My wife is constantly offended - 5 tips from psychologists, consultations

The wife is offended by her husband, what should the man do? Many people take the path of least resistance and do NOTHING, but is this the right tactic?

As you know, a woman is a creature with a subtle mental organization. It is very easy to offend her, and the reason can be a mere trifle: inattention to the words and actions of the spouse, a bad joke, criticism of the appearance and quality of housekeeping... You never know! I forgot the date of my first kiss, and now the wife is offended, and the husband does not understand the reason.

A hysterical wife constantly nags her husband: she is constantly dissatisfied and insults

Hello friends. Today I want to write an article for men. Stop giving advice only to women. Men need them no less. And it's all because of us. Sometimes you hear the cry of a man’s soul that his wife is hysterical, constantly dissatisfied, offended, grumbling, screaming, hysterical, and simply blowing her mind.

I'm always dissatisfied with something. Or rather, not something, but someone, i.e. husband. Life turns into a nightmare, you want to run away, or hide in a corner somewhere and not hear this constant hysteria. How I understand you guys, so I decided to help. Give some practical advice on how to stop this and start living a normal family life. And who else can do this except the woman herself. So delve into female psychology and do as I advise you.

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My hysterical wife freaks out about everything

First, I'll ask you a simple question. Have you ever wondered why girls like to make scandals, get offended, and pick their brains? And in general, for what purpose is all this being done? The answer is very simple - girls love to raise men. After all, these are all factors of education. This is exactly what we will talk about today. And also, I will share with you a trick on how to properly deal with this upbringing on the part of a girl and how not to become a weak man in her eyes.

The truth is that women, from childhood, try in every possible way to educate. First they play with dolls and educate them. Then they beg for a kitten, a dog and raise the animals. And so they grow up and begin to raise men out of habit.

Why are they doing that? Yes, very simple. Because they understand that this is a good way to punish a man for behavior, actions, actions that are not beneficial to her. Or, as an option, to punish a man for not wanting to fulfill one of her next whims, or not wanting to dance to her tune. And of course she begins to educate him for this. The wife is hysterical and is also constantly dissatisfied - this is hell for a man.

A family psychologist will find out why a wife is often offended

Find a marriage specialist with good recommendations and go to him first alone, and then perhaps with your spouse. The reason why a wife is often offended may be completely unexpected. At psychotherapeutic sessions, sometimes old painful problems are revealed that come from deep childhood, which only a specialist can help smooth out.

If a woman projects previously experienced feelings, relationships, grievances, complexes onto her husband, this is called transfer or transference in psychology. Dealing with this is not easy; Freud identified the problem, and since then many methods have been invented to combat this phenomenon.

It would no longer even occur to reasonable people to be embarrassed about going to family psychotherapy: it has already saved many married couples. We go to the dentist when a tooth hurts, and we don’t hope that it will somehow resolve on its own!

Why is a hysterical wife always unhappy with her husband?

The point of all this education is to put psychological pressure on the guy in every possible way and, accordingly, force him to do what she wants. The sad thing here is that if a man is subjected to this kind of upbringing, she gradually begins to consider him weak. That is, she begins to understand, yeah dear, that means I can calmly influence you psychologically, i.e. I can raise you the way I want. That's it, you are no longer a man for me.

A woman will never respect the man she raises. So, man, don't ever let her raise you. And the best option in a situation when you realize that she is starting to take offense at you, starting scandals, and starting to blow your mind.

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What stage is your relationship at now? Is it time to make some decision?

Time is Up!

Time's up

Just don’t react to all this, don’t let her drag you into this so-called brain crusher. Because you won’t achieve anything in all this. If you try to prove something to her, convince her of something, persuade her, beg her. All this is definitely a dead option. Anyway, the hysterical wife is constantly unhappy.

Find out why your wife was offended

An intelligent woman, as a rule, is quick-witted and does not stir up conflict over an insignificant issue. But there are some ladies who accumulate negativity in their souls and build entire philosophies around quarrels. This corrodes the soul... There are also reasons for grievances that in no case should be forgiven. If your wife is offended and is silent, do not be silent yourself. Everything is discussed and everything can be decided - after all, you are alive, healthy, and your love has not gone anywhere. She is only wounded - seriously or not too much.

So, speak up. Start figuring out what you did or said wrong. When the wife is offended and does not speak, mutual silence can drag on and serve as a reason for the conflict to escalate. A smart husband will be able to overcome the woman’s resistance and reluctance to discuss the quarrel. She closed her petals like a rose and exposed her thorns - water your flower, it needs nourishment with gentle words, gentle touches, proof of attention and love.

Admit your mistake, even if deep down you think you are right. What is more important to you: your own ambitions or mutual understanding in your family? But my wife finally began to thaw. Try to look at the quarrel with a small (at first!) dose of humor. This is how, step by step, you will come to reconciliation, which can be so sweet after a thunderstorm.

