Psychology of love: types, stages, stages and concept

The psychology of love is the realm of the unknown, a favorite topic of thousands of poets, novelists and even scientists. No scientific community can fully explain the actions of a person in love. A lover is a mystery and at the same time a challenge for science. After all, love exists autonomously, lives on its own, does not obey the laws of logic and reason. It can have both a destructive effect on people, incinerating everything inside, and a creative one, “raising it to heaven.” Most people consider people in love to be slightly crazy, and hence love itself is viewed as a kind of mental illness. However, according to a number of scientists, love is a means of socialization of an individual, a mechanism for his involvement in the system of social relationships.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Advice for women

Finally, some practical advice from psychologists:

In order for a man to feel important and needed, it is necessary to allow him to feel responsible for his beloved. Ask him for all kinds of help: moral, material, friendly.
At first, with the appropriate behavior of a woman, fear of losing her, and then respect, fulfill their important function: a man strives for his partner, and he does not have time to look around, searching for “new prey.” In marriage, it is important to learn to maintain this delicate balance between partners.
Men's actions mean more than words. Therefore, women should build a relationship strategy based on facts, not what is said.
A man needs warmth and affection no less than a woman. You just need to observe moderation in giving pleasant emotions.
To understand the truth of a man’s feelings, you should pay attention to his manner of sorting things out. If he is afraid to break them, this means that he values his woman. Meeting his friends and parents, on the initiative of a man, will confirm this.
You should not compete with a man, since due to his natural instincts, he has a desire for leadership. And the intention to surpass it will give rise to a spirit of competition.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

What myths about love 'erase' knowledge of psychology

Is love at first sight real?

Love at second, third... sight can be bright, rich, inspired and unique. Psychologists often consider situations when a person believes that this is his real soul mate, and then meets another, and the world turns upside down again.

The object of love is one for all years and all centuries!

The first love seems to be the only one, but then the second comes, and feelings are ignited again... In the world, 25% of suicides occur due to the fact that many rivals compete for the favor of “one love.” So for whom is she really the only one?

In a truly loving heart, either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy. Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Every person has a soulmate, the main thing is to spot her in the crowd of numerous passers-by and not miss her, so as not to break the agreement of eternal and happy love.

You cannot live in a world where there is no love, when the other half is completely indifferent to you, because the time will come when true love will appear, and one of the partners will remain “overboard”, in a sea of tears and sad illusions.

There are at least a million options for meeting your soulmate; perhaps this requires changing your place of residence, social circle, work, study, but the choice will be made, and the probability of a successful one is quite high.

Does eternal love exist?

Psychologists do not make loud statements on this matter, and the thought of a lover can live for a long period, but the foundations of family life can change these ideas.
The higher the need for love, the more acute this problem is. Most often, love is interpreted as respect, trust, understanding of each other; often a person falls in love several times, because he was not lucky enough to find his ideal. In fact, not everything is so simple, you need to move forward, not dwell on imaginary fantasies and erroneous ideals.

It is difficult to reason sensibly under the influence of the love hormone, but you simply must draw a conclusion and move on with your life!

Is it possible to get married without love?

Is there always love when creating a marriage, but it is worth noting that the intensity of passions also cannot guarantee a strong relationship and a successful union.
So where to look for the golden half? How to become happy without love? Yes, marriage without feelings is sad

, but on the other hand, as the French novelist Beigbeder noted, love lasts for three years, and after that a trusting contact is established, a relationship that will keep the couple together or lead to separation.

Problems in the field of love can arise due to the fact that everyone interprets this feeling in their own way. In psychology, there is no one correct solution to how to define love; there are many varieties of it.

Perhaps today you will love your other half as a brother/sister, friend, and tomorrow that flaming feeling will come that will allow you to create a strong and happy family for many years. Love will be glorified as a divine feeling, a bright transformation of life, driving you crazy.

Love is joy, understanding each other without words, mutual satisfaction
, in this case we can talk about strong further family ties, and the birth of children will become a magical unity of this marriage.

