Understanding the rules of the romantic game is the most important thing in relationships with the opposite sex. So why is it important for a man to pursue you? From time immemorial, it has been the custom that a man makes efforts to win a woman’s favor. Women have always been taught to portray an impregnable fortress, men - to take this fortress by storm.
I wrote the first paragraph of this article back in 2013. Now, 6 years later, I have practical experience and facts on this topic.
Should a man pursue a woman?
This is indeed a question that misleads many people. According to the stereotypes to which we are accustomed, a man must pursue a woman, care for her, and a woman must think and choose. This is what was written in this article, before the new edition.
Having worked in the dating industry for 7 years, I see that this belief leads women to 2 extremes.
The first extreme is complete passivity
A woman is waiting for a man to come from somewhere and begin to look after her and actively pursue her. It comes to the point that she is studying all sorts of courses that promise the unexpected appearance of a betrothed on the threshold as a result of diligent meditation. He will come and ring the doorbell himself. Then he will start to achieve.
Believing it or not is the personal choice of every woman. How many years of your life should you devote to testing this method? Trying to find a positive grain even in something that I do not support at all, I will say that sitting at home and meditating is at least better than sitting at home and not meditating.
The second extreme is unbridled initiative.
At some point the woman decides:
“I am actively taking life into my own hands and starting to take initiative like a woman.”
Tired of the ineffectiveness of the first state, she simply turns it inside out. All actions that were with a “minus” sign are now performed with a “plus” sign. And then the woman achieves the man, and not vice versa.
I described this in detail in the article >>>>>“Is it worth inviting a man yourself”
In their youth, most girls receive a lot of attention from men and have a lot of choice. Therefore, guys have to make efforts to achieve them.
After 30, the situation changes dramatically. There are many more women interested in starting a couple and becoming a family than men. For different reasons:
- Men die from accidents more often than women
- Men slip into an antisocial lifestyle more often than women
- Men are more likely than women to be satisfied with their single life and do not want to change it
And if in youth, attempts to woo a girl were simply a certain pattern of behavior for many guys, then as they grow older, it simply becomes outdated and disappears.
Women remember how things were in their youth and show the same amount of initiative that was sufficient then. But now it is no longer enough.
In this context, the situation does not look very fun for women. On the one hand, don’t run after men yourself. On the other hand, what should you do if they themselves don’t really move and, knowing the “market situation,” you understand that they have no motivation and never will.
That is, it would be cool if men pursued women, but in reality this does not happen. And at the same time, you can’t crush people with your initiative either. Everything is unclear and you don’t know what to do.
To begin our way out of this labyrinth, let's start with a question
Mini lifehacks
We've covered the main points. But there are a few more nuances that you need to know about. Try to take them all into account.
- Watch your appearance. At every meeting with a girl, you should look perfect. No sticky hair, no stains on clothes, no dirt under your nails. Don't forget about the smell. Wear a pleasant, unobtrusive perfume and freshen your breath with chewing gum.
- Let the girl feel that she is special, that you chose her out of thousands for a reason. Give exclusive compliments, note the qualities that distinguish her from other women.
- Gain her trust. Be sincere, open, friendly. Don't deceive her, don't try to manipulate her. Let her know that she can rely on you.
- Don't mess up. All mistakes reduce your importance to a girl and undermine her trust in you. You must behave nicely and consistently.
- Reinforce good behavior towards you. Every step a girl takes in your direction, even the smallest one, needs to be encouraged. I wrote first - tell me how pleased you are. You made an appointment yourself - give her a little surprise.
- But a bad attitude should never be reinforced. Otherwise, the girl will immediately understand that you are a wimp and will begin to wipe her feet on you. If, for example, she insults you out of nowhere, although you behaved perfectly, silently distance yourself and do not show up until she apologizes.
- Be gallant. Let the girl go ahead, open the door for her, offer your hand. She will definitely appreciate it - good manners are worth their weight in gold today.
- Show that you are serious about your intentions. The girl should see that you don’t just want to sleep with her, but are committed to a serious relationship. Then it will be easier for her to open her heart to you.
- Be natural. There is no need to try to intrigue a girl, pretend to be mysterious, or come up with cunning tricks to catch her attention.
- Try to make a good impression on her friends. Girls listen to each other's opinions. Your girlfriends' sympathy will certainly add a few points to you.
