The key to a strong, reliable relationship between a man and a woman is not only trust, but also care and spending time together.
A girl deprived of her partner’s attention begins to feel useless and abandoned .
The article gives advice on how to correct the situation, describes effective ways on the topic of how to pay attention to a girl.
How to communicate with a girl and what to do to make her fall in love with you? Find out about this from our article.
Reason No. 1. Emotional and physical exhaustion
Our sexual attractiveness is directly related to how we feel. An emotionally devastated person (of any gender), uninterested in anything, or tired, even with initially good external data, will be perceived by others as an asexual object. This is because libido and sexual attractiveness are characteristics that are entirely based on a person’s psychobiological reserve.
Moreover, the feeling of fatigue, uncertainty, and complexes is automatically reflected in one’s appearance. As a result, we get a stoop, mournful, downturned corners of the mouth and clothes under which it is difficult to see the woman. Subconsciously, these representatives of the fairer sex behave in such a way as not to be noticed. On the one hand, they really want a relationship, on the other hand, they do not have any emotional strength for this.
Since life has not only an intimate sphere, but also a social one, against the background of all other issues that a woman is forced to deal with, she pushes her personal life into the background.
The first indicator of sexuality is your energy level today. This is the most common cause of “invisibility syndrome”, because there are a lot of people in society who have certain signs of emotional and physical exhaustion.
Add fire. 8 ways to increase your attractiveness Read more
Difference in perception of attention
Not everyone knows that the concept of “attention” in the understanding of a husband and wife is usually very different. So, in the male understanding, attention is special actions that can bring at least some benefit to a woman. For example, give your wife a vacuum cleaner, take her to work, solve some problems for her, give her a salary, or simply allocate some money for shopping.
As a rule, most of the attention is given to a woman in this way. Moreover, the man believes that the more he helps his beloved, solves her problems, gives her money for purchases, the more attention he pays to her. At the same time, women think completely differently. Regardless of how long a woman has been in a marriage or relationship, she will not become more practical. Throughout their lives, women want romance. Moreover, most of them retain their slightly childish charm and spontaneity until their very old age.
According to the woman, attention is praise given at the right moment. At this moment, a woman feels that she is loved and desired, that she is admired. Attention for a woman also means holding hands when you are just walking down the street. Attention is the appearance of a smile on your face and sparkle in your eyes when you see her. It is also your ability to always stand up for her and stand up, even if the situation was not so threatening.
It's even just an SMS message in which you tell a woman how much you love her and how beautiful she is. This is a gift that, although it will not bring any benefit in everyday life, will emphasize her beauty and femininity. It's also the toilet seat down, the dishes washed, and the mess in the house cleared up. Moreover, the latter is not only attention, but also a manifestation of care at a time when a woman is very tired. This is simply the ability to take and do her work at least once for her without any comments. After all, she is so tired.
Attention for a woman is not global. Rather, it is something insignificant and romantic. Little things that most people don’t even pay attention to, but that make up our whole life. Attention is, first of all, work on relationships, in which the husband’s participation is very often lacking.
Reason No. 2. Incorrect settings
Correct internal attitudes are the key to success. Answer the question: why are you looking for a man? Many people want to solve their problems at the expense of a partner, to get a person who will be their “donor”. Some people need a psychologist, some need a holiday boyfriend (since a woman cannot arrange one for herself), others need a “tight wallet” or the opportunity to switch from one codependent relationship to another. And of course, there is a category that sincerely believes that being single is a shame. For these young ladies, relationships are a kind of indicator of missing self-esteem. In essence, such women have no understanding of what a man is really needed for, what to do with him, and at the same time there is a fear that God forbid he will not be there.
It turns out that the woman has absolutely no understanding of who she is first of all, secondly, what the relationship is for, and thirdly, what kind of person she wants to see next to her.
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What does it mean to pay attention?
Basically, it's about actions that demonstrate the importance of a loved one.
