Most people don't particularly like it when their interlocutor looks them straight in the eye during a conversation. Men, of course, experience the same feelings. During ordinary conversations, people most often exchange short glances, which are enough to show their attention to the interlocutor.
But many women are concerned about why a man doesn't make eye contact when talking to them. Some of them begin to suspect and lose confidence, although the reasons for this gesture may be quite natural.
What does it mean if a guy hides his eyes or looks away?
- He believes in omens!
Your brown eyes scare him. They are beautiful. However, their color “drags” into the abyss of superstition... Read more about the meaning of “brown eyes” on the Internet.
- The guy is embarrassed to look into your eyes
And not only for you! To everyone - to all people in the world. Well, that's his peculiarity. What can you do here? In principle, everything can still change…. Our lives are “filled” with surprises and surprises.
- This person likes you!
And he is afraid that you will notice a “reflection of sympathy” in the carelessness of his views.
- The boy apparently fell in love with you to the point of complete madness!
He cannot admit this, because “non-reciprocity” scares him.
- The young man is hiding something from you
He wants to hide this “something” further. Trying to do everything for this! And of course he avoids your gaze...
- The boy believes that eyes are the mirror of the soul
To be honest... He does not want to let you into the depths of his own soul.
- Your “hero” is preparing a surprise for you!
He knows that he may not be able to stand it and tell him what the surprise is and what it is. Eyes can give away a lot and many!
- The boy is cheating on you
Lies at every turn. He will not survive separations and partings. So he uses lies (for his own good)!
- He doesn't take you seriously
There are no feelings in him (in relation to your person).
- He's too complex
This acquaintance of yours (friend, admirer, loved one) is too complex a person. And it is incredibly difficult for him to overcome at least one of his “shortcomings.”
- Some medical problems...
He suffers from squint or has poor eyesight. The guy dreams that you won’t notice this! He's scared of your reaction.
- The guy is afraid of his own actions
He is sure that as soon as your eyes “cross” in a web of glances, he will immediately hug and kiss you!
- Avoiding gaze? - He's just tired of you!
He is tired of your annoying and constant attention. Remember: men do not like and do not accept annoying people!
- His eyes hurt
He experiences discomfort in the eye area. Unfortunately, this also happens!
- He wants to confess his love to you
He thinks about how best to do this. I decided not to look into your eyes for now, so as not to go crazy with passion (before the “allotted” time).
- The boy is to blame for something in front of you
He fully admits his guilt, but does not dare to speak out on this matter.
- A person really puts himself above others!
He believes that looking “eye to eye” will bring him down and humiliate him.
- He's thrilled by your beauty
This means your beauty is so dazzling that a guy can’t keep his eyes on yours.
main reason
The guy is a Virgin!!!
Beauty is a terrible power! Be proud that you are lucky to have such a gorgeous appearance!
Why does a man look away when talking?
Everyone knows that a person’s eyes reflect his inner world.
They also talk about the feelings experienced at a given time. If a man averts his eyes when talking to a woman, this may mean that: These are properties of his character.
Perhaps this man is a nervous and fearful person and averts his eyes during a conversation, not at all because he has a negative attitude towards the interlocutor. This is, in all likelihood, his usual behavior.
A man avoids eye contact because the interlocutor or the conversation with him is not of much importance to him.
It happens. Perhaps the matter he is currently thinking about is more important to him than the conversation with the person in front of him, so he cannot concentrate enough attention on the interlocutor.
The man has a secret.
When talking, he subconsciously hides his eyes from the woman because he does not want to give himself away. Perhaps the man is ashamed of his behavior, for example, having cheated on his wife or having done something that is difficult to admit even to himself. This is his attempt to hide his feelings and experiences from others, which are still reflected in his gaze.
Habit, psychotype, behavioral characteristics.
Some people talk, rarely glancing at the interlocutor, no matter who he is. After observing them, you will notice that communication taking place with virtually no visual contact is their habit, the norm.
The female gaze is very strong and assertive.
If this is so, the man may not be able to stand it, so he will look around and not into the eyes of his interlocutor. Some people have such a hard look that it actually incinerates those who talk to them, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman.
Difficulty communicating with other people, arising for various reasons.
Some people don't communicate with anyone on a regular basis. Perhaps they simply have little experience in normal communications. But an introvert, a person suffering from autism, or someone with disabilities such as social phobia or sociopathy can behave this way. Therefore, when you notice such a sign, try to understand who exactly is in front of you. Perhaps there is nothing to fear. Or you should stay away from an unsociable person, especially if you don’t know each other.
