8 methods that will help solve any life problems

Logical thinking helps us not only in solving complex puzzles and while performing tasks at work, but also in everyday affairs that constantly bother us.

Every day we are faced with problems, most of which are ordinary routine: choosing children's clothes, shopping at the store, meeting with a dentist or other doctor, etc.

These problems are not complex, but approaching them in the wrong way can put us under undue pressure, which can cause us to become nervous, which can be detrimental to our health. So, eight tips that will help you easily solve any life problem.

Focus on the solution, not the problem

Scientists who study the processes occurring in the brain recommend that we solve all problems from beginning to end. That is, we don’t need to dwell on the problem and think about how it could be, we need to focus on solving it directly. All this happens because the brain has difficulty finding a solution when it is focused directly on the problem itself.

In problem situations, the brain also imagines extreme situations that may arise. Thus, the correct approach to solving a problem is to recognize that there is a problem and think through all possible solutions to it.

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Methods and techniques for finding effective solutions

There are many methods and techniques for finding the right solutions. Each of them individually and all of them together contribute to effective creative activity and are reliable tools in life, work and learning. And if you consider yourself to be a person who can solve problems competently (or strive to become such a person), you absolutely need to know about these tools.

The most effective methods and techniques for finding solutions include:

• Brainstorming (including varieties)
• Synectics (including varieties)
• Delphi method
• Conference of ideas (including varieties)
• Idea engineering
• Method of creative cooperation
• Collaborative Notepad Method
• Card survey
• Focal object method
• System analysis
• SWOT analysis

We will also present a small selection of additional methods, because... It is simply impossible to describe them all in one lesson. Plus, we note that to master most methods you will have to use auxiliary materials, for example, individual articles on our website, as well as third-party resources, for example, Wikipedia.

1

Brainstorm

In general, we already have several materials about brainstorming (“Brainstorming method”, “Brainstorming and 10 rules for its effective implementation”), but we still decided to include it in this course.

Brainstorming is a special method of work aimed at finding alternative solutions to various kinds of problems. It is most suitable for situations where the solution to a problem is focused on obtaining a specific result.

The method is carried out based on several stages:

• There seems to be a problem
• The maximum number of options for solving the problem is put forward
• From an array of ideas, several of the most realistic and effective are selected
• Selected ideas are developed and worked out
• Based on the results obtained, solutions to the problem are developed

In most cases, brainstorming is carried out within 2-3 hours. The bulk of the time is allocated to the last stage.

There is also reverse brainstorming. Briefly it looks like this:

• The problem is identified
• The problem is reversed: it is necessary to establish how the problem may be caused and how it may be aggravated
• A regular brainstorming session is carried out, the goal of which is to find maximum options for aggravating the problem
• The resulting options are reversed: you need to understand how to do the opposite - so that the situation improves
• The best options are identified and developed

This variation of brainstorming is somewhat unusual, but no less effective than the classic one. Read more about it in the article “Reverse Brainstorming”.

2

Synectics

Synectics is rightfully recognized as one of the best methods for stimulating creative activity. It is based on the principle of the same brainstorming, but here it is carried out by professionals or semi-professionals. Moreover, several assaults are carried out, and the experience gained is accumulated to make the best decision.

If in brainstorming the proposed ideas are not initially subject to criticism, then synectics allows for its elements. However, it is very important to use four techniques based on analogies:

• Direct analogy (how are similar problems solved?)
• Personal analogy (how does the object of a problem situation behave?)
• Symbolic analogy (how can you figuratively formulate the essence of the problem?)
• Fantastic analogy (how could fairy-tale characters solve the problem?)

If you follow the classic synectic path, then to implement the method you need to gather a small group of 5-7 people. You also need to establish the rules for the discussion, the composition of the group (social, professional, etc.).

