The therapist explained why some people are always late

“A Tide Optimist is a person who is usually late because he thinks he has more time than he actually has. That is, the person is constantly late.”

If only I had known this word before, everything would have made sense to me. But I guess I didn't have enough time because I was too busy, missing my deadlines and disappointing others because I was always late.

However, a tidsoptimist is a kind of optimist in life. The Tidsoptimist is extremely optimistic about time. They see hours in seconds, which is why it is so difficult to be realistic about deadlines and various tasks.

Being optimistic in general is a good trait, but being optimistic about time is a little tricky. Although it is not good to be too anxious to always be punctual, it is also not good to be too optimistic.

But there are some good sides too, and if you discuss it with someone, they will agree that it is very difficult to label as bad or good. Tidsoptimists know this very well. I know this well.

I almost lost my job because I would always be late, always making excuses, but you can't fool people for life. Sooner or later they will realize that you have some problems regarding time, and when that time comes, you better explain it to them.

The mind of a tidsoptimist seems like an eternal battlefield where time is both your companion and your worst enemy. You think you're rocking it until you realize you'll be late and have to deal with all those disappointed faces waiting for you to apologize.

But the thing is, we don't do this on purpose. We really try to arrive on time, but for some reason something prevents us from doing this, because we are busy with something else or because we think that there is more time than there actually is.

The Roots of Unpunctuality

Researchers at New York University Business School conclude that unpunctual people continue to be late even though they understand the consequences.

On average, we underestimate the time required to complete a task by 40%.

The University of San Diego conducted a study among 181 operators in the New York metro area. According to neuroscientists, people with a tendency to multitask are less punctual. In such conditions, the brain has a harder time with metacognition, so we lose sight of details such as schedules.

The benefits of punctuality

Punctual man looks calm and happy

To decide to eradicate the habit of being late, you need to understand how much better your life will be if you can become punctual:

• the number of stressful situations will decrease - the boss will stop reprimanding, your loved one will not be offended, work negotiations will take place in a timely manner and in a positive mood;
• They will stop saying unpleasant words behind your back, they will not judge you or demonstrate their indignation;
• colleagues will begin to respect you, and this also applies to family members - they will understand that you had to make a lot of efforts in order to improve;
• You will be able to climb the career ladder. This situation is typical for cases when a person has merit at work, but regular tardiness does not allow him to grow. When management sees that an employee has become responsible, they decide that he can be rewarded.

Punctuality is a positive character trait and can be instilled at any age.

How to make friends over time?

When there is no understanding of ourselves, we act unconsciously, on a whim. We are not in control of the situation. Without understanding ourselves, we also do not understand others. Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” very accurately, based on differences, makes it possible to understand oneself and one’s contradictions. You can begin to distinguish the manifestations of vectors already at the introductory free online training. Once you understand yourself, you can answer the question. And it doesn’t matter where - to work or meeting with friends. The problem of being late disappears as if it never existed.

General information

Lack of punctuality is a problem that a person, to one degree or another, faces every day. People who are regularly late cause misunderstandings and, for some, hostility. A person who is unable to come to an appointment on time does not inspire respect; one gets the impression that he is irresponsible and does not know how to control himself. A late person is a person who is constantly late (as others call him).

If you are familiar with the phrase: “I’m always late for work,” then you know that this is also terrible and inconvenient, because you have to do everything in a hurry, literally run down the street, come up with a logical excuse, apologize and make excuses. This is why it is so important to learn to plan everything in your life and use your time rationally.

Not all people who are late think about what consequences may await them in the future. They get a bad reputation, colleagues realize that they cannot rely on such an individual, he cannot be trusted, and this aggravates relationships in the team and negatively affects self-esteem.

Being late can lead to serious problems in your personal life and at work; it always provokes negative emotions, indignation, and irritation of others.

Wait for me, please... Always late. Habit of being late

For some people, dealing with your punctuality is like trying to ride a mad cow. And if you don’t live in the village of Dalnyaya Gryaz, then you know that being in a hurry and being late is now normal. “There’s not enough time for anything”, “I don’t have time to do anything”, “I’m late everywhere”, “I’m wasting time”... Sound familiar?

Sorry, I won't do this again...

When meeting with my long-time friend, I deliberately arrive about forty minutes later. And I'm in no hurry. I just know: she will certainly be late. There has never been a case where she came at the appointed time.

We have a favorite restaurant. Until recently, the plot of our meetings was like this. I arrived, as usual, on time, took a table, ordered myself a juice and waited. Having read all the magazines, studied the seated audience, all the waiters and the bartender without exception, memorized the menu and the patterns of the stucco on the ceiling, I quietly went wild. The joy of anticipation of the meeting dissolved, love for my friend was replaced by the desire to tear her to pieces. At the last minute of my patience, Nastya flew in. How she knows how to do this - only God knows.

