For many, the desire to be needed and build good relationships turns into the question, why are you unlucky in love? This is especially true for formally prosperous and attractive individuals. If a person has many problems, he is socially disadvantaged, then questions about the problems of his personal life are not surprising, but when beautiful and promising, smart and erudite people cannot create something strong and harmonious over and over again, then it is worth finding the reasons for such misunderstandings.
Usually, all the problems in the sphere of relationships are not in the external environment, events or partners, but in the personal characteristics and psychological traumas of the unlucky person, and possibly in the lack of examples of successful interaction. Some do not know how to set priorities or have impairments in social and personal interaction. There are differences for those who fail to have a first romance and who get divorced for the fourth time, so the reasons may differ depending on gender, but still the main problem will be in personality traits or established habits.
Possible reasons
- Infantility. An adult does not know how to behave with a member of the opposite sex. He is essentially stuck in childhood. There is a problem of education. It is important that parents, when raising their offspring, do not resort to prohibitions too often and, even more so, do not prohibit communication with peers of the opposite sex. Otherwise, it will lead to great disappointment in the future. In such a situation, psychologists advise putting aside childhood inhibitions, feeling like an adult, visiting crowded places more often, starting a conversation with any member of the opposite sex, be it a salesperson in a store or a doctor, hiding your inexperience, and being natural.
- Dislike for one's own person. There are people who underestimate themselves. This is often due to the lack of parental love, success in school, and attention from members of the opposite sex. A person who doesn’t love himself doesn’t even look at his own reflection in the mirror, doesn’t pamper himself with gifts, doesn’t put on beautiful clothes, and doesn’t strive to succeed in his career. There is a belief that “I don’t deserve to be happy.” And in such a situation, you need to understand that there is no point in waiting for love from the outside if you don’t love yourself. Remember that every person longs to find a partner who will improve his life and delight his existence. If you don’t love yourself, you are depleted in energy terms. Relationships with a person who is always dissatisfied with himself are filled with negative energy. And it’s unlikely that anyone will voluntarily want to stew in this. In order to love yourself, first of all, you need to increase your self-esteem. Visit a beauty salon, go to the gym, decide on a hobby, improve your intellectual level, develop yourself comprehensively, start, for example, by learning a foreign language, go on a trip.
- Fear of meeting new people. A person must understand that if he was unlucky once, this does not mean that a similar scenario will be repeated again and again. In this situation, it is extremely important to analyze the current experience, take away the most valuable things from it, understand what mistakes were made in order to prevent them from happening in the future.
- Programming for failure. There are people who are so convinced that they will be alone that any attempt to create a relationship always ends in failure. In such a situation, one cannot do without the long-term work of a psychologist.
In men
Reasons for failure in your personal life Why you have no luck in relationships with guys and men
“Why is this happening to me?” is the first question on the path to a healthy and happy relationship. There can be several reasons for unluckiness in love.
I want to help him, I want to save him
You put on a halo of holiness and devote your whole life to saving alcoholics, drug addicts, losers and just scoundrels...
You are trying to rehabilitate a womanizer, a thief and a liar...
Naturally, you succeed in little or nothing, but you do not give up this hopeless occupation and fight with windmills, periodically changing them from one to another.
You are the Savior, you want to make men better, more honest, kinder, more successful, more beautiful...
But do you know why you are doing this?
Patient
This scenario is a bit similar to the previous one. A woman believes that she must tolerate everything a man does and says. According to her, this is the only way to build a happy family. She hides her displeasure, never shows offense or disappointment, and always tries to be in an even mood. But a man very quickly becomes fed up with such relationships, because he cannot determine what is happening in their couple. The woman begins to seem boring and uninteresting to him, and accordingly, this leads to a breakup.
Low self-esteem
There are often cases when girls have too low self-esteem. It would seem that low self-esteem often equals modesty, and this cannot be the reason that you are unlucky in love. However, it's not that simple. Owners of this type of character perceive any attention from a man as something special and incredible. In other words, they firmly believe that any compliment is an accident, that a miracle cannot happen to them, since they are unworthy of strong mutual relationships.
Domestic bunny
Oh, these are just perfect wives! And even sworn girlfriends shrug their shoulders in bewilderment, trying to understand and explain to them why they are unlucky in love. Guys, in turn, are quite willing to communicate with domestic bunnies. And this is not surprising, because they are well educated, well-groomed, always look one hundred percent, and also cook well.
However, all they get in love is one-time sex or a fleeting romance that lasts no more than one week. Why is this happening? It's simple. Domestic bunnies are incredibly boring, which is why men run away from them headlong, so as not to get bogged down in this ideal swamp.
Why are women unlucky in love? How can I change everything?