People with low self-esteem often have great difficulties in communication. As a rule, they are distinguished by a general tightness, a somewhat insecure and nervous state, and constantly suspect that everyone is discussing their appearance, manners, etc. Such people avoid the interested glances of others, so they try to avert their eyes.
Anxiety about existing problems, nervous tension.
Let's say, while talking to a lady, a man thinks about his unresolved problems. He is worried about finances, preparing for a meeting with a partner, repaying a loan, etc. If a person tries to do several things at the same time, concentration weakens and the brain refuses to concentrate. And then the conversation no longer goes as it should, it turns out somehow crumpled, and the interlocutor, seeing this, becomes slightly confused. Perhaps the man is thinking about the reasons for the quarrel with his wife or is already late for an important event. This behavior can be caused by any resonant life situations.
Having warm feelings for your interlocutor and being afraid to talk about them.
This reason is written in any women's magazine. Let's add this fact: if a man averts his eyes during a conversation, most likely he is far from indifferent to the woman, but he has some reason not to admit it to her. Perhaps he considers himself unworthy of a relationship with this lady, or one of them is married. A man may also come to the conclusion that a simple acquaintance should not be translated into a relationship.
There may be other reasons, to find out which you need to carefully understand the current situation. It is possible to correctly explain his behavior only by analyzing the situation. You should find out information about a person’s character, how he communicates with others, and important events that have happened in his life.
Flirting triangle
A smile, a wink, a long look straight into the eyes... Such behavior is regarded in modern society as an attempt at flirting. Many of us probably avoid prolonged eye contact for this very reason. What if a person thinks something wrong?
Communication consultant Susan Rabin confirms this stereotype in her book 101 Ways to Flirt: Long eye contact is extremely important for flirting, with men and women using different "techniques." If representatives of the stronger half of humanity prefer a direct gaze, which they at a subconscious level consider to be a manifestation of strength and courage, then women “slide” their gaze along the so-called “flirting triangle”: the lady first visually examines the entire “object”, if the “test” is passed by the subject successfully, the gaze “rests” on the eyes.
Catch your eye
Guys try to look at girls subtly when they think you can't see it. If you can catch his eye when you look back, that's a good sign. More confident guys hold eye contact longer. If you want to check if he is interested in you, try this: look at his face for 3-4 seconds and then look away. Look back in a second. If your views intersect, then he is definitely interested in you. Remember that there are also shy guys who are embarrassed to make contact first, but if he really likes you, he will continue to look at you. When you are in a group and he jokes, in moments when everyone is laughing, his eyes will constantly check if you are laughing. This is a clear sign that he wants to impress.
Is it true that the look of a person in love changes?
When a person experiences love, regardless of gender and age, the body releases hormones that affect appearance and behavior:
- heart rate increases;
- he is in a state close to euphoria;
- gait changes;
- improves complexion, hair and nails;
- pupil size increases.
Interesting! It is the eyes that are the true indicator of a man’s feelings. The “bottomless” pupil effect indicates serious intentions. The absence of eye changes at the moment of love confession indicates light flirting without long meetings.
The worst mistakes girls make
Girls, in their desire to be liked, do reckless things:
- They pretend. Insincerity is noticeable and unpleasant. Avoid this.
- They look cheap. Bright makeup and oversized items give the look a shabby look.
- They don't take care of themselves. Lack of hygiene, disregard for clothes and the body are not beautiful.
- They parody a popular friend. Copying looks funny and repulsive.
If guys don’t look at you on the street, this does not mean a lack of attention, because some men are simply embarrassed to openly look at unfamiliar girls. Try to always look good and feel confident, otherwise the situation will definitely improve.
Some tips to help you learn to make eye contact
- Try to look at your opponent with a soft and relaxed gaze, covering a large area within your field of vision. The main thing is not to lose this contact and remain calm.
- Staring can cause a harsh expression, so watch your facial expressions. It should not be focused; on the contrary, goodwill and gentleness will not only relax you, but will also endear your opponent to you. To achieve this effect, you can mentally imagine that you are holding this person by the shoulder. This will create more warmth and softness in your eyes.
- The main problem standing in the way of the ability to look into the eyes is self-doubt. This uncertainty gives rise to nervousness. You need to overcome this line and understand that looking into the eyes only establishes contact with a person.
- Try to study the facial expressions and position of your interlocutor. You can try to “mirror” it. This will help overcome the interpersonal barrier and win over your opponent.
If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation, do not rush to make erroneous conclusions. Perhaps you should take a closer look at the interlocutor and understand the reason for the lack of eye contact on his part.