Hysterical wife turns against mother

Trust the experience of other men. It’s best if you understand that your beloved is trying to somehow educate you, or is turning you against your mother, do not react to all this. And let yourself understand that now she will go crazy, then maybe she will try to sulk, take offense, put pressure on you. But if she sees that it doesn’t work for you, she will quickly calm down. And remember, she can say that you are not a man, a scumbag and a scoundrel, you are bad, where her eyes looked, she was completely disappointed in you. And similar provocative statements.

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Because women know what to say to simply blow and hook a man. And here is attention, the decisive moment. If you start making excuses to her, explaining yourself, trying to prove something, trying to have some kind of debate with her. Everyone, remember, you lost! And to all these screaming provocative remarks of hers, that you are a scoundrel and a scumbag. Your hysterical wife is constantly dissatisfied with you and will always be so if you do not follow my advice.

My advice to you is to react neutrally. Moreover, while agreeing with her. And you can even be slightly ironic, but not explicitly, this will only diffuse it even more. Here's an example.

- You bastard, how could I contact you! You scoundrel, I'm disappointed in you!

And you say.

- Darling, you are completely right. Nightmare! How could you contact me? Where the hell were your eyes looking? Yes, I am the most terrible person on the planet! In general, I’m the guy that your mother probably told you about when you were a child: do you see him? Don't ever try to mess with him!

Everyone gets tired in their own way, not just her

She stays at home with her 8 month old baby. I understand her fatigue from the monotony of sitting at home alone with her child.

Tired of monotony...

And the fatigue from working from morning to evening and also studying is, like, less fatigue.

A kind of frivolous, neglectful fatigue.

It’s not just fatigue from BOREDOM, this, I understand, is fatigue...

By the way, here's another point. Whose problem is it that you are tired at work? Yours or hers?

It seems to me that this is your problem. Accordingly, it’s up to you to deal with it. And there is no point in complaining about her.

And good for you for not complaining! You just work calmly and cope with fatigue on your own.

It's logical isn't it? So why can't this same logic be extended to the wife?

Why should you provide her with emotional support in those moments when she is tired of BOREDOM, while you are forced to cope with your fatigue and stress from work on your own?

As for me, let everyone deal with their stress on their own.

She says that it would be better if she worked for me for a day, that I come, showing my fatigue after work. (I work in a car dealership as a sales consultant) I am not a sociable person by nature, but my job forces me to talk to people from 8.00 to 20.00 in order to pay for a rented apartment, a loan for a car, etc. Regular expenses per month are about 50,000, my wife does not work and there is a child.
I constantly hear insults that I don’t buy this kind of thing for her, that my son needs to buy it, then I never feel sorry for him. We rarely go to the establishment, I come late. I start to wash the dishes, she says stop staying with me, the next day I come, not washing them, she says she’s tired, and you’re giving me more work.

You earn money, but your wife is offended that you don’t buy her something?

Ok, so there are obvious material needs.

Do you have any requests for her? What are these requests?

What exactly does the wife do that is so great that allows her to be able to manage the money she earned through honest labor?

I would just say, “ Honey, are you making money for your family?

“Then I would wait for an answer.
Then he would say with a calm smile: “ Well, whoever earns money, let him decide on spending
.”

As for the dishes, I would do the following. Whoever earns more in the family does less housework.

That is, if you earn 50%, and she earns 50%, then you clean, wash, wash, change clothes equally.

But if you earn 100%, and she earns zero, then how much housework falls on you?

I think you understand where I'm going with this.

And in general, I’m in the mood to thicken the colors, for greater persuasiveness. Let me ask you a frank question.

What kind of men do women love most?

And you will see how she will be simply in a stupor, she will be in shock. Because all women, when they start to take offense at a man, nag them, accuse them of something and other these situations. They expect that the man will explain, make excuses, prove that he is not like that. And then oops, the man agreed with her. He even began to slander himself even more. Is your wife hysterical and constantly unhappy? Okay, I agree that I don't deserve you.

Well, of course, it’s clear that when you agree with her and start talking about how you are the worst person. She begins to understand that you agreed with her. But even at the same time, you begin to exaggerate her statements to some ridiculous proportions. She understands that this is all simple irony. And in no case should this be confused to mean that girls love bad boys. No, that's not what I'm talking about.

Do something nice for your loved one

When a person is very offended, and you understand that an apology and a confidential conversation were still not enough, perhaps you should please him with something.

But we are not talking about a bouquet of roses and a huge teddy bear.

Remember, compensation for grievances with gifts is the weakest and most unreliable of all possible (although the most popular). And not because gifts are bad, but because they involve mostly monetary investments and minimal emotional involvement.

During quarrels, it is primarily the emotional connection between people that suffers, so it is this that needs to be “fixed.” Caring and working together are best suited for this purpose.

We also strongly do not recommend giving your wife surprises; it is better to ask her quite openly: “I feel very guilty. I want to please you in order to at least make up for my guilt a little. What can I do for you?"

It is important to be ready to fulfill her request, otherwise you will only make things worse.

It is best to immediately offer some option (or even several). “Let me cook you your favorite dish?”, “How about we spend the evening together and go to your favorite restaurant?”, “Do you want me to buy us theater tickets?”

