Is it worth it and how to be yourself?
Before you try to become kinder, learn to be yourself!
Surely everyone has felt the pressure of their environment at least once. Even close people often try to “bend” us to suit them, to make us comfortable. How can you not be influenced by other people and maintain your own uniqueness?
Test “How vulgar are you” - who are you: a quiet bunny or a restless tigress?
| Advice | Meaning |
| 1. Define your role in society | Oscar Wilde very accurately said: “Be yourself, because the rest of the roles are already taken.” And this is true: you are only unique and interesting when you remain yourself. After all, there are no identical people! Think about what you consider important for yourself in life, determine your own goal and ways to achieve it. |
| 2. Don’t be surprised by your inconsistency. | So, you get to know yourself, get acquainted with your character traits and life views... and suddenly you notice some kind of contradiction. Let's say you love animals, but you are terribly lazy (and if you are lazy, then how can you support an animal that needs attention and care?!). Don't focus on it. All people are contradictory, the main thing is to be honest with yourself (and take care of the animal). |
| 3. Don't cling to the past | Even if at school you were a “nerd” with whom no one wanted to be friends, do not “drag” this role into the future. Finishing school means you are no longer a “nerd.” You can be absolutely anything you want. The main thing is don’t be afraid to develop! |
| 4. Focus on your strengths | Absolutely everyone has shortcomings! But this does not mean that you need to focus on the negative qualities of yourself. Find your strengths and develop them! Don't compare yourself to other people. Remember: there will always be someone who will be more beautiful, smarter, more successful, and so on. It's stupid to try to become the best. |
| 5. Become an optimist | Most people lose themselves not only because of the fear of evaluation (what will others think of me?!). An equally common cause of loss of self is anxiety. If you start worrying about anything, your self will slowly begin to slip away from you. As a result, you are no longer you, but the totality of others’ ideas about you. Not a very bright prospect, right? Therefore, keep your nose up! |
| 6. Be honest and open with others | Whatever one may say, relationships with people around you have the most direct impact on your inner well-being. Therefore, try to be more sociable and understanding towards others. Accept your own imperfection and the imperfection of others. |
| 7. Stop pleasing people! | And this is perhaps the main problem, because of which a person loses himself and becomes what other people see him as. Understand: it is unrealistic to please everyone around you. Yes, this is not necessary. Just be yourself! I guarantee that there will definitely be people who will love the real you. |
Please note: indeed, the most important thing in life is to preserve your own personality. At the same time, it is important to remain positive and kind. After all, anger is a destructive emotion that destroys a person.
Tips on how to get rid of negativity without harming yourself:
How cruel are you?
Monday morning. The alarm clock rings, it's time for you to go to work. What thought comes to you in such a situation?
Another day to enjoy life!
Do not touch me
I just want to destroy everything around me
You talk to a friend and realize that he is completely wrong. Are you sure about that. What will you do?
I'll pretend not to notice. Why do we need conflicts?
I'll politely correct him. If he doesn't agree, I'll stand my ground
I'll laugh at him. I had to say such a stupid thing!
Remember your childhood. Did you run away from home?
Certainly! Then the police searched for me for three days
Yes, but no further than the next door
No never
Can you show kindness to someone you don't like?
No. This is called hypocrisy. It's better not to say anything
Yes I can. He will be pleased, but it won’t be difficult for me
Never and never. I'll tell him everything straight away
What changes in your behavior when you drink alcohol?
I feel less shy and become friendlier.
I feel more relaxed, as if there are no more boundaries
I'm changing a lot. The main thing here is not to overdo it. Otherwise I'll get into a fight
How often do you feel so angry that you are ready to hit someone?
How do you feel about people who openly show their toughness and inflexibility?
Where would you go on your free evening?
To the ballet or to the museum
To a hockey match
To a boxing match
Do you want to be feared?
Yes, this is the only way to gain respect
No. I want to be respected without necessarily being intimidating
No, it won't do any good
If a stranger asks you for help, will you agree?
Yes, sure. If I can help, then why not?
See if it's beneficial for me
No. I don’t know him, why should I help him?
No one will get hurt
Yes, you wouldn’t hurt a fly, so there’s no need to talk about cruelty in your case! Your kindness and willingness to forgive make you a great friend and a wonderful person who will never give in to aggression or anger. You can't even think about hurting another person! Are your friends similar to you? Share the quiz with them to find out!
Tamed Cruelty
You definitely have a little stubbornness and irritability, but where would you be without this in the modern world? Otherwise, you will simply be ground into powder. You know how to show toughness and confidence when necessary, but never cross the line into harming another person. Are your friends similar to you? Share the quiz with them to find out!
Don't get excited while it's quiet
It is better not to touch you without a good reason, otherwise it can lead to irreparable consequences. The cause of your condition can be anything - anger towards the world around you, dissatisfaction with the state of affairs, trauma experienced. But one thing is clear - you can show cruelty and are prone to violence even when it is not necessary. You might well cause harm to another person if you consider such punishment to be deserved. Are your friends similar to you? Share the quiz with them to find out!
