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Is your wife lying to you? And he does the right thing. Because if she had told the truth, the ten-year marriage would have fallen apart like an old barn. Yes, lying is bad, everyone knows that. But sometimes, for your sake, dear men, you can cheat. Exclusively from sincere feelings. If you've been married for a long time, check out this list. Have you heard something similar from your beloved? We don't want to disappoint you, but most likely she thinks completely differently.
Conclusion
Pass any advice from a psychologist through the prism of personal feelings. In nature, there are no 100% similar situations, just as there are no universal answers. A lie does not make a relationship stronger, but in order to completely destroy it, it must be burdened with compelling reasons. It's all about how much you value the man and are interested in continuing the relationship.
If the lie is harmless in scope and limited to the size of the pike caught, it is unproductive and pointless to look for a reason for divorce in it. When it comes to serious lies, constructive dialogue and renegotiation of the relationship is recommended in most cases. Correcting situations with mistrust, excessive criticism and fear of offending will not be difficult. If constant betrayal and indifference are hidden under lies, then even a heart-to-heart conversation will not help to get rid of it.
What to do if your husband is lying?
Each man is individual, as is his attitude towards lies. Some believe, like Voltaire, that a lie can reassure a loved one, others admit “a white lie,” others sincerely agree with the words of A.P. Chekhov that lies eat away at the soul like rust.
Truth and falsehood are philosophical concepts. Where is the line between vile deception and unfortunate delusion, false fiction and wild fantasy? Which category should we include hiding the truth?
The reasoning can be continued endlessly. Let's leave speculative discussions to philosophers and admit a priori that it is ugly to deceive, especially your own wife. If a woman asks the question: “Why is my husband lying?”, then she is experiencing obvious discomfort. Let's try to figure out what to do and how to behave in this unpleasant situation.
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They say that if a husband cheats, the wife is the last to know about it.
A husband in a similar situation will often never know. After all, men are generally less attentive to nuances.
Admit it, you yourself would pay attention to such little things as:
Unexpected change of interests . Your wife has always been indifferent to football (philately, breeding crocodiles at home), but now she has become an expert in this field. In addition, she began to talk about philosophy and quote Schopenhauer every now and then, although before that she only recognized “Mumu” and novels from the “Cupid” series.
Change of tastes. In the third year of marriage, she suddenly discovered that the SAAB is more comfortable than your Moskvich, and that suspenders have long gone out of fashion. Note: just a month ago she thought that Saabs were a breed of guard dogs, and she just gave you braces for your birthday.
Changing the image . She suddenly cut her hair, dyed her hair brunette, went on a diet, became interested in aerobics, lost two sizes and, under this pretext, spent all the family savings on updating her wardrobe.
Unusual animation and stable good mood . Why is she so happy if you’ve been saving half your salary for two months and still haven’t fixed the washing machine? How can you wash your clothes by hand for six months and sing at the same time?! Sudden attacks of loving you and caring for you . They are not motivated by anything and are clearly not deserved by you (remember about half the salary and the washing machine).
Maybe you noticed all this and... were happy? Finally, you can watch football without interference, finally no one nags. Finally, you were appreciated, finally she lost weight and became prettier - for your sake, of course...
Oh well! Certainly!
The main thing is to explain everything correctly to yourself.
If you succeed, it’s for the best. "Blessed is he who believes." Besides, there really is no reason to panic. Firstly, there is one chance in a thousand that this is all really for your sake. Secondly, all of the listed symptoms are not yet a sign of betrayal. This is only “readiness number one” - falling in love. And if you don't really rely on one chance in a thousand, you can even figure out who it is. Remember, doesn’t someone’s name pop up every now and then in her stories? A certain classmate Petya or colleague Vasya? “Petya thinks this,” “Petya bought a car” (isn’t it SSAB?), “Everyone was there except Petya. He has a sore throat." It is likely that later this name will suddenly disappear from use or will be mentioned with deliberate indifference or even disapproval. What marks the transition from intentions to action ….