Research by Japanese scientists
Japanese scientists from Kyoto University conducted a study that showed that when making eye contact, a person is distracted and cannot direct his thoughts to something other than the topic of the conversation. This means that many people avoid making eye contact during dialogue in order to avoid overloading their brain unnecessarily.
Experts also remind that the effect of eye contact on the brain was previously established in another study, when Italian scientists found that sometimes people who were asked to look into someone's eyes for ten minutes began to hallucinate after a while.
From my life…
I'll tell you a story...
It happened specifically to me. In short, I started dating a good man. He was so positive that he shocked everyone! The little man had one - the only "minus"... He never looked people in the eyes! He did everything to successfully avoid the “flow” consisting of human views.
It's time to introduce him to my mommy. She was really looking forward to this meeting! Tigran came with a cake and a bouquet of flowers. He was gallant and smiling. My mother took a liking to my man immediately. I breathed a sigh of relief, but... In vain! The guest has left. And my mother lectured me for a long time about how disgusting that moment is when you don’t feel the oncoming gaze during a conversation. Tigran ruined his impression of himself once and for all. And the interesting fact that my mother and him, as it turned out, once worked together did not save the situation.
I knew that nothing could be fixed. I received the answer to my question spontaneously. The man himself started this conversation (which I thought about throughout the evening and morning). He admitted that my mother reminded him of his own mother... Who died several years ago from a terrible disease. I didn't bother to find out in more detail. It was already hard for Tigran.
A few weeks later I asked about the other people. After all, he practically didn’t look other people in the eye! My beloved was silent for a long time, but decided to be frank with me. He admitted that he robbed a jewelry store many years ago. His family members lived very poorly. Dad drank. Mom died. The brothers and sisters moved away. He was left alone. But everyone wants to eat! So he committed a crime in order to buy at least a piece of bread.
My beloved was imprisoned. Released early (for excellent behavior). He still feels guilty before every person! He was so ashamed that he began to develop complexes. I sincerely forgave Tigran. Thank God that he realized and understood his mistake. He assures me that this will never happen again. I know that he is not deceiving me!
My reaction was negative. But the “negativity” rather came out of surprise. Little Tiger didn’t tell me anything because he was afraid that I would leave him. No! I wouldn't be able to do this... I fell in love with a person too much. And I’m not ready to leave him just because he stumbled in the distant past. It remains to be seen how I would behave if I were in his place. The man of my dreams did not kill anyone, did not insult anyone. And I'm very happy about it! Because love has won! And I won with her. I will live and love to continue to conquer all the bad!
How to increase self-esteem?
Let's use men as an example. How can a man improve his self-esteem? For example, if a man grows in his career and business, then his self-esteem also grows. He becomes more courageous, more self-confident. Why? Because he understands that the more successful he is, the more valuable he is, in principle, to many people. And his condition changes because of this.
Many girls also resort to this when pursuing a career or business. But it is important to understand, yes, self-esteem from a career or business can also grow higher, but this is not a woman’s self-esteem, this is a person’s self-esteem. And often a woman can be confident in work, in business, but often nonsense happens in life. And often there is such a dissonance that she is successful in her career and business, but not in relationships. It's different for women. A woman's self-esteem greatly depends on the quality of her relationships with men.
This is how the world works. This does not mean that you should bow down to someone or try. No. This means that you must first establish a relationship with yourself. These are the most important relationships you need to establish. And when you establish them, your relationships with men will also improve. Until you have established a relationship with yourself, you want to manipulate, you want to pretend to be someone you are not, and you attract the same men who pretend to be someone they are not. And you and each other have hard sex in the brain. If you are satisfied with this, then continue in the same spirit, if you are not satisfied with this, ask yourself more often the question: what is my plan, what do I really want and what am I doing or not doing for this. Am I moving exactly towards my goals and desires or am I marking time.
Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions
Remember that gestures and facial expressions, unlike words, are practically beyond a person’s control. They will help you find out the truth about a man. Therefore, when talking with your chosen one, do not so much listen as observe his behavior.
- Fidgety hand movements
When you need to find out if a man is hiding something from you, ask him this question, and while listening to the answer, look at his hands.
If a person does not lie, then they are practically motionless, and their speech is calm and confident. If he is clearly lying, his hands behave fussily during a conversation: involuntarily fiddling with a ring, button or other objects. It’s just that a man, deceiving you, tries at this moment to collect his thoughts and not give away the lie. By doing this, he cannot concentrate on his hands at the same time. Now you know about it.
- Bites his lips
We made sure that everything was fine with our hands, which means we don’t have to worry. However, keep in mind that some men can control themselves by telling lies. If you still have doubts about your partner’s truthfulness, use another proven method of detecting lies, namely, see if he bites his lip during a conversation. Psychologists say: biting your lips means that you are hiding something. This fact should be remembered.
