Master of emotions: how to learn to control yourself? Exercises

They say different things about emotions: some say that “emotions interfere with life,” others complain about their hyper-emotionality, while others, against the backdrop of now popular books and articles on the topic of emotional intelligence, are trying to increase not only IQ (intelligence quotient), but also EQ ( emotionality quotient)… Emotions themselves are an irreplaceable thing, but sometimes they are too strong - and this harms both their “owner” and others.

I don’t really like the expression “keep emotions under control” (I see some kind of pressure on the individual in it), but the fact remains: it is possible and necessary to control emotions and feelings.

The ability to control yourself and maintain a clear mind and free from momentary outbursts of emotions is valued in any situation and in any place: both at work and in the family. I propose today to reflect on this topic: how to learn to control yourself?

Keeping emotions under control: why are emotions needed at all?

Just during the days when this article was conceived, I watched the film “The King’s Speech” about the recovery of King George VI of Great Britain from stuttering. The plot does not directly talk about how to learn to control oneself, but one idea seemed consonant with me.

When the future king visits a doctor, he asks about his earliest memory in order to understand the reason why the Duke stutters. The doctor assures that no one starts stuttering just like that.

And it’s true - nothing happens for nothing, everything has a reason. Nothing appears out of nowhere.

A person notices: there are moments when he is simply unable to control his emotions and feelings. He ceases to be the master of emotions. Emotions (usually negative) become his master, and he becomes their hostage. The realization comes: I want to learn to control myself.

Why do these negative emotions arise? They have their own reason (sometimes, like stuttering, it is rooted in childhood), which cannot be ignored.

The negative emotion that arises is a red light that signals: something is wrong, some need is not being satisfied. Which? Your task is to find it (perhaps together with a specialist) - not to ignore it, but to sit down at the negotiating table with this emotion and discover: what is wrong?

I love what Jung said: “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, don’t drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say.” Jung talks about depression, but the words can be applied to any disturbing emotion.

How to learn to control yourself

It is difficult to give general advice to everyone who wants to learn self-control. No two people are the same, no situations are the same. Someone is distinguished by high psychological stability, endures physical and psychological stress relatively easily, experiences or adversities do not knock him out of the saddle. For others, even simple everyday troubles and small conflicts at work can throw them out of balance for a long time and worsen their mood and performance.

Depending on your physical condition, health, success in your personal and work life, mental stability can change significantly. Therefore, in each specific case, the recipes for its preservation are different and individual. However, for those who want to learn how to manage their emotions and mood, and master quick ways to reduce excessive internal tension, we can recommend relatively simple techniques of self-regulation, self-control and attention training.

Despite the apparent simplicity of the proposed exercises, mastering them and successfully using them depends on how seriously you take the exercises. Training should be carried out with the same systematicity and persistence as physical exercise. Only in this case can a significant increase in psychological stability be achieved.

1. Control of external manifestations of emotions

Take a closer look at your movements, posture, posture, hands, because appearance is a mirror of our inner state. By correcting it, you can influence your mental state. Most often, we are hampered by excessive mental tension, which changes our appearance not for the better. Here are exercises that can be used to relieve excessive mental tension and for emotional release.

• Start with the face. Look at yourself mentally - as if from the outside - or look in the mirror. Rid your face of unnecessary internal “clamps”. Inhale and hold your breath for 10-15 seconds. After exhaling, run your hand over your face, as if removing any remaining tension, anxiety, or irritation. Remember to smile - raise the corners of your lips up, “smile” with your eyes. Don't forget that your face looks more attractive this way.
• Mental tension can also manifest itself in our speech. Watch your voice, do not switch to a very low or high timbre. With strong excitement, the pace of speech usually accelerates, the thought is ahead of its verbal expression. With this in mind, control the pace of your speech; slowing it down has a calming effect.
• Do not allow yourself to have a “depressive” gait and posture: slouch, lower your head, pull it into your shoulders. Check the condition of your hands and fingers. They must be calm. Nervous movement of your fingers not only aggravates tension, but also reveals your condition.

After such self-control over the external manifestations of the mental state, one should learn to control the direction of consciousness, i.e., distraction from emotionally significant situations, depressing thoughts and memories.

2. Managing neuropsychic tension and mood

To reduce it, you can use breathing exercises that involve holding your breath for a long time. They are performed sitting, standing and lying down.

• Exercise 1. Take a deep breath, hold your breath (5-6 seconds), tense your body muscles, then slowly exhale and relax all muscles. Repeat 9-10 times, trying to increase the time of holding your breath, exhaling and relaxing each time.
• Exercise 2. Take a slow and deep breath, tensing your muscles. Pause - 2-3 seconds, then quickly exhale and rapidly relax all muscles. Perform for 2-3 minutes.
• To relieve tension, you can also use squeezing and unclenching your fingers, rotating relaxed hands, feet, shoulders, head, microtension of individual muscle groups, and various exercises to relax the facial muscles.
• If you experience lethargy, you have decreased muscle and mental tone, then to activate your psychophysical state, you can use the following technique: while inhaling, relax all the muscles as much as possible, especially the face, arms, shoulder girdle, then make a “forced” (short, sharp) exhalation with strong and rapid tension of the body muscles, then relax.

To improve your mood, you can use techniques for activating pleasant memories - “Reproduction of Positive Emotions.” To do this, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes, relax. Breathe evenly and calmly. Vividly imagine a landscape or situation that you associate with positive emotions, a feeling of psychological comfort, for example, a walk in a shady garden, a quiet forest clearing, swimming in the sea, relaxing on the warm sand of a beach, etc. In other words, take it out of the “bank” positive memories” something that has a calming effect on you. Against this background, pronounce any phrase you choose that characterizes autogenic training.

“I am completely calm...” (Remember a feeling of pleasant peace you have ever experienced.) “Nothing disturbs me...” (Remember a feeling of serene peace or tranquility.) “All my muscles are pleasantly relaxed for rest...” (Feel this is relaxation, a comfortable posture should contribute to this.) “My whole body is completely at rest...” (Remember the feeling of pleasant rest and relaxation when you are lying in a warm bath.) “I am completely calm...” (Think about peace and relaxation. )

This technique helps you turn to your internal psychoenergetic resources to restore psychological “freshness”, a state of “renewal”. However, in order to use these resources, you first need to accumulate in your memory as many “resource” plot concepts associated with positive emotions, feelings of good mood, high performance and comfort. Therefore, in advance, form for yourself a personal “bank of positive emotions”, plot images of situations that are correlated with vivid emotions and experiences of joy, success, happiness and mental well-being. Store your “treasures” carefully and check often to see if they have faded over time.

If you cannot get rid of unwanted emotions, use the technique recommended by doctor K. V. Dineika (1987).

Lying on your back, relax your muscles, close your eyes, try to feel the state of languor and focus on the unwanted emotion. As you inhale, mentally say, “I am consciously mastering the power of this emotion.” Hold your breath and mentally say: “The power of this emotion is subordinate to me,” while protruding and retracting your stomach 3 times. While exhaling (through a slightly rounded mouth), say mentally 2-3 times: “I can control my emotions.”

Then, standing (legs apart), take a full breath, slowly raising your arms up. Stay in this position and do not breathe for 3-4 seconds (fingers clenched into a