And then there are other symptoms:
Late arrivals home and vague explanations, irritation in response to the most innocent questions . For example, “Sorry I was late, I was shopping.” - “What were you looking for?” - “You are always interrogating me!!!” Sometimes, however, the explanations are not vague, but very clear and thoughtful and reminiscent of scenes from high school, when an excellent student retells “Wonderful Dnieper in calm weather,” which she has memorized.
Frequent mood and appetite changes . (She also sometimes quarrels with him - not everything is with you and with you. The main thing here is not to interfere, it will be worse).
Increased interest in phone calls (“Did no one call me?”). If the phone is portable, it constantly travels around the apartment in the pocket of her robe (“It’s probably Masha, I’ll come up myself”). Conversations with Masha (in your presence) are strange, more and more “Yes” or “no”, “Uh-huh”, “I’ll tell you later”, but not a word about lipstick, a new skirt or a cellulite remedy. In general, the phone began to act up: when you approach, they always end up in the wrong place. Or beeps. Or silence.
The passion for updating your wardrobe takes on a purely intimate tone . The main object of attention is underwear. The house is filled with lace panties, tank tops, and stockings that you previously only saw in films like “Deep Throat.” Moreover, tender, aspirated questions, like “Darling, do you like me in this lace bodysuit?” you won't wait.
It’s already November, no one has been wearing sandals for a long time, but she still gets a pedicure once a week! And he shaves his legs every day, even when he wears jeans. But last winter I walked like King Kong. Of course, much more can be added to this list, but ten points are quite enough for a diagnosis. Just please don't make sudden movements! So what if all ten coincided? Don't act rashly! You are a smart person, you will probably be able to explain everything correctly to yourself!
What to do if you want to check your suspicions?
Or, if you really don’t have the strength to remain ignorant, you can use simple psychological techniques.
The wife, of course, can tell lies (see Theory of Lies
). But her body will always be sincere. By learning to understand body language, facial expressions, facial expressions, voice intonation, you can always understand the true state of a person, his thoughts, his feelings and emotions. A person’s internal state will always break through, despite his desire to hide something.
Body language and facial expressions quite clearly define the inner world and feelings of each individual. But in order to learn to understand these gestures and expressions, you need to devote quite a lot of time to this. You need to record every little detail in the change in facial expressions.
Every gesture means something, every facial expression (even if it is fleeting and lasts no more than half a second) carries information from the subconscious of the person being studied. In order to learn to “read” the facial expression of your interlocutor, you need to constantly analyze facial expressions. To do this, you can use the basic provisions that determine the human condition. There are about fifty of them. Let's look at the main points that you need to pay attention to (for more details, see Body language: Gestures and facial expressions
):
- The gaze is direct or the person looks at you only briefly. When you are with a person, pay attention to how often he glances at you. Pay attention to the pupils of the interlocutor - the pupils may expand or contract. Does it happen that your interlocutor “hypnotizes” you with his gaze? During direct contact, the direction of the interlocutor’s gaze is important - a sidelong glance or he generally tries not to meet your eyes.
- An important point - pay attention to your opponent’s lips: biting the lower lip, frequent licking of the lips, a crooked smile. A person may examine you on the sly, for some reason not daring to look directly at you.
- Look at the person's chin - it can be pushed forward during a conversation, or it can be retracted. It is also important if the interlocutor rubs his chin.
- A clear marker of feelings is the interlocutor’s ear - he scratches it, twitches it, rubs the lobe with his fingers. Particular attention should also be paid to the nose - wrinkled if you often scratch your nose.
Pay attention to all these points. Please note, even if you have not purposefully studied a person’s behavior, reactions and facial expressions, you still at least partially understand all these hidden beacons. After all, you also use them subconsciously. And if you specifically pay attention and try to analyze these movements, you will learn to look into the very soul of the person talking to you.
