8 rules for maintaining a long-distance relationship (and does it make sense?)

Are long-distance relationships possible or is it a utopia? It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally; it all depends on many factors, including the status of the relationship and the period of separation. In addition, the environment of partners who are far from each other has a great influence. But let's talk about everything in order in answer to the main question - what is a long-distance relationship like?

Long distance relationships psychology

The need for long-distance acquaintance arose due to the fact that the limited circle of “friends and work” does not allow one to find a suitable partner for a relationship, any kind, friendly, romantic, or friendly. With the development of technology, this option has become more acceptable and widespread among not only young people, but also more mature age groups.

Generally speaking, there are three main scenarios for the emergence of long-distance relationships:

• online dating (dating sites, social networks, instant messengers, etc.);
• holiday romance, business trip, etc. short trips in which a fateful meeting may take place;
• forced separation in an already established couple, for example in a family, due to the study or business trip of one of the spouses.

What is the “beauty” of each of the listed types?

Relationships at a distance are not always limited by kilometers; there is an increasingly common trend when young people, living in the same city (district, street), build relationships first on the Internet , and then only in person. And in this case, virtual communication allows you to establish certain rules of behavior, form an opinion about each other, assess your own state in these relationships and the prospects for their development.

The danger of this format of relationship is that partners can get “stuck” in online communication, painting an image of a loved one that is not what he really is. In real life, the meeting may never take place. The second option, on the contrary, when feelings have prevailed, and there are prospects for continuing the relationship, but the distance turns out to be insurmountable, within cities, countries or even continents.

Holiday romance with continuation ... After a passionate relationship in reality, you want to preserve it and the only option in this case is online communication. Meetings are possible, but not as often as we would like, because in most cases, partners live in different cities.

Here, there are also two possible scenarios for the development of events: romantic online communication, in which everyone is happy with everything, or moving to another level, for example, living together by mutual decision.

Husband's business trip, boyfriend's studies, etc. – does the partner return home with pleasure or run away from his beloved on a trip with even greater zeal? This is the starting point for the possibility of preserving the already established union. In addition, it is important to know how to maintain a relationship at a distance, in this particular situation, in order to preserve it. In some couples, such shake-ups make it possible to strengthen the relationship and take it to a new, higher level. But exactly the opposite can happen - mistrust, dissatisfaction with the other party, lack of attention, the appearance of third parties in the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.

Based on what has already been said, you can understand whether there is a long-distance relationship? Yes, under certain conditions and circumstances, this format of relationship is quite realistic and even productive, the main thing is to know and be able to maintain relationships at a distance.

Why do we build relationships with those who are not nearby?

A few years earlier, people built relationships only in real life. Now, with the advent of dating apps, you can do this online. As observations show, we feel safer on the Internet, which means we can calmly and in detail tell our interlocutor about ourselves, ask uncomfortable questions, etc. In reality, many people are simply embarrassed to do this.

Stages of a long distance relationship

Having answered the question whether there can be a long-distance relationship, let’s consider what stages they can be divided into. But here, too, not everything is clear; in one case, they can begin with an acquaintance, and in another, they can arise in an already established relationship.

In psychology, there are 4 stages of long-distance relationships:

1. Love. The partners are overcome by a state of euphoria, all thoughts are only about each other, life seems wonderful! At this stage, virtual communication goes beyond all possible limits, messages and calls 24/7, lovers seem to read each other’s thoughts.

But the main danger of relationships of this particular format is that in most cases we fall in love not with a real person, but with an invented image created in the imagination. To avoid such a situation, you need to try to study personal qualities from different angles. Try to touch upon topics not only of a romantic nature, but also vital ones in order to understand how your partner will behave in a given situation, what his goals and priorities are.