Find out the reason for the tantrums

Hysteria is a way of getting what you want. Two types of women regularly throw tantrums:

- spoiled in childhood.

If the parents spent little time raising the girl in childhood, fulfilled her every whim, did not teach her to overcome difficulties and help around the house, then she begins to resort to hysterical fits already at the age of 3, if her parents do not buy her a toy or take her to kindergarten, and with age her selfish antics only intensify.

- patients with neurosis.

If in childhood a girl was calm and obedient, then the manifestation of hysterics with age may be one of the types of neuroses. Some psychologists call hysteria the first degree of insanity, especially if it is accompanied by streams of tears, simulation of fainting, headaches, heart attacks and threats to commit suicide. In this case, when the first symptoms of hysteria appear, you should call a doctor and give a calming injection.

IT'S LIKE A GIRAFFE

Fifthly. A person has two types of reactions to an attack. Run (or fight) and freeze. It's the same with conversations. Some people immediately react to offensive words - they answer, swear, shout, leave, slamming the door...

But there are women who freeze. Women who were told throughout their childhood that their feelings were stupid. “Are you scared? It’s nonsense, there’s nothing to be afraid of here, dive off the cliff like the good fellow Sashenka.” Or this: “Are you offended that Innokenty pulled your pigtail? Hurt? Nonsense! You came up with everything. It doesn’t hurt you, but he just fell in love.” Such a woman cannot immediately feel what happened. Like a giraffe, it takes a long time to get to her. She heard something offensive, something stirred inside her, something unpleasant. But doubt immediately appeared. Maybe nonsense? Anything offensive? Did I make it all up? Did he just fall in love?

She is, of course, already an adult. But it still takes time to decide whether to be offended or not.

The wife is hysterical. Is there a way out? Learn to ignore and remain silent

If you truly care about your wife and you have a child together, then you should try with all your might to save the marriage. To do this, you will have to be patient and persevering. As the saying goes, what a person “absorbed with his mother’s milk” cannot be changed by anyone.

Tantrums are theatrical performances by an “actress” who has no special education. Therefore, the hysterical person is afraid of publicity and throws tantrums only in the presence of the people closest to her. In order for her husband to fulfill her whim, a hysterical wife can bring him to a nervous breakdown, but she herself always controls her behavior and, despite her terrifying appearance, does not feel any shame. She easily calms down and can even ask for forgiveness if her husband gives in to her and she gets the desired result.

Even if you cannot completely ignore the hysteria and go to another room so as not to become a participant in the performance, do not succumb to provocations and do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Don’t let the hysterical person drain your energy, try not to be a participant in the theatrical performance, but remain only a spectator from the sidelines.

Let rude words and insults pass your ears, as if they were directed not at you, but at the theater hero, which fortunately you are not. If the screaming, crying and yelling suddenly turns into death threats or assault, call 911 immediately. This is already a nervous breakdown and your wife needs a sedative.

Don't listen to your friends' advice

Husband and wife are one Satan, so no matter how much your friends advise you: “Why are you suffering with her, don’t ruin your life, pick up your feet and run,” do not rush to file for divorce. There are very few modern women who are calm, balanced and hardworking.

Most of them are fixated on external beauty, luxury and wealth. Therefore, it is unknown what your next woman will be like, most likely, she will be the same. After all, only some men, after divorcing their first wife, draw the proper conclusions and work on themselves.

And if he remains with the same outlook on life and low self-esteem, then he will again attract hysterical people who are avoided by men who are confident and successful with women.

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Your wife is raping your brains

Interrupting in a conversation every time, hence my unwillingness to solve the problem immediately, the expectation of failure, because I will interrupt again. Not showing respect and assessing the entire situation in the family, adding uncertainty to actions in front of it. How to proceed? Start with yourself?

Apparently, you are afraid of conflict situations, and this makes you powerless.

There also appears to be a set of limiting beliefs about how the relationship between husband and wife should be structured. These beliefs need to be addressed.

Also, you should pay attention to the relationship of your parents when you were little. Perhaps the pattern of behavior in which you earn money, and your wife pushes you, and this is the norm, was inherited by you from your father. If so, then work through your childhood.

I will assume that you have many fears. What will happen if you tell her everything directly? What will happen if you interrupt her? What happens if you tell her that her behavior is unacceptable? What happens if you hint at divorce?

Obviously, you are afraid to express your feelings about her behavior. All these fears also need to be worked through.

Therefore, in answer to your question, I will say an unequivocal and bold “ YES.

" Be sure to start with yourself and work through your limitations, fears and grievances. Read about how to work them out massively and moderately quickly here.

I’m not offended by her, because I understand what the time period is. She really wants her own house, but I’m putting off buying it until the summer, as a child is offended that I’m not looking at houses now. I don’t see the point in looking at a house for which we don’t have the funds now, unless of course the house itself is interesting to me as an object. I show disrespect for her by not preparing.

You are not offended, but you feel powerless. Marriage deprives you of a strong negotiating position. If a girl (whom I don't live with) made unreasonable demands on me, created drama, showed disrespect, I would simply take her home. And if this behavior was systematic, I would either stop dating her, or would reduce this relationship to sex friendship

and no more.