Next you need to go through three stages:

• The problem is identified, its content is determined (the presence of relationships is also determined here, as well as the likelihood of new problems emerging)
• Using analogies, the content of the problem is alienated (participants consciously move away from the essence of the issue)
• Options for solving the problem are generated (after using analogies, the data obtained is compared with the problem, on the basis of which ideas for solving the problem appear)

If necessary, the process can be repeated - this allows you to cut off useless options and find aspects hidden during the initial familiarization in the remaining ones. The organizer and leader of the synectic session must keep its progress under control, constantly participating in discussions. For this reason, synectics is more accessible to trained people. However, you can use it without having the appropriate knowledge - you just need to conduct several sessions to gain experience.

Speaking about synectics, it is important to talk about the synectics conference. It includes many important elements of traditional synectics, but is less rigorous. It is noteworthy that during the discussion, solutions are again found through analogies. They are formed in random order, and then ideas are developed based on them. The alienation phase present in the classical version of the method is absent. For a synectics conference to be effective, it must be conducted by people who are fluent in classical synectics.

Among other things, there is also visual synectics, where ideas are found through the observation of the images in question. This variation of the method includes slightly different steps:

• Participants look at transparencies together
• Participants describe the image
• Participants analyze the situation
• Participants, based on the elements or relationships of the image examined, offer their ideas
• If ideas are ineffective, participants look at the next image

Visual synectics is a difficult method, the implementation of which requires the involvement of a professional specialist. By the way, you can read more about synectics on this page.

3

Delphi method

The Delphi method, which we have already written about in detail here, is used as a predictive tool for finding the right solutions. The method is implemented according to the following scheme:

• A group of experts is recruited (from 5 to 20 people)
• Experts ask to be provided with written options for solving the problem (options must be independent)
• The deadline for developing and submitting potential solutions is set (most often it is limited to 14 days)
• Options received after the deadline are summed up (repeated ones are eliminated)
• The compiled list of results is sent to all participants in the method for the next review of existing proposals, development of new ones and addition of ready-made ideas (this stage should also be limited in time; if necessary, it can be repeated)
• All received and finalized options are evaluated by an expert group based on the evaluation key and established criteria, which allows us to obtain a preliminary selection of options for solving the problem
• Experts conduct a final discussion of suitable options and select the most appropriate

The Delphi method can also be used by non-specialists, but if the question concerns professional areas of activity, it is necessary to involve experts.

4

Conference of ideas

An idea conference is, to a certain extent, another interpretation of brainstorming. But the difference lies in the pace of discussion of decisions, the presence of friendly criticism in the form of comments and remarks. Critical evaluations in idea conferences add value to proposals.

The Gilde Ideas Conference is popular among organizations. Managers and ordinary employees involved in the problem, as well as newcomers, are involved in the discussion - their consciousness is not yet burdened with stereotypes, which is why they often put forward interesting proposals. It must be borne in mind that in the conference of ideas the presence of skeptical persons and those who “already know everything” is excluded. The conference leader behaves on an equal footing with others during the discussion process, but controls the course of the discussion, maintains a relaxed atmosphere and promotes ideas.

The conference of ideas also has several varieties. The first is Discussion-66. It is a large meeting, the participants of which are divided into groups of six people. Independently from each other, groups are looking for solutions. Each group must have a designated speaker, protocol taker, and facilitator. 6 minutes are given to discuss the issue. After this, all groups gather together, and their speakers voice what the teams were able to develop. The purpose of the final meeting is to come up with a new decision based on the information received from the groups. The advantage of “Discussion-66” is that by dividing many people into small groups, every person takes part in solving the problem.

The second variety is “Method 635”. In it, a group of six people initially clearly formulates the problem and analyzes it. Each participant should have a form to write down ideas. Within 5 minutes, all participants write down three sentences on their forms, and then pass their form to their neighbor. He, in turn, writes down three new options, taking into account the sentences written before him. As a result, in half an hour, participants fill out six forms, which together include up to 108 options for solving the problem.