Why do men pursue women?
That is, we will find what is hidden behind these words “a man pursues a woman.”
Imagine a man went on 3 dates a week. We sat and talked at each one. Each one was normal. There was nothing bad, but there were no special emotions either.
He is a man, which means he must call every woman himself, invite her again, plan something. So much work. But there is no emotional motivation. The magnet is not attracted to any of them.
And so he thinks “I should call somehow,” but since this is work that needs to be done after the main job, “somehow” never comes. Meanwhile, women begin to write themselves, to remind themselves.
He then says that there was a lot of work and he got sick, and then he had to leave. And when he returns he will be busy.
But it may happen that a man goes on a date and in communication with a woman receives a huge charge of emotions. He comes home and everything in him is worried, and not only and not so much below the stomach, but in the chest. I want to sing, I want to create, I want to win.
And I really want to see this woman again. She doesn’t know when she can go on a date again, the week is very busy, she can only give an accurate answer the day after tomorrow. What a long time! And he writes to her, trying to involve her in the conversation, to find out her tastes and preferences, so that the next date will win her heart.
After all, this has happened to you too. You met someone and everything seemed to be fine, but emotionally, not at all. And when this man wrote to you later, you had no interest in continuing communication.
And some man managed to excite your feelings and you thought about him, waited for his messages.
You may be emotionally and physically attracted to one man but not to another. And it happens to men too.
But he’s a man, it’s his job to woo a woman!
That's it. In cases where for a man it looks like work, he tries to skip it. Aspiration arises only when it feels not like work, but like pleasure.
He calls not because he is a man and he has to, but because he wants to. He plans, looks after, tries to please, not because he has to, not because it is his role, but because he wants to.
And this brings us to the next question.
What does it mean to “get a girl”
Before we get straight to the recommendations, let's understand the actual goal. By the expression “getting a girl,” guys can mean completely different things. For some, this means gaining access to the body, that is, seducing a lady for sex. For others, it is to obtain the girl’s consent to marriage.
Let's agree that we will stick to the “golden mean”. To get a girl means to get her sincere desire to enter into a relationship with you. Further we will proceed from this setting.
Do men pursue women?
Remember how you once had a passionate desire that you sought to realize. You looked for every opportunity. You tried. You might wake up at night with an unexpected idea.
Remember how you went towards the realization of your cherished desire. You took a step, then another step. But it could also be that the fulfillment of your desire did not depend on you.
For example, you wanted a kitten or a puppy, but you needed your mother to agree. And then you had to get your mother’s consent.
So we see that in order to achieve , you need, firstly, a passionate desire, and secondly, the intransigence of another person.
This is a misconception I come across quite often:
in order to arouse a man's passion, it is enough to be unapproachable
And women show it, and men simply lose interest and that’s it. The argument “if he doesn’t try to woo me, then he’s a weakling” does not bring positivity to life.
If there was no initial love or at least strong interest, then intransigence will really lead to the disappearance of the man.
If there was interest, then a certain slowdown along the way will really produce the “cats behind a closed door” effect. And this is a good string on which you can play and even a spark from which you can kindle a real flame.
Well, if there was a strong interest and even love, then a skillful slowdown in the realization of male desires can lead to both mind-blowing passion and a wedding and “lived happily ever after.” Moreover, these two options can be implemented both together and separately.
All thoughts are about only one thing...
If a man wants a woman, the signs will “scream” about it. A young man can persistently call a girl home for some completely stupid reasons: to watch a movie, evaluate his renovation, or help him with the design of his apartment.
When a man thinks about sex, he can say vulgar phrases, which sometimes even repel girls. But it’s worth coming to terms with this, since at the moment he is completely focused on his feelings and the desire to possess his chosen one.
How a man achieves a woman's love
Depending on a man’s self-esteem and life experience, he can achieve a woman’s love in a variety of ways.
For example, a psychopath or narcissist will lower a woman's self-esteem, undermine her self-confidence, and isolate her from friends and loved ones.
You can read more about Narcissist behavior in the articles
Relationship Rules That Don't Work with a Narcissist
Narcissus Cipher
If you suspect that you are in a relationship with a Narcissist or Psychopath, tests will help you
Isn't he Narcissus?
Egoist or Narcissist?
