According to recent opinion polls, 65 percent of Russian men are ready to give their lives for their country. Sociologists have asked this question as part of their research on gender stereotypes. It turned out that over 20 years, Russians’ ideas about real “masculinity” have remained virtually unchanged. However, these biases reinforce attitudes that negatively impact the lives of many men. At the request of Lenta.ru, feminists Daria Serenko and Sofya Sno explain why the whole world is experiencing a crisis of masculinity, and why it is important to talk about it.
Note:
The author asks that this material be considered a congratulatory column for Russian men
He respects and appreciates girls
This type of guy will never lay a hand on a girl or hurt her. He is a true protector and will protect her in any situation. A real man will not allow anyone to offend or insult his woman. He may be offended, he may quarrel, he may disagree with you, but he will never hold a grudge against you, quickly forgets about bad moments, and always tries to come to a common compromise. After a serious quarrel, he may even slam the door and leave, but to cool down, and then always returns to his beloved woman.
A real man definitely smokes
Look what they show us on TV and in the movies. All the main good characters smoke. Moreover, the actors do it so sweetly and infectiously using special facial expressions. But we all understand that smoking is a weakness. And a man should not have weaknesses. Why do many people smoke - because it gives them a certain pleasure. Why fight a bad habit, because it’s much easier to just light another cigarette. Such people lack willpower. But a real man must be a strong-willed person. How many times does a smoker say to himself: “That’s it, I’ll quit smoking tomorrow.” A week passes and he takes the cigarette between his teeth again. It turns out he didn't keep his word. So what kind of man are you after this? The man said it, the man did it.
He adheres to etiquette
A real and courageous man treats women carefully. He always adheres to etiquette, and remembers such banal things as opening the door for a girl, helping her get out of the car, pulling up a chair, helping her take off her coat in a restaurant, helping her with things, and so on. This kind of attentiveness to women should be characteristic of the stronger sex. In addition, it can be developed, and every guy can learn this if he really wants to.
He's confident
A courageous man is always confident in himself and his abilities. This also includes a certain maturity in the head and in actions. When a guy gives an account of his actions and actions. When he is ready to take responsibility for himself, for his girlfriend and for his loved ones. He is not afraid to take risks and do something meaningful in this world. He is hardworking, not afraid of challenges, and strives to achieve the highest results in everything. But in order to do all this, he must be sure that he is doing the right thing. When a man develops self-confidence, it makes him strong and courageous. He develops his inner character, which attracts many women.
Masculinity
A real man is wisdom, courage, mercy. A real woman is the kind of woman for whom
a man strives to be wise, courageous, merciful. Fazil Iskander
Masculinity as a personality quality
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the ability to demonstrate a certain group of masculine personality traits, by which others unmistakably determine how much a man has realized his own nature.
Masculinity and courage are not synonymous. Courage is one of the many personality traits associated with masculinity. It manifests itself in the ability to show will, moral firmness, act decisively and expediently in extreme situations, and endure suffering, including physical pain.
There are about two hundred masculine personality traits. A certain specific set of these qualities makes a man courageous in the eyes, first of all, of a woman and arouses in her a desire, well expressed in the words of the famous song: “If only you knew a woman’s longing for a strong shoulder.” It makes no sense to create a strictly defined bouquet of personality traits that makes a man courageous. It can be made up of many combinations of masculine virtues. But as soon as this bouquet contains, for example, coquetry, affectation, capriciousness, touchiness, excessive emotionality, the aroma of masculinity will be lost. Like a fly in the ointment, feminine personality traits can destroy masculinity. There will already be an effeminate man, unable to realize his masculine nature.
There are quite a lot of male personality traits that make up the arsenal of masculinity. The card index of masculinity is represented by: authority, gallantry, heroism, boldness, gentlemanliness, discipline, valor, toughness, initiative, intelligence, silence, wisdom, courage, reliability, perseverance, steadfastness, inflexibility, unpretentiousness, fearlessness, commitment, courage, responsibility, constancy, determination, self-control, dedication, restraint, willpower, courage, stability, tenacity, exactingness, self-confidence, daring, perseverance, poise, composure, courage and determination.
By demonstrating these personality traits, a man, wittingly or unwittingly, positions himself as a “real man.” When a man has in his personal arsenal the set of masculine personality traits his woman needs, he becomes for her a Winner, a real man, a Hero.