'Imaginary' love

If relationships between people arise against the background of internal emptiness, or the replacement of one partner by another, then they can be called dependent, and most often doomed to a sad existence.
This is a serious psychological problem, not everyone can bear such responsibility, in such relationships there is no free choice, most often such individuals remain lonely and unhappy for the rest of their lives.

Don't be afraid of the smart ones. When love comes, the brain turns off. Elena Zhidkova

“Feelings are the element of actions that are not subject to anyone!” In such a field, betrayal, mistrust, suffering, meanness and the destruction of such a wonderful feeling as love can arise.

You need to learn to love and be happy without any conditions, just as a mother loves a child; she plunges headlong into this state and does not set any selection criteria for herself.

If there is emptiness in your soul, then you first need to understand yourself why this happened, and not fill it with someone based on rash actions. Until a person loves himself and accepts himself with all his shortcomings and contradictions, it is unlikely that anyone will do this for him.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Ideal relationship

Lucky are those who have experienced such love. The psychology of love and relationships is worthy of research for greater understanding and prevention of mistakes. Until the climax, you are able to have friendly relations with many people and switch to one or the other.

But you can only love one; you can’t love two, because it’s some kind of obsession. Focusing on one person is the basic requirement of a romantic relationship.

Every little thing associated with the person of adoration is elevated to a rank, be it a letter, a comb with a tangled hair, a walk in the park and suddenly blossoming buds, cooking dinner together, everything is of great importance in his imagination. Flaws in a loved one also seem unique and cute, they are not noticeable to a sane mind.

It feels like there are pink curtains on your eyes—“rose-colored glasses.” They say that love is blind. So it is, consciousness refuses to perceive the shortcomings and vices of the object of passion, they do not bother it.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

Lovers do not notice those around them.
Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
There are no doubts about the choice.
There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

Psychology of love relationships: analysis

The German psychologist, Erich Fromm, wrote another theory in which two types of love are distinguished:

Love according to the principle of being is a fruitful feeling that implies not only interest in a partner, but also care for him. It is aimed not only at a person, but also at inanimate objects - a plant, a picture, a house. This feeling enriches the personality on a spiritual level, filling it with positive energy, and also gives rise to a desire for action, implying full care of the partner.
Love based on the principle of possession is a destructive feeling that is born only in passion, it carries a negative result and can completely suppress the life of the beloved.

Fromm is confident that love in psychology, according to the second principle, is characteristic of immature and neurotic individuals. To build a happy marriage, you need to understand and let these feelings pass through yourself.

Love is psychology, a subtle art that needs to be studied in order to gradually build a good relationship for a long time. Partners need to conduct an analysis, identifying their feelings, thoughts and experiences, discuss negative aspects and try to eradicate them. Also, the couple should learn to support each other, be able to listen to their lover and try to solve the problem together.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
Constantly share plans for the future.
Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

How understanding is born in dialogue: he and she

When starting a dialogue, a girl often encounters male misunderstanding. Men are pragmatic; they prefer to express their love and affection not with words, but with gestures and actions in everyday life.

You need to understand that society teaches representatives of the stronger sex to hide their feelings and not talk about them. Everyone wants to see a man strong, in control of his emotions in any circumstances. This leaves an imprint on the man’s personality, his manner of conversation and communication. He was so used to hiding his own feelings that he forgot about their existence in the woman he loved.

A man cannot trust and open up, because he considers it his duty to hide his feelings. A woman is given a great opportunity to show intuition and the ability to compromise. She must understand this property of male nature, brought up by society.

It is a woman who can and should take the first step towards creating a serious relationship - learning to communicate in confidence together.

From now on, you must set yourself a goal: to fully and completely understand your partner, especially to understand his differences from you.

This is the key to a serious relationship, the foundation for creating a family. You need to be aware that what is done for her is done for the other half, for the general happiness of the couple.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
Trust is not typical for falling in love.

What do scientists think about this feeling?

Love from a chemical point of view:

When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.

The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.

Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.