People must learn to hear each other, accept the other’s position and be able to negotiate. Otherwise, human life will turn into an endless stream of quarrels and conflicts. Of course, they happen in any family or society, but you need to learn how to effectively resolve controversial issues through dialogue, in order to reach a compromise. A solution that suits both sides of the conflict is the result of the art of negotiation. Coming to a compromise is sometimes more difficult than solving a problem unilaterally. This is a vicious circle that aggravates the consequences of the crisis rather than eliminating the cause.
The art of negotiation
From an early age, a person has to find himself in conflict situations. Already during children's games in the yard, he realizes that not all his peers think like him, and the point of view on the same actions is different. Soon the understanding comes that it is better to resolve controversial situations calmly. In this article we will look at several rules on how to negotiate with people diplomatically, without offending others or humiliating yourself.
What unites politicians, businessmen, successful people and artists? This is the ability to speak clearly and convincingly. It can be noted that not a single journalist with his piquant questions could put any of them in an awkward position; they always carefully get out of the situation and turn out to be “winners”. The trump card of their victories is the correctly chosen words, metaphors, emotions, phrases and gestures. This is mastery of psychological techniques and words. The ability to negotiate is an art that needs to be mastered. Therefore, public people are excellent diplomats, they easily find an approach to any person, know how to build a constructive dialogue, and easily resolve disagreements that arise. The average person has a lot to learn from them.
Causes of children's inability to negotiate
To determine effective ways to overcome children's inability to negotiate, it is important to understand the reasons for the child's incorrect behavior towards other children. Most of them lie in the psychological characteristics of younger schoolchildren
First of all, their emotional instability affects them, which is as follows.
- The habitual model of behavior is based on the formula “I want - I don’t want, I like it - I don’t like it.”
- Most children's actions depend on their mood, which they do not yet know how to control.
- In a conflict situation, a student most often commits actions under the influence of angry impulses.
- The child does not have the “Should” attitude, so the discord between his internal state and generally accepted norms of behavior is reflected.
By the beginning of the school period, the child is psychologically ready to manage his emotions, but does not know how to do this. Therefore, another reason for conflicts in children is not their inability to establish contacts, but their lack of experience in social communication. This is especially pronounced in a “home child” who has not previously attended kindergarten.
This is precisely why children do not strive to negotiate themselves, but rush to seek help from adults. Sometimes the child does not even realize that he can solve the problem himself and find a way to interact.
It is also necessary to take into account that at this age children are fixated only on their feelings and they have almost no sense of empathy. They do not want to give in to another simply because they do not understand his desires and the fact that he also has his own interests.
There are other reasons for children’s inability to negotiate. This may be a consequence of improper family upbringing, in which the parents never tried to seek compromises with the child, but only presented him with a series of demands. In some cases, negative social experiences gained in the preschool period have an effect. If a child has experienced aggressive pressure from his peers for some time, this may affect his character and behavior pattern.
The reasons for inability to negotiate can be identified by conducting diagnostic tests, questioning parents, and interviewing teachers. In rare cases, to solve the problem of increased conflict in a child, the help of a psychologist will be needed. Most often, it is enough to conduct a system of collective or group classes on the topic “Learning to negotiate.”
Compromise
Disputes and conflict situations arise everywhere: at school, at work, in the family, on the street, at the institute and in various public places. And the more effectively the dispute is resolved, the more your authority in the eyes of others will increase. What does “effective art of negotiation” mean? By definition, this is a successful result of negotiations between two or three parties, during which a compromise is found. In turn, a compromise is voluntary and mutual concessions by all parties to the conflict on a friendly note. The phrase “agree” implies a mutually beneficial solution. And if it is found, it means that people have come to a mutually beneficial option, that is, they have agreed.
#1. Prepare carefully
The best improvisation is pre-planned.
Roger Fisher, director of the Negotiation Research Project at Harvard University, argues in his book Negotiating Without Losing that if you feel like you're wasting time during a meeting, it's because you're not well prepared.
Professor Fisher advises adhering to the 4P rule :
- highlight the purpose of the negotiations (Purpose)
- determine the result you want to achieve at the end of the meeting - Product
- compile a list of meeting participants and real decision makers (Participants)
- describe the negotiation process (Process)
The creator of the Coach2100 training system, Jim Camp, in his book “Say No First,” advises carefully writing down the mission of the meeting even before the start of negotiations - and sticking to it even in those moments when tensions are off the charts. The author argues that for each specific meeting, the mission must be formulated in accordance with the pain and values of the opponent.
