrayal or not. Advice from friends, mothers, celebrities is useless; everyone has their own, unique situation. The most important thing in the process of healing trauma from betrayal is to switch from endless analysis of who is to blame and think about how this can be corrected. We cannot control another person. And we may never even understand the true reasons for his actions, we will not be able to understand his needs. Our values and desires may be different. And this does not mean that you urgently need to reshape yourself in order to match someone else,” says Maria Babushkina.
How to test a man for cheating
To revive old relationships, experts recommend finding a common language with your spouse: for example, taking up a common hobby. A joint holiday would also be a great idea.
Take care of your home. Buy beautiful dishes, regularly clean up and prepare delicious lunches and dinners for your husband. In this case, he will always be sure that he is loved and expected at home, and he will not want to take his side.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention not only to your husband and children, but also to yourself. Visit beauty salons, do fitness, buy beautiful clothes and jewelry. Your husband will appreciate that his beloved wife looks great.
How to punish a man for cheating
One of the most common and quite effective options is the recognition of an unfaithful husband. Don't wash his clothes, don't cook food for him, or generally ignore him in any way. Of course, there is a risk that the man will get angry and leave you, but perhaps it will be better this way, because you are not a servant, but a legal spouse.
The next option is very effective, but quite difficult. Try to stun your spouse: behave calmly and even cheerfully; you can joke about his betrayal. After all, he expected a completely different reaction from you. Any man in this situation will become confused, begin to torment you with guesses about the reason for your behavior, and will also make every effort to respond to you with love and restore peace and harmony in the house.
Also as a very nice option for revenge, you can simply take care of yourself . If you really want to let off steam, then shout and hit dishes. However, it is best to start meeting often with close friends and friends, visiting a beauty salon, playing sports, and still going on vacation without your spouse. Your spouse will see that he underestimated you and that you can do just fine without him, and will do everything possible to regain his mood and attention.
Don't rush to conclusions
There is no need to start a showdown if you find one of the above signs in your husband. It could just be a coincidence and your husband will be as clean as a glass. Anyone can change their taste, have problems at work, or want to do something nice for you just because. Before you panic and start a scandal, try to calmly look at the situation from the outside.
And one more thing... You shouldn’t share your suspicions with your friends that your husband is cheating on you
It’s stupid to throw accusations at your husband if he was late at the office once, refused sex, or made a large purchase without your consent. Having discovered one or two signs, you cannot say that your loved one has found a replacement for you. You can take decisive action only when you have enough evidence, coincidences and arguments to prove that you are right and not look like a jealous hysteric.