Smiling guiltily and breathing excitedly, she plopped down in a chair and excitedly told another terrible story about why she, well, couldn’t have come an hour ago... However, she told so many stories that they had already lost their charm. I sat and felt like a complete fool. And you can’t seem to blame her - she’s so extreme, and if you don’t get into her position, you’ll be insensitive and feel sorry for your time. Do I have nothing to do? Several times I lectured her about relationship etiquette, but due to their zero effectiveness, I decided to change tactics.

Now I come later. I know that Nastya will be almost an hour late. So I have the opportunity not to wait for her, but to adjust my hours to her hours. Arriving forty minutes later than scheduled, I nevertheless always arrive first.

What’s interesting is that in this situation it’s bad for both sides. It doesn't matter who you are. Late or waiting. The situation is, in any case, uncomfortable.

One steals time from others, the other loses it. And both of them feel irritated. On yourself, on others, on circumstances, on everything around.

Ability to be late

People say that being on time is a skill. May be. But being late is as much a talent as being punctual. You have to be able to be late. There is a know-how here.

Please note: if you are late, it is always for a good reason. Force majeure happens, which seems to be out of your control.

When you expect to get somewhere, you are likely to ignore some things. For example, in the morning it is a discovery that your skirt has not been ironed. Wow! Oh, yes, it seems your gasoline is “zero.” How unexpected! We'll have to refuel! Wow, there’s a line at the gas station... Strange. But there is a traffic jam on this highway! You didn't count on her. Although you travel here often, and, to be honest, it is almost always here.

By the way, this is great art. Drive the same route, and each time calculate your travel time as if you were driving late at night and not a single car was expected in the foreseeable space.

If you travel by public transport, this does not change matters. You have every chance of not arriving on time.

Leave the house just 30 seconds later than it takes to jump on the coveted bus (trolleybus, train, minibus). Look sadly after your vehicle, which so vilely did not wait for you. Take a deep breath, and be sure to think about the fact that the next one will not come soon.

If you're on your way to an important meeting and you're late, you start glancing frantically at your watch every 30 seconds, your breathing becomes faster, and you imagine the dire consequences of your tardiness. You imagine in vivid colors what those who are waiting for you will tell you, what words they will scold you with. With silent melancholy in your eyes, you drive up the transport. You criticize traffic jams, Moscow and the modern rhythm of life. Do you remember how many times you promised yourself not to be late! You begin to frantically come up with good reasons for your lateness (maybe you got stuck in the elevator, or terrorists captured the metro station, at worst, you were raped a couple of times on the way, etc.).

When you reach your destination, you make a sad, guilty face. Gasping, wiping sweat from your forehead, you tell your story, ask for forgiveness from everyone and for at least another half hour you do not remove the mask of grief and regret from your face. Let them be ashamed that they dared to judge you for being late.

What do delays mean...

Being late, sad as it may be, can say a lot about a person. No, don't think so, nothing terrible. Someone who is always late can be a sweet, kind person. And yet…

• Your lateness may mean that you haven’t quite... matured yet. Even if you are well over 30. The main sign of adulthood is the ability to take responsibility for yourself and your life. Do not blame the circumstances and be the master of the situation. Being late is a manifestation of personal irresponsibility and helplessness. After all, someone who is late always has someone to blame.
• Being late is... a form of neglecting the person who is waiting for you. Yes exactly. This, of course, is not rudeness or rude assault. That is why in corporate culture lateness is viewed extremely negatively. By being late, you let the person know that you do not value their time. Whoever it is - your boss or girlfriend. Dates do not count when a nice lady tests a man’s patience. And still, it is incorrect to be more than a quarter of an hour late even for a romantic meeting. The idea is for the man to come first, and the woman to come a little later. The rest still falls into bad taste.
• Being late is a manipulation of people, usually unconscious. You have no other ways to attract attention, and you... are late. And everyone is thinking about you, wondering where you are, if something has happened, calling you on your mobile phone. This is especially true if you are running late to join a group of people. On any excursion, for example, there will be a person who will be pressed at the airport, on the bus, in the hotel... The whole group with suitcases will stand until he deigns to appear. This is a typical attention grabber. Although the person who is late will never admit it.
• Being late is an expression of protest. You find yourself late to places you don't want to go for one reason or another. Maybe it’s a protest against routine (systematic lateness to work), maybe it’s internal fear (being late for meetings), maybe it’s a desire to delay an unpleasant moment (being late to the dentist).
• Well, in the end, being late is a habit. The same habit as overeating or smoking. You have given yourself internal permission to be late and are doing it. Note that people are more likely to be late for work than, for example, for a plane. You'd rather be late for your friend's party than for the president of your company for your own annual report. We allow ourselves to be late for events that we consider not very important. Just check: if your friend announced that she would be giving out millionaire suitors to her friends at her birthday party, would anyone be late?

