How to stop swearing: methods of combating the habit + advice from psychologists

As you know, swear words are considered to be verbal aggression, and its danger is not immediately noticed. Like all bad habits, the tendency to use foul language develops quickly and requires effort to get rid of it. At first, you may not even notice that you practically cannot do without obscene language. If you realize that such a problem exists and don’t know how to stop swearing, study simple recommendations.

Where did the mat come from?

Historians and linguists still cannot come to a consensus about the origin of profanity. According to the generally accepted version, the noun “mat” itself comes from the word “mother,” since the first curses among the Slavs were aimed at insulting their mothers. This is where expressions such as “send to mother” or “swear” came from.

Most modern swear words come from just three: two of them denote the male and female genital organs, and the third - the act of copulation. From them came all these verbs, nouns, interjections and other obscene substitutes for everyday words.

Reflecting on why the names of genitals suddenly began to be used in the wrong context, experts identified several versions:

Since ancient times, great importance has been attached to the reproductive organs. They were symbols of fertility. Their names were invoked to bring about rain or otherwise influence crops. The swear words were something akin to the expression “Oh God.”
In ancient times, magical properties were attributed to swear words. With their help, sorcerers caused damage and cursed enemies. It is not for nothing that one of the synonyms for swearing is the word “curse”.
For our ancestors, swearing was a kind of weapon against opponents. During civil strife, it was customary to blaspheme the gods and higher powers that protect enemies. It was believed that this made them weaker.

What else can you do?

For those who don’t know how to stop swearing, you can give one more valuable piece of advice. For everything to work out, you need to enlist the support of family or friends. It is advisable to ask someone who is constantly nearby to remind you of the need to be more restrained and control your speech.

For every swear word that comes out of your mouth, give yourself a painful slap on the wrist with a rubber band. As a result, after a short time, obscene language will become associated with pain and will forever leave your vocabulary.

If you believe most modern scientists, then in order to permanently eradicate any bad habit that has formed, it will take only 21 days. In some particularly advanced cases, this takes a little longer. But, one way or another, it is the first three weeks that are considered extremely important.

After all, according to experts, during this period the foundation is laid that allows you to gradually move towards your goal.

Throughout our lives, we often encounter people who use swear words in their everyday speech. A cultured person initially reacts to this calmly, although inside himself he is very indignant.

But we still really want to be surrounded by people who adhere to certain standards of decency in communication, especially when it comes to being around women and children. On the one hand, it seems that it is quite simple to restrain yourself from expressing rude emotions in verbal form, but on the other hand, many residents of our country never cease to ask themselves the same question: how to stop swearing?

Why do people curse

It is unlikely that today anyone is trying to use obscenities to make it rain or to cast spells on ill-wishers. The reasons for using profanity in the modern world are somewhat different:

Family. My parents were neither academicians nor people of high art, but I never heard swearing at home. It was simply not accepted. Today I observe how not only teenagers, but even small children communicate in “original Russian”. Where did they get this from? Everything initially comes from the family. If mom and dad like to express themselves strongly and are not embarrassed to express themselves in this way in front of the child, the child’s memory grasps everything on the fly and takes this as the norm.
Environment. You may have noticed that when communicating with certain people you do not swear or do it less often, while around others you can allow yourself to speak more freely. If your friends swear like shoemakers, it will be more difficult to part with swearing yourself. The environment plays an extremely important role for a person, because it is not for nothing that people say: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.”
Intellectual development. Agree, it’s not very often that you meet a successful, educated person who expresses himself in three-story obscenities. As a rule, we associate such speech with people whose professions do not differ in status and prestige (shoemakers, plumbers, mechanics, and others). Lacking a good vocabulary, people replace most words with similar abusive expressions. After all, to speak eloquently and attractively, you need to know much more than three basic words.
Protest. This mainly concerns the youth environment. Teenagers swear to look cooler, freer, more mature, to show that there are no rules written for them and no one is an authority. Often this situation occurs in children who were overly cared for and controlled by their parents. Growing up, these good girls and boys go to great lengths to try to compensate for the pressure. Some people solve their psychological problems with age, while others remain Protestants.
Stressful situations. This is perhaps one of the most justifiable reasons why obscene words come out of the mouths of many people. They hammered a nail - they hit their finger with a hammer, they fell - they were seriously hurt, they dropped and broke their phone, they lost a valuable item due to theft, etc. In such situations, even the most cultured people can not restrain themselves and curse loudly.
The desire to impress. In particular, I am now talking about the category of people who were discussed at the very beginning of the article. Their stories are interesting, presented with humor, swearing is used to convey a vivid impression, looks appropriate and does not hurt the ear. But such people know in what situations and in what society it is permissible to use such sound amplifiers.
Incontinence. This is not about how a hammer accidentally slipped off a nail and a sloppy craftsman couldn’t restrain himself and cursed. We are talking about the inability to control your negativity and the desire to offend your interlocutor as much as possible. When a person cannot calmly give arguments and express his point of view so that it is understood, he uses obscenities. Just out of hopelessness and psychological weakness.