You don't have such privileges. You are forced to put up with her crap.

But I wouldn’t put up with him, and would simply tell him what to expect and what not to expect.

For example, as for home, I wouldn’t even talk about summer. I'd say maybe

, I’ll buy a house in five years.
There is such a possibility
. It is much better to create a simpler expectation in a person and then pleasantly surprise him than to promise something and then be responsible for the words he drops.

Is the child offended?! I would just laugh at this. Why isn’t he offended that you are not a millionaire?..

She shows disrespect. And you know this very well. You just prefer not to notice because you are afraid to enter into conflict.

Who are these hysterical women?

They are called women with emotional swings. One moment she is calm, smiles at those around her and looks like a child, but literally a few minutes later she turns into a beast that rushes and rushes for no particular reason. Either a real princess, at whose feet you want to lay the whole world, or a fire-breathing dragon, from which you want to run.

These are real hysterics who have problems with self-esteem. When she is in a suspended emotional state and experiences elation, she should not be praised; when her confidence falls, she turns into a huge bundle of nerves. A woman throws hysterics and scandals with or without cause, but after a while she becomes calm.

There are several signs by which you can understand that your wife is hysterical:

Why even get involved and build a family with such women? It’s easier to get away from the shocks and find a balanced wife. But if a bitchy woman is a beautiful, smart, successful and interesting person, then the man will be very tempted and will not be able to resist the lady. In such cases, a man should know a few rules for taming bitches.

GIRLFRIENDS ARE SO devious

Third. She could talk to her friend. And this is even more dangerous than looking at Patrick Dempsey's perfect sideburns. With a friend, they could start from “he used to call three times a day, but now he writes every other day and doesn’t like photos” and through “last week at dinner he didn’t take my side, but supported his snake-mother” to “ he’s an alcoholic with uncontrollable aggression” and “let him go to his Dasha.” And then I won’t even strain my metallic voice to blacklist your contacts.

How should a man behave with his hysterical wife?

Rule #1.

A hysterical wife is karma for a man. Let's work it out. Distance in response to capricious behavior and reinforcement of the good If the wife begins to insult and provoke, there is no need to respond in kind, ignore her speeches or silently accept the blow. The response causes outbursts of anger. If you ignore or silently listen to attacks, she will feel powerful and will belittle her husband.

To avoid conflict, you need to keep your distance. As soon as another outburst of anger begins, you just need to get up and leave or end the telephone conversation without explaining anything about it. If you were sitting in a cafe together, then just pay the bills and leave. Of course, such behavior will make the woman even more angry. But she needs time to be with herself to think about what happened and understand her guilt.

In many cases, the lady calms down, the volcano calms down, and she realizes that she acted rudely. She will call and apologize herself. In this case, you should not give her lectures on correct behavior, but simply accept her apology, making it clear that you are not ready to tolerate such an unreasonable attitude towards yourself.

Rule #2.

Do not start arguments or criticize. When building a family with a hysterical wife, it is worth remembering one important rule:

Do not criticize family members and children with her, do not look for shortcomings in the chosen one and flaws in her appearance.

Even if you cannot come to a common opinion and have different points of view, there is no need to argue and furiously prove that you are right and impose your opinion.

You need to calmly speak out, saying that the decision or opinion will remain unchanged. Although the wife will be unhappy, this will cause much more respect than retaliatory attacks, shouting and waving her arms.

Rule #3.

Be able to stay within certain boundaries. As soon as your wife tries to hurt you or prick you, you cannot respond in kind. They are only angels in appearance, but inside they are very vindictive and vindictive. Therefore, once again it is better to refrain from insulting. In a relationship, the main one is the one who has stable self-esteem, who is not offended for any reason and knows how to forgive and not take revenge.

With such a man, she will behave more calmly, and all her attempts to provoke you into a quarrel and emotions will be in vain. A man should behave respectfully and, in case of any provocations, simply step away, and not be offended and take revenge in return. Any bad behavior of a woman is caused by the fact that she has a deeply hidden resentment, so you should not give an extra reason.

Hysterical behavior not only repels men, but also negatively affects women themselves. The psyche is disturbed, control over oneself, one’s thoughts and behavior is lost. With frequent emotional breakdowns, a woman can go beyond what is permitted, without completely understanding what she is doing.

Only balanced, restrained, strong men can get along with such women, who can stop the attacks of their beloved, take control of her, and not respond to her with the same inadequate reaction.

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Who has the eggs in this family?

I constantly hear that I’m doing this wrong, this is not right.

Dear, I don't understand what the problem is. You earn money for your family. You are the Boss here. You are the commander here. You are the head of the family. Here you decide what and how, and you are free to decide this for yourself and for your family, because you feed it.

Do you even realize that, in your words, your wife is almost parasitic on you? Symbiosis is not visible at all. There would be symbiosis if you earned money for the family, and this is for you

if your wife would pay a lot of attention, send messages and photographs of erotic content while you are at work, and please you in all sorts of pleasant ways when you come home from work. And all this with enthusiasm and a zealous desire to please you.