Compliments, going to the movies, car rides, even just spending time together on the couch are good ways to show continued interest in your partner.
But it’s worth warning men against that category of girls who demand attention to themselves as the main attribute of a relationship.
In fact, on their part, we are not talking about signs of affection at all, but about affection and dependence. The goal of such ladies is to suppress the will of a man and control him.
Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to understand whether the girl really feels the man’s reduced activity , the fading of feelings, or is she simply trying to manipulate him and play on feelings of guilt.
Even when dating a normal, adequate woman, you need to remember a sense of proportion. There should also not be too much attention, otherwise you can ruin relationships and get annoying with your importunity, simultaneously forgetting about work, friends and important matters.
Therefore, there is no need to rush headlong into the pool and spend 24 hours a day with your significant other.
Reason No. 3. Distorted vision of reality
Another reason that many women sin is behavior that does not meet expectations. They take a position that can be called “princess in the tower”: I am all so closed, mysterious, waiting for a handsome prince who will strive for me, overcome dangers and win my heart. But modern men are very frustrated and think differently. They are spoiled by the great availability of women, easy sex without obligations, and sincerely see no reason to “hit on” the Snow Queen. They will choose the one that is initially favorable and will take the initiative. And the “princess” will remain sitting in her tower. Lonely, but wearing a crown.
It’s absurd, but this line of behavior is popular among women. This is facilitated by numerous trainings, pumping up femininity, online marathons, which promise that in three days you will marry the best and most wonderful man in the world. There, ideas of female dignity are propagated, which are often completely distorted and placed on the heads of the fair sex like a “crown,” leaving everyone in the illusion that they are incredible and men should be crushed into pieces for their sake.
The task of any such “crown” is to hide the truth that the other person, for some reason, simply may not like you. She seems to whisper to you: “He realized that you are too good for him and deserve more.” Or, for example, makes you doubt his sexual orientation. Do you agree that it’s more pleasant to think this way than to realize that you are not interesting?
A modern man does not have the goal of grooming, nurturing, protecting, providing financially, indulging whims, or fully satisfying the social and physical needs of a woman who simply allows this to be done. When such a concept is promoted in trainings, no matter how attractive it may look, it is a utopia.
The truth is that the only relationship model that works in the modern world is partnership. It doesn’t happen that you take all the power for yourself and push all the responsibility onto another person. If a man takes away responsibility, then along with it he will take away power too, and will begin to dictate how you live, with whom to communicate, what to wear. And not everyone will like this option.
Spares. Why do we end up in relationships where we are kept “just in case” Read more
Refusing to be yourself destroys your personality.
“Many people think they need to do what their co-workers, neighbors, or family members are doing instead of doing the things they need to do,” Grant Cardon.
Most people don't realize that you can't live your life forever seeking approval from others. Of course, you can try, and many do just that. But the price for this is too high and is measured in your own life.
Refusing to be yourself takes a toll on your health. Thus, David Kadavy says:
“When our true self, deprived of any means of self-expression, is not allowed to follow its desires, the consequences are unpredictable.”
The more you pretend to be someone else, the worse your personality becomes. This should frighten you just as much as it frightens me. Before I grew up, I couldn't stop watching porn. I developed an addiction that saved me from any discomfort and pain. A picture clearly emerges in my memory that filled my thoughts before watching another sex video (and watching it could last 10 hours in a row). It depicted two me: normal and mentally unhealthy.
The first one looked quite friendly, but there was fear in his eyes. The second one was an insensitive, terrifying bully. And this bully grabbed the normal me and started strangling me. I couldn’t breathe, and my alter ego just laughed and continued its work.
You can't do what others are doing all the time - you can go crazy. But how then can we break out of this vicious circle?
Arthur Golden said: “We can never hide from our own insignificance.”
Daily restoration of spiritual strength
James Altucher says this: “A person needs to build a house in which he will live. And at the core of that home should be spiritual, emotional, mental and physical health.”