1. Checking mutual expectations . The main feature of this stage is that it is here that the grinding of characters begins, the formation of a mental and emotional connection. Therefore, it is important to reduce separation time as much as possible and organize real meetings. During the first face-to-face communication, emotional closeness may occur due to not recognizing each other, because a completely different image has been created in the head. Therefore, here the relationship will either end or move to a completely different qualitative level.

It happens that it is at this stage that a desire arises to legitimize the relationship, because the partners see each other through “rose-colored glasses,” and a long separation saves them from displaying negative character traits towards each other. Such an idyll can last about a year, but after this time internal conflict begins to grow.

1. Internal dissatisfaction , justified by the nature of the origin of the relationship. Partners lack physical contact, which leads to the accumulation of internal discontent, which eventually spills out through messages, calls, or even worse, during rare meetings. Thus, instead of euphoria and pleasure, partners receive quarrels and irritation from each other. The lack of physical intimacy deprives couples of the opportunity for emotional release, as a result of which internal problems increase and relationships are destroyed.

The impossibility of face-to-face communication leads to the fact that the value of a loved one begins to be erased in the partner’s worldview, which inevitably provokes an understanding of the uselessness of this relationship. Plus, mistrust and jealousy increase, and as a result, claims and reproaches appear that will not lead to anything good.

1. Crisis in long distance relationships . The emergence of this stage is inevitable due to the very nature of these relationships. On average, a crisis occurs after three years, and the result can be both a cooling of feelings and a transition to a new level of mutual understanding. The main thing to consider is that it is not your partner, not you, who is to blame for the conflict, but the specifics of the relationship. It is important to learn to solve this problem together, to listen and hear each other.

So is it worth starting virtual relationships at a distance, are they doomed to failure or have a right to exist?

Virtual novels

In the age of digital technology, when all kinds of chats, forums, social networks and online games are so widespread, in the virtual communication of two people a strong sympathy for each other often arises. More than a dozen pairs connected the World of Warcraft and Linage II game servers. Nowadays, dating often occurs on social networks - fortunately, there are enough of them now.

The prospects for virtual romances greatly depend on whether partners have the opportunity to transfer their romance offline - that is, into real life. If this is not possible, it is almost impossible to preserve feelings. Epistolary games can be entertaining in youth, but it is impossible to play them for a long time. Sooner or later, one of the couple will have a person whom you can touch, hug, kiss, and not just write “Hugs to you.” The virtual world is beautiful, but you can’t live in it forever...

Pros and cons of long distance relationships

Should you start a long distance relationship? Let's look at the pros and cons of long-distance relationships.

Cons of long distance relationships

1. Incorrect perception of a partner due to correspondence acquaintance. The image created in the imagination may not coincide with reality. As a result, unjustified expectations can lead to the fact that continuation of the relationship becomes impossible.
2. Lack of physical contact and corresponding opportunity for emotional release. As you know, talk on the phone for days on end, look at each other via video call, but all this cannot replace hugs and kisses.
3. An increase in internal conflict can ultimately lead to a crisis and, as a consequence, to the collapse of relationships.
4. Misunderstanding and ignorance of reliable information, lack of visual and physical contact provoke an exacerbation of jealousy, resentment, and mistrust.
5. Fear of losing a loved one. This feeling appears primarily due to mistrust and jealousy. Constant thoughts about where your loved one is, with whom, why he doesn’t call, why he doesn’t write, provoke thoughts that this is the end of the relationship.
6. At a distance, partners may experience a process of reassessment of values, which will ultimately lead to the understanding that this is not love at all or that the relationship is not that significant...