5

Idea engineering

Ideal engineering is a method designed to take into account and process ideas. The implementation of the method is based on five stages:

• The target setting is determined. The organizer puts forward the problem and the goal to which the decision will lead.
• Participants are selected. Selection is carried out in much the same way as in a brainstorming session: everyone who already has their own vision of the current situation is involved (people uninitiated in the problem can also participate).
• The difficulties and causes of the problem are analyzed. It is best to gather a team of people for analysis. All arguments, hypotheses and arguments are written on cards.
• Options for solving the problem are being collected. All information collected in the previous stage is interpreted in the form of questions and presented to the team for solution. The proposals are again recorded on the cards.
• A program of measures to eliminate the problem is being drawn up. Ideas should be reviewed and evaluated by specialists or other competent persons. The results obtained are translated into an agreed program of action.

Note that you need to discuss the problem and write down possible solutions one by one. For example, 10 minutes of discussion and 10 minutes of recording, 5 minutes of discussion and 5 minutes of recording, again 10 minutes of discussion and 10 minutes of recording, etc.

6

Method of creative cooperation

The method of creative cooperation is interesting because it alternates between individual and group work. Initially, a short (15-20 minutes) brainstorming session is held, after which the participants disperse to independently think about the problem for another 10-15 minutes. At this time, you can complement ideas, expand them and modify them, as well as come up with new ones.

7

Collaborative Notepad Method

The collective notebook method is akin to the method of ideological engineering. A group of people gathers to discuss a problem, and each participant is given idea pads that describe the problem in detail. Each participant must record the emerging solutions in his notebook over a certain period of time. The time to generate ideas can range from several days to a month.

After the deadline, participants submit their notes to the coordinator. His task is to systematize the material, bring it to a common denominator and find potential solutions to the problem. The results of the coordinator’s work are studied and discussed by all participants. A distinctive feature of the collective notebook method is that participants do not need to be limited either by place or time of discussion.

8

Card survey

If a card survey is used to make a decision, the participants in the method gather in a calm environment where nothing will interfere. Already on the spot, they get acquainted with the problem written on the board or on a card. To clarify unclear points, participants should ask counter questions and voice their arguments.

After this, the team is given a short time (from 10 to 45 minutes) to write down their ideas or comments. Each participant makes entries on separate cards, and authorship is not indicated, which prevents criticism in one direction or another in advance. After the survey is completed, the cards are grouped according to subject content or systematic principle.

Systematized information is considered by the parties interested in solving the problem. Afterwards, it is analyzed, and the highest priority solution is built based on the analytical data.

9

Focal object method

The focal object method activates associative thinking. Its essence is that the characteristics of randomly selected objects are transferred to the object that needs to be improved. This object is in the focus of transfer, and therefore is called focal. You can familiarize yourself with the method in detail by following this link, and we will only point out the main stages of its implementation:

• The focal object is selected (what needs improvement)
• Random objects are selected (these can be concepts from some source, for example, newspapers or books, without fail - nouns related to different topics and different from the focal object)
• Properties of random objects are recorded
• Set properties are attached to the focal object
• The resulting options are developed through the creation of associations
• The resulting options are assessed from the standpoint of feasibility, originality and effectiveness.

The result of going through all these stages can be very interesting solutions. The method showed the best results when applied to the search for modifications of existing action plans and solutions, as well as mechanisms and devices.

10

System analysis

System analysis refers to scientific methods of cognition and is a set of actions aimed at establishing structural connections between the elements of a particular system. It is based on mathematical, statistical, natural science, experimental and general scientific methods.

The main advantage of systems analysis is that it forms the basis for consistent and logical decision making. This is possible due to the variety of procedures used by the method, many of which are already familiar to you: specification, analysis, structuring, algorithmization, modeling, expert assessment, testing and others.

The decision-making procedure within the framework of system analysis is structured as follows:

• The problem is formulated
• Goals are defined
• Criteria for achieving goals are determined
• Models are built to justify decisions
• The optimal solution is found
• The decision is being agreed upon
• Preparations are underway to implement the solution
• The decision is approved
• The solution is being implemented
• The effectiveness of the solution is checked

But this algorithm can be supplemented with other stages, depending on how many factors need to be analyzed.

