If a woman is not completely heartless, then it is absolutely normal that she repents that she cheated on her husband and feels guilty for causing undeserved pain to her partner. Sometimes people who are angry because they have been unfaithful begin to hate not only individual actions, but themselves as a whole. Such a woman does not feel that she deserves a husband, so she always cries and apologizes, which upsets her husband even more.
The man himself may be ready not to constantly raise this issue and begin to move on, but the wife simply cannot let go. Looking in the mirror, she feels so disgusted with herself that she wants to turn away. Let's figure out what to do next for a wife who cheated on her husband and now doesn't know how to continue living.
Understand the reasons for cheating
There is always a choice, even in difficult circumstances. Of course, the marriage may have had its problems, but there were several options available to combat it. Often people cheat due to low self-esteem or other personal subjective shortcomings. They cheat because they feel that they are somehow behind others and hope that adding some spice to life will make them feel more confident.
Often this root cause is not realized by traitors and is denied. But cheating almost always has more to do with internal personality traits than with the spouse or the state of the relationship.
To get rid of the guilt of cheating, understand that you did not set out to harm him.
Work on yourself
The spouse who cheated needs to work on himself, in parallel with attempts to restore the relationship in marriage. Most likely, the person will have issues with trust and self-esteem that need to be addressed. The problems that contributed to the infidelity are likely to get worse after the infidelity.
The inability to forgive yourself is just one of the problems that you need to work on.
The good news is that if you succeed in addressing these issues, it will greatly help both personally and in terms of improving your marriage. It may seem "selfish" or self-centered to deal with personal issues at a time like this, but it will benefit your spouse as well as you.
Will confession help?
In some situations this is possible. But you have to be careful not to dump the entire burden of cheating on your spouse just to get some relief. The feeling of guilt after the confession will not disappear completely, and an offended and devastated spouse will be added to it. As a result, you will have to solve two problems at once.
This doesn't mean that to get rid of guilt after cheating you shouldn't be honest, but make sure that if you decide to do so, it's not for selfish reasons. If you decide to confess, you should be as calm and loving as possible. .
You shouldn't just blurt everything out and then hope that your husband will somehow figure out the rest.
What to talk about with your husband after cheating: how to choose the right words in a conversation.
If information about his betrayal is confirmed, this is not pleasant. But since you decide to forgive him, then you need to choose the appropriate line of behavior.
- Scandal, hysteria, showdowns and breaking of dishes are completely unnecessary here.
- Don’t even think about taking out your irritation, anger and resentment on loved ones, especially parents and children.
- Moreover, there is no need to retaliate against betrayal.
- Never remind him of this fact in the future.
- There is no need to pretend that nothing happened.
- Do not turn on the calculator and do not consider whether it is profitable for you or not.
- Don’t tell anyone about this, so as not to receive gloating instead of sympathy, and add more unpleasant moments to yourself.
Show restraint, patience, you can cry for a while, don’t keep everything to yourself, but so that no one sees.
Then sit down with him for a serious conversation. Ask if he wants to save the marriage. And if your desire is mutual, then try to come to a common agreement for the future. Then you can forgive your husband’s infidelity, but if it happens again, my advice to you is divorce. If you can’t do it on your own, consult a psychologist.
Compatibility test
Find out if you and your husband are compatible with this test. Maybe the reason for the betrayal lies here? REASON FOR BETRAY
Let me know how sorry you are
It is important to adequately express your regret so that you can move forward without leaving anything unsaid. Often people who have cheated feel so much shame and guilt that they turn inward and become silent when what they should do is take their loved one's hand, look them in the eyes and make a very sincere apology.
You need to make it clear that you understand how wrong and destructive your actions were and that you are going to spend the coming days, weeks, months and years to become a better wife.
Many people don't realize that their guilt and shame negatively impact their spouse as much as they negatively impact them. This misplaced feeling makes you hesitate and prevents you from giving all your love and support to your husband.
This is exactly what the spouse really wants right now.
How to explain guilt
Guilt is an uncomfortable and often painful feeling that comes from the belief or impression that you have violated someone else's feelings through certain thoughts or behaviors. In this case, we are talking about cheating on your husband, and cheating, as you know, is considered an antisocial act. Adultery is a sin in religion, it is a serious offense in the law, because third-party intimate relationships are a serious reason for divorce in court.
Most anthropologists agree that early humans would not have survived without strong emotional bonds that would have led them to cooperate in food gathering and territorial defense. It is not surprising that modern relationships between people are endowed with inhibitions and reactions to behavior that threaten emotional connections. First of all, it's guilt. Behaviors that threaten the emotional connection stimulate feelings of guilt, while behaviors that enhance the connection relieve feelings of guilt. Simply put, the person will become closer to you, and the guilt will disappear.