What's in your long haul drawer?

It is known: how a person does something is how he does everything. Take a closer look at yourself: if you have a habit of being late, most likely you are “slow” in global things. You are late to do something in your life. You put it on the back burner, even though it’s high time, you play the “Not Now” game.

What can you put off? Yes, anything:

• An important conversation (for example, about a salary increase),
• quitting smoking, drinking, overeating,
• starting to play sports,
• visit to the doctor,
• breaking off relations with someone with whom it is already clear that nothing will work out,
• attending important courses,
• looking for another job,
• divorce, moving to another place of residence,
• new projects,
• meeting someone
• trip (on vacation, to visit parents, on important business, etc.).

How to become more punctual?

• Ask yourself: who do you blame for your tardiness? For circumstances, for time (it is his fault, there is always not enough of it), for the rhythm of life (in Moscow it is impossible to be on time), for one’s ineradicable shortcomings, for a large number of things to do, for traffic jams, etc. And... stop blaming the world around you. Shift responsibility to yourself. If you want to be on time, you will be on time. And no circumstances will force you to be late. Do you control time, or does time control you? You control your personal time. Even if you don't think so.
• You most likely know what time of delay is usual for you: someone is five minutes late, someone is twenty, someone is an hour late. Knowing your time, set yourself a personal schedule for exactly this time earlier. If everyone is meeting at five, set a time for yourself - twenty minutes to five.

Agree with your acquaintances, friends and colleagues that they are not waiting for you. You are late - they start without you, leave, leave, fly away, etc. Let them be as punctual as planes and trains. And you will see that being on time is an easy task.

We always think that there is enough time.

If you ask the Tidsoptimist not to be late, he will tell you that there is enough time. This is because we are confident that there is plenty of time, although we have no evidence of this.

But it is deeply rooted in our being and fighting it will only make things worse. Sometimes it's good to be stress-free and think that you won't be late because time is your friend. It's good to be able to relax and chill in your free time rather than worrying about everything that's waiting for you to complete them.

But when it comes to deadlines, this kind of thinking just kills us. And we understand this when it is already too late. We will think that we still have time until someone comes to us to say that we have deceived him again.

What is acceptable lateness?

Acceptable lateness

- this is the maximum time an employee can still
be late
for the task to be counted as completed, albeit “late”.

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Disrespect for other people's schedule

An unpunctual person often thinks that everyone around him has a flexible schedule. Therefore, he allows himself to be shamelessly late and thereby causes dissatisfaction.

If you have problems with punctuality and you are not the kind of person who arrives on time, then we advise you to familiarize yourself with a few tips. They will help you always arrive on time and not make others languish while waiting for your arrival.

Deadlines are our mortal enemy.

Some people are afraid of death, but people-optimists are afraid of deadlines. There's something about feeling limited to finish something when someone tells you to or when it should be done.

Deadlines are considered the biggest destroyers of our cold world, and we will never understand why people are so often on time. Wouldn't we be much more creative and passionate if we didn't worry about time?

Time pressure may be what kills our joy inside, but at the same time it is something you cannot function with. So when someone gives us a deadline, we try really hard to remember it, even though we know we'll screw it up again.

But there's this tiny spark of hope that maybe this time we'll finish on time and not five seconds before or after the deadline. And we pray to God to give us strength and freedom from worry while we are on our journey to accomplish that ultimate task of completing something eventually.

Possible reasons

Inability to plan your day leads to regular delays

Among the factors that can influence lateness, there are many reasons. However, in most cases, this is the result of an incorrect daily routine, excessive slowness, inability to appreciate the transience of time and confusion.