Character test
Such a simple test, but very accurate (at least for me it’s accurate). It’s better to answer right away without thinking - it comes out more naturally.
1. Interlace your fingers into a lock... If the top finger is the thumb of your left hand, write the letter “L” on a piece of paper, if the thumb of your right hand is the letter “P”.
2. Aim at an invisible target... If you use your left eye to do this, closing your right eye, write the letter “L”, if on the contrary - “P”. 3. Cross your arms over your chest, taking the Napoleon pose... If your left hand is on top, mark it with the letter “L”, if with your right hand, mark it with the letter “P”. 4. Applaud... If you hit your right palm with your left palm, then this is the letter “L”, if your right palm is more active, it is the letter “P”. Evaluate the result by the combination of letters: “PPPP” (100 percent right-handed) - conservatism, orientation towards stereotypes, lack of conflict, reluctance to argue and quarrel. “PPPL” - the most striking character trait is indecision. “PPLP” is a very contact type of character. Coquetry, determination, sense of humor, artistry. (More often in women...) “PPLL” is a rare combination. The character is close to the previous one, but softer. "PLPP" - analytical mind and gentleness. Slow adaptation, caution in relationships, tolerance and some coldness. (More often in women...) “PLPL” is the rarest combination. Defenselessness, vulnerability to various influences. (More often in women...) “STI” is a common combination. Emotionality, lack of perseverance and perseverance in solving important issues, susceptibility to the influence of others, good adaptability, friendliness and easy contact. “LPPL” - greater gentleness of character and naivety than in the previous case. “LLPP” - friendliness and simplicity, some dispersion of interests and a tendency to introspection. “LLPL” - innocence, gentleness, gullibility. "LLLP" - emotionality, energy and determination. "LLLL" (100 percent left-handed) - "anti-conservative character type." The ability to look at the old in a new way. Strong emotions, pronounced individualism, selfishness, stubbornness, sometimes reaching the point of isolation. “LPLP” is the strongest character type. Inability to change your point of view, energy, persistence in achieving your goals. “LPLL” - similar to the previous character type, but more unstable, prone to introspection. Has difficulty making friends. “PLLP” - easy-going character, ability to avoid conflicts, ease of communication and making acquaintances, frequent change of hobbies. “PLLL” - impermanence and independence, the desire to do everything yourself.
Tags: #Yandex.News, #children
Every day we are bombarded with a stream of negative information: either in a Russian town, schoolchildren brutally killed a disabled guy, then in the Ukrainian capital a husband mercilessly beat his wife right on the street and shot people who came to the woman’s defense with a pistol, then in a Belarusian regional center two men were beaten and shot from a teenager's pneumatic gun. What explains such unbridled cruelty? What kind of people are prone to its manifestation? We looked for answers to these and other questions together with the head of the medical and psychological department of the Vitebsk Regional Clinical Center for Psychiatry and Narcology, Nikolai Yakushkin.
The preconditions for adult cruelty should most often be sought in childhood.
No matter how trivial it may sound: it is important to raise minors correctly and demonstrate a normal model of behavior in the family.
“We need to instill in children universal human values from an early age and teach them to control their emotional state,” emphasizes Nikolai Yakushkin. – This is developed in everyday activities. For example, not all children like to clean up their toys. The child, being lazy, refuses. You can't indulge the baby. After all, when your child puts away toys despite the desire to be idle, he holds back his emotions. Children also often copy the behavior of their parents. When a child sees that dad regularly raises his hand to mom, he realizes that this model of behavior is acceptable. This means that, as an adult, he will show cruelty.
It is precisely from children who were not taught to manage their emotions at one time that they usually grow up to be antisocial psychopaths.
Many of them become criminals. At the same time, alcohol plays a significant role in uncontrolled behavior.
“An antisocial psychopath cannot restrain his emotions,” says Nikolai Yakushkin. – When such a person doesn’t like something in life, he shows strong aggression that is not motivated for a well-mannered person. For example, if an antisocial psychopath is standing in line, someone accidentally steps on his foot or makes a harmless remark - the response will immediately be followed by obscene language. Moreover, after drinking a large amount of alcohol, the reactions in the brain of such a person change, aggression worsens. Let’s say you wanted to go somewhere by car, kicked the driver out of the car and got behind the wheel.
Asocial psychopaths serving time become even more embittered, so cruelty is often shown by people who have returned from prison.
“Individuals who cannot realize themselves in life and integrate into society become embittered,” explains Nikolai Yakushkin. – This is especially true for repeat offenders. In prison they accumulate negativity against society. A kind of subculture is being formed. Such people consider themselves offended by everyone and take revenge on the world for this. There is a value structure in their minds that says that crimes must be committed. This is such revenge on society for the fact that they were discarded and not appreciated. And this problem, in my opinion, needs to be solved by organizing rehabilitation centers for former prisoners.
Evgeny KARPAS, Vitebsk.