At appointments with a psychologist and while undergoing a rehabilitation program, I learned about the concept of “Daily Spiritual Recovery.” At first glance, this may seem like trivial religious nonsense, but it is not. Daily Recovery involves activities during which you evaluate your progress in four areas of health: spiritual, emotional, mental and physical. Every person can do this exercise.
Personally, I do this in the morning, before anyone else has woken up. First, I write in my journal about how I'm feeling. Then I evaluate my devotion: Do I pray often enough? Maybe I should spend more time with God today? I replenish my supply of positive energy with the help of special literature and web resources. I take notes on all my new knowledge and then turn it into articles. That's all.
All of the above was the very reason that helped me successfully get rid of the thirst to please everyone around me. If a person has a healthy psyche, he does not need outside approval.
“If a man's thoughts are pure, he no longer craves evil food,” James Allen.
Don't complicate everything, start simple. Let it start with a small journal entry, a short prayer and a short article about something good. The healthier your psyche, the weaker your thirst for acceptance by others.
“Do you want other results? Start by doing things differently.” - Darren Hardy.
“I want him, all at once!” – How to get more attention from a man
There are many tips on how to behave with a man to please him. How to go on dates so that they turn into relationships. How to make him fall in love without him noticing, so that he wants to be with you all his life.
But there is one unpleasant detail. Often these tips and rules contradict each other so much that they only cause chaos in a woman’s head. And when you need a specific answer, “What to do?!” - the brain wraps itself in a tube, endlessly going through possible solutions. It is precisely at these moments that women make some kind of gag that multiplies all bright prospects by zero.
On the one hand, she wanted “what’s best,” but on the other hand, nothing can be improved now.
This is why I don’t like any instructions or template phrases, or instructions like “do as you’re told.” Because they are only good for those who invented them, and even then this is a big question. But they are fundamentally not suitable for you, a specific woman with her own characteristics, habits, manner of communication, and character.
Because there are a lot of small details that play the most important role. It is these details that are worth understanding so that the brain does not wrap itself in a tube. So as not to hover like an overloaded computer in front of a man. So as not to step on a rake and not regret another failure on the love front.
Let us today identify all these “tricky moments” and clarify everything.
Let's take this situation as an example:
You have fallen in love with a man and have been dating him for some time. But he doesn’t call you anywhere more than once a week... or once a month... What to do in this case?
This is where the puzzle begins.
* Some advice says “Be silent, like a fish on ice” - let him figure it out himself. If you and the relationship with you are important to him, he will understand everything himself. And in general, a woman should be an inaccessible mystery.
* Others encourage you to express your feelings in order to immediately accustom a man to the fact that you have them and they are different. They advise you to show him how tender and defenseless you are and how you miss him, how you cannot live without him.
* Still others claim that men are hunters, that you need to indicate to them that there are other contenders for your hand and heart. That’s when he’ll get wound up... you won’t know how to get rid of him.
And what to do here so as not to mess up?
Do not try all three options in turn on the same man. So he will most likely run away like a hare into the fields. )))
And also, probably, it’s not easy to pretend to be a snotty girl from a melodrama, who will literally die and be in agony if he doesn’t come to her... (Especially if a man knows that you are confident in yourself in business/career. And here he is managed to tame you so much that you can’t take a step without him)
Pretending to be a hardened, cynical bitch and setting tough ultimatums “my way or not at all” is also, most likely, not a particular desire (if this is not your usual style of communication in life)…
I offer a compromise option that will not damage your dignity... and will not drive a man into a corner. But it will quickly bring clarity and show where your relationship is heading.
Let's look at everything point by point:
- Is it even normal to want anything from him?
Many women begin to feel embarrassed at this point.
Doubt whether they have the right to want anything from a man at all. They are afraid that a man will respond rudely to their desire, begin to manipulate, or demand some kind of “goodies” for additional meetings.