Pros of long distance relationships

1. Distance communication allows, in some cases, to open up more to your partner. Messages make it easier to discuss some topics that might never be discussed in reality.
2. Checking feelings. Separation can just demonstrate who is a “friend” and who is an “enemy”, that is, it is in such a situation that it is possible to manifest qualities and character traits of a loved one that were hidden in everyday life.
3. Strengthening relationships. Separation is a time to think about life, about relationships. In many couples during this period, a reassessment of values ​​occurs, including an understanding of how dear and important a loved one is.
4. The absence of everyday routine allows you to communicate on more pleasant topics. This circumstance contributes to the development of relationships in a positive direction.
5. If the separation is fleeting, then it will not hit the relationship so hard, but at the same time it will allow you to take a break from each other. Yes, sometimes it is very useful.
6. While your loved one is not around, you have the opportunity to devote more time to yourself or your hobbies. Or maybe this is a chance to change for the better by the time your partner returns, engage in self-development, self-improvement and self-realization, pay attention to beauty and health?

As we can see, there are both advantages and disadvantages in long-distance relationships. Which factor will work depends on the status of the relationship, the duration of separation and the possibility (impossibility) of meetings.

conclusions

Long distance relationships are not a simple topic, but I expressed my opinion. I hope you understand my point. And she’s in charge, long-distance relationships are either always like this, or for me, at least 3 years. And few people can withstand such a period. Therefore, be honest with yourself and with your loved ones, there is nothing worse than disappointment.

Be realistic in your expectations, because there is nothing worse than living in the illusion of expectations that everything will be fine. Usually, if you don't make an effort, everything will go exactly the same as it started, and then gradually fade away.

This article, long-distance relationships, does it make sense, was difficult for me to write, but I wrote it honestly and without any embellishment or romance. Love each other live, not from a distance. Appreciate and respect, accept them as they are, and most importantly, do not judge.

Jealousy in long distance relationships

As we have already noted, long-distance relationships between a man and a woman, from a psychological point of view, can be doomed due to jealousy. This is a kind of trigger that can ultimately lead to separation.

Why does jealousy arise? Due to mistrust or lack of information about where your loved one is and with whom? In a long-distance relationship, both factors can become quite significant and provoke conflict.

To prevent jealousy from becoming the reason for ending a relationship, it is enough to learn to follow three simple rules:

1. You need to be open and honest with your partner. Don't confuse this with constantly keeping track of where you are and with whom out of a sense of duty. Confidential communication by coordinating your plans will allow your loved one to understand that everything between you is open, frank and transparent, that there are absolutely no reasons for mistrust and, especially, jealousy.
2. Avoid meetings with colleagues, partners, friends that could be misinterpreted or, even worse, become a temptation for you.
3. Learn to control jealousy. It’s not so difficult, you don’t have to constantly keep in your head the thought that your partner is somewhere and with someone or is looking for an opportunity to cheat on you. That is, control means being able to let go of this obsession on all four sides. Take care of yourself, do things that interest you and that you have been putting off for so long.

Are there long distance relationships? Yes, if you can overcome jealousy.

What to do if you suffer from a lack of a person?

Yes, it happens that in such relationships one person is head over heels in love, while the other is a little more indifferent. But you can’t command your heart, and the one who is in love suffers greatly. And from a psychological point of view, suffering from love is not a manifestation of love. Suffering is a negative reaction to a lack of interest in oneself. Simply put, you consider yourself an unnecessary person.

The 10 main psychological problems with which people come to a psychologist. Read here...

Therefore, such a manifestation of the body’s reaction to a lack of interest in oneself must be removed, or, more simply, the negative state must be worked out so that it no longer bothers you. Believe me, all the negative emotions that we feel came from us for a reason. We acquired them with experience starting from virginity.

It’s easier to say that if you suffer, it means you suffered in childhood. If you had not suffered in childhood, you would not have suffered now, or you would have shown some other negative emotion that you received again in childhood.

So what should I do? Contact me, let’s remove the negative experience, and look at the relationship from a newer perspective, evaluate whether such a relationship is worth it and whether it makes sense to break with it completely.

How to diversify long-distance relationships

Many people often ask the question - how to diversify long-distance relationships? After all, the most important limitation is the lack of contact, which does not allow the development of full-fledged and harmonious relationships, especially if the separation is going to be long. How to cope with distance in a relationship - try not to slow it down at a dead point.

