It’s not the first day (week, month) that dreams about the same girl haven’t left your head, and you still haven’t done anything to get closer to her. Your “track record” in sports, programming and something else can go on for a long time, but you still haven’t figured out how to propose a relationship to a girl. First, you need to figure out what is stopping you from doing this, and then, gradually overcoming fears and doubts, completely take control of the situation.
How to ask a girl to date. Tips and rules for men
In modern times, the cherished words about the beginning of a relationship are spoken less and less often: the relationship begins on its own, a rapprochement occurs, and it is already clear to both that they are together. This is not good or bad, it's just a fact that is taken for granted.
However, the phrase “let's be together” has not completely and irrevocably disappeared from life. It is needed in cases where you do not know each other very well, but are confident in your intentions, when you see each other too rarely, when there is little clarity in the relationship. Formalities are fading into the background, but not for everyone, and many are still more comfortable clarifying the status of the relationship in order to be sure of it.
If you and a girl are at the stage of rapprochement, and everything is going well anyway, it is quite possible to do without a verbal start to the relationship. It’s enough just to wait until the moment when you are close enough to regard each other as partners. You should resort to verbalization in two cases: if you want to add romance or if you are not sure about the relationship and want to more accurately determine its status.
Taking such a step requires courage and self-confidence: not speaking out loud is much easier and safer. But girls, although they often now do not wait for an offer to date, do not react negatively to it and enjoy such a slight old-fashionedness. Especially when it comes to relationships that are already close to romantic. So don't be scared and try to treat this moment as an adventure or a game, and not as an event on which your fate depends.
Remember the main rules:
- be confident in yourself
- be original
- be romantic.
The proposal itself can be almost anything, but these three components will significantly bring you closer to success. None of them is the most important - use all three. It is best to act as if you are making a nice gesture for the girl, while it is quite clear to you that a romantic relationship is imminent. This approach combines both attention, which is pleasant for the girl, and your confidence, which she will most likely take over.
Circumstances of acquaintance
Very often, when meeting their better half, men blush, say something out of place or say something completely different from what they think, and get lost. And all this happens because they simply want to make a good impression. But often men are rejected because of such trifles. But it is precisely refusal that the representatives of the stronger sex are afraid of.
You need to proceed from the circumstances of the acquaintance. After all, it’s one thing if a couple is only at the initial stage of dating, and another thing when people have known each other for many years, and the relationship has already acquired a friendly character. In fact, you should always start with ordinary communication. It's better to know more about each other before deciding to get into a relationship.
If the couple is still at the stage of regular acquaintance, then the man can start light, unobtrusive conversations on pleasant topics when meeting a girl . During the conversation, you can find out the girl’s interests and hobbies. This will make it easier to start communication, and more common topics will appear. And then you can invite the girl to visit some place together that suits her interests.
How can a guy prepare?
Guys often find it difficult to understand how to hint to a girl about a serious relationship. There is a lot to think about, so proper preparation is half the battle. It is important to think through both the words themselves and the setting and moment if you plan to do this in person. Sometimes everything happens spontaneously and the moment finds itself, and the right words turn up when the situation is conducive to it. But this does not always happen, and if you decide not to wait for a successful opportunity, then you will have to prepare properly.
First, make sure it's appropriate now. After how many dates you can ask a girl to meet is an important question. Make sure you are already close enough and not seeing each other for the second time in your life.
- Don’t wait too long: if you are already in a fairly obvious relationship with several dates a week and even sex, the moment has passed, and now the proposal will look at least ridiculous. Unless you're trying to make it intentionally funny.
- Take care of the balance and accents: a too romantic or dynamic setting can distract the girl from the evening’s question or, conversely, a too casual setting will look unconvincing.
- What is special about your proposal: in its beautiful formulation, in its presentation, in what is happening around you at that moment?
- Think about everything: place, time, words, setting. See the best places for a date, choose what you need. And then think about your appearance. It is important to be neatly dressed and take care of hygiene beforehand. Don't dress up like you're going to prom, but emphasize the importance of the moment with at least accessories or perfume.
