We learn everything: solve problems, design cars, erect buildings, make estimates, draw graphs, ski, speak a foreign language... For what? The answer is simple: to create, achieve success, achieve goals, make life better - yours and those around you. But what many do not learn consciously and purposefully is building relationships. Meanwhile, this question is almost the most important in the life of any person, because what is more valuable than the other half, a life partner... How to build a happy relationship? How to make relationships better? How to achieve harmony? What is important for a man and a woman? You can find answers to these and other questions in our special selection.
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Why does a person need a relationship: answers from psychologists
This article is for those who are just building or intend to build their future: we can help you figure out why someone might need a relationship with you. Yes, understanding another person and what he needs from you is often much more important than nurturing and nurturing your dreams and desires. In any case, if you are interested in healthy, harmonious relationships. Our task in this article is, firstly, to present academic concepts in simple human language. And, secondly, to find in the depths of academic science something interesting and useful that will most vividly and imaginatively illuminate the question “Why does a person need a relationship?” and maybe help you find your own exclusive answer. Read more…
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Give, not receive2
Harmony in a relationship is when both give. Each partner wants to receive something in a relationship (love, support, attention), but in order to receive, you must first learn to give for free. The habit of the woman being in charge in a relationship is often interpreted not entirely correctly.
A man or woman who is willing to give freely knows that the world will give even more later. But you need to give not with the thought that the good will return, but with sincerity. This is possible if the partner is truly interesting. Then the return will be as a matter of course.
If a woman knows how to create comfort, care, love next to her, then a man will definitely appear next to her, ready to accept all this and give even more in return. To give what every woman needs. Tenderness, love, support.
It's the same with a man. A man who is ready to invest his reliability, a strong emotional connection, and the desire to achieve it again and again in a relationship will be able to meet a woman who will fully thank him and make him the happiest.
Important: if one of the partners only gives, and the other only receives, the relationship will slowly slide into the abyss. It is important to notice the “imbalance” in time and talk openly about the problem. Both the man and the woman must give in a relationship. Only teamwork in this situation can produce results.
Are joint goals an illusion or a way to strengthen relationships?
People who are even slightly interested in the psychology of relationships in couples have already repeatedly come across tons of advice on how to strengthen their relationships. And among these tons of advice, the recommendation to have common interests and common goals ranks high. This is, in general, correct, but a thoughtful reader and attentive observer still gets a feeling of either understatement or inconsistency. What's the matter? Is it not for these very common goals, which do not necessarily have to be obvious to everyone they meet? Let's try to understand this unusual issue. Read more…
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A partner is not an animal..._8212_8230
Therefore, there is no need to train him, throw tantrums, or manipulate him with the goal that he will change. A person is what he is. And he won't change just at someone's whim. In general, the truth is simple - if you want change, start with yourself. As soon as one of the partners analyzes his actions and thoughts and begins to change, the relationship will change for the better.
If the problem that does not suit one of the partners is too critical, and he is not able to accept his passion for who he or she is, then there are two ways out. To be or not to be. Conversations without reproaches and accusations, or a break in the relationship.
Joint goals and top 12 ways to look for them
Finding common goals, despite the complexity of the process, makes sense to strengthen relationships. If a couple manages to find a common goal, such an alliance becomes a hundred times stronger and more reliable than any other tandems that go with the flow and don’t even really know what they want from each other, except money and sex. And even the very process of such a search will already be rewarded with greater mutual understanding, mutual respect and mutual interest in each other as individuals. Even if you don’t yet want to overshadow the cloudlessness of your romantic relationship with some kind of goals, it doesn’t matter, just start a dialogue now, while you are ready to listen to each other endlessly and enjoy every minute when the two of you are together. Read more…
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Share and rest5
A harmonious and healthy relationship between a man and a woman is when a woman is not jealous of letting her partner “play football with friends,” and a man, in turn, is calm about his girlfriend’s gatherings in an all-female company. It is important to understand that everyone needs rest in the company of “their own kind.” Men happily discuss sports, politics and other favorite topics.
Girls are discussing something completely different, something that a man would obviously not be interested in listening to. Some women make the mistake in relationships of trying to “fit in” to a male company. They make attempts to discuss the latest match with their husband or somehow try to be closer to the man through his hobbies. Nothing useful will come of this.
