This emotion is familiar to everyone. It is like volcanic lava flowing through the veins: as soon as its strong energy overtakes us, our body begins to feel a gradually increasing tension, the heart quickens its rhythm, everything inside is compressed as if in a vice. In such a state, a person is prone to rash actions, and it is difficult for him to remain adequate. And if this eruption of emotions is not stopped in time, the consequences can be serious and much more destructive.
It's about anger. We habitually classify this feeling as negative, condemn its manifestation in every possible way and try to suppress it, forgetting that anger is the basic emotion of a person, which he experiences from birth, and the best way to make friends with it is to learn to control it and direct it in the right direction.
If you are currently in a state of anger, we recommend spending time reading our article with a cup of delicious tea - this will be your first step towards emotional self-regulation. We will tell you what causes anger and how to stop being angry and irritated.
What's the point?
Are you calm and relaxed now? Then think, what good thing will give you rage or anger? Absolutely nothing but negativity, because at such moments it feels bad not only for you, but also for other people. Especially unjustified anger and aggression can offend and hurt those around you. Any negative emotions, if kept to yourself, will accumulate and thereby provoke serious consequences, which can be expressed in diseases and disorders of the nervous system. So how can you calm down and stop getting angry? You need to learn to do this not even for others, but first of all for yourself.
What is behind the outbreak of aggression?
Why do people sometimes get turned on half-heartedly under circumstances that are quite harmless, at first glance, and behave calmly in situations that would infuriate even the calmest person?
It's a matter of personal sensitivity. Some phrases and actions open up the traumatic experience of the past like an abscess and result in destructive behavior. Let's figure out what factors make us behave aggressively.
When a person exhibits a character trait that we cannot tolerate in ourselves and suppress in every possible way . For example, you have come a long way to get rid of inattention: you learned to concentrate, make lists, and prioritize. And now your colleague makes a stupid mistake in the report just because he was in a hurry.
On your part, the reaction to this oversight will be sharp and aggressive, because you hate inattention in yourself and react to any manifestations of it in others.
When the situation reminds you of old traumas . You were once rude to someone on a tram; there was an altercation that you had already seemingly forgotten about. But after a while, even a hint of a conflict situation on public transport causes you to experience a storm of uncontrollable emotions.
The example is primitive, grievances and experiences often stretch from early childhood. A child who was beaten by his parents in childhood reacts sharply to violence against children as an adult.
When the situation reminds you of unresolved problems . For example, you decided to get your body in order, you play sports from time to time, you try to improve your diet, but without much enthusiasm, and the results from this approach are also insignificant.
And when you meet, a friend draws attention to your excess weight, this statement provokes a wave of indignation. You can humiliate your opponent, shout, insult.
When we don't get what we needed so much in childhood . Your parents were very strict with you, from their lips you could only hear criticism, words of praise were never addressed to you. And already as adults we seek recognition. When we don't receive it, we become irritated and overreact to even justified criticism.
Chronic lack of sleep and severe fatigue . An exhausted body is unable to produce adequate reactions to current events.
What do you need to do to stop being angry and offended?
The issue of anger and aggression has been studied by psychologists for hundreds of years. That is why it is already possible to identify basic rules that will help you control yourself in the most unforeseen situations. How to stop being angry at people?
- First you need to learn to identify manifestations of anger at the right moment. This way you can control not only yourself, but also the situation. It is much better if you come to your senses at the beginning of the conflict, which will help resolve it, than in the middle or at the end.
- Conscious breathing has also not been canceled. Almost everyone knows about this rule, but for some reason no one uses it in practice. Therefore, as soon as you feel that an explosion is about to occur inside you, begin to breathe deeply, controlling each inhalation and exhalation. At the same time, count to 10.
- It would be a good idea to add affirmations to your life. They work very simply, at the moment when anger goes off scale, just repeat to yourself: “I wish only good things for myself, so why should I be angry? I feel calm and want to live in harmony with myself.” Take a deep breath, drink water, and you will feel the anger gradually subside.
- Physical activity is your best friend not only in losing weight, but also in controlling your emotions. This may seem strange, but try doing exercises, going for a run, or cleaning in a fit of anger. This way you will switch your attention from emotions to physical stress and quickly forget that you were angry five minutes ago.
- Hit the pillow! Yes, yes, no matter how funny it may sound, but sometimes you just need to let off steam. It’s good for those who have a punching bag at home, but the most ordinary pillow will be a worthy alternative. In Japan, for example, in large offices they set up a special room with a dummy of the boss, which can be boxed.