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Be a good example for children

Many people really don't know how to stop swearing. But they really want to do this, guided by the fact that they do not want their children to repeat swear words. In order not to “infect” the younger generation with your bad habit, you need to constantly monitor your own speech.

Under no circumstances should you swear in front of children.

After all, they very quickly absorb not only the good, but also the bad. Therefore, your main goal should be to establish complete control over your words. When you feel an irresistible urge to curse, try to switch your attention to something else.

You can do gymnastics at this moment. Physical exercise is considered one of the most effective ways to overcome aggression.

Techniques and methods of fighting swearing

We've sorted out the theory, let's move on to practice. What to do if you decide to get rid of an uncultured and bad habit? I would like to emphasize that the most important thing is to want it yourself. Stopping swearing under duress is an unpromising activity.

So there are several ways:

A collection of fines. The idea is simple: for each swear word you need to throw a certain amount of money into the piggy bank. This could be a small denomination coin or a banknote. It is logical that the larger the fine, the higher the motivation. You can set yourself a certain period, for example, a month without swearing. At the end of this time, you can open the piggy bank and celebrate your victory over profanity.
Elastic band on the wrist. The method is similar to the previous one. Here you also punish yourself with some kind of fine, but not financial, but physical. Your task is to put an elastic band on your hand, which is used to tie money, and with each swear word spoken, pull it back so that it hits your wrist painfully. This is how animals are trained, developing in them the instinct “this is impossible, otherwise it will hurt.” In this way, you can quickly accustom yourself to correct speech.
Compensation. If using swear words helps you blow off steam in moments of anger and aggression, replace your habit with exercise. For example, do 10 squats, clench and unclench your fists 25 times, hit a punching bag, run around your house or office. Come up with a suitable alternative for yourself.
Finding motivation. Formulate why you needed to get rid of the swearing. Perhaps you want to look more educated, successful in the eyes of others, find a partner for a serious relationship, become an example for your children, claim a higher social level, etc. You can choose something more material, for example, promise yourself a new book or gadget . When you have a clear goal, working on yourself is much easier.
Awareness in reactions. You are an adult and are quite capable of taking control of your behavior and responses to current events. If you are used to throwing insulting words in response to rudeness, get into the habit of wishing your opponent a good day. And just feel sorry for people who pour out nasty things on a social network. After all, it is always the one who is offended and unhappy who offends. The same can be done with stressful situations: figure out how you can behave differently in such cases. Stock up on a whole arsenal of alternative reactions - the result will not be long in coming. I wrote about how to learn to control your emotions in a previous publication.
Reconsidering the environment. We have already talked about the fact that the people you communicate with have a strong influence on your speech. Try to surround yourself with those for whom moral standards and culture of communication are not an empty phrase. Try to minimize contact with those who swear a lot. You can go the other way and invite your friend to get rid of the habit of swearing together. Perhaps your initiative will be supported and you will become a person who has managed to improve not only your life, but also someone else’s.
An image in my head. Remember in whose presence you never allow yourself to swear. Perhaps it will be a person from your past: a teacher, relative or parents. Whenever you have the urge to swear, imagine this person next to you. Many people note that this method perfectly helps to control themselves.
Expanding vocabulary. Often they resort to swearing in cases where they do not know more suitable literary words. Read books! Well-read, intelligent people find it easier to choose words to express their emotions. You can even keep a notebook and write down phrases you like so that you can use them in communication later.
Elimination of sources. If you often listen to songs with profanity, watch TV series in which the main characters do not mince words, try to rid yourself of such sources at least for the duration of “therapy.” Perhaps over time you simply don’t want to return to them.
Patience. Be loyal to yourself. If you have considered swearing something ordinary and familiar for many years, then retraining yourself in a week will not be easy. Don’t blame yourself for failures; be prepared for the fact that this is a long process and it requires patience, time and some effort on your part.