Some tips on how to do this:

1. Who said that a date is only possible in the real presence of each other? Why not host a virtual dinner together? Delicious dishes, a glass of wine, candles on the table and pleasant conversation...
2. Are you unable to complete the project entrusted to you on your own? Ask your significant other to help you, working together makes you very close.
3. Now a new entertainment has appeared - virtual travel to different parts of the world. Why not take a couple's tour of the pyramids of Egypt?
4. If you don’t feel like cooking a romantic dinner, you can arrange to go to a cafe or bar, maintaining online communication at this time.
5. If you are creative people, or you have common hobbies, take advantage of this: write a song together, one for two, or maybe you just like to write music, let your partner take part in this process.
6. Online games with each other are an option for fans of virtual games.
7. Write letters to each other every day, and send them every day, then both you and your partner will receive communication every day in a slightly different format, and perhaps it will allow you to see each other in a new quality.
8. Routine household chores can be diversified by talking on the phone, and time will fly faster, and the work will be completed unnoticed.
9. Read one book together, you can take turns out loud, go to the cinema together to watch the same film, or watch an interesting program at home together.
10. Give each other gifts, surprises, use delivery services, marketplaces, and postal services in the end!
11. Have you ever tried singing karaoke with a partner online?
12. Exchange photos more often, in different places, angles, etc.

Now you know how to strengthen long-distance relationships, then we will reveal a few more secrets on how to maintain long-distance relationships.

Pros of such relationships2

Despite all the difficulty, it is quite possible to survive the distance. And in some cases, separation can bring new emotions and feelings into a relationship that has been established for years.

• Longer candy-bouquet period. If a couple met on the Internet and does not have the opportunity to meet for a long period of time, they have every chance to prolong the romantic notes in their relationship. This is due to the absence of household and financial problems. Despite the fact that young people most likely communicated with each other every day via video conference, their personal meeting face to face will give new emotions.

• Refreshes the senses. As mentioned above, for people who have been in a relationship for a long period of time, separation can be to their advantage. There are many cases where forced separation saved families from divorce.

• Improves the quality of sex. Most often, during a breakup, people in a couple strive to find a way to see each other. Yes, these meetings are very rare, they end quickly, but there is no place for swearing and horseflies in them. Lovers spend the time allotted to them usefully - they have violent sex. Perhaps there will no longer be such a vivid sexual contact in their lives.

• There is always a topic for conversation. How often do situations arise in family life when two close people have nothing to say to each other? Most likely, situations often occur in every family when spouses discuss work colleagues or the latest tricks of an annoying neighbor. Such conversations have no meaning, and they are useless for the family. But as soon as a couple does not communicate for several days, unnecessary conversations immediately disappear, giving way to topics that are truly important to both spouses. It is advisable to discuss your family's affairs as often as possible and make plans for the future.
• This is more of a bonus for a woman. During a long separation from a man, girls no longer need daily hair removal. You can also minimize the amount of makeup.

How to save a long distance relationship

Not many people know how to maintain a long-distance relationship, how to overcome this test and stay together. Here are some tips:

1. A very important factor in long-distance relationships is trust; you should not torment each other with jealousy, especially if there is no reason.
2. Do not limit yourself to communicating only with your loved one and thinking only about him. You must have your own life, activities, hobbies that will allow you to survive this painful separation.
3. Try to avoid quarrels, much less sort things out through correspondence. Because it is in this format of communication that you can say a lot of unnecessary and superfluous things. It will be quite difficult to correct the situation that has arisen.
4. When communicating with your significant other, do not be distracted by extraneous factors (calls, messages, social networks, etc.), pay attention to your loved one.
5. Take an interest in your partner’s affairs more often, there is no need to build relationships according to a script - you have your own life, I have mine, and when the separation ends, everything will work out. It is especially important at such moments to share your innermost thoughts and desires; it brings you very close.
6. Respect each other's personal space. You shouldn’t call your loved one just because you’re bored while he’s having an important meeting.
7. Both of you must understand why you are waiting out the separation. If the relationship is not serious and there are no prospects for the future, is there any point in waiting? In this case, it may be better not to commit yourself.
8. Even at a distance, there can be some common traditions, for example, an evening walk in the park, wishing each other good morning and good night.
9. Set goals that you want to achieve while your loved one is away. These can be both general achievements and your personal ones. For example, is there an opportunity to take care of yourself and appear before your partner in a new capacity, or do you want to realize your career plans?