Your wife is actually doing great. You don’t have to work, your husband waters and feeds you... but you don’t have to pretend to be a traditional wife either! The kind that your husband would say, “ Clean the floors before I arrive.”

”, and she would do it without squeaking.

As I see it, democracy in the family is good, and unequal, traditional relationships, in which the man is the breadwinner and the wife creates warmth and comfort at home, is also good. Both systems work.

But your wife chose the best of these two systems for herself and the worst for you. On the one hand, the wife does not feed the family, but on the other hand, she demands something else.

To me, this is a mess. Something needs to change. You have to make a choice yourself.

What choice would I make?

I would calmly let my wife know that the drama has come to an end, and that the i's should be dotted. And then I would calmly explain where the border is that should not be crossed. In my case, this boundary would be any kind of dispute regarding housekeeping.

If my wife made 100% of the money and I lived off of her, I would have no problem putting on rubber gloves during the day, getting down on the floor and scrubbing off the stains my wife left on the floor last night while having dinner with me. .

If I earned 100% of the family income, I would have no problem gently but without discussion asking my wife to clean up after me and in the kitchen. And if my wife is not satisfied with this, I would understand that I took the wrong woman as my wife.

Or it can be democratic - if I earn about half of the family income, then I wash here and here, and she washes here. Or everyone washes after themselves.

The point is that I would stipulate such things in advance and in open text. You, apparently, did not discuss such things, and then, in order to avoid conflict with your wife, you remain silent and reluctantly follow her wishes, as long as she does not rape your brain too much.

Which, in fact, she does to the fullest.

With which men do women turn hysterical?

Psychologists identify 7 main types of men with whom women lose their minds and control of emotions.

Calm alcoholic

This is not yet the stage when a man goes on a rampage, takes things out of the house and beats his wife. This is an “amateur alcoholic” who drinks a certain amount almost every day, which increases over time. Many women are not ready to put up with this and begin to look for ways to fight. When all attempts have been used, but there is no result, the wife’s psyche is shaken and hysterics arise. In this case, a man should think about his lifestyle and eradicate a bad habit.

Creative personalities

Such people have a different way of thinking and perception of the world, including relationships in marriage. These geniuses are not always recognized by the people. In this case, they are not able to earn a decent income and help their wife with household issues. They are always in search of muse and inspiration. What kind of life tires a woman, and she becomes a bore, always nagging her husband.

Egotist

There are men who think only about themselves. As a rule, they marry calm and flexible girls. At first, wives put up with this behavior of a man and don’t pay much attention. But when a woman realizes that her husband doesn’t love her that much and is busy only with his own life, then her peace of mind begins to be undermined, which leads to quarrels and hysterics. The woman is trying with all her might to attract attention.

Tyrant and dictator

These are men with a cruel character, the behavior of a despot, for whom it costs nothing to hit a woman. If after the first such incident a woman does not leave the man, then she should be prepared for the situation to repeat itself periodically. Life will become real torture. The wife turns into a downtrodden, hysterical person. A similar situation is observed with a man who suppresses his chosen one morally.

Careerist.

It would seem that there is nothing wrong if a man tries to build his career and achieve great success. But such people also have a domineering character, which will manifest itself in relations with their wife. If she is his “blessed with berries,” then they will have a lot in common and fewer problematic situations. But if the wife is lower in status and does not look like the wife of rich people, then the man will not treat her with due respect. What kind of attitude will clearly make your husband nervous? Wives of careerists should look beautiful everywhere: at home, on a walk, in a restaurant and at a party, wear elegant clothes, and have appropriate manners and behavior. In addition, she must develop herself, be able to maintain a conversation on any topic.

Womanizer.

As a rule, a girl understands before marriage whether her future husband is prone to flirting and making advances toward other women. But she hopes that marriage will change him and he will be faithful to her all his life. But expectations are far from reality and self-deception leads to mental disorders. The wife constantly controls her husband, arranges checks, rummages through the phone and social networks, which makes her a jealous hysteric.

Good for all sex.

Men want to be good for everyone: parents, friends, colleagues, but not for their wife. What kind of husband would be happy to have money for friends, give them an expensive gift, shelter friends who have nowhere to stay, forgetting about the interests and well-being of the family. The wife's opinion is not taken into account. It’s surprising that with such behavior a woman turns into a vixen who does not accept her husband’s friends and hides money.

Hysteria in women: how to deal with it. What to do when hysterical and how to calm it down.

Hysteria is one of the most common phenomena that occurs in women. This behavior can cause serious mental disorders, so it should not be ignored. A hysterical wife jeopardizes not only her health, but also the psychological climate in the family. You can help her calm down at home, but it is better to consult a doctor.

Regardless of the reason for the development of hysteria, it is impossible to leave a woman alone with this problem.

The first thing a husband should do is bring his beloved to a conversation and understand the reason for this behavior. Any aggression and denial on the part of the spouse will only aggravate the situation. You should show maximum understanding, listen to your wife to the end, prove that you love her, and are always ready to support her. This approach will defuse the situation and calm the hysterical person a little.

