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Many women, after several years of what seemed like such a successful marriage, suddenly find themselves longingly remembering those happy times where their husband literally carried them in his arms, pampered them and promised to throw the whole world at their feet. Over time, the first, hot and insatiable love goes away, turning into something calmer, balanced and serious - true love, with all its borscht, mutual understanding from half a word, warm slippers, concern for the partner’s health and concern for well-being.
Stormy passions seem to recede into the background, but sometimes you really want to feel again that intensity, the blazing and burning fire of sensations and emotions that inspired, pushed to new achievements, gave energy and the desire to live. But how can you return passion to your relationship with your husband? Is it possible to take some steps so that in the eyes of your beloved man you can again see that same lively and slightly crazy young man who was ready to throw you over his shoulder and shelter you from the whole world?
Why there is a need to refresh (renew) relationships in a couple: possible reasons
If we talk about marital relationships, the vast majority of couples who have lived together for more than 10 years cite domestic problems as the main cause of conflict. Mutual reproaches and dissatisfaction with the situation make it difficult to find a compromise - the relationship deteriorates and moves into another phase.
In addition to everyday life, common reasons for cooling between partners are:
- lack of tenderness, mutual expression of care for each other;
- financial problems;
- low-quality sex;
- stress, fatigue;
- reluctance to develop and work on relationships;
- irrational distribution of responsibilities.
Method 8 – Stress Management
Stress has a negative impact on a person, as a result of which he takes it out on his partner, stops experiencing pleasure from sex and becomes fixated on negative emotions. To avoid such consequences, it is recommended to learn how to manage stress. To begin with, it is recommended to engage in sports, yoga, meditation or other physical activity. You also need to monitor your sleep. You need to sleep at least 7-8 hours.
If your mental state is unstable, you should make an appointment with a psychologist.
How to refresh your relationship as a couple
Incompatibility in its pure form is extremely rare in a couple. As practice shows, this concept in family relationships masks an elementary reluctance to negotiate, strive for the best, and evenly distribute everyday problems.
Psychologists say that the relationship between a man and a woman develops with them and goes through several stages:
- courtship period - everything is perfect here. Emotions are high, sexual desire is at its peak, each other’s shortcomings seem insignificant;
- Living together is a grind. At this stage, the first problems become aggravated, inconsistencies in tastes, inconsistencies in character and habits are revealed. Since the partners’ feelings are quite strong, most couples successfully undergo the adjustment and their lives move on to a calm course;
- revaluation of values , analysis of what has been achieved - after some time, many people develop dissatisfaction with life, the reason for which they see in an unfulfilled relationship with a man.
Unfortunately, most couples, faced with misunderstanding and cooling of old feelings, end the relationship. Our recommendations for those who do not want to follow this scenario.
Between spouses in marriage
If the passion has passed, and there is no more awe and romance in the relationship, do not give up. Start with yourself:
- take a fresh look at your marriage - why did it happen that the former passion is no longer there? The answer is obvious: at the beginning of your acquaintance, you admired your chosen one, and he admired you. You got to know each other, gradually closing the distance. And when stability came and the development of relations stopped, the routine began. Open the door to flirting, give your husband the opportunity to express himself in a new way - play and experiment;
- do not devote your life completely to children - if a child becomes a cult, he crowds out everything else. Choose at least one day a week when it’s just the two of you - go to a movie or restaurant, take a walk;
- find out what your man wants , what he dreams of - understand not only his, but also your desires. Both in love and in sex;
- control stressful situations , do not let them develop - if you are overloaded with worries and problems, intimate relationships fade into the background. Spouses are moving away from each other. Relieve overexertion, which causes stress, with physical activity - this way you will not transfer the negativity to your husband;
- if the passion is no longer there, form a relationship on other principles - for example, the security that marriage gives you. Appreciate and respect your spouse for the reliable support he provides. As practice shows, a woman who is confident in the future is more harmonious and open in sex;
- develop self-sufficiency - in every family, someone loves more and someone less. If you think that marriage rests only on your feelings for your spouse, do not put pressure on him. Increase your self-esteem, find your strengths - and a man will look at you differently;
- do not please your husband - ostentatious dependence causes a negative reaction and is annoying;
- love yourself - your character, your body. After all, if you are not satisfied with yourself, how can you evoke emotions in your partner? Give up self-criticism - from today - only praise.