Let's dot the i's right away.
We are all different and each person has very different, individual needs for love, communication, attention.
Dating is the best time to find out whether your needs and those of a man coincide at all and to what extent. Will you be able to satisfy each other’s existing needs now and in the future? So that it doesn’t turn out later that he, in principle, cannot give you something that you cannot live without.
So, be calm - you have the RIGHT to want MORE and that's normal! (And never let anyone limit you in this right of yours.)
- When can you talk to a man about your desires?
Demanding special conditions from the first date simply makes no sense. At all. None.
First dates have a completely different goal (what - you can understand in detail in the workshop “Why did he disappear”
)
If you have been dating for at least 6-8 weeks, feel free to voice your desires. And be prepared to hear the man’s wishes. This way you can quickly find a solution that suits both of you or exposes gaps in mutual understanding.
By this time, there is definitely attraction between you, otherwise you would not continue to meet and be interested in each other. You have already gone through each other's basic filters. And it’s time to check whether your relationship will work out.
In fact, by this time your relationship had already begun to take shape. But they no longer have enough openness if you keep silent about the fact that at this stage you lack his attention. Those. you begin to care about your comfort and it is quite possible that you are showing him an example of how to talk about what is important to yourself.
- Now the most important thing is what to say?
We have already said that claims, grievances, and ultimatums are not the best way to communicate your unsatisfied needs. (especially at this stage of the relationship)
How then can you convey your desire to him?
I won't give you a phrase template because... There's no point in it! I will give you the essence - what needs to be said - so that you can formulate it in your own way without deviating from it.
Why exactly this... Because any template phrase will be perceived very crookedly and unnaturally. Plus, your anxiety will add tension to your voice. And the man will definitely perceive her incorrectly and incorrectly and, what will be terrible, will even react aggressively to her.
Keep in mind that if you use some kind of template (even if it is beautifully formulated), you will not be speaking your own words, describing feelings that are not your own. What if this pattern is diametrically at odds with your usual way of communicating. They simply won’t believe you and will accuse you of manipulation or insincerity. Do you need it?! Of course not!
Therefore, read the next paragraph carefully and grasp its essence - understand the formula. And then... your feminine talent for communication, improvisation and a little indifference will help you create your own version of these words! Which will be 100% yours, sincere and natural.
This is what needs to be conveyed to the man - “I am very pleased to meet you. Each meeting leaves me with warm memories, but they are not enough for me. I realize that I want more communication and more opportunities to get to know the man I'm dating. Therefore, I would like to see you more often, for example, 2 times a week (or any other option you have). You don't have to do it if you can't do it. But this is how I imagine my relationship with a man.”
It is important for you to make YOUR version of this phrase according to the words, without changing its essence. Then you will be sincere, convincing and your words will inspire trust.
Remember - you are not asking for anything. You don't beg and you don't humiliate yourself. You talk about yourself and your desires. About what is important to you and what you want from the man who will be next to you. Plus, you leave the choice to this man - what to do to develop a relationship with you. You give him freedom to make his decision, but tell him which decision will please you.
- You have done your job - now it’s his turn...
After that, relax and...
...be prepared to accept any answer a man may give. Including letting him leave.
Once you say what you want, two things can happen:
- He will say “why were you silent before - let’s make plans.” Well, or something like that. And he will be glad that he does not have to guess how to please you.
- Or he might just leave. In some cases, disappear without saying a word. Because I realized that I can’t give you what you want. Or because he had a reason to limit your meetings (there are different situations).
In any of these cases, you are LUCKY!
Regardless of whether he began to see you more often or disappeared, you now have clarity. You understand exactly whether he is right for you or not, whether you should make any plans for him, whether you have any prospects.
Here's the secret to getting what you want - just tell a man about it.
And also be ready to accept any of his answers and know for sure that you will be happy in any case. You can find your happiness with this man, or with another. But your happiness is in your hands and you will definitely find it.
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