If your wife is hysterical, redirect her attention to something else. Talk to her about the child and his behavior. You can jokingly point out smudged lipstick or mascara. This will distract her from the pressing problem and give her the opportunity to calm down.

If all of the above methods are useless, you can choose a more radical way to calm her down: splash a glass of water on her face. Your wife won’t like this action, but at least it will somehow make her calm down.

How to work through marital grievances?

I have two useful pages on the site for you. One is about how to get rid of your resentment. The other is about how to work through your resentment. These materials do not replace, but complement each other, so I recommend reading both.

Marital grievances are no different from any other, so all the recommendations on how to work through “ordinary” grievances also work with marital grievances.

The key feature of the proposed approach to working through grievances is the use of all the processing power of the subconscious for this task. What does this mean?

First, working through the grievance will involve removing the emotional charge from it. The resentment will not be forgotten, will not be forgiven, will not be deposited deeper into the subconscious... The resentment will be discharged.

The result of such work on yourself will be that the offense will lose its power over your response, turning from one of your internal “manipulators” into a pile of boring mental garbage that you can very easily discard, which is what we need.

Secondly, since the processing will be carried out on a subconscious level, you will be able to work with resentment not just at the level of its emotional component, but also with its subconscious roots. Roughly speaking, in the subconscious there are certain unconscious attitudes that at the conscious level “give out” a feeling of resentment. I often write about these components on the site - these are emotional distress, the victim mentality, and limiting beliefs. …

all these roots of resentment operate on a subconscious level.

Working through the resentment using the subconscious powers of the psyche will also allow you to defuse the roots of the resentment. This means that you will not only stop resenting your spouse so much, but you will also achieve very tangible and powerful internal changes. For example, working through your emergency situations will greatly affect how you react to your spouse’s behavior. The degree of healthy indifference will increase, and how the spouse behaves will cease to be so important. This will inevitably have consequences...

Thirdly, subconscious processing of grievances opens up opportunities for you that, with conscious work on grievances (including the same work with psychologists) would be very difficult to achieve, if not completely impossible.

In particular, by pointing to the subconscious mind some episode in which an offense occurred (this is exactly what the episode was written for), you can order it to work through not only this episode, but in general ALL episodes of your past when such an offense was experienced by you or someone else something else. This approach allows you to very successfully work through even those grievances that you now do not remember or are not aware of, including your fat grievances from childhood.

This means that when working with the subconscious, you can scale up any kind of elaboration and transfer it to the contents of your entire subconscious in principle. This, by the way, is the essence of the technique, which you can read about on the page about how to get rid of resentment.

By the way, a bonus result of working through grievances in this mode is that those grievances that you have long forgotten (but which continue to influence you) can be unblocked and come to the surface, after which you can successfully work through them. That’s why I wrote above that even if you can’t remember all your grievances against your spouse now, then it’s okay. As you work with your subconscious, old grievances will rise to the surface and be worked through.

Finally, fourthly, with such work there is no need to relive painful episodes. There is no need to immerse yourself in memories and re-experience negative emotions. It is enough to point your subconscious to this episode, and it itself will work on it according to the given algorithms.

The combination of all these factors, coupled with my personal experience of working through, allows me to state quite unequivocally that if you want to get rid of your grievances and are ready for fundamental changes in your perception, thinking and reaction, then the approach I propose will be very effective. hundreds in 3-4 months

past grievances, ranging from grievances from the past to your most recent grievance against your spouse.

Is it possible to achieve the same results in 3 months of working with a psychologist? If you think so, then write in the comments below.

Now that I have so laudably described the subconscious processing of grievances, the question arises - where is the catch? It can’t be that in three months you can defuse all your grievances, and without a catch, right?

Indeed, there is a catch. And this is what it is.

Types of hysterics

Hysterical attack.

The cause of such psychosis can be unpleasant words from a loved one or an unpleasant situation that has arisen at home or at work. Such hysteria is accompanied by tears, screams, stomping feet, sharp gestures, tearing of hair on the head, etc. During this period, the woman’s consciousness turns off and a few minutes after the seizure she may not even remember what happened to her.

There are two ways to stop this psychosis: with cold water or sharp pain. Hysterical attacks can occur regularly, so the woman should be shown to a psychotherapist.

Hysterical behavior.

This hysteria in women manifests itself in a different way. A representative of the fairer sex strives to become an object of admiration, envy and surprise. To achieve this, a woman dresses brightly, has her hair cut and made up, and constantly comes up with some unusual stories to attract the attention of the public. You can notice such a hysterical person by behavior in which there is excessive affectation and theatricality. Both young and old women suffer from such psychosis. Often their appearance and behavior do not correspond to their age and social status.

NOT THE HERO OF HER NOVEL?

Secondly. During this time, she could watch a film in which the ideal hero, some Patrick Dempsey with perfect curls and sideburns, gave his beloved diamonds and said that he was ready to spend his life to make her happy. Hm. Whoosh!