These methods are easy to use, effective and versatile. You can resort to them yourself, as they say, at home. They are suitable for girls, men, and even teenagers.

Positive thinking and good music

Those who have realized that there is no need to swear and have seriously decided to eradicate this bad habit can be advised to be positive. After all, many of us begin to swear precisely when something makes us nervous.

You need to try to distract yourself from irritating factors and not pay special attention to them.
You need to try to develop resistance to stressful situations and not worry about trifles.
Don't be annoyed by the sudden rain or lack of money at the nearest ATM.

Those who are constantly thinking about how to stop swearing need to listen to as much good music as possible.

These can be classical works or any other beautiful compositions. To make sure that swearing to music is much more difficult, you can conduct a simple experiment. While listening to your favorite tune, try swearing and see what happens.

If at the moment when you feel the urge to swear, there is no music nearby, you can start quietly humming your favorite song instead of bad words.

How to replace obscene words

Expressive expressions that send a person on a long journey on foot can be replaced with others. For example:

I have no time to talk to you!
You have become too annoying!
I already looked everywhere, but I still couldn’t find where I asked for your opinion!
Please come out!

You can characterize an unpleasant person without swearing like this:

You are a very strange person!
Kanaglia!
Your social responsibility leaves much to be desired!

The following alternatives can help you express your feelings:

Stunning!
Incredible!
Grandiose!
How interesting it turned out!
I'm at a loss!
It's a shame!
What bad luck!
What a nuisance!
Just a disaster!
I'm in extreme difficulty!
It's outrageous!
A blatant case!
Houston, we have problems!

You can replace the synonym for the word “damn”, which accompanies everything, with a short “oops”.

You can also come up with your own unique curse words. Here is a small selection of short, pithy exclamations:

Holy tomatoes!
Damn it!
Well, the moss is with you!
Shred your cherries!
Chill him to the left!
Compote in your mouth!
Eper fountain!

Historical retreat

In the old days, swear words in Rus' were used to protect against curses that could bring illness and other troubles to a person. Such an urgent need may arise in our time. For example, if a gypsy woman accosts you on the street with an offer to tell fortunes, and you want to avoid this situation, you may hear various curses from her addressed to you. To protect yourself from a large accumulation of negative energy, you begin to swear at her and this often helps, since such words penetrate the gypsy’s “field” and she lags behind you.

How to get rid of the habit of swearing: advice from psychologists

Experts in the field of personality psychology explain the need to swear in a slightly different light. They believe that swearing gives a person an illusory sense of his own strength and masculinity. Even if the question concerns a girl or woman, the fact remains a fact.

A woman who often uses obscene language in her speech may have had psychological trauma in the past. These are situations from childhood, when a girl did not feel protected, patronized, was forced to take on extra responsibility, play the role of breadwinner in the family, and fulfill male responsibilities.

Such a woman is afraid or ashamed to be soft, gentle; she sees advantages precisely in masculine qualities, which, in her opinion, can give her the missing sense of security, the right to have something better and not feel guilty.

Another reason why a person swears is the desire to be accepted by society. We all want to be accepted in one way or another. And the less emotionally developed a person we are, the more we need acceptance. Strong-willed people do not allow others to dictate how they should behave or what kind of person they should be. This is the difference. It is for this reason that many teenagers smoke and swear.

The first thing psychologists advise those who want to stop using such language to do forever is to answer honestly the question about the benefits of swearing. Think about what exactly swearing gives you. Having heard the answer from yourself, continue to observe yourself, consciously analyzing personal reactions and choosing other models for expressing individuality.

Think about what image of yourself you are trying to broadcast to society by using obscene language. Is this really the image you would like to maintain for yourself?

Remember that truly strong people do not need to demonstrate their strength by swearing. Strength manifests itself in other things.

I highly recommend studying our article on how to learn to speak beautifully. You will learn a lot of useful things for yourself!

Reading classics and changing your social circle

People who don’t know how to stop swearing can be recommended to read more classical works. Literature not only helps to polish your speech, but also allows you to tune in to the positive.

There is another important point in this matter that definitely needs to be paid attention to. Before you stop swearing, you need to reconsider your own social circle.

It is advisable to refuse friendship with people whose vocabulary is filled with obscene expressions. You should remember that the less often you meet with such people, the less often you will swear. You need to communicate exclusively with those who watch their speech and do not use swear words.

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Author Dalia Konysheva Proofreader Ekaterina Zhavoronkova

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”