And the girl just needs to understand that each partner needs to rest separately from time to time. To understand the absurdity of the situation, you can imagine a man who begins to be genuinely interested in where his girlfriend got such a manicure and what colors are now in trend. Such questions will at least seem strange.
Problematic relationships: harassment, abuse and bullying. What is it and what can you do about it?
Intimidation, bullying in a team, sexual harassment, discrimination based on age, gender, nationality, domestic violence - this is not always widely publicized. Because people are afraid of complications of the situation and disapproval from society. And in society it is not customary to talk about such problems out loud. Some people hurt others, others suffer bullying and often simply do not know how to deal with their offender, or consider such behavior to be the norm. But knowing under what masks violence can be hidden, you can recognize it and stop it, protecting yourself and your loved ones from possible threats to well-being. And it is precisely this goal that served as the reason for writing this article. Read more…
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We get what we give.
Or, “What goes around comes around.” Applicable in relationships, as in any area of life.
Don't just ask, model the behavior. Be a good example for her.
Do you want massages at night? Start making them for her. After this, your request for a return massage will be quite appropriate.
Should healthy eating become a habit? She won't take better care of her figure while you're eating dumplings in front of her.
Should she have her butt pumped up long ago? Look at yours first and silently begin to improve it. An offer to join you one day will be received positively.
Behave the way you want a girl to behave.
Maintaining personal space in family and relationships
Many people know the feeling when loving people look forward to a wedding celebration and, full of hope and enthusiasm, begin life together under one roof. From now on, they must share affairs, worries and everyday life with each other. Now they will fall asleep and wake up together, cook, receive guests, celebrate memorable dates, get ready for work and plan vacations. A harmonious life together is a great value, but harmony can only be achieved if partners respect each other’s personal space. In this article we will talk about personal space from the perspective of family and relationships. Read more…
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Now you are a team.
Yes, yes, partners and partners. One entity that will only happily exist if both of you put in the effort every day. And build your team.
Be best friends, discuss everything in the world, like when you were 17 years old on a bench in the yard. Get closer and closer.
Talk to her and listen to her, which is even more important. Everything she says is important to her. She will share her life with you, and you will share yours.
You have a lot of personal matters and events. You live and change, this is also worth keeping in mind. Meet and get to know each other endlessly.
Some tips for creating harmonious relationships
A distinctive feature of modernity is that life is increasingly filled with substituted values. True values such as trust, love, family, friendship, etc. faded into the background somewhere. However, somewhere inside, in the depths of the soul, thoughts still appear that something is wrong. And if these thoughts are allowed to develop, they will inevitably lead to the understanding that in life the first place should not be money, not power or fame, but a person’s relationship with himself and with others, and even more so with loved ones. people. In this article we will talk specifically about the topic of relationships between two people, namely how to build a harmonious relationship with a loved one. Read more…
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The main secrets of a happy relationship between a man and a woman
- Never make a scandal.
If you feel like a hurricane of emotions is raging inside, tell yourself “stop”, breathe, calm down and collect your thoughts. A man is not a whipping boy. You cannot make your loved one an object for an outburst of irritation, anger and rage. With one careless word or rude shout you can destroy everything you have built over the years. Not all people quickly forgive an insult and not all words can be easily forgotten.
Sometimes offensive phrases hurt more than physical violence, especially if they are aimed at the partner’s vulnerable, weak points. You may immediately regret what you said, but it will not lessen the pain your words caused your loved one.
- Make time for each other.
Try to spend time together, even if you have a busy schedule at work and your vacation is still far away. This is especially important for couples who have been together for many years. Lovers already try not to be separated for a long time, but experienced spouses, absorbed in routine and everyday life, may forget to devote time to each other. As a result, the husband and wife move away, the connection between them is lost, common interests and topics for conversation disappear. If you don't have an activity to do together, create one. Go to a restaurant, go ice skating, or take a walk in the park. The main thing is to be interested in each other, listen to your partner, delve into his life.
- Support each other in business.
A man feels calmer and more confident and achieves more if he has a reliable support in the person of a caring and understanding lover. Women need support too. When a lady has decided on a partner and is confident in her future, she can devote herself entirely to an interesting business or career. Mutual support is important not only for achieving career goals. For example, a girl wants to learn how to ride a bike, but is afraid. If a partner shows participation and patience and helps his beloved tame his two-wheeled friend, this will bring young people closer together and strengthen trust.