And a few more tips:
Try to catch your wife off guard with a question and see if she responds quickly. Longer “ response ” time means more likely to lie. And it can be considered a sure sign of a wife’s betrayal if, in response to this “simple” question, she suddenly starts yelling, screaming, hysterical, accusing her husband of all mortal sins - it means she feels guilty and is trying to shift it from a sore head to a healthy one .
Raise the stakes. Add more emotions. If you say that you won't forgive her if she gets caught in a lie, then the wife will most likely want to give up - a great risk.
Ask a question that requires a yes or no , and repeat until you get an answer. Liars most often do not answer “yes” or “no.” Instead, they seek to hedge their bets by giving vague answers. As a psychological test for the presence of your wife’s infidelity, just ask her a question directly (you will be surprised, but an honest and direct, unexpected attack is often much more effective than roundabout, crooked paths and conversations around the bush), whether she cheated on you.
Pay attention to gestures (or lack thereof) . The thought process required to “come up” with a lie requires energy to be “drawn” from the body. Therefore, contrary to the widespread stereotype, liars gesture less - they save strength and energy.
As for body language, there are rules (see Body language: Facial expressions, gaze, posture and gestures
). So, if a person touches his face with his hands (covers his mouth, scratches his nose), these are signs of subconscious attempts to close himself off, to put a barrier between himself and the interlocutor. If he shifts and shifts from one foot to another, this is a sure sign of a desire to leave, to move away so as not to give something away. You should pay attention to his backward movements when you ask. His head will suddenly move down or back - this is also often an attempt to close himself off.
But still, it should be remembered that a person is an extremely complex mechanism, and for some the above may be fair, for others it may be wrong. As a rule, you can determine whether a wife is lying or not only after you have observed her in her comfortable environment.
PS. It is believed that for a man, a husband, unlike a woman, it is much more difficult from a psychological point of view to come to terms with the idea that he was cheated on, that another male was preferred to him, that he was no longer loved, he and his love, his warmest and brightest feelings were betrayed and cruelly reduced to the very the bottom of marital humiliation.
Therefore, the answer to the question “Did she cheat on me or not?” for most men and part-time husbands, it is a kind of psychological rubicon: after receiving a clear and precise answer, a man stops doubting and tormented - he begins to act: either severely limits his wife in finances, communication with “girlfriends” and friends, or begins to hang around with her everywhere , controlling her every step, or, what happens most often, upon receiving a 100% affirmative “Yes! I cheated!” followed by divorce, division of children and property...
I will immediately disappoint all husbands who feel like unhappy cuckolds, but cannot prove this with the actual base of material evidence, that there are no and cannot be 100% correct and truthful signs of a wife’s infidelity. Each woman is unique, each married couple is unique in its own way, therefore, there are no common signs of proof of a wife’s infidelity for all cases. Based on materials from netizmen.ru, www.womanway.ru
Reasons why your husband lies
When faced with the deception of a loved one, we experience strong negative emotions. A note of mistrust immediately creeps in, thoughts of betrayal and cooling of feelings arise. Before you start doing something, try to calm down and look at the situation from the outside. Don’t immediately start a scandal; unbridled emotions will only worsen the relationship.
First, analyze the situation in detail, take a kind of time-out. Observe your husband from a distance and find out how often and when he lies. Psychologists highlight three possible options.
Easy fibbing on little things
If a man tells lies over trifles, be lenient about it. The stronger sex tends to weave tall tales, making achievements more significant and shortcomings more invisible. If your husband boasts about his unprecedented harvest of mushrooms or his popularity with women, pretend that you sincerely believe him. Play along with him, let him feel like a noble earner, a Casanova, etc.
Don't be jealous of fictitious victories on the love front. If you begin to doubt his masculine viability, you will involuntarily create a desire to prove the fiction with real facts. It’s easier to pretend that you believe the bravado.