- Looks away
When a person reads a poem, while feverishly remembering the subsequent text, he averts his eyes to the side. Remember yourself as a schoolboy.
So your man is having a conversation, but his eyes are darting around the room or focusing on one thing? A jumping glance is a sign of insincerity that is difficult to miss. Most likely, he is composing another fairy tale for you on the fly.
- Lies are written on the face
When nervous, a person can quickly blush. This is common to many people. Pay attention to this sign if you are not yet sure of the veracity of your partner’s words. When a man lies, he worries that he will be caught, and this is stress for the body, which instantly reacts by increasing blood flow. The face is red, which means he is deceiving.
- Features of diction
Doubts remain about the man's sincerity? Then ask him something and pay attention to how he pronounces the words when answering. If your chosen one's speech differs from usual (faster or slower), most likely he is deceiving you. When they speak quickly, they are trying to avoid a conversation that exposes them to lies. If they stretch their words, they try to make up excuses. Be attentive to a man’s diction, it will help you recognize deception.
- Responsiveness when answering questions
There is another way in which lies can be detected. Ask a man a question and demand an immediate answer. If a person has nothing to hide, then he will not think for a long time, but in order to lie smoothly, he will need time to think. So the untruth, if it exists, will make itself known, and it will be noticeable to you. When answering, does your partner drawl his words, often use interjections, or breathe heavily? He's just trying to answer in a way that makes you believe him.
- Inconsistency of information
Let's say yesterday a man told you the reasons why he was late at work. Let him repeat them today. If he did not lie, then there will be no discrepancies in the answers. On the contrary, if he was deceiving, there may be fundamental differences in his stories, and you will be able to identify the lie quite easily. Try to clarify some details of your partner’s story, but in your zeal to find out the truth, do not overdo it, especially if the man has not previously been caught in deception.
- Manipulation
When a man realizes that a woman is getting closer to revealing his deception, he begins to manipulate in every possible way. He can make a woman feel guilty for allegedly slandering him by asking her questions: “How can you not believe me?”, “Do you really think that I can deceive you?” etc. If you follow the lead of such a person, it will be difficult to find out the truth. Manipulation can take the form of not only statements, but also accusations against you; a man can become aggressive. If you notice these, try to ignore them, and try to force your partner to be frank by starting a calm conversation with him.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Visual, auditory or kinesthetic?
Neuro-linguists offer their explanation. Whether a person likes to look into the eyes or tries to quickly look away - it depends on the way he thinks. Visual learners think through visual images, which is why it is so necessary for them to focus on their eyes in order to “read” the missing information.
For auditory learners, sounds are important - they are more likely to listen to the timbre and intonation of the voice, looking somewhere to the side. Kinesthetics, based on intuition and tactile sensations, during communication try to touch the interlocutor, hug, shake hands, while they usually look down.
Explanation from the perspective of neurolinguistics
Neurolinguists also offer their own version of why a person does not make eye contact. In their opinion, such behavior depends on what kind of thinking he has. Thus, visual learners use visual images, and it is important for them to focus on the eyes in order to “read” missing information. Auditory learners focus on sounds. And therefore, most likely, they will listen to the intonation and timbre of the voice, looking to the side. Kinesthetics, based on tactile sensations and intuition, try to touch a person during communication, shake hands, hug, and look down at the same time.
Psychologists' opinions
If a person avoids looking directly into the eyes of his interlocutor, then he has a specific reason for this. Before you look for a solution to such a problem, you need to make sure that you really want it. For example, if a person experiences strong hostility, it may be worthwhile to increase the distance as much as possible to avoid unpleasant situations in the future. In all other cases, you can find a solution to why a person avoids making eye contact
Sometimes it's enough to just wait a little. Once the person gets to know you better and gets used to it, perhaps such awkwardness will disappear on its own. In this case, you need to show tact and patience, give him the opportunity to open up on his own. Usually, openness, sincerity and a kind attitude sooner or later melt even the coldest communication. When a person is in love with you, you need to at least somehow hint at reciprocity, otherwise he may never dare to take the first step. We looked at why people don't make eye contact.
Power of persuasion
Sometimes liars do this: knowing that the interlocutor will be unpleasantly surprised by his shifting gaze, he looks intently through the person, directing his gaze to the bridge of his nose.