1. Procrastination. An individual who finds many side tasks instead of doing his main job, as a rule, is always late. Laziness and an overly measured lifestyle cause a serious lack of time.
2. The desire to control everything. A person with this kind of thinking is sure that if he is late for a meeting, they will wait for him, which means he is important and controls the process himself. In fact, here we are talking about the illusion of control, which is perceived by others as disrespect and a manifestation of weakness.
3. A way to attract attention. Such individuals are mostly vain and self-centered. With this behavior they assert themselves, because someone is forced to wait for their appearance.
4. Lack of ability to properly manage your time. An individual is simply not able to determine how long it will take him to complete a particular task. Here we can also talk about cases where a certain routine has been developed, but after changing jobs, the person cannot get used to the new routine.
5. Conscious lateness. If this reason occurs, then the individual, as a rule, is delayed for the same time, for example, 10 minutes. According to experts, the personality type and the method of resistance are to blame. Such people experienced rebellion in childhood. They refuse to do what others expect from them. Also, such actions can be provoked by the desire to feel a little stress.
6. A person can only be late for certain meetings. There may be a fear factor at play here. Essentially, he is trying to stall for time. This includes the case of a student. A child may regularly be late for classes due to reluctance to go to school. In this way he tries to delay the time as much as possible.
7. Need for punishment. This includes people who are in the role of a victim, who are hidden masochists. As a child, they had experience of building the wrong relationships with people. A person is thus able to receive everyone's attention. He is sure that if he is scolded or beaten, punished in any way, they will express love - after all, such behavior indicates a lack of indifference.
8. Passive desire to quit work. An individual who cannot directly express his indignation and unwillingness to attend his workplace, by such actions provokes his superiors to dismiss him.
9. Bad habit. A person has been regularly late for a long time. Such behavior becomes his lifestyle, over time a character trait.

I had a classmate who was late for classes every day, then for practice, then for work. Being late is her pathological habit. Even when punishment was introduced for late arrival, she was unable to arrive on time.

You may have noticed that in most cases there are psychological problems, which means everything can be changed. The problem is that individuals who are constantly late are in no hurry to correct themselves.

Risk group

Lack of self-control leads to regular lateness

Let's look at what personal characteristics can increase a person's chances of being late:

• lack of self-control;
• feeling of discomfort during social communication;
• increased nervousness;
• the need for constant production of adrenaline;
• in case of failure, blame the circumstances, not yourself;
• inability to say “no” - situations when a person takes on obligations that he cannot handle, or does not have enough time to fulfill them;
• need for control;
• inability to concentrate, the individual is constantly distracted;
• anxiety;
• low self-esteem;
• low self-discipline.

What is it called?

A person who knows how to manage his time wisely and arrives on time is called punctual. He knows how to calculate time correctly and does not keep himself waiting. A punctual person respects other people. He understands that they have a clear schedule, so he tries not to violate its boundaries.

Let's give an example. Nowadays there are many beauty salons. In most cases, to get to the master, you need to make an appointment in advance. You call the salon and agree on a time when you need to come.

A punctual client will always arrive exactly on the minute. He understands that after him there will also be people who are assigned to a certain time. He will not delay the queue and will show respect for the master by arriving on time. Now you know the name of the person who always arrives on time.

Reasons for being late for work

Since work is the main and often the only source of income, being late for work can have very unpleasant consequences. There are good reasons for being late for work, then being late has no consequences. Employees being late without a good reason causes dissatisfaction with management, especially if this entails such serious consequences as disruption of negotiations, project deadlines, etc.

If you are late for work, be prepared for your boss to invite you into his office to find out the reasons for your lateness. He can draw up a Certificate of Lateness without a Good Reason and put it in your personal file. To prevent this from happening, while you're commuting to work, think about how to explain the reason for being late so that it seems respectful.

It is important to remember that if you are late, you need to inform your boss or colleagues.
Often being late for work is associated with emotional burnout. In this case, the help of a psychologist may be required to solve the problem. You can learn to solve psychological problems and help other people with this by taking the “Psychological Consulting and Coaching” course at the EdPro Academy.

How to be on time: tips

Take note of these recommendations and be sure to put them into practice.

• When you make an appointment, be sure to indicate the exact time. If you meet “around two”, you will probably be late. Therefore, you set an exact time so that there is no temptation to leave five minutes later.
• Buy a watch. Often people are simply lost in time frames. Be sure to purchase a wristwatch to constantly monitor the time.
• Calculate your time with reserve. Let's say you need to get to the other end of the city. Estimate how much time you will need, but be sure to add a few minutes for force majeure: traffic jams, transport delays.

• Give yourself a clear schedule. A person arrives on time and values ​​every minute. If your schedule is vague, then you simply have nowhere to rush. Therefore, create a clear schedule for the day so that you spend every minute wisely.
• Carrot and stick. Create a system of punishments and rewards for yourself. Arrived on time for the meeting? Treat yourself to something delicious. Were you late and again squeezing out excuses? Come up with a punishment, for example, staying longer at work.

To become a person who arrives on time, you need to pull yourself together and realize the value of time. Both yours and someone else's. Understand that being late not only harms you, but also those around you. Learn to manage your time correctly.