If a man tells fairy tales at the beginning of an acquaintance, he is trying to impress you in this way. This is a favorite means of seduction for modern machos. Please exercise caution. Exorbitant promises to “take the moon out of the sky,” “throw the whole world at your feet,” and shower people from head to toe with material wealth are often pure fiction. To avoid disappointment later, try to draw a line between real possibilities and imaginary ones.
Pathological liar
In psychology, there is a model of behavior when a person tends to constantly tell lies. Some experts believe that pathological liars differ from ordinary liars in their confidence in the veracity of their fabrications. They lie selflessly, living into fictitious images. Individuals with low self-esteem are most susceptible to pathological lies.
Such people always lie to everyone, without blushing: at work - to their superiors, in company - to friends, at home - to their wife. The habit of lying is fixed in the subconscious from childhood. If strict parents or educators scold or punish a child for the slightest sin, he begins to skillfully hide them.
Sincerity is the key to a strong family
On the one hand, lying to a loved one (husband or wife) is the last thing, but, on the other hand, how can you tell the truth to others if you cannot be sincere with yourself.
Many people only after the wedding begin to understand that the love and tenderness from their relationship has evaporated, and there is nothing left that could keep two different people “in the same boat.” In this case, self-deception takes place: the person thought that he loved, but in fact, the basis of the marriage was passion, which cooled down very quickly. Many women getting married are inspired by examples of Hollywood melodramas and women's novels with their obligatory happy ending. They believe that after the long-awaited wedding a fabulous life will begin, but instead they get an unsettled life, an irritable husband, etc. It is not surprising that in such a situation women feel deceived.
Men also tend to have illusions about marriage. Representatives of the stronger sex hope that the stamp in the passport will not affect their usual way of life. But in reality, instead of the usual get-togethers with friends, they get scandals and quarrels with their wife, who always finds a reason to express dissatisfaction.
The main problem of many marriages is the disappointed expectations of partners who hoped for a bright future, but received a dubious present.
Treason is the deadliest lie
The above types of lies do not add optimism, but patient and wise women will find strength and ways to reconcile with them. When it turns out that a lie masks betrayal, few will be able to forgive and understand it. It is worth noting that if the infidelity is isolated, the husband regrets it and asks for forgiveness, then it makes sense to try to rehabilitate the relationship. When a spouse cheats constantly, hiding behind a network of endless lies, there is little hope for saving the marriage.
A wife deceives her husband: how long will a marriage last?
There are families that live practically without conflicts, where the husband is always or almost always happy with his wife, and the wife is happy with her husband.
Spouses who have achieved such an idyll on the basis of mutual understanding, trust, mutual respect and great love are truly happy people. But such families are very rare. It often happens that peace in the family is achieved with the help of a simple female secret. The wife lies to her husband, telling him only what he wants to hear and what invariably evokes positive emotions in him. And since in life there is no such thing as being “just according to the wool,” she has to lie a lot. She encourages her friends to follow her example. “I should have lied beautifully, everything would be fine now. And you came up with your truth, now don’t complain. We created a scandal, we quarreled... Yes, if I had told my friend at least half the truth, he would have killed me long ago.” I don’t know what truth they were talking about, but this conversation was real, I heard it on the bus. One can only hope that the girl does not take advantage of her friend’s advice, otherwise a family where the wife is lying will be under threat.
Love self-deception
Many are faced with the problem of self-deception: love turned out to be a simple hobby, feelings for the object of recent passion have cooled and evaporated.
Very often people get married too hastily, without having time to find out the true face of their chosen one. The consequence of self-deception can be complete disappointment in married life and in relationships in general.
In order not to have to regret going to the registry office, you should not make rash decisions and build illusions in relation to your other half.
Psychologists put the insincerity of spouses in first place in the ranking of reasons for separation. It is lies, according to researchers, that become the main reason for quarrels and showdowns.