All four options have a chance to be winning, but you shouldn’t interfere with everything and more. You can give a touching and catchy speech about your feelings and desires, just swinging on a swing in the yard or sitting in a cafe. And you can sing about it anywhere. Or watch something beautiful, be in an incredibly romantic environment and simply take a girl by the hand with the phrase “I want you to be with me.”
Another important point is to prepare for her refusal. Alas, it can happen. If you decide to propose a relationship because you don’t understand who you are to each other, be prepared that the girl may refuse. There is no universal catastrophe in this, you will find another, but live a little with this thought and do not discard such a possibility, so as not to be taken by surprise at a key moment. Try to react to the refusal calmly and not spoil the existing relationship and the evening. You’ll think about what to do with this girl now.
Why does fear arise?2
- Popularity of the chosen one (“They probably call her out every day. Why did I decide that she would even want to talk to me?”).
- Low self-esteem (“She’s a beauty, and the last time I worked on my abs was in physical education in 8th grade”).
- Previous failures in love affairs (“I’ll embarrass myself again”).
- Fear of being ridiculed (“What if she starts discussing my “tackle” with everyone she knows?”).
- Uncertainty about personal feelings (“What if she falls in love with me, and I’m disappointed in her in a week?”).
These fears need to be fought, which is actually quite exciting. The main thing is to know what key points you need to pay attention to.
At what point can you act?
The ideal time to propose dating is a period when you have already become quite close, but are not yet completely accustomed to each other. Usually the right time comes after two to five dates. But if you already see each other several times a week, introduce her to friends and make joint plans, it’s too late to act.
And vice versa: if you only exchanged a few messages online or saw each other only once, don’t rush things. Get to know your chosen one better and let her get to know you better - this way there will be much more chances of agreement. And the proposal itself will be many times more appropriate.
The moment itself should ideally be romantic. But you don’t have to wait for the moment when the romance will be concentrated - it’s enough to cut off the inappropriate moments. Don't do this in public or when the girl is busy. Try not to do this during sex - it doesn’t always end well, both sex and the idea.
There are many suitable moments. You can act in almost any of them. The main thing is to exclude moments that are obviously inappropriate. Identify them by empathy: imagine whether you would like to receive such an offer in a particular situation, whether it would be appropriate, whether it would be convenient to respond to it.
Basic mistakes
During the period of courtship, of course, you want to devote all your time to the object of your desire. But we must not forget about ourselves, otherwise the relationship will turn into unhealthy. It happens that one of the partners cannot think about anything except his beloved, forgets about his hobbies, and then becomes uninteresting to his other half. After all, he simply has nothing to share and nothing to talk about; nothing else happens in his life except relationships.
A person in this position is filled with energy only from his partner. And then the second one feels suffocated and wants to pull away. And as soon as he does this, the partner begins to be offended and make trouble. From this moment on, the relationship inevitably begins to crumble. It is most correct when the life of each partner is full and eventful.
They are like two huge, but completely different worlds, connecting and complementing each other. And then no one loses interest in the relationship, there are always topics for discussion, new ideas arise all the time about what we could do together, and the time spent together brings more and more positive impressions.
At first, the main initiative in communication comes from the man. In conditions where the guy is still practically a stranger to the girl, you need to find that fine line so as not to go too far with the amount of communication, but also not to let you forget about your existence. It’s normal that while the girl doesn’t write or call herself. Her trust has not yet been won, and efforts must be made to change this.
There is no need to mention previous relationship experience or other girls when meeting. This can only push you away. You shouldn’t ask the girl about this at first. Most likely, she will not share the details of her personal life with an unfamiliar man and will consider this an invasion of personal space.
In general, relationships develop gradually. In most cases of starting a relationship, there is no starting point when a man and a woman agree that from now on they are a couple. Everything happens smoothly and gradually, and this has its own charm. After all, the first time of communication is the most exciting. It is full of surprises and fast-paced turns of events. That’s why the period of courtship is remembered most vividly, because it’s so nice to see that the object of sympathy becomes happier and glad to communicate. A little imagination and courage - and everything will definitely work out.