This evolutionary function of guilt, naturally selected for its advantage in preserving emotional bonds that were once essential for survival, has nothing to do with moral judgments of right or wrong. Therefore, we cannot simply define this phenomenon.
Hate won't help
Women who cheat on their husbands without a twinge of conscience are very rare. One of the main reasons you hate yourself right now is because you feel so much guilt about what you did. You love a man and regret that your actions hurt him.
You hate yourself for hurting your loved one. But here's the thing, anger and self-hatred don't help your spouse or make you feel better. This is a waste of time and does more harm than good. Therefore, it is better to start spending your energy on something truly useful.
Do something that matters
Instead of hating yourself, what can you do to help your spouse? For example:
- give you the opportunity to control your movements and contacts.
- become the kind of wife your spouse wants you to see.
- work tirelessly to restore trust in the relationship.
- Implement many things that will comfort your husband and demonstrate love.
If you cheated on your husband and don’t know how to get rid of the guilt, use all your energy to improve the relationship, and not to harm it.
The next time you feel hate and anger driving you, instead of doing something self-destructive, do something nice for your husband:
- Instead of getting lost in your thoughts, call your spouse and tell them how much you love them.
- When overwhelmed with difficult thoughts, make sure you do everything you can to eliminate doubts about your fidelity.
- When you are angry about your actions, make sure that your future actions are ones you can be proud of.
The best way to ensure that hatred subsides is to meet it with love.
How to understand that your husband repents after cheating and still loves you.
To do this, you need to find out and understand all the reasons that pushed your husband to cheat. Together we will understand them and draw the right conclusions.
VIDEO TESTS: Love test. What awaits you during the year on the love front.
It is important how the betrayal occurred:
- spontaneously;
- accidentally;
- purposefully.
How did you find out about the betrayal:
- He carefully hid his betrayal, and you found out by accident.
- Someone told me.
- He himself confessed and repented.
If he repents sincerely, then it will be obvious, you have been living together for many years, and you know him. Moreover, if he begins to prove his loyalty to you in the future not by word, but by deed. Then it will probably be easier for you to forgive your husband.
- Will spend more time with you and your family in general.
- Invite to the cinema, theater, concert.
- Organize family and romantic dinners.
- Be interested in your life and affairs.
- Pay more attention to children.
- Remember the moments of your life together when you felt good and pleasant.
Strive to be better every day
In many ways, healing from the guilt of cheating on your husband takes time. No matter how impeccably the cheating spouse behaves and how much remorse he shows, a certain period must pass for everything to return to normal.
There are things that can speed up this process. One of them is to try every day to do right by your spouse and yourself. This means:
- don't look back
- regularly ask yourself what to do to make things better.
- Ask yourself: “How can I help my husband recover today? In this moment?".
When you ask these questions daily, you move forward and things start to get better.
How does a spouse feel when her husband cheats on her?
What is the reaction to betrayal among women? Naturally, everyone will be in a stressful state, and mental pain and resentment will overwhelm them. In addition, no matter what your relationship was before, now uncertainty and mistrust will definitely be added to it.
In female nature there is a subconscious desire for security, a feeling that she is “like behind a stone wall.” If you violate this feeling, sad consequences are guaranteed. Sometimes it is almost impossible to return it.
Stability and confidence in the future are important for each of us. Especially for a girl who has children. Having shaken her trust, forgiveness for betrayal may not happen. It is important for her to support the family hearth, protect her family from adversity and give warmth to her children.
Sometimes a wife loves so much that her boyfriend becomes the center of the universe for her. She lives for him, breathes him. And when he gives it, it cannot be called a simple blow to pride. She feels how the whole world around her is collapsing, deep depression sets in, denial of what is happening. The consequences are possible in two ways. Either she withdraws even deeper into herself and suffers, or she acquires sharp cynicism, any possible love relationships are devalued, and the need for complete independence comes. As a rule, this is where feminism originates.
The most terrible feeling that is certainly acquired is self-doubt.
This complex digs into the soul of the victim like a thorn. Even if the sexual relationship was fleeting, accidental, happened only once, the girl still believes that this happened because she is somehow different, unworthy of love, and the betrayal occurred because she is no longer loved, and now no one will love you anymore. This is a terrible feeling that men don’t even think about. But if it were worth it, perhaps it would stop many from rash actions.
Focus on the future
Yes, you can't go back in time and fix anything, but you do have control over the future. You can control your actions and do everything to strengthen your marriage and help your husband heal. You can become the kind of wife who will make a man very happy.
Constantly thinking about what happened in the past is a sure way to stay stuck. In order for the husband to move on, the wife also needs to let go of the past. If you cannot forgive yourself for your own sake, then you must do it for the sake of the man you love.