In fact, support is important in all significant matters. It gives a feeling of unity, community, security. It’s so wonderful when there is a person nearby with whom you can laugh and cry, be happy and sad, share a new idea and plans for the future and hear in response that together you will achieve everything.
- Never betray your loved one.
True love goes hand in hand with loyalty. Even if your loved one is far away or you have a little quarrel, true feelings do not weaken due to difficulties, and sometimes they harden and become even deeper. The secret to a happy relationship with a man is fidelity. If you are truly in love, then other gentlemen cease to exist for you. You will never give a reason to doubt your feelings, because there is nothing worse than betrayal. It’s scary to live, constantly expecting a dirty trick from your partner and suspecting him of lying. True love and deception are incompatible with each other.
- Respect your partner.
Respect is often associated with professional relationships or with older people and rarely with family life. In everyday, everyday relationships, it is forgotten, it is replaced by other, more petty feelings. But respect implies recognition of the dignity of an individual. And when love and passion fade over the years, husband and wife may be left facing emptiness in their relationship. But if partners respect each other, their life together will always be filled with meaning.
- 6. Always trust your partner.
If you are constantly afraid that you are being deceived, suspect your partner, spy on him, read SMS, have trouble sleeping at night, then you cannot be called a happy person, and your life most likely looks like a nightmare. And how things would change if you just started trusting your lover!
The secret to a happy relationship with a man is trust. If a young man constantly notices that you are watching him, eavesdropping and controlling him, he will break off the relationship with you. A reliable union is possible where a man and a woman, knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, accept their partner with all his imperfections and trust him.
- Don't be like other couples' relationships.
No two people are the same, so it makes no sense to compare your relationship with what is shown on TV, written in magazines, or what your girlfriends tell you. To many people, someone else's life seems more attractive and advantageous, but you should not envy. Everyone has secrets and innuendos. And if your friend is happy with her husband, then it is absolutely not a fact that in her place you would experience the same feelings.
You can take into account your experience, your mistakes, but under no circumstances should you be equal to other couples. Take care of your individuality. After all, if you envy, it means you don’t trust yourself, your choices, your decisions and goals. Therefore, you first need to look inside yourself and figure out why you are not happy with what you have and want what belongs to other people.
- Experience not only joy but also sorrow together.
Men often hide their experiences, hide behind a mask of coldness, indifference and severity, because they are afraid of appearing weak. This is especially true for emotions associated with loss: sadness, grief, longing. But this does not mean that there are no feelings. A wise woman will always see that her lover is feeling bad and will support him with a kind word, a hug or a gentle touch.
- Learn to find the good in the bad.
The secret to a long and happy relationship is to perceive everything positively. When a woman is in love, she sees perfection in her man. But time passes, the couple has been married for ten years, and the ideal has already faded somewhat. My husband's endearing features turned into annoying flaws. Socks hanging on the radiator for a week, crumbs on the table, water on the floor after a shower - everything that was previously barely noticeable now causes a storm of negative emotions. But are you really perfect? Or maybe your spouse leaves the kitchen while you are dipping cookies in tea and then eating them, smacking your lips slightly? All people have shortcomings, this must be accepted as a given. But try to look at them from a positive point of view or just let your husband be himself.
- Learn to listen.
People often cease to understand each other because they do not know how to ask questions and listen to answers. Partners cannot read minds and guess desires and needs. Many problems could be avoided if some people were not shy about talking about their needs, and others were able to listen and give what is needed.
Often partners only pretend to listen to each other, but are actually immersed in their own thoughts. Such communication will not improve relationships, will not bring lovers closer, will not help get rid of the burden of unspoken desires. Learn to actively listen to your partner so as not to lose touch with him and remain close people.
- Constantly nourish the relationship.
Many couples believe that marriage eliminates the need for further work on the relationship. But this is far from true. A harmonious family life requires daily work. The secret to a happy, long-term marital relationship lies in constant emotional nourishment. Think about what you can do for your lover and how to please him.
- Establish shared values.
Each family is individual and unique. In some couples, husband and wife have a common hobby, for example, playing tennis. In others, spouses do not share each other’s hobbies; each does his own favorite thing: the husband goes hunting, the wife knits in the evenings. But any strong union is built on common life values, such as attitude towards children, religion, and environmental protection.