What did her boyfriend say to the woman when he asked her to marry her? He said: okay, yours took it, let's get married!

Or he didn't say anything at all, she said, and he nodded and sighed.

Or he said okay, but gave flowers. Or he didn’t give anything. And his curls haven’t been cut for a long time... He doesn’t try at all for his woman. He probably doesn't respect him. Or is it all about Dasha.

N-n-at you with a metallic voice.

The impact of tantrums on the family. How to live with a hysterical wife

Many men don’t know what to do if their wife is hysterical. Not every representative of the stronger sex is ready to tolerate such emotional outbursts in their family. Most men want a family in which there will be peace, mutual understanding and harmony. Living with a mentally unstable partner is simply unbearable for many. If a girl behaved adequately before marriage, and after marriage began to regularly show hysterics, sooner or later the same outcome awaits her:

The man will immediately leave her.

At first, the husband will try to understand the reason for the hysterics and try to calm his wife down. But even the most patient husband will not be able to withstand such regular shaking, so divorce is inevitable. Only some husbands can tolerate an unhealthy situation in the family and accept a woman for who she is.

A man who really wants to save his marriage should stock up on endurance and patience, since this problem cannot be eliminated quickly.

What should a man do in such situations?

Analyze the possible reasons for your wife's behavior

You need to consider both objective circumstances (your own behavior, the state of affairs in the family, etc.) and subjective ones (the internal state of your partner).

You should not withdraw yourself and ignore the grumbling and criticism of a dissatisfied wife. Of course, this is the easiest way - to leave the relationship, either realistically or psychologically. But unresolved problems tend to repeat themselves with great accuracy in subsequent marriages. Therefore, it makes sense to understand the “here and now” and consider all the possibilities for harmonizing life with your loved one.

It is important to remember: while the wife grumbles and nags, even if she is aggressive and illogical, she wants to save the marriage and unconsciously asks for help. A lady who has firmly decided for herself that this man is no longer interested in her (even if she has not yet filed for divorce for some reason) is calm, cold and polite. Even a woman’s negative emotions are an indicator of involvement in a relationship. This means that a man has a chance to return happiness to his family.

Help a woman deal with her emotional state

Men are mostly rational and constructive. Therefore, they should take the initiative and establish a dialogue with the woman. In a quiet time, without the presence of other people, with a positive attitude, sit down with your spouse at the negotiating table (a kitchen table will do!).

Let her freely say whatever she wants. Encourage her expressions, whatever they may be. Do not try to answer her right away or offer solutions to problems. First, analyze the information.

If a woman’s speech is dominated by emotions, perhaps she just needs to speak out and throw out her feelings. Yes, this is unusual for men and difficult to understand, but this is how the psyche of the fair sex works. Allow your spouse to let off some steam. As blogger Martha Ketro wittily noted, sometimes a woman just needs a “good Italian scandal” with a couple of broken plates. In the future, the husband can come up with a way to collectively “relieve stress.” And what it will be: a good Russian bath with a broom, a pillow fight, diving into an ice hole, or Russian rock from a radio on a night highway - it’s up to two people to decide.

If the theme of fatigue is a refrain in your wife’s speech, then it’s time to reconsider the “family contract” in terms of the distribution of responsibilities.

Specific complaints expressed after the emotions have spilled out should be written down, discussed and a compromise sought.

Explain that when your wife constantly nags you and is always unhappy, you worry, but cannot understand what exactly she wants from you. You try to make her happy, but you need specifics.

If you can’t build a dialogue on your own, then it makes sense to find a qualified family psychologist and resort to his services as a mediator in “negotiations.” It is important to remember that joint consultations will be most effective. A couple is an integral organism: if problems begin in it, it means that both spouses need self-development.

Divide chores around the house

A modern woman works equally with a man. Therefore, in family matters, equality and fair play are also needed.

The catch is that men sometimes simply cannot imagine the amount of work a woman spends on seemingly basic household chores. It’s worth trying to replace your wife for a week (there are even talk shows on this topic like “Dad Got It”) or simply objectively listing all the duties that the wife performs in the family, indicating the time for their completion.

Next, it makes sense to divide these efforts into 3 parts:

what a husband can do;
something that is easily replaced by gadgets (fortunately, technical thought has come up with many devices for the household, and progress is gradually making them more and more affordable);
something that you don't have to do at all.

Sometimes it’s amazing how a woman, with “persistence worthy of better use,” continues to strain herself with cases whose results are of no use to anyone. And he is offended that he does not receive gratitude for this. Current family attitudes and complexes prevent her from looking objectively at her efforts.

Thus, during a consultation with a family psychologist, the couple (already in a “divorcing” state) found out that the wife considered it her duty to “scrub” the entire rather large apartment every day and prepare a fresh four-course dinner. And the husband, raised by scientist parents in a Spartan environment, did not even suspect about it. And he did not at all pretend to such a level of sterility, and a couple of times a week he could afford to invite his partner to a good restaurant or warm up ready-made food. And buying a robot vacuum cleaner was not a blow to the couple’s budget.