According to statistics, beautiful and successful girls are more often unlucky in love. The reason for bad luck mainly lies in behavior and excessive demands on a partner.
After all, a loved one must be:
- rich;
- smart;
- handsome;
- have a sense of humor;
- play sports, etc.
The woman begins to wait for the prince, not allowing herself to see the merits of a partner with whom she could be happy.
Expectations of a rich groom
Parents often instill in girls that their husband must be rich. And if in adolescence the daughter begins to date a poor person, the meetings are stopped.
As a result, money comes first in relationships. Commercialism makes it impossible to consider a person’s merits, and having found a rich man, women are sincerely surprised why the relationship does not work out. Left alone, they resume their search for a rich companion.
Scenarios of female behavior
If, after asking once again the question “Why is she unlucky in love?”, a woman is still at a loss, then she clearly needs to think about what role she plays in the relationship. Psychologists say that each of us experiences up to a dozen unsuccessful love affairs throughout our lives, which brought some negative experience. And experts don’t see anything wrong with this. But in cases where every romance ends in separation, and is doomed from the very beginning, we are dealing with the programming of a situation characteristic of some women.
Psychologists identify five main roles that unlucky representatives of the fair sex implement in their lives to one degree or another:
- rejected;
- devoted;
- used for one's own purposes;
- patient;
- proactive.
So, let's briefly consider each of the listed options.
Why are you unlucky in your personal life with men and what to do?
The answer is on the surface - trust fate, do not limit yourself to communicating with people exclusively from your circle. Open up to the world and it will open up to you.
Acknowledge the fact that there is a problem. Allow yourself to be weak and accept outside help... You need to make a choice, leave one comfort zone in order to enter another...
Start taking care of yourself. Learn to listen and hear your body - start pampering yourself with all kinds of salons. Visiting the fitness center should become an integral part of your life. A well-groomed woman cannot help but attract the attention of men!
Going to the theater, restaurant or visiting an exhibition once a week is not a luxury. But rather, it is a necessity for you. Love yourself, value yourself and soon you will feel how your life is changing.
What can I tell you, in modern realities there are quite a lot of well-groomed, beautiful, attractive, earning, but VERY LONELY women. Who cry into their pillow at night and turn to me for help.
It’s not all about the external, whatever one may say. The most important thing is what is inside a person. I am now talking about the spiritual component, the spiritual component. Nowadays consumption has become the norm. And many, without noticing, in relationships only demand, demand and demand. But with the sensual line, with truly feminine energies, there is a problem.
Tell me honestly, do you know women around who are “ugly”, plump, seemingly unsightly, but they have a family, a full cup in the house and comfort?
Unfortunately, now they don’t teach us to be gentle, they don’t teach us to be open. And this is precisely what a modern woman lacks. I believe that when there are problems in your personal life, you need to work on yourself, start with yourself.
Hard worker
If you really want to find love, then stop making excuses like “I don't have time to meet new people” or “I have too much work.”
But is it your job's fault that you can't find time to have coffee with the man you just met?
Chances are, your hectic life is an excuse to avoid any potential intimate relationships. So take the time to meet people and don't use your job as an excuse out of fear of meeting someone.
What problems do invisible women have?
Men don’t notice them, don’t give them gifts, because of this they are forced to date not the one they want, but the one who comes across. Invisible women feel unhappy, undervalued, dissatisfied, envy their friends, or simply believe that loneliness is their lot. These women often focus on their careers or motherhood and leave no resources for relationships. Some have already accepted their fate, while others are still trying to find their happiness. If you haven't lost hope yet, then this article is for you.
Reason: sacrifice, low self-esteem
One of the good reasons for breaking up a relationship, if one suddenly appears, is excessive sacrifice! “I am everything to him... and he?...” Or “What was he missing? I left my friends for him, and...” - sound familiar? Have you already heard it somewhere?
Or maybe it wasn’t worth sacrificing yourself on the sacrificial altar of love at all? Maybe you shouldn’t “do everything for him) and nothing for yourself?
One of the reasons that “there is no change on the personal front” is that as soon as people begin to develop more or less normal relationships and everything gets better for them, one of the partners will definitely begin to try on the mask of a sacrificial doe. For what??? You are loved for who you are! And this happiness must be cherished like the apple of your eye. Remember - low self-esteem is the enemy of a happy personal life.
Loneliness, lack of personal life, depression, feeling trapped - all these are links in the same chain. Agree, it is unlikely that if a person has a full personal life, he will feel lonely. Often depression is a consequence of a breakup.
How it works?
A man can drive his luxury car, and you can just go to the bakery from the next door. And he will see you, so enjoying, smiling, light, bright, walking along the sidewalk for a loaf of bread. And he just wants to continue this happiness, simply because he wants and can. Invisible women believe that it is the man who should fill them with love, give them happiness, love them for their dad and mom, and only then she will give him her love. Happy men look for happy women to increase their happiness.