An excerpt from Mirael’s message “Femininity” says: “ The main qualities of Masculinity are the desire to protect, create, preserve and be a leader
. These qualities can sleep, but they can be activated by a woman’s sincere weakness and a request for help. That's exactly how it is. Female weakness, her sensual tender nature awakens true Masculinity. It’s all like this: Men yearn for female trepidation and fragile tenderness, Women yearn with their hearts for the strong shoulder of a man... After all, the strength of a Man is not in power, His strength is in the protection of Femininity, which brings Peace and Love with its being, its energy... If a Woman does not feel Love and Defense, then becomes touchy. A wise Man, having made an important decision, informs His beloved and asks: “My Goddess, do you want this? Do you want this? The man makes the decision, He is the leader, and the Woman is weak, sensual and driven. But if a Man loves and is wise, then he simultaneously honors the freedom of his Woman, and this is the secret of peace and harmony in the family, in relationships. A Woman blossoms if a Man becomes a leader in everything, a protector of Her sensual energies and a guardian of Her Wild Divine Freedom. If a Man is not a leader, then the Inner Man awakens in His Woman. The woman becomes active, begins to make decisions in the couple herself and ceases to appreciate and respect the Man. Essentially, there are two Men in a relationship. Someone needs to submit. The era of the struggle between two Egos is coming..."
Women value three qualities most in a man: responsibility, determination and self-confidence. It is not for nothing that responsibility takes first place, for it is expressed as the ability to take on the burden of making a decision, to hold accountable for what is done, to be responsible for what is assigned, to voluntarily accept punishment for what is done incorrectly, not only when the acceptance of responsibility is initiated by the “responsible subject” himself, but also when he is formally or informally entrusted with control over the manifestations of group activity and its consequences.
Masculinity is condescending to women's weaknesses. D. Dzherban wrote: “Men who do not forgive a woman for her small shortcomings will never enjoy her great virtues.”
A man and a woman achieve happiness only if they realize their nature. They balance each other's strengths and weaknesses and, thanks to this, form the unison of two hearts. Here is an excerpt from a Vedic treatise on the nature of men and women: She is speech, He is thought; She is prudence, He is law; He is the mind, She is the feeling; She is obedience, He is righteousness; He is the writer, She is the performer; He is perseverance, She is calm; He is the will, She is the desire; He is a pity, She is a gift; He is a song, She is a note; She is fuel, He is fire; She is the radiance, He is the sun; She is movement, He is wind; He is the owner, She is wealth; He is the struggle, She is the power; He is the lamp, She is the light; He is day, She is night; He is justice, She is compassion; He is the channel, She is the river; She is beauty, He is strength; She is the body, He is the spirit.
Among teenagers, myths have somehow taken root that masculinity is when a man is powerful, hairy and smelly, when he swears, smokes, has a long trail of short winning relationships, knows how to subjugate women, shows ruthlessness and uncompromisingness, does not help at all the woman takes care of the house and is not involved in raising children. These are all just myths. For example, masculinity and mann are not compatible. Mat is incontinence of emotions, weakness of spirit, and masculinity is restrained and self-possessed. Smoking is weakness, dependence, and masculinity is willpower and independence. Bragging and inventing tales about your victories on the love front is a sign of self-doubt, and masculinity is, first of all, self-confidence.
Only a weakling can subdue a woman with physical force. In a society of men, they lack the strength to stand up for themselves, so they mock the woman, trying to assert themselves.
The poet Vladimir Soloukhin wrote wonderful lines dedicated to masculinity:
Let the crows speak of doom, And the horses trample the stubble, Chain mail, a saddle and a spear were considered masculine things. During the military crisis, In the fields, in the feather grass, in the snow, Men, Men, Men blocked the paths of the enemy.
Let the wives cry in the night, And the blood shed could not be counted, - Men's property was men's courage and honor. There is a face hidden under the mask, But the eye of the pistol is lead. Men, Men, Men The scoundrels were led to the barrier.
I don’t believe ridiculous rumors - Men now, they say, In the presence of the strong they grow dumb, In the presence of women they sit. There is no mention of chivalry. In my opinion, this is a lie. Men, Men, Men, you remember your rank!
And a woman will be a woman - And a mother, and a sister, and a wife. She will put you to bed and wake you up, and give you wine for the road. Sees both husband and son, Hugs at the very edge. Men, Men, Men, do you hear my song?
Petr Kovalev 2014 Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/
He always stands behind his words
This type of person always does what he says. I think you've met guys who talk a lot, but in practice do little, and essentially don't know how to do anything. Naturally, it is important for every person to be able to present himself beautifully. But at the same time, his words must coincide with his status and actions. For example, if a person talks a lot about sports, then he should lead a healthy lifestyle, have a beautiful body and constantly work on himself. If he talks about personal growth and achieving financial well-being, then he should have concrete examples of his achievements in these areas.
A manly man tends to say little. He prefers to work more and take action. He has no time for empty talk. But at the same time, he is always ready for dialogue and open to people. This type of guy just takes it and does it - silently. And his words always coincide with his actions.
What qualities should not be there?