The best phrases to ask for a date
Ideally, the wording should be born independently and in accordance with the situation: beautiful and original words or something simple but touching. There are no ideal pre-prepared phrases; they appear along with the right moment. But if you are not a master of graceful expressions that melt hearts, take a look at our selection of poetry and prose.
- Remember that the main thing in the proposal is sincerity. Speak from the heart, don’t be shy to express emotions, don’t be afraid to bare your feelings. The girl will appreciate it. If the resulting proposal is also original, compiled only for her, this will become an additional sign of attention that will certainly touch her and become an additional reason to agree.
- Do as you feel. The proposal will not only be about her, even if you shower her with compliments, but also about you - because you make it or choose it. And not being shy to express yourself in such a matter is great and valuable. Not only for the girl, but also for your personal experience.
Fear has big eyes
Such is the nature of men: they are endowed with courage, courage and physical strength, but in matters of the heart they have a difficult time without a good adviser. Often self-confident guys, when they see the chosen one of their heart, lose their self-control and cannot put together a few words. Moreover, some individuals prefer to suffer alone, watching from afar as others flirt with the girl they like. And this is only because they themselves cannot find the courage to come up and speak. The situation urgently needs to be taken under control, otherwise the problem in relationships with the opposite sex will only worsen.
How to propose in prose
You can ask a girl to date in prose.
These phrases are convenient to use to sweetly write to a girl “Let’s meet”:
- We have become so close that I can no longer imagine my life without you. Let's meet?
- I’ve never had to be so confused and worried before, worrying about what seemed like stupid things. But I love that I can be like this with you. Be my girlfriend?
- Our meetings and communication are one of the greatest joys in my life, one of the most pleasant moments. I want there to be more of it. Lets be together?
- Next to you I feel like a different person. I think there's something special going on and I want to take it further. Will you be my girlfriend?
- I am amazed at how strong, gentle and cheerful you are at the same time. It's old-fashioned, but I want to invite you to date. You agree?
- I feel more than friendly sympathy for you. Let's meet?
- You are even more wonderful than I could have imagined. I want to spend more time with you. Be my girlfriend?
- It seems to me that I feel something more than ordinary friendly feelings for you. Will you be my girlfriend?
- Everything gets better with you and I want more of you in my life. Lets be together?
- I feel like we are very similar. Let's become more than just friends to each other?
What to talk about on the first date
The first date should not be perceived as passing a state exam - be yourself, talk about what you have always talked about with her. There is no need to show that you are ready to jump for joy that it has come (even if you are ready). Rejoice quietly, be gallant, do not chat incessantly, but listen to what she says, perhaps she herself will give a lead for conversation. If the girl is silent, take the initiative into your own hands - ask if she has seen such and such a movie, if she likes such and such an actor, if she likes trips to the sea - and stuff like that. If you look at it, you still don’t know each other very well, so you can ask and talk about anything that does not go beyond the bounds of decency.
How to propose in verse
As a thread follows a needle, As waves rush behind a steamboat, So I would like to be with you, And to be always, not in passing.
A cherry blossom petal flies, catching up with another, to continue the journey together.
Love will pour out like a bright starfall, Be with me, my treasure! Air is not air, water is not water, I can only breathe next to you always.
So I thought it would be nice to invite you to meet me! And even though we have only recently known each other, I want more than to be friends
I don’t dare to sing a serenade I’m under your windows, but still, you have to take my word that in the rest, I’m good to everyone.
I am laconic from excitement, Today I decide to tell you - Hurry up and accept the offer to become my girlfriend.
Examples of how to suggest meeting by correspondence
Increasingly, proposals to start a relationship are transferred to the network, as is the majority of communication. Many people are interested in how to sweetly write to a girl “let’s meet,” but there are no secrets here. It’s enough just to write a nice compliment and wait for a reaction.
There are many advantages: the girl will read the message and respond to it at a convenient time, you can avoid the anxiety that will arise during a personal conversation, and the beautiful moment will remain in the correspondence history. Let's suggest a few phrases to suggest meeting on VK and other messengers.