- Don't be vindictive.
Resentment is dangerous to health, as it implies the accumulation of negative emotions. And it doesn’t make a person look good at all, revealing his unkind disposition. Learn to sincerely forgive your loved one. This valuable quality will improve your relationship, maintain your partner's trust in you and improve your emotional state.
Of course, some things cannot be forgiven, but which ones are up to you to decide.
- Be realistic.
Don't try to copy relationships from TV series or romance novels, live real life. The secret to a long and happy relationship is that partners can be themselves without looking up to soap opera characters. Don't expect from your lover what he cannot give you. Long-term relationships are possible when each partner contributes to their creation and adequately assesses their capabilities and the capabilities of the other half.
- Don't forget to talk about loving each other.
Routine is like a swamp, it drags you in and makes life monotonous. The spouses are constantly preoccupied with solving everyday problems and have already forgotten when they confessed their love to each other. This harms family relationships. Do not forget to tell your loved one about your feelings, otherwise over time he will think that they no longer exist.
To learn how to properly resolve problems that arise in a relationship, watch this video.
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How to tune your brain for harmonious relationships
Why is communication necessary even for an introvert? What prevents us from building harmonious relationships? How can you learn to enjoy meetings with friends, relatives and colleagues? How to live in peace and harmony with your loved one? Psychiatrist Amy Banks answers these questions in her book On the Same Wavelength, which was recently published by Mann, Ivanov and Ferber. In the article we will tell you about the main ideas of the author and at the same time give some practical advice on building truly correct relationships in which everyone is happy. Read more…
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Pareto's law guards love and understanding
Most likely, you have already heard about this law or, as it is also called, the rule.
- 20% of efforts give 80% of results,
- and the remaining 80% of effort is only 20% of the result.
Examples of Pareto's law in life:
- 20% of exercises are responsible for creating an ideal figure.
- We wear 20% of the clothes in our closet 80% of the time.
- 20% of customers bring 80% of profits.
- 20% of readers leave 80% of comments on articles.
This law itself explains a lot, but what does it have to do with the sphere of relationships? The answer is simple.
Five love languages
Have you ever felt like you were talking to your other half “in different languages”? Do you feel that you are sincerely expressing your love, but you are not understood? Why is this happening? It's not enough to be sincere; you and your partner need to speak the same love language. This is a very important step towards harmony and happy relationships. If we express and perceive love in different ways, we will mistakenly believe that love does not manifest itself in any way. What are the different love languages? How to determine them? How to learn to “speak” them? How to avoid misunderstandings and how will this improve your relationship? You will find answers to all questions in this article. Read more…
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No routine.
Big mistake of millions of people! Take your loved one for granted, as something that already exists in life. Get used to this fact and stop trying for her sake.
Routine devours relationships, kills intimacy, romance, emotions. Without them, your pair will turn into two house ficus trees. And the woman will begin to fade, look worse, and over time, think about cheating or even divorce.
Don't get her to the point where she starts to lose her mind because she's unhappy. It will be late.
Make her happy, give her gifts sometimes, arrange surprises, help with everything.
She will do nice things in return, she will also want to see your joy. You will notice how much happier you will become.
Sternberg's three-part theory of love
We invite you to get acquainted with the extremely interesting three-component theory of love by psychologist Robert Sternberg. He identifies three fundamental components of love and several of its forms, based on different combinations of these components. Sterberg argues that maintaining perfect love is more difficult than achieving it. Also, this love can be interrupted by other forms - in the event of the loss of any component. This topic is really very interesting, so we suggest opening your mind to new information and trying to apply unusual knowledge in practice. Read more…
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Is it possible to predict long-term relationships?
Can. To do this, you just need to ask the couple about their relationship. Yes, it's that simple.
Psychologists from the University of Washington found that the way partners describe their relationship can predict whether they will get divorced or not with 94% accuracy. You just need to pay close attention to how spouses talk about their past together.
BAD: We had a fight.
It was terrible. To be honest, Oleg behaved disgustingly. GOOD: We had a fight. It was terrible. But we discussed this later. We seem to get along even better now than before.