Here's what it looks like in an example:
You represent a company that installs electronic cash registers. A new establishment is opening soon, and you are going to negotiate with the manager.
Client pain: to start operating, the establishment needs an electronic cash register.
Bad mission: I will sell the cash register, get money and in the future I will earn money by servicing the equipment.
Good mission: With the help of my product, I will help the establishment open, reduce costs and simplify the work of the team.
Understand, hear, listen and insist
Surely many managers, sitting at the negotiating table, sincerely want to find a solution that suits everyone. But the attempts fail because in the first minutes it becomes clear that it is simply impossible to reach an agreement. And, unfortunately, they are not trying to resume the dialogue again.
How to master the art of negotiation? The rules developed by experts will help you get out of any situation. Endurance, patience, self-control and focus on what is most important are fundamental factors on the path to compromise.
A good example is politicians or large businessmen who conduct long-term negotiations with partners or competitors. Most often, negotiations end on a positive note.
Territory of agreement
This territory, like any other, must be protected. This security device is the small word “yes.” The interlocutors need to agree among themselves, and this can be done even without a psychologist. You must be in a good mood because you must take the initiative. You should not be tired, you should be smarter, more far-sighted, more cunning and more talkative. First you need to start a conversation. And the topic of conversation should not remain neutral. On the contrary, the topic should affect each of the interlocutors. How to find such a topic, you ask? The weather will be perfect. You, as the initiator, characterize her condition, and your interlocutor agrees, and that’s it! Both interlocutors are already in the territory of agreement.
Way to success
For a successful dialogue, all round table participants must:
- listen carefully to your interlocutor without interrupting, even if his arguments are absurd;
- show respect to your interlocutor;
- do not allow aggression, pressure, persistence towards the opponent;
- celebrate merits and achievements;
- speak calmly, confidently without emotions, use arguments, facts, provide evidence;
- reach a compromise diplomatically.
This is the art of negotiating; the rules of correct communication are always useful in life.
Of course, it is impossible to list all the nuances; there is a special science in this regard - social science. These are just the basics, without which effective negotiations will not take place.
Time is of the essence
Timing is often the key factor that determines whether you have the ability to close a deal successfully.
Bargaining over temporary conditions should be done with as much care and caution as over money. If you rush through the negotiation process, people will think that you are not serious about the contract price. If you take your time and carefully consider each step, your partners will understand that you take every dollar you spend seriously.
Even if you understand that you will ultimately accept the proposed terms, still take time to think about the proposal so that after concluding the contract, your partners will be satisfied with the result achieved. Responding too quickly is somewhat disrespectful, as if the negotiation means nothing to you.
As the deadline approaches, the party more interested in the deal will increasingly make concessions. That's why the chance of getting a discount on a gym membership is much higher in December than in January, when people rush to fulfill their New Year's resolutions.
If you are the one with a deadline, try to maintain control over the flow of the conversation. Find a way to slow down the pace of the conversation, say that you need to talk with other suppliers and buyers in order to provoke FOMO, that is, the fear of missing out on something valuable, in the other party.
The art of negotiation in the form of a poster
Many people are upset by a quarrel with a friend. What to do in such situations? How to achieve mutual understanding next time, avoiding conflict? In this case, experts recommend developing your own rule “The Art of Negotiation”; the poster will be a good guide in this matter. Everyone has seen the cartoon about Carlson, who called himself “the tamer of the housewife.” He was able to win over the most harmful Freken Bock. Sometimes it is useful to imagine yourself in the form of this hero and write a memo for communicating with any person. Remember the bitter resentment, explain to yourself why this resentment arose. The main thing is to be honest, because no one gets offended by bad weather or a stone they tripped over. You need to create your own recipe for avoiding offense.
- What prevents you from understanding a person?
- What feelings are neutral?
- What helps you understand others?
In this way, the art of negotiation will become more clear. A poster hung in the room will help in this matter.