11

SWOT analysis

SWOT analysis refers to strategic planning methods. It helps identify internal and external factors by dividing them into four categories:

• Strengths
• Weaknesses
• Opportunities
• Threats

The method is effective when it is necessary to give an initial assessment of the situation, but it cannot replace the development of a strategy or analysis of dynamics. His task is to describe the situation in a structured manner. The findings will always be descriptive in nature, without making any recommendations or indicating priorities. To get the most out of the method, it is recommended to build options for action together with it. As a result, you can get information about strengths that can be used, understand how to overcome weaknesses, what needs to be applied to eliminate threats, and what needs to be abandoned to avoid negative consequences. Read more about the SWOT analysis method here.

These are the most common methods and techniques for finding effective solutions. As you noticed, they all differ in complexity - while simple ones can be applied without special knowledge, more serious ones require either studying specialized literature or attracting an experienced specialist. As a complement to the proposed tools, we offer you a small selection of other methods that you can also take note of.

Make sure you are solving the right problem

This may seem obvious, but you need to make sure that you are truly focused on solving the problem that is bothering you. It often happens that we are looking for a solution to the wrong problem.

For example, you may feel exhausted and mistakenly assume that you need more sleep and rest, when in fact, poor health is not due to the amount of sleep, but to health problems or stress.

Children's language or “Try to explain to a child”

Another way to weaken the inertia of thinking is children's language.
Not the one that is mushy, mushy, but the one in which you would speak with a person far from your profession. When you describe a problem in professional terms, these terms impose their corresponding content. You need to be able to present the question in such a way that even a child can understand it, that is, reveal the essence. The point is to describe the problem not in professional terms, but in everyday terms (bowl, rope, stick, bucket), functional (holder, digger, trail maker), universal (thing, gizmo, this crap that does this...). There are many examples when professional terms are replaced by functional ones: in a tire shop, on a construction site, and even at home, we often call things by their functional characteristics.

How to use children's language?

1. Briefly and clearly, replacing the terms with simple “childish” functional concepts, state the content of a difficult, long-unsolvable, urgent management or technical problem.
2. Briefly describe the general situation, focusing on the undesirable effect.
3. Draw a schematic diagram.

Example:
A steel mill tried to save gas to heat a melting pot. When the metal was removed from it, even an empty vat had to be heated, otherwise scale would form on the cold walls during further use.

If you try to explain this problem to a child, the following will come out: there is an empty pot hanging, it needs to be heated, but some of the heat goes up without touching the pot itself, and the pot itself quickly cools down, because there is a large hole on top through which this heat escapes. And if the heat goes up, then what can be done to keep the heat in an empty pot? Turn it over! Now the heat will not go further than the bottom of the pot. The problem is solved.

Slow down your pace

Problems make us feel uncomfortable, so we try to solve them as quickly as possible. However, it is important to slow down and take your time while thinking about decisions. There is no need to immediately cling to the option that just came to mind.

Once we stop thinking about a problem and then come back to it after a while, the solution becomes much clearer and more logical. When you give yourself a break, your subconscious does not forget about the problem, but slowly works on solving it, and after you make a mental effort, the correct answer will be on the surface.

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Empathic Listening

In addition to expressing your own feelings, needs and requests, you can use NVC techniques to better understand those around you. Our empathy is often hampered by the desire with the best intentions to advise a person or cheer him up, but at the moment he does not need anyone’s tips and recommendations, and words of support often sound like devaluation. A story about your own experience (especially with the opening “What’s this, here I have ...”) also distances you from your interlocutor.

In situations where someone close or not very worried, you can ask how he feels and what needs are not met. The interrogative form allows the interlocutor to correctly interpret our words: we do not impose on him an opinion about his own condition, but clarify whether we understood the person correctly. This often helps people feel heard.

“Everyone at my job is assholes and freaks”

A variant of attempting empathy without NVC: “Come on! They're normal."

NVC empathy option “Are you angry because you don’t like the way your colleagues are behaving?”

“I’m mediocrity!”

An option for trying to empathize without NVC: “You just need to study and work more.”

NVC empathy option “Are you sad because you would like to receive more recognition?”