A series of experiments conducted by psychologists Francis Chan of the University of British Columbia and Julia Minson of the Kennedy School at Harvard University showed that the more intently a speaker looks into the eyes of the interlocutor, the less convincing his speech seems. Have you ever noticed that many public figures do not look into the eyes, but a little lower or at the bridge of the nose? Close visual contact can often be seen as a clear attempt to impose one's point of view.
He humiliates you
Women's excuses: but he will change, I guess I'm really not good enough...
A man's truth: you are good enough not to endure humiliation. If a man raises his voice at a woman, criticizes her, reminds her that she is too fat, thereby making her feel unattractive, then this is not a feature of his character, but a basic lack of respect. An adequate man never tries to humiliate or upset a woman he really likes.
Just don't take your eyes off...
There is an opinion that only a person with a strong character can withstand someone else’s gaze and not look away. “And there was no person in the Universe who could withstand Solomon’s gaze without lowering his eyes!” writes Alexander Kuprin about the wise King Solomon in the story “Shulamith.”
People on a subconscious level obey someone's inner personal power. We can say that we were convinced, persuaded, out-argued, but in fact we were influenced by the psychological power of another person. And most clearly it manifests itself in his firm gaze. This look is also called magnetic, hypnotic. Its owner can influence and manipulate people.
Some representatives of the animal world, such as tigers, are measured by the power of their gaze. So they find out who has more rights to the best place in the sun. The one who first averted his eyes lost, which means he must give in.
The same thing happens in human society: someone who hides his eyes or looks away in a conflict situation will be considered a weakling, which means he will have no chance of winning. A person with a shifting gaze also makes a pitiful impression. “A slippery guy,” they will say about him and would prefer not to deal with him. A person who does not know how to “keep an eye” is unlikely to be sent to serious business negotiations, because they are negotiating with a strong person. The weak are ordered and conditions are dictated.
But we should not forget about moderation. Staring for a long time can drive some people to neurosis. And being too persistent means suspecting your interlocutor of unseemly intentions. If we suddenly notice that the interlocutor is uncomfortable under our gaze, perhaps he is too heavy, prickly, and unfriendly.
According to psychologists, it is enough to look into the eyes approximately 70% of the time of communication.
In some countries, such as Muslim countries, it is considered indecent for a woman to look into the eyes of a man or an elderly person. This is regarded as a sign of disrespect.
Signs of love and sympathy
Before understanding a man’s feelings, let’s learn to distinguish between concepts such as love and sympathy. Agree, girls, this skill will be very useful to us in life!
| Love | Sympathy |
| Love is a combination of several strong feelings: respect, interest, falling in love and emotional attachment. | Sympathy occurs when you have a positive attitude towards a person. He arouses genuine interest in you and a desire to spend more time together. |
| Love is characterized by complete trust in another person. You can open up to him without doubting his integrity. | If you feel sympathy for a person, you will not initiate him into the recesses of your soul. There are some things you can tell him, but some things you will keep silent about. |
| If true love has arisen between you, you will soon begin to think about a future together. Common plans, prospects and dreams are what characterize true love. | Being in a state of love and sympathy, you will not get too ahead of yourself in your dreams. How your general weekend will go is the most you can think about. |
| The ability to compromise. When you truly love, you are willing to sacrifice your own interests for the interests of your loved one. At the same time, you will do this completely free of charge, without expecting gratitude and without being offended by your partner. | Having fallen in love with a person, you will still defend your own rights in a conflict situation. You will be concerned about your own interests, and the interests of your partner will fade into the background. |
Please note: many people confuse love with being in love due to intense passion. In their opinion, the intensity of passions, emotional “swings” are a sign of real feelings. However, it is not. In most cases, passion and love disappear after two or three years of living together. And if the couple had nothing but this passion, then the relationship will fail.
Reason two - antisocial personality
Many people feel uncomfortable with direct contact. Such is the modern world - people spend more and more time online and less time in real life. Therefore, even a simple meeting with a girl can become some stress for a guy who stares at a computer or phone screen for days. At the same time, there are antisocial personalities by nature, deep introverts. They look away in embarrassment, because they are simply not used to communicating with people. There is no need to be afraid of this; it usually goes away as soon as a person relaxes and opens up. You just need to create the appropriate atmosphere.
Reasons why a person does not make eye contact
- Shyness or lack of self-confidence;
- If he wants to hide something, such as affection or love;
- The insincerity of his feelings. On the contrary, he may hide something, the fact that he is married, married or other acts;
- Heavy look. People who are very powerful have an incredibly heavy gaze that pierces and is unpleasant to others. Cold, seemingly empty, embittered eyes will not please everyone;
- Doesn’t want to give information about himself, is used to avoiding answers, often lies;
- No interest in the interlocutor, fatigue.