Every couple faces problems. The only difference is how you are going to perceive and interpret your experience. You know, it doesn’t take much intelligence to say that a quarrel is bad and Oleg is a fool. But you need to put a lot of effort into learning to appreciate not only the good moments, but also the bad ones, and to make the most of even conflicts and problems.
No one is happy running the twentieth kilometer of a marathon. But if you stop and don’t reach the finish line, you definitely won’t be happy. The taste of victory and champagne is what will make the moment truly enjoyable.
Online program “Building Relationships”
In 4 weeks on this program, you will learn how to build a relationship in which both partners will be happy and satisfied, learn to help cope with difficulties and develop together, find mutual understanding and live in harmony with your partner. The program will help you learn to live a happier and more vibrant life, understand how to unlock your potential and expand your boundaries, as well as save time and take care of your health. It doesn’t matter whether you are in a relationship now or just planning to start a couple, this knowledge will be very useful and will help you avoid many mistakes. Find out more...
We will not be original if we say that relationships, like a flower, require care and careful treatment. However, we sincerely believe that this collection will bring you closer to understanding how to care for a relationship correctly!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Problematic relationships: harassment, abuse and bullying. What is it and what can you do about it?
- Why does a person need a relationship: answers from psychologists
- Joint goals and top 12 ways to look for them
- Anger management: a selection of useful materials
- Healthy relationships: what they are and how to build them
- Conflicts in relationships: a selection of useful materials
- Practical benefits of self-knowledge
- Are joint goals an illusion or a way to strengthen relationships?
- Causes of problematic relationships
- Sue Johnson, The Feeling of Love. A New Scientific Approach to Romantic Relationships"
Keywords:1Communications, 1Relationships
What not to do to avoid ruining a relationship
- Speak badly about your partner's family
Never criticize your lover's family, even if there are plenty of reasons. Your partner himself may understand that his relatives are not ideal, but your negative comments about them can anger him and cause irreparable harm to the relationship.
- Spy on your partner
Put yourself in your lover's shoes. Would you like it if your entire personal life was under his control?!
Men are careful about their personal space. This does not mean that your partner is going to deceive you and hide something. He just needs intimate territory that belongs only to him.
- Clarify relationships in public
All couples have quarrels. Some do it violently, emotionally, others silently and restrainedly. But what irritates men most is an uncontrollable scandal that goes beyond the family and is witnessed by people around them.
- Forget about your appearance
When a well-groomed lady is next to a man, he feels more confident and significant. But it often happens that in marriage a woman stops paying attention to her appearance. Unfortunately, the husband perceives such a change as a sign that his wife has become no longer interested in him. Therefore, do not forget that the secret of a happy relationship with a man lies in your well-groomed appearance.
- Trying to change your partner
Many women make this mistake: they strive to change their partner, to bring them closer to far-fetched standards, thereby making it clear that they do not like the man as he is. This causes many problems in relationships.
Is it possible to turn a shark into a crucian carp? It’s the same with people. Every person is unique and deserves respect. Therefore, accept people as they are.
Don't be afraid, I'm with you2
For a harmonious relationship, love and fidelity alone are not enough. Life is like a sea in which there are storms and calm.
- Support, mutual assistance. Whatever the situation, the couple must support each other. Among the tearful statuses on the Internet, there is a phrase that is very popular among young people: “Even if everyone turns against my man, I will stand behind him and give him ammunition.” Strict, beautiful, romantic, doubtful... Ladies prefer to have relationships with successful guys who stand firmly on their own two feet. When a man is “stormy,” women prefer to stand behind a man’s back... another man.
- Confidence. Suspicion and jealousy eat up partners. Firm mistrust, which lasts for a long time, pushes the other half to take a rash step: to break off the relationship, or to do what he is endlessly suspected of.
- Oblivion. The new union urgently demands to forget the old one. If a woman or man decides to create a couple with a new “love,” they should take the following actions: remove “Valentines” and portraits of exes from the shelf, do not call the partner “by someone else’s name,” no matter how cute it may sound, remember past relationships only in the most in rare cases (and only if it concerns a matter of life and death). Especially not to demand those actions from your partner that his predecessor performed, both in life and in bed. The Bible says, “Old things are gone, everything is new.” The truth is as old as time. Amen.
- Listen and hear. It is important. Every couple needs to seriously listen to everything that is said to each other. This is where understanding, confidential conversations, commonality of views and problem solving are born.