“I had a fight with my mother”

A variant of an attempt at empathy without NVC: “I actually left home because of conflicts with my parents and now I have to work part-time after university.”

Option for empathy with NVC: “Are you sad because you would like more mutual understanding with your parents?”

Don't tense up

It’s easy to get stressed when faced with a problem that has a direct impact on our lives or disrupts some plans. This pressure begins to have a negative impact on the clarity of our thoughts. The adrenaline that begins to be produced distracts you from everything and does not allow you to relax or think creatively.

Therefore, there is a need to relieve tension. Sit down, take a few breaths, go outside and take a walk.

Little People Method (Little People Modeling)

The next way to get away from stereotypical thinking and think through associations is to use little people (feel like a pharaoh with an army of slaves).
The point is, firstly, to identify the location of the problem and depict it in the form of little people depicting what is happening there. Secondly, depict what needs to be done.

How to use?

1. We determine what needs to be changed (improved, corrected, eliminated an error, completed).
2. We write what would be the Ideal End Result (IFR).
3. We draw the zone and the little people who perform the task.
4. We see what they are doing and solve the problem without them.

Little people can do everything (run, jump, hold on to each other, let go of their hands, everything in general), and you don’t have to wonder how they will do it.
It is important to find out only what they should do, the rest is unimportant. Example:

solving the problem of accumulated snow in drainpipes. Repeatedly thawing and freezing, the snow turns into an ice plug, and then when it warms up it falls down, breaking the pipe. It turns out that the ice plug should not fall down. IKR - the cork itself does not fall down until it melts.

We draw little people in the pipe (many little people) holding the stopper. What does it look like? On the chain! While the plug is hanging on the chain, it will not fall like a bomb and break the pipe, but will drain gradually.

The little people method is used in various fields, not only technical ones. In logistics, medicine, school education. It can be used to explain complex processes; it is used in corporate training, where the employees themselves act as little people.

For example, how to introduce orthodontic treatment using the little people method? Here are the teeth, they are a little uneven. A small man is attached to each tooth right in the center, who will pull the tooth towards the arch so that all the men line up along this arc. But little people can reach not only towards the arc, they can reach anywhere they want, you just need to figure out where. If you need to quickly combine the upper and lower rows of teeth, then the free little men will stretch from one to the other (the elastics are pulled). If we need to insert some teeth into a bone or, on the contrary, pull them out a little, then we can imagine what little people would do in this case. We would find support regarding what to do this. A mini screw screwed into the bone will work. Now the little men can continue their work.

If you are stuck in resolving an issue, use this method, get a lot of little people to work.

Keep asking “why?”

To gain a deeper understanding of your own thoughts, there is a little trick. When children don’t understand something, they ask “what is it?” or “why?” So how does it work? For example, you eat unhealthy food, constantly ordering something at home because you don’t have enough time to prepare healthy home-cooked food. Close your eyes and ask yourself, “why am I running out of time?” As a result of reflection, you may come to the conclusion that you are not ready for any changes, so you unconsciously try to keep everything as it is.

Another possibility is that what if you really don't have enough time to cook because you're always busy? In this case, you have problems with time management. Think about a solution. Change your routine so that you have a couple of hours a week to prepare delicious and healthy meals.

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Inertia of thinking from the point of view of brain function

Physiologist Ivan Pavlov introduced the concept of a “dynamic stereotype.”
Roughly speaking, this means that an action occurred that entailed a series of reactions in the brain: some centers were excited, others were suppressed, and all this, in a certain sequence and interaction, formed a persistent habit or stereotype. From the point of view of survival or the instinct of self-preservation, what has already worked is better than what can only work. Therefore, the brain will reproduce stereotypical actions in order not to find itself in the frightening unknown and potential danger - even if these actions no longer lead to the initial positive effect. Disruption of the usual way of action leads to severe stress. There are even tables of stressful events and the relative scores by which they are measured. These include, for example: a change in leisure time (34 points), and a recreational trip (33), and a change in working conditions (43) or a change in profession (50). Therefore, it is difficult to just take it and start doing something differently - the brain avoids unnecessary stress.