Men who have never been given attention by women will seek a woman's affection through attempts to be useful. Their efforts to please a woman feel more like attempts to please.
And, although such men are quite capable of becoming loving husbands and excellent fathers, most women experience irritation from subservient behavior.
Men with fairly healthy self-esteem are able to woo a woman from an equal position. Find out her interests and preferences, organize joint activities so that it is interesting for both of them.
Men with low emotional intelligence try to buy a woman's affection with money. The restaurant is more expensive, the gifts are more luxurious.
Women with the trauma of poverty willingly grab hold of such men, but then suffer greatly from the fact that they cannot find emotional understanding with their husbands. Money is no longer as attractive as it used to be.
During courtship, you should consider a few simple rules3
How can you still get someone to reciprocate your feelings? You need to follow some rules:
- gain trust, be sincere and honest in your feelings and attitudes;
- have a good sense of humor, which is valued very highly and can lift your spirits, be able to make anyone who doesn’t laugh laugh;
- the eyes should radiate love and admiration; such a look will melt any heart;
- romance has never hurt anyone: walking around the city at night, cafes, visiting big cities and buying surprise gifts, but not often, so that this does not become the main incentive in a relationship, you need to fall in love with yourself, and not with gifts;
- make decisions on your own, girls love decisive ones.
If there are any ineradicable romantics left who are capable of wooing their beloved and taking her under their protection, then these are only a few. But fortunately they exist; all is not lost in the sublunary world. And having made a mistake in youth, they are ready to atone for it even in old age.
It also happens that, without appreciating the worth of a loved one, without showing due respect or perseverance, they are lost at twenty years old, but found at an old age. Quite often you hear such stories about examples of long-term fidelity and finding your true happiness already in your twilight years.
What kind of women do men seek?
Stop, don’t leave me, crazy dream. Beauty turns a man into a slave.
Once upon a time this song was heard on every corner and was included in every music collection. She asked me a question to which I had been looking for an answer for a very long time: what causes passionate love? What causes any kind of love at all?
I saw that there were a lot of beautiful women around, who were absolutely miserable in love, and many happy and loved ones from the category of those who are called “ugly women.”
You can often see men losing their heads in droves because of frankly ugly women. It is clear that it is not beauty, but something else that causes falling in love. And when she already exists, the beloved seems more beautiful than anyone in the world.
It was only when I started playing in the theater that the understanding of falling in love began to be put into words for me.
I wondered why, why does the viewer admire the performance and want to watch the performance again and again?
Only because his emotional state changes.
The performance of actors on stage changes something in himself, in his emotional space.
The same applies to communication between a man and a woman. If a woman causes pleasant changes in a man’s emotional space, he wants to repeat it again and again (the same works in the opposite direction).
And this doesn’t mean that you need to give your man a one-woman show on a date. If you live with your emotions, if you have more access to them than a man, communicating with you will affect him.
If you live “in your head” and your emotions are blocked, communication with you will be perceived as dry and insipid.
Oh, he's so handsome with a beard2
There are many men who are far from the ideal and women's ideas about the “Prince Charming”. They can be hunchbacked, bald, cross-eyed, short in stature, with a clubfooted gait, but at the same time they can be the hero of girlish dreams and languid torment. How men with such a set of qualities make a woman fall in love with them is an interesting and studied question.
They say that appearance does not matter, what matters is inner beauty. And indeed it is.
Any representative of the stronger sex can win the woman he loves, regardless of external data, social status and material conditions.
Some secrets, manners, behavior, internal attitudes will help attract “Babette”, “Lisette”, “Jeanette”, and “Georgette” to a man, among others. Any madam cannot resist Monsieur, who will follow wise male advice on seducing her.
conclusions
- Men pursue a woman if interest and passion arose initially, but they are not able to realize them at the speed he expected.
- If a man initially did not have any emotions, then playing inaccessible will not help, it will only destroy everything. Although, if you weren't trying to play hard to get, there was still a chance to generate interest and emotional involvement.
- Men with healthy self-esteem and emotional intelligence woo a woman through shared experiences, not through gaining power over her or trying to buy love with money.
- Men seek women who can evoke emotions in them
These are the changes I made to the article written in 2013. Express your opinion and ask questions in the comments. And please share this article with those who might find it useful.