Tips on how to become loved
A woman needs to feel needed, and this is the main thing for which she lives. And she feels needed only when a loved one appears in her life.
As a rule, the one who loves and appreciates herself becomes happy. This is what makes it unique and special. She is not looking for a relationship just so as not to be left alone. She knows her own worth, does not try to change people to suit her interests, but perceives them as they really are.
Such a woman knows that any man will be happy next to her. And she has her own point of view on relationships with the opposite sex: will she be happy with her chosen one, will he not suppress her personality, will she still have the opportunity for personal growth.
She has her own interests and passions in life. She knows what she wants and will be able to fight for her happiness. If a relationship with a man causes only negative emotions, she will break off this relationship without an ounce of doubt.
She understands that strong, stable relationships can only exist between people who have similar views on life, goals, aspirations and life values. She is sure that she will definitely be lucky in love.
Tomboy
Such a girl can be found in any male company. The tomboy believes that the best way to conquer a guy is to become “on the same page”, sharing absolutely all men’s hobbies. She enjoys football, drinks beer, smokes and can beat any man at a computer game.
She is always aware of who, where and when of her friends started an affair. And often she even knows all the intimate secrets of the newly-made couple. However, the Tomboy herself never manages to become the object of attention of her male friends. They perceive her as a guy in a skirt and with feminine curves, so they are in no hurry to build a relationship.
Reasons for bad luck
- Low self-esteem. If a girl underestimates her self-esteem, then she chooses a mate that is far from the best options;
- Inflated self-esteem will also not lead to anything good. In this case, the chances of having a strong relationship are minimal;
- Fear of loneliness. Many people, after breaking up one unsuccessful relationship, immediately try to create new ones and again make the same mistakes. New relationships also turn out to be unsuccessful. There is no need to rush to make new acquaintances just because you are afraid of being lonely. Take a break from your relationship and enjoy your solitude. You will have time to think about which half you need;
- Wrong choice of partner. You can't change an adult. And if you like a certain type of personality, but the relationship with him is not going well, then you need to think and change your preferences. It's time to stop stepping on the same rake, i.e. meet a person whose relationship will lead to another separation;
- Wrong behavior in relationships. Quarrels occur when both people do not know how to behave correctly. Men act like women or weaklings, and women act like bitches. Until the couple stops sorting things out and proving which of them should dominate, nothing good will come of it.
Wrong environment
If a guy often goes to nightclubs and meets girls there, the likelihood of meeting the love of his life is reduced to zero. Sociologists from the SuperJob Research Center conducted a survey among 5,000 married men. They were asked where they met their soulmate. Not a single respondent named the option “in a nightclub”!
What is this connected with? In circles where people lead a fairly wild lifestyle, go out at night and drink, there are decent girls, but among them there are rarely those who are aimed at serious, stable relationships. If she goes with her friends a couple of times a month just to dance, that’s a completely different matter.
The guy can be advised to look for a girl elsewhere. For example, at a festival of interests, during a walk in the park, in a quiet and cozy establishment.
Psychologist's advice
So that you can calmly build your personal life correctly, psychologists advise following the following recommendations. By following them, you and your partner can feel comfortable:
- People should not be limited in their freedom. There is no need to constantly call, write, or try to control their every step and thought. This exhausts not only your partner, but also yourself. Subsequently, this will lead to separation. Learn to trust.
- Don't be stingy in thanking your loved one. Every man is pleased to do something when he hears words of gratitude for his efforts. Even if you don’t like something, don’t tell the person about it directly. You risk making him stop trying for you. Let's say a guy tried to make you breakfast in bed. The food is slightly burnt, you can feel it. It’s better to tell him that he did a great job and made you very happy. Offer to make breakfast with him next time. In this way, you will teach him to cook well, and he will continue to desire to please you with such attention. But by making a remark about a burnt breakfast, you will deprive yourself of pleasant attention from a man. He will no longer take the initiative to bring coffee to bed and will not want to cook anything for you at all.
- Avoid monotony. Always change your image, your date places. Whatever you can change, change it. This is necessary so that neither you nor your partner gets bored.
What is most important in a relationship: 10 fundamental qualities
Careerist
Until a certain time, she does not think about her love failures at all. She simply has no time to do this, because all she has on her mind is a career that she needs to build before a certain age.
And only sometimes closer to the night, when in the heat of work battles, the Career Woman has a free moment, she realizes that life is not going quite right, and something urgently needs to be changed. However, soon the long-term lack of sleep makes itself felt, and the girl literally falls asleep. Well, she can’t make time for love, she can’t!