So what can you do to ease the inertia of thinking? Genrikh Altshuller (Soviet science fiction writer, inventor, author of the theory of solving inventive problems (TRIZ) and the theory of the development of a creative personality noticed in the middle of the last century that engineers who are passionate about science fiction invent more boldly and are not afraid of daring and unusual ideas when solving problems with with the help of TRIZ. That is, fantasy and imagination help them overcome the inertia of thinking. Later, special operators for extinguishing the inertia of thinking were identified, which, among other things, help develop creative imagination. Let's consider some of them.

Make it easy for yourself

Most of the problems that unsettle us are actually complex, or at least we think they are. For example, your problem is related to money, you can think about it from different angles: your salary is too small, or maybe you just frivolously and regularly waste it? If the problem is the first, then change your type of activity or find a second job. Once you realize that you do not have enough finances, your brain will begin to give you options: how to get a promotion, or you will start thinking about starting your own business.

Help yourself and simplify the problem, if you think it is really complex, then you will not be able to get rid of it quickly.

After you divide the problem into several components, start working on each of them separately. You will end up solving a big problem. Don't try to do everything at once; work through each component slowly.

Focal object method (FOM)

One of the tools is the focal object method (FOM). Imagine yourself with a magic wand in your hands, which allows you to transfer the properties of one object to another. Use the properties or characteristics of randomly selected objects to improve your object by transferring selected characteristics to it.

How to use this method:

1. We set a goal (for what?).
2. We choose an object that we will “improve”.
3. We choose any other words (you can take a dictionary, point your finger at any word - it will be the ideal word, and it is better to choose several such words).
4. We define and select their properties.
5. Apply properties to the focal object.

Example:
we need to change the chair, come up with something new with it. We choose a few random words (for me it’s refrigerator, window, toy). We determine the properties of the selected words: refrigerator (large, cold, tall, gray, has magnets on it, two-chamber), window (transparent, plastic, opens in different variations, with a mosquito net), toy (soft, pleasant to the touch, has body parts, easy). Now we apply the written properties to our original object. Large chair, cooling chair, high leg chair, high back chair, metal chair, magnetic chair, two seater chair, transparent chair, plastic chair, convertible chair, ventilated chair, mosquito net dome chair, soft chair, a chair covered with a material that is pleasant to touch, a chair that you can hug, a chair made of super-light material. There are plenty to choose from, right?

What can be done with the help of MFOs?

• Overcome the inertia of thinking;
• Develop creative thinking, fantasy and imagination (connect the incompatible);
• As a result of applying the method, obtain a direction for improvement (original modifications, unexpected potential properties of an object - for example, books have become waterproof so that children can swim with them);
• Identify new uses for the object (for example, a wine bottle was flattened and became a plate in a restaurant);
• Create unusual article titles, plots of works, catchy and effective advertising;
• To develop speech and imagination in preschool children (“Let’s imagine that a spoon was not strong, but like a plate - fragile? Are there such spoons? What if it were transparent, like a glass? What if it was big or small? Or fluffy?").

Learn to think ahead

If you persist in solving a certain problem, but do not use the right tools, then you are unlikely to be able to solve everything. In addition, it will leave an imprint on your inner state. Many of us want to get in shape for summer. We make a schedule and promise that we will stick to it, but many people don't. If you do not renounce your standard approach, then the extra pounds are unlikely to go anywhere. In addition, due to the fact that you could not start, you will be haunted by a constant feeling of guilt. So try to open your mind and accept new solutions to the problem.

Sometimes the exact opposite method to yours can bring excellent results. For example, you want to start working out on the sports ground, you tried it a couple of times and didn’t like it, then try your hand at the gym, hire an instructor who would explain everything to you, and then start working. And by the way, in order to get in good shape, it’s enough to engage in some sports section, so find what you like and go ahead!

Possible solutions

Whatever is bothering you: choosing a new gadget, a relationship with a partner, or the excessive demands of a new boss, you have four ways to get rid of this feeling:

• change yourself and your behavior;
• change the situation;
• get out of the situation;
• change your attitude towards the situation.