#4. Get everything down on paper
This is the best way to avoid misunderstandings. As soon as you have announced the terms of the deal, write them down and lay them out in front of each participant in the meeting. This way you will make sure that there are no discrepancies and disagreements, and the subject of negotiations will turn from abstract to real, which is already a pity to lose.
In addition, if negotiations are divided into several stages, it is worth recording the results of each meeting in the form of a follow-up. This will help all participants quickly get into the rhythm, remember where the discussion stopped last time, and compare guidelines and key agreements.
Communication process
Communication is an integral part of the successful functioning of many professions, the specificity of which is communicating with people. Uniqueness lies in the ability to listen, understand others and perceive the information received. The purpose of communication is the relative balance of the parties, in which their goals, thoughts, interests are defended, but as a result of which the parties come to a certain agreement. In fact, you can always come to an agreement with everyone - with the seller, the buyer, the employee, the partner, the boss. Why is the ability to negotiate called an art? The fact is that in ordinary life, not all people write poetry, play the piano, draw, dance or sing. Talent is inherent in every person, in some it is more pronounced, in others it is weaker. And the opportunity for development allows you to improve your inclinations and become a true professional in your field. Not everyone is gifted with the art of negotiating; the rules of mutual agreement will allow you to develop this quality. Certain methods, courses, and trainings will be an excellent “self-teacher.”
Negotiation methods
In official management psychology, there are 4 methods of negotiation. It is not necessary to use only one method in the negotiation process; you can combine it. Let's look at each of them in detail.
Method 1. Variational
This method can be used in the process of preparing for a conversation. Its essence is to distribute the expected result into:
- ideal;
- optimal (besides, it is necessary to identify not so important nuances that can be neglected);
- forced within the expected time frame;
- an opponent's proposal that must be rejected.
You should think about all of these options in advance, and plan the strategies that will be used in each of them.
Method 2. Compromise
Compromise is considered one of the most important points in the discussion process. The point is that opponents are ready to sacrifice certain nuances, taking into account the interests of the parties. As a result of this approach, instead of the original requirements, new ones are formulated.
It should be said that there are some difficulties in the compromise method. Firstly, a solution reached by compromise is a conditional agreement, since it may require greater competence and authority of the participants in the process. Secondly, the psychological aspect plays a big role. That is, in order to reach a consensus, both (or three, etc.) parties should show patience and endurance.
Method 3: Balancing
When balancing, each opponent carefully studies and analyzes the counterarguments put forward. This method will be relevant in 2 cases:
- In preparation for modeling possible ways of development of events.
- When you need to “play for time” (if a person does not want to take risks or does not have enough authority).
The method is used in the decisive (turning) phase, in which the participant presents clear arguments to the counterparty.
Method 4: Integration
The most appropriate integration method will be in a situation of positional bargaining, when the opponent insists on narrow departmental interests. In this case, your goal is to convince your partner (or opponent) of the need to take into account social relationships, since they promise mutual benefit.
The Art of Diplomacy
Valuable diplomacy skills are needed everywhere. Any manager or manager should master this art perfectly. This does not mean that other employees will not benefit from this quality. The art of negotiating diplomatically is highly valued in our time. The ability to conduct a correct dialogue with employees, suppliers, exporters, and consumers is necessary in any job. By understanding this mechanism and applying it in practice, you can take a leading position.
Unfortunately, in difficult situations a person either gives up immediately or attacks his opponent. This is the peculiarity of people - they do things without thinking. In order not to complicate the situation, good preparation is necessary, which begins with the question “What do I want to achieve as a result, what am I striving for?” Once the goal is determined, it is necessary to analyze and compare, then adjust judgment and plans for the future and be “combat ready” again. This is the art of negotiation. Social studies, as an academic subject that brings together many social sciences, will teach you to improvise when there is absolutely no time to prepare.
Don't do anything for nothing
To close the deal, you will have to make compromises on some issues, and this is inevitable. But you can’t agree to something without asking for something in return.
If partners ask for a lower price, ask for better payment terms. If they give a short time frame for completing a task, ask them to reduce the amount of work. If you are offered a performance-based contract, ask for a deposit. If they insist on collaborating on a non-standard process, take permission to use this experience as a business case.
Never concede anything unless they offer you something in return: this will help you get more out of the deal and discourage them from asking for more concessions.