Method 9 – New Attachment
There are 3 types of attachment that manifest themselves in relationships:
Attachment based on confidence:
- “I am confident that my partner will stay with me in difficult moments, and I trust him completely.”
- “It’s easy for me to express my true emotions and feelings to my loved one”
- “I rarely or never worry that we will break up.”
Attachment combined with anxiety:
- “I’m afraid that my partner will stop loving me and leave me”
- “My partner doesn’t live with me out of love and cheats”
- “My partner is not as much in love with me as I am with him”
Attachment combined with avoidance
- “I don’t tell my partner about my sincere emotions and feelings”
- “I don’t want to receive support from my partner”
- “I feel uncomfortable opening up to my partner”
Attachment combined with anxiety shows that a person is not confident in himself and is afraid to part with his partner. People whose attachment is based on avoidance immediately prepare for the end of the relationship in order to experience fewer negative emotions later. Such people do not become seriously attached to anyone and try to keep their distance.
An ideal relationship is one that is based on confidence in each other. Partners are not afraid to trust each other, calmly talk about their experiences and are ready to open up.
What not to do - recommendations from psychologists
To avoid further aggravating the problem, listen to the anti-advice of experts in the field of family relationships:
- never try to change a man to suit you - this is a useless exercise. Look for harmony in compromises, be prepared to give up something for the sake of peace in the family;
- do not control your partner - each of us is free in our thoughts and actions;
- do not manipulate children - this is low;
- in moments of quarrels, do not remember past grievances - this will create even more discord between you;
- do not compare a man with previous partners - even if the comparison is in his favor;
- if you are unhappy with the gift, accept it with gratitude. After a couple of days, mention what you would really like - the main thing is to do it tactfully. Direct criticism of the spouse's tastes will lead to the fact that gifts will stop altogether;
- do not take the advice of friends and relatives as an axiom for action - remember, everyone has their own values and priorities;
- do not refuse to experiment in bed - the main thing is that they do not go beyond what is permitted for both of you. Keep in mind that if a man suggests trying something new, he probably already has a picture in his mind. If he receives a refusal, he will look for opportunities to realize it with another woman.
Method 7 – Discuss your loved one’s wishes and yours
Sex plays a key role in family life. And often the desires in bed of both partners differ, as a result of which one or both cease to receive pleasure. We must not forget about interaction with each other in everyday life. This includes mutual support, care and basic manifestations of love.
In order for both partners to begin to enjoy interacting with each other in sexual and domestic terms, it is recommended to find out the desires and preferences of your lover. To do this, you need to take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts. One column is called “Sex”, the second is called “Love”. Everyone must enter wishes and preferences in the appropriate columns. After this, he demands to exchange leaves and try to change for the better in order to satisfy the desires of the partner.
Reviews
The opinions of those who are faced with the problem of cooling and relationships differ. A number of opponents believe that it is impossible to return to the past , since the reasons for the discord are, as a rule, quite serious. Temporary reconciliation does not last long, then everything comes back. And it comes at the price of mutual concessions and compromises.
There are also those who are sure that if the basis of the relationship was love, everything can be returned. Moreover, not only women, but also men are ready to work in this aspect. As it turns out, they are extremely reluctant to break up. And new relationships outside the couple are found only in order to compensate for the missing moments in the marriage. In their opinion, if a wife tries to become for a man not only the mother of his children, but also a friend and lover, they willingly meet him halfway.
Looking for romance
A new common activity will bring novelty to the relationship, which will be interesting to both husband and wife. From time to time, have “home dates” and candlelit dinners. Spend the evening watching a movie.
5 pillars that support strong marriages (and it's not love)
Give mutual compliments. Give small gifts for no reason. Try to do things together so that both partners receive positive emotions. This will help the couple feel like they enjoy spending time together again. Try not to be apart for a long time.
Give gifts to your wives
Each of us knows how nice it is to receive gifts. So why not please the person closest to you – your own wife? Many men will say that if you regularly please your wife with expensive gifts for no reason, then you can spoil her. This is a reasonable judgment, but for most women the main thing is not the gift, but the attention. A box of chocolates on the bedside table, a cute keychain or photo frame, stylish jewelry, cosmetics - all these little things will not damage your budget. And they can help improve relationships.
If the phrase “We constantly quarrel with my wife” sounds like you, try bringing your wife sweets or flowers instead of another showdown. From time to time you can leave romantic messages for your wife or write SMS messages. An option for those who don’t know what to give their own spouse is to get into the good habit of occasionally giving her an amount of money that is acceptable to you with an offer to buy something for yourself. Any woman will appreciate such gestures.