Give your wife a day off

It is sometimes much more difficult for women than for men to escape from problems and worries. Representatives of the stronger sex can actually make “Off.” in your head and “lower”, for example, over a stationary float. Their partners, in most cases, cannot do this.

Therefore, it makes sense to provide at least a couple of days a month “time off” for the woman you love, completely disconnecting her from all worries. Babysit with your children or make arrangements with relatives and order food to be taken home. And so that your spouse doesn’t worry and doesn’t “chase her thoughts,” send her, for example, to a SPA center. So that, as in the old joke, she “will make you a happy wife and mother to your children.”

Listen to your wife's words and desires

Yes, a spouse can pour out a hurricane of emotions with a minimum of constructive information. And the man really wants to disconnect from this flow. But in a family, reasonable dialogue and “hearing” of each other are necessary.

Try to find your own version of “peace negotiations”. For example, there is this practice: a board in the house with the title “This will make me happy/happy.” On it, spouses write wishes to each other. It is important to do this in a positive way. Compare:

“I hesitated because you were such a slob. Pack your socks."
“It will make me happy if once a week you clean the apartment yourself and allow me to go for a walk at that time.”

Of course, each family will have its own options for dialogue construction techniques.

And, most likely, things will not start working out right away. But the effort will pay off.

Show affection and care

After many years of marriage, spouses often become so close that the wife is already perceived as “the guy” with whom fire, water and copper pipes have been passed.

But no matter what wedding anniversary you celebrate, no matter what heights you reach together, your husband should remember that in every woman there remains that part of her in which she is still a gentle and touching girl. And she needs warmth, care, kind words, a touch of romanticism in everyday whirlwind.

Signs of hysterics

The hysterical wife is extremely selfish, she is driven by increased pride, attention to her person, the desire to be in everyone's sight and the desire to dominate her partner, suppressing his personality.

A characteristic feature of hysterics is the simulation of various illnesses, for example, migraines, in order to attract attention to themselves in any way and force them to fulfill their whims. Often, women show others unusual manifestations of their illness - fainting, seizures and other inhuman suffering.

Such women often start a scandal for no apparent reason, the purpose of which is to get what they want through blackmail and hysterics.

Knowing her husband’s weaknesses, the woman begins to put pressure on what hurts most, trying to make her dream come true. A man should not rush to blame a woman, since in most cases she is a hostage to psychosis and frayed nerves.

An attack of hysteria begins acutely and is expressed in the following symptoms: raising the voice, redness of the skin of the face, crying, sobbing, slurred, chaotic speech. The girl begins to scream, stomp her feet, and theatrically wring her hands. However, these emotions are clearly exaggerated. At these moments, they are characterized by deceit, dramatic behavior, and posturing.

Many women claim that when they are hysterical, they experience clouding of consciousness and do not remember most of what they said.

How to stop a girl from throwing tantrums

If the wife is hysterical, this is somehow understandable, but the girl is hysterical... You need it in the future. We will still consider this issue. The best way to prevent hysteria is to nip its preconditions in the bud.

Try to talk, find out what is bothering your beloved, and whether you can help her with something. Perhaps earlier you showed tactlessness, uttered words that seemed offensive to her. Hug, kiss, just sit next to your woman, perhaps this is exactly what she needs most at the moment. Reassure the anxious girl, promise that everything will be fine with you, and you will make every effort to achieve this.

Sometimes acting as a vest can be very useful. Give your friend the opportunity to speak out, cry, and let off steam. Let her complain about the people who offended her (boss, girlfriend, neighbor). If she understands that you are her reliable support, protected, strong rear, a real man who can lift the clouds over her head with a confident hand, then she will stop being hysterical.

Let the girl be a little capricious, advise her to describe all her “troubles”, for example, in an online diary. When the bad mood passes and the problems are forgotten, you can laugh together at the far-fetched reasons for the hysteria.

If talking doesn’t help, you can film the girl during the hysterical period on a video camera, and then show the recording. Let him admire how she looks at this moment and draw the appropriate conclusions.

If a girl calls you and is hysterical, under no circumstances speak to her in a raised voice, do not adopt her behavior. Communicate softly, calmly, as much as your endurance allows. Tell her that such serious problems should not be solved over the phone. Advise you to wait until you arrive home, and so that the waiting time is not painful, let him take a bath and sleep. Perhaps this will work, and when you arrive home the lady will be calm and reasonable, and then you can talk.

Psychologist's advice

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, who sometimes writes for our readers, also commented on the burning topic and gave four tips on how to apologize correctly.

You only need to apologize once, without mentioning the situation, so as not to provoke a new conflict.

After an apology, it is better to leave your spouse alone for a while, let her digest everything, wait until she herself takes the initiative when she is ripe.

When you apologize, you don’t need to say, if you knew the purchase, you would live in Sochi, or “How could I...”, because your wife may get the impression that you could have acted differently, but for some reason you didn’t.

And, of course, you only need to apologize when you really feel guilty, and this is sincere.

By the way, if your offense is of a milder nature, we previously listed 11 of the most inventive and unusual ways to apologize to a girl.

Author: Larisa Stebeneva