If negotiations are purely about price, make sure that over and over again your concessions become smaller and smaller. For example, you can drop the price from $100 to $80, then to $70 and finally to $65. Reducing the amount of concessions will signal to your partners that you are less and less willing to work with them, and, most likely, they will sign the contract faster.
If you act as a buyer, you can use the rule of dividing the price in half. For example, if you are buying a product for $100, it would be a good idea to start the bidding at $50. If they offer you $80, quote $65 because that's halfway between 80 and 50. They offer you $75 and you quote $70, and that's usually when the deal closes.
This tactic works because you confuse the other party without going overboard. And following a clear algorithm allows you to escape from the emotional side of trading and voice a price that in other circumstances you would be embarrassed to name.
If you follow this rule, you may be given about 1/3 of the original price. Of course, not every product or service has a 30 percent margin, and most sellers would rather not discount at all, but they also understand that the marketing and sales costs required to get another buyer may be greater than the cut of profit which they are asked to refuse. As they say, a bird in the hand is better than a pie in the sky.
An ordinary example
For example, an experienced employee decided to quit, citing the fact that he was no longer satisfied with the work schedule and pay. An unexpected statement needs to be responded to urgently, but in such a way that the interests of the manager are respected, because you don’t want to lose a valuable employee. Finding and training a new person may take a lot of time and money, but the arguments of the person leaving are also understandable. How to act in this situation and not make a mistake? The art of negotiation will teach you this.
If the boss is unable to find a solution in such a simple situation, then he is unlikely to cope with complex tasks. Most likely, a short-sighted manager will not stop the employee and try to find a solution. But it is a compromise in this situation that can be most beneficial for both parties. And there are many such examples. What is the essence of the agreement process? Let's try to figure it out.
#10. No - this is a new yes
Jim Camp is confident that a deal is concluded in negotiations by saying “no.” Don’t be afraid to offend your opponent—that’s not why you came to the meeting, and most likely he didn’t either.
Also encourage your interlocutor to tell you “no” - according to Camp, this gives the illusion of control over the situation, and the enemy relaxes.
The word “no” does not destroy negotiations, but helps improve conditions and gives scope for finding new mutually beneficial solutions. If your opponent’s demands do not allow you to get what you want, feel free to say “no.”
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Here's what it looks like in an example:
You are renting out a commercial space. A potential tenant is trying to “halve” your proposed price, citing an expert assessment from a real estate agency, which you are hearing about for the first time.
It’s okay to say “no” and pause the discussion to check a questionable fact and then change your position.
Arrangement process
The first thing that happens in such a situation is a conflict of interests. Personal interests are known. But in order to objectively assess the situation, you need to set your priorities correctly, and this is quite simple to do. It all depends on the task that the person has set for himself, what goal he is pursuing, how much does he need it? In addition, it is necessary to understand the interests of the opponent, otherwise a compromise cannot be achieved. If the motive of the opposite side is not clear, and interests are hidden, a simple way is to visually change places, imagine yourself in the place of your interlocutor and think about what problems he might have, what worries him, and so on. And by talking with mutual friends, you can understand the situation as a whole and get additional information that will help you make the right decision.
All of the above helps you understand how to negotiate correctly, get out of difficult situations and find a compromise diplomatically.
#5. Get rid of need
Have you ever come to the store hungry and uncontrollably shoveled unnecessary products into your cart?
A similar situation can occur in negotiations if you are more interested in their positive outcome than your opponent.
The main principle of negotiations is “I don’t need this deal.” Otherwise, your opponent will take advantage of your need and play on it by offering less favorable conditions.
Here's what it looks like in an example:
A candidate comes for an interview after a long break from work. He is looking for a position as an SMM specialist with a salary of 2X and five days in the office. After a series of failures, the applicant receives an offer: the position of office manager with SMM functions at a salary of 1.5X, but with the possibility of career growth in a year.
These are not exactly the conditions he was counting on, but due to his position of need (the candidate has been out of work for a long time, the first offer in a long time), he agrees. If he had a financial cushion and several planned meetings with other employers, the applicant would be unlikely to accept such an offer.
Courses on the topic:
Sales
Productive negotiations
Sergey Kovalevsky, National Key Account Manager, Lantm
Sales
Sales Manager
Ilya Reinish, Commercial Director, Laba