This question is much easier to answer. And it cannot be ignored when talking about masculinity. What a man should be is clear. But what qualities are unacceptable? They can be identified in the following list:
- Arrogance.
- Nihilism.
- Self-centeredness.
- Rudeness and masculinity.
- Inability and unwillingness to express one's thoughts tactfully.
- Boasting.
- One-sided thinking.
- Indecent behavior.
- Criticism.
- Harmfulness.
- Deceit.
- Restless craving for baseless boasting.
This list can be continued. The meaning of the word “masculinity” in any understanding will be absolutely opposite to the totality of the listed qualities. All of the above only repels and causes hostility.
6. He never complains and is not afraid to take responsibility.
One of the most important qualities of real men is to take responsibility. For example, when a young guy starts a family early. And even if he has not yet formed as a full-fledged personality, he does not have a highly paid job, but even at his young age he is not afraid to take responsibility for his life and for the lives of other people.
He never complains or blames other people for his failures. This type of guy does everything necessary to ensure that his family is provided for and they have everything. He believes in himself. He quietly and calmly overcomes the problems that have arisen in life, and knows that sooner or later, he will succeed.
Courageous guys
People change along with eras. Today, men are gradually losing the dominant qualities characteristic of courage. Almost only women are involved in raising children.
But even among children and teenagers there are those who are courageous beyond their years. Here are some examples:
- Evgeny Tabakov, a seven-year-old boy saved his sister from a rapist. She and Yana, 12 years old, were at home without their parents. The girl opened the door to an unfamiliar man who introduced himself as a postman. He grabbed the careless girl, put a knife to her throat, demanded money from Zhenya, and began to undress Yana. The boy took a knife from the kitchen, hit the criminal in the lower back with it, the girl managed to escape and ran to the neighbors for help. Zhenya did not escape: the man inflicted eight stab wounds on him, incompatible with life. The criminal was detained almost immediately; he was unable to escape due to his wound and blood loss. The boy was posthumously awarded the Order of Courage. And later, a monument in honor of Zhenya was unveiled in the school yard.
- 2008, in New Zealand, 18-year-old Peter Hanne saved a truck driver. The car was balancing on the edge of a cliff, a young man climbed between the cab and the trailer, broke the rear window, and pulled out the injured driver. In 2011, Peter was awarded the medal "For Bravery".
- 2013, in the city of Bryansk, 22-year-old Alexander Skvortsov saved a woman and seven children from a fire. The father of the family went to work early in the morning, locking the door. After some time, a fire suddenly started. Everyone hurried to the exit, the door was locked, and the spare keys were in the room, which was already on fire. The guy was not at a loss, broke out the window, helped the mother get out, and then began handing her the children. When he was getting out, a gas cylinder exploded and Alexander received minor burns to his head.
Despite such a young age, these guys had the strength to come to the rescue in difficult times. It's a shame that not everyone survived.
He has inner strength
If we look at most world leaders, we are unlikely to find many physically strong people among them. Therefore, a man’s masculinity lies not in physical strength, but in spiritual strength. He “has a powerful inner core.” He has a strong character and the will to win. He is not afraid to set big goals because he has inner strength and great self-confidence. He has certain values and life priorities, which he never betrays and always adheres to. He analyzes his life. He is not afraid to identify his weak points and work on them.
Test: How courageous are you?
To determine masculinity, it is not necessary to seek help from a psychologist. Here you will find a simple test to determine your level of courage. You only need to answer “yes”, “no”, “I don’t know”.
- Whenever possible, I like to be the center of attention.
- In controversial and conflict situations, I need the support of a loved one.
- I make decisions without difficulty.
- I am emotional and sensitive.
- Authority is important to me.
- I like to take care of my appearance.
- Basically I act according to circumstances, I practically do not rely on feelings.
- Sometimes I allow myself to flirt with girls.
- I have willpower and character in my actions.
- I carry a mirror in my bag all the time.
- I am characterized by rancor and vindictiveness.
- I have difficulty controlling myself in difficult situations.
- I'm romantic.
- I inherited my father's character.
For each answer “yes” to odd-numbered questions and “no” to even-numbered questions, you receive 10 points. “I don’t know”—5 points.
100-150 points. Psychologically, you are a model man. Decisive, independent, independent. You are able to come to the rescue and set life goals. Many people like your lifestyle. You are characterized by a certain schematic action and stereotypical thinking regarding gender issues and personal masculinity.
50-99 points. You are capable of exhibiting both truly masculine qualities and typically feminine ones. You combine determination, sensitivity and common sense. Sometimes, due to life situations, you have to do things that are typical for women. But your ability to adapt and mental flexibility helps at any moment.
Less than 49 points. Psychologically, you are 100% female. In the modern world, this type of man is quite rare.
In life, it takes a lot of courage to be human and maintain your dignity.
V. Zubkov