Undoubtedly, there is another option to leave everything as it is, but this is definitely not about solving the problem.

That's it, the list is over. No matter how hard you try, you can’t come up with anything more. And if you want to think about what to do, then I suggest you take the following steps.

Common mistakes of a beginner enenoshnik

Lost in translation

The NVC model was developed by English-speaking psychologists. In a literal, literal Russian translation, phrases built according to the four-step model often sound clumsy. In English, “I feel joy” is a common turn of phrase, while “I feel joy” hurts the ear. Some believe that this form adds subjectivity to the speaker, separating the person and his feelings, but many agree that it sounds too mechanical. It is better to use the usual way of expressing emotions in Russian: “I’m sad,” “I’m scared,” “I’m angry.” It's the same with needs.

Nonviolent violence

Often, NGO neophytes are tempted to catch up with some scoundrel who has offended them and explain to him, using the four-step model, exactly what he is wrong about. It is important to understand that using nonviolent communication methods against a person who does not want to stay in contact and continue the dialogue will be violence.

Explaining your motives and compensating for damages are not the same thing.

There are a number

on the topic of using communication techniques in situations where the interlocutor is expected to comply with agreements, but instead behaves in a very non-violent manner. Or when a person complicates everything by attracting artificial models, although he is asked to do something basic. If you talk about your feelings and needs when the other person is completely uninterested in them, the risk of running into an aggressive response increases.

“You spilled coffee on my new MacBook and it won’t turn on anymore!”

A variation on attempting empathy with bad NVC: “Are you angry because you care about safety?”

Option for empathy with NVC of a healthy person: “Would you like me to take it in for repairs or compensate for the cost of repairs?”

Response to aggression

Aggression often works like a snowball. By learning NVC, you can minimize its level in your speech - and thereby influence others. It is unlikely that it will be possible to completely get rid of aggression on their part, but why not make your life at least a little easier - for example, by wearing

?

Rosenberg uses images of a giraffe - the animal with the biggest heart - and a jackal in his videos. The first symbolizes the language of NGOs, the second, accordingly, violent communication.

Rosenberg believes that people always say “thank you” and “please,” but sometimes it’s not obvious because of the form of the message.

“Giraffe ears” is a way to see beyond your mother’s “How careless you are!” hidden “I worry about you and would like it to be easier for you to cope with life’s difficulties”; for “He’s not worth you” to a friend - “I’m worried about you, I’m scared that this person might treat you badly”; for “You should have tried!” from a boss or teacher - “I’m worried about the success of our business.”

The method assumes internal empathy for a person who aggressively expresses his position. Ask yourself, what feelings and needs does the other person have in this situation? You can also mentally search for the NVC formulation that you would use in his place.

Who managed to overcome the problem

The famous American brain power researcher John Kehoe gives in his books an example of how different people turn difficult situations into good:

• US President Franklin D. Roosevelt, unable to cope without a wheelchair, led the country out of the “Great Depression.” He couldn't even sit on his own because he suffered from paraplegia.
• Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke, who served four terms in office, was previously forced to struggle with alcohol addiction.
• Olympic champion Wilma Rudolph, not only was born into a very poor black family, but also suffered from polio at the age of 10. Vilma thought she was going crazy, reality was so unfair to her. Faith in the best and optimism took their toll, and the girl won three Olympic gold medals.
• • The famous runner of the nineties Gail Devers, a few weeks before her performance at the Barcelona Olympics, was suddenly covered with terrible ulcers from head to toe.
  After a long search for the cause, it turned out that this was a rare disease that threatened the girl with amputation of her feet. Gail decided to fight to the end, and a couple of days before the scheduled operation, the disease suddenly subsided. The girl won the 100-meter race at the games in Spain, and four years later became the Olympic champion in Atlanta.

All of these examples of how strong people solve problems have one thing in common. They all believed that these troubles only made them stronger and, in some cases, even better than they could have been.

If you think carefully, everyone can find many such examples in their family or in their immediate environment, among colleagues and acquaintances.