Long-distance relationships are possible if you both understand that there will be a continuation and know how to maintain love. But in some cases, it is more advisable to end the relationship in this format if both partners do not want to commit themselves to at least developing a full and harmonious relationship, even if apart. Or maybe transfer the relationship to a free format or maintain the status of friendship?

How to keep love - advice from a psychologist

Experienced psychologists advise not to have a negative attitude towards long separation. At this time, people in love are given an excellent chance to think carefully about their relationship. Away from each other, everything becomes clearer and more obvious. You can really see and understand how strong mutual feelings are.

Separation helps a person realize whether he is ready to wait for his soul mate or would prefer to date someone else. If, nevertheless, a decision is made to maintain a relationship at a distance, then why exactly is this done - out of fear that the new love will not live up to expectations or there is another important reason for this. Such thoughts, according to psychologists, help maintain love between people even at a distance of thousands of kilometers.

You absolutely cannot live forever waiting for a call. A depressive state leads to negative thoughts about separation. It is necessary to think about separation from a positive point of view. Imagine how joyful the meeting will be, how fun the couple will have time together.

Experts advise talking more about everyday things and talking about joint plans. Talking about purchased products, planned repairs, or the menu for the week helps create the illusion of a shared home. And this feeling greatly strengthens the connection.

A conversation during a telephone or video call should be pleasant and easy. When conducting a conversation, you should not show your dissatisfaction or jealousy to your partner. For example, where was he last night, why didn’t he pick up the phone, didn’t call back. This causes irritation.

You should talk about pressing matters, events of the past day, and the successes of your children. You can ask for help, men are designed in such a way that they need to feel needed, strong, and in charge in the family.

You should not idealize your partner; you need to understand that he is an ordinary person, like other citizens. You need to talk with him on different topics, pay attention to the changes happening to him. Also talk about yourself, share your own problems, mistakes, failures. If there is a fear that half may judge or ridicule, then it is worth thinking about such relationships, whether they are necessary at all.

Under no circumstances should you think of separation as a punishment or heavenly punishment. Life with such negative thoughts loses its meaning. The person simply loses all interest. Communication with a partner who speaks only in negative terms becomes uninteresting. He is simply not able to bring drive, positivity and brightness into the conversation.

It is also important not to postpone a long-awaited meeting that was previously planned, as this undermines trust. Long-distance relationships are based on regular work that both partners do, only then the connection will be strong and reliable.

But those who nevertheless decide on such love need to be patient and prepare themselves for great difficulties; they cannot be avoided.

Relationships once a month

I highlighted this point as a separate topic. Many people believe that meeting once every 1-3 months is a relationship. But let's be honest, is this a relationship? This can be called sex once a month, but not a relationship in the classic version. That is, by and large you live in different places and meet occasionally. And what you do in secret from each other is not clear.

Therefore, if someone thinks that everything will come to its senses and you will begin to live together as a happy family, you should remove the illusions. Since in most cases, such relationships are doomed to failure. No, you can meet, communicate, go for walks, and so on, but without the expectation that everything will come to your senses and you will be together forever. This of course happens, but it is very rare. VERY.

Read more: How to get out of your comfort zone

So I’ll say again that this can be called one-time meetings for sex rather than a full-fledged relationship. But everything has pros and cons. Let's talk about them.