- - Thank you for a great evening! - Thank you! “I haven’t been so happy for a long time, and each of our meetings is a great reason for me to rejoice.” You will be a my girlfriend?
- “I didn’t expect that we have so much in common.”
- Yes, I’m also pleasantly surprised - It’s incredibly interesting to talk to you and it’s just a pleasure to be around. I want to be closer to you. Let's meet?
- “We just went home, and I’m already looking forward to the next meeting.”
Your manner of behavior4
And so, you are fully armed (at least it seems so to you). It's time to move on to direct action. And yet, how to start a conversation with a girl in order to offer her a relationship?
- Take an interest in her affairs. The girl should feel that you are really interested in how she defended her coursework, what her cat got sick with and how she plans to spend the summer.
- Offer assistance. Difficult seminar ahead? Suggest going to the library or internet café together to prepare. Does your chosen one need support in a new endeavor? Great! “Why don’t we plan to train together? I’ve also wanted to take up badminton for a long time!” And women really love it when men take it upon themselves to solve their problems. Well, how can one not understand the seriousness of your intentions if on Saturday morning you crawl out of bed and rush across the city to help her carry heavy bags from the supermarket to the 5th floor or escort a basket with your beloved pet to the veterinarian?
- Invite somewhere. The classic option is to have dinner or drink coffee at a newly opened summer restaurant. The offer of a joint trip on an excursion to another city will let the lady know about your serious intentions. Does the girl understand what she is “signing up for” in this case? This means planning common leisure time, going to a sporting goods store together to buy new sneakers, backpacks and sleeping bags. Did you agree? Great! You have every chance.
- Start a conversation about a serious relationship. But not about yours specifically, but in general. She will take the hint and, if she is not interested in you, she will directly make it clear that she (well, for example) will not be ready to get close to someone soon. If the girl answers that she has long been touched by the sight of couples in love and would not mind starting dating someone, then you can safely ask her on a date.
- Show you care. But in moderate doses. It’s not worth literally blowing off specks of dust from her, but expressing concern about the fact that she’s returning from class late at night alone is just right. And also a morning SMS message in the style of “It’s -10 outside, just try not to put on a hat.” !” will bring the lady to tenderness.
- Give cute and necessary gifts. Just don’t buy expensive gifts, as you will put the girl in an awkward position, thereby obliging her to give a return gift. If a girl collects something (for example, books by her favorite writer), you can present her with a brand new printed copy, which she will be delighted with. Even if she has something similar, believe me, she will still come! Or, for example: “You signed up for training recently, right? I thought a protective mat (gloves, bandages, etc.) would be useful to you. Take care of yourself!". Isn't it really cute?
- Do something for her. Option 1: “While I was reinstalling Windows for you, I took the initiative to download a couple of programs for organizing files. It will be easier for you to work this way.” Option 2: “I heard you’re going to law school? I decided to help you and made a selection of electronic resources with cool preparatory courses.”
What not to do
There are several prohibitions that will help you not to stumble on the path of establishing relationships and bring things to the desired result.
These prohibitions are not at all difficult to keep in mind, and they will increase your chances of success:
- Don't suggest meeting before the fifth date or after the seventh.
- Don't think about how to persuade a girl. There is no need to persuade, you need to offer correctly.
- Don't push, and accept rejection if you get it.
- Don't do it as a trifle: at the wrong moment, in the wrong environment.
- Don't propose while the girl is busy.
- Don't do this without preparation unless you expect spontaneity. Be mindful of appearance, wording and setting.
You know how to properly ask a girl out and what not to do. Now feel free to choose the best dating site and start winning hearts!
What is a friend zone
There are situations when a girl doesn’t seem to mind communicating with you, but she doesn’t let you closer than all her other friends, she tries to stop your attempts to get closer to her. There are several explanations for this behavior - for example, she still does not trust you or cannot understand her feelings. Or he just keeps you in the so-called “friend zone” - the zone of friends, and nothing more. Such discrepancies often happen in life, so don’t be upset - there will definitely be a girl who will feel more affection for you than friendship.