Time for two
Family life is full of various responsibilities and tasks of varying degrees of importance. If there are children in the family, parents sometimes have no time to sleep and brush their teeth. What can we think about improving our relationships! Still, it’s worth trying to find time for yourself. A good option for restoring your relationship with your wife is to make a rule of regularly spending time just the two of you. Let it be one evening a week or a whole weekend.
Children can be sent to visit grandma, left with a nanny, or put to bed early. Turn off your phones and focus on each other. You can go on a mini-trip, just take a walk, watch a movie, or lie in bed all day. Choose a pastime option based solely on your own interests and amount of free time.
Learn to care for your own wife
Think back to the very beginning of your romantic relationship with your spouse. Surely you wanted to be a hero in her eyes, surprise her every day and carry her in your arms in the literal sense of the word. So why not try to at least partially return that magical time? Of course, it will never be the same as it already was. But this is even better. Having lived all these years together, you know exactly all the preferences of your spouse. You no longer have to guess how to surprise her. Just buy a bouquet of flowers or a cute souvenir. Still wondering how to improve your relationship with your wife? Arrange a real surprise for her. Let it be dinner at a restaurant on a weekday or a walk outside the city on the weekend.
Simple joys
For those who are thinking about how to refresh their marriage, family psychologists recommend filling life with small joys and new experiences. It doesn't have to be something global. You can bring fabulous and magical experiences to life by going together to an amusement park, a circus or a zoo. You can go through an interesting quest, where, for example, you need to get out of the lair of a maniac. Such small adventures will make you look at family relationships differently and temporarily feel like a young couple in love.
Your spouse is your best friend
Many modern families suffer due to lack of communication between spouses. Try to remember the last time you had a real conversation with your own wife. Many couples, after several years of marriage, communicate exclusively with a standard set of everyday phrases. These are small tasks and requests to each other. However, when your relationship began, you probably saw your partner as a pleasant conversationalist and an interesting person.
What has changed? Start small. Ask every day how the day went, how you remember it, what your spouse’s mood is. Share your news and thoughts if you see that your wife is inclined to talk. Don't be shy about asking for advice and listening to it. Monitor the quality of communication, try to address your beloved politely.
Family traditions
All happy families have their own traditions. Each couple has them individually, but it is these little sacraments that make life more interesting and the relationship between spouses deeper. If you are still wondering how to improve family relationships, maybe it’s time to come up with traditions that you will like to observe?
Regular dinners with family and Sunday trips to relatives, parties with friends or romantic evenings every month on the date of your acquaintance - the options are endless. You can offer your wife an unusual competition - within 24 hours, come up with the most interesting and enjoyable traditions for the family. In the evening, read the lists made together and choose those items that are interesting to both.
Picnic
A good idea to refresh your relationship as a couple is to relax and have a picnic in the fresh air. It can be arranged either early in the morning, enjoying the fresh cool air, or in the evening under the stars. The time of day doesn't matter, it's the company that matters. Once surrounded by beautiful nature, the married couple begins to feel more calm and comfortable. Topics for casual conversation immediately appear, you want to make joint plans and dream.
Romantic letter
Another proven way to refresh a marriage relationship is a love letter. The letter can be either electronic or handwritten, which will give the surprise even more romantic notes. Messages should be long, gentle, intriguing. The letter may even contain intimate moments known only to the spouses. The basic rule is that the letter must contain a declaration of love. Such a romantic letter can light a spark in a relationship in which it would seem impossible to revive the former passion.
Stop being jealous for no reason
Many married women complain of unreasonable jealousy on the part of their husbands. Indeed, many spouses have a negative attitude towards their wives’ regular meetings with friends, visits, and corporate events. Any man is an owner by nature. And even with firm confidence in the fidelity of his chosen one, every husband experiences discomfort, realizing that his wife in beautiful clothes is going somewhere to rest alone. How to avoid quarrels over holidays separately?
It is important to find a compromise. Ask your spouse to warn you in advance about all meetings in women's groups and feel free to agree to spend time with your friends on these days. Under no circumstances should you forbid your wife to have any hobby. But if you are very worried and angry when your spouse has fun without you, tell her about it directly. Offer to relax together more often, and it is quite possible that very soon, instead of gatherings with girlfriends, dinners with their families will become a tradition.