- Anger can also be expressed through creativity. Cool down by drawing or writing a story, just take a piece of paper and draw or describe in words the emotions that overwhelm you.
- How to cheer yourself up in a matter of minutes and forget about negative emotions? Easy and simple - have a blast! Turn on your favorite music at maximum volume, sing, dance, jump, fool around. In general, do not deny yourself pleasure, and your mood will definitely be much higher.
- Contrast shower is the solution to all problems. Just imagine for a second that water can wash away all the anger, all the negativity, resentment, and bad mood from you. It will cleanse not only your body, but also your soul.
And don’t forget to tell yourself “thank you” for dealing with the negativity on your own and not taking it out on others.
Awareness of the problem of irritation within yourself
If you often experience anger and irritation, seemingly out of the blue, try asking yourself a few questions:
- Is it the person's fault that you are irritated? Perhaps the interlocutor simply cannot formulate his thought correctly and does not want to upset you at all. Try to listen and understand what the person who you think has offended you wants to convey to you. This is better than immediately breaking down and taking communication in a negative direction.
- Doesn't the reason lie with you? Increased irritability can be a defensive reaction if you are very insecure.
- What do you want from the conversation? Do you like it when people yell and get angry in response? Because this is exactly the reaction your interlocutor will have to your irritation: negativity begets negativity. Do you want this?
The best ways to be calm and not nervous in any situation
How to find the cause of anger?
It often happens that no exercises are needed to cope with negativity at all. It is enough just to identify the cause of anger, and thanks to this you can get rid of negative emotions. If identifying the cause alone is not enough, you should find an opportunity to eliminate this cause and open yourself to positive emotions. The most important thing is to identify the problem as quickly as possible in order to immediately solve what is troubling you. If you don't do this, you will simply continue to be angry without even realizing that the reason may be completely meaningless. This is the first step towards stopping being angry and irritated.
Why are we nervous?
Feelings of anxiety are a natural reaction to external stimuli. It occurs especially often when a person finds himself in an unfamiliar environment or is faced with a situation that he may not be able to cope with. In some circumstances, it is even useful to be nervous, because... mild anxiety allows you to experience a more complete feeling of happiness in the future. This effect is often observed in expectant mothers before childbirth.
However, modern living conditions have led to the fact that a person can constantly be in stressful situations. This can greatly weaken the nerves and lead to increased anxiety and a feeling of restlessness that will not leave the person even after he gets home, where all the conditions for relaxation and calm have been created. When there is emotional overstrain, it may seem that you are nervous about everything.
In addition, against the background of experienced stress, pathological phobias or fears may appear, for example, phobia of speaking in front of an audience or fear of death. Often this becomes a problem that interferes with life. A person cannot quickly calm down before a public speech or report to colleagues. Under such conditions, the feeling of anxiety before some event may intensify in the future.
Often emotions prevent people from building relationships and careers. In these cases, you need to take measures to improve your emotional background and acquire skills that allow you to quickly cope with yourself in a stressful situation. In most cases, there is no need to resort to medications, because... There are many psychological methods for correcting high levels of anxiety.
Did you find the reason? Let's think logically
If the cause of anger is identified, and this is not some momentary weakness, then you will have to ask yourself the right questions to find your way to solve the problem. Psychologists have long found out that anger is an emotional thinking that most often does not make any sense, but at the same time it can play a big role in our lives. All you need to do in order to solve the problem is to start thinking not emotionally, but logically. To do this, you must learn to control your emotions. For example, count slowly to 100 or more if the level of anger exceeds all limits. Psychologists advise counting slowly and out loud for greater efficiency. This method really helps many people cope with attacks of anger. There are a huge number of such methods and exercises, and everyone can find something that will help them.
Smile!
Even when you want to destroy everything around you, just start smiling. Everything is simple here, we are used to smiling at the moment when everything is fine, when we are happy or simply in a good mood. Even if you start smiling through force, it will quickly and painlessly change your negative state to a positive one. Scientists have proven that laughter and smiling help you cope with problems faster, as well as solve serious problems and achieve big goals. Give a smile to those around you, and it will come back to you more than once.
Happiness is in work
Absolutely every person wants to live in peace and harmony. And in order to live happily, you need to look for happiness in the right direction. You must realize that luck is a job you love, a healthy family and yourself. The simplest example is this: in the pursuit of wealth, a person loses family, friends, and ultimately achieves his goal, but remains completely unhappy. Of course, everyone has their own concept of happiness. Only you can give the correct answer to yourself. Don’t try to prove anything to anyone, live and think that you are already happy, thanks to this the world around you will be built accordingly, and there will be no place for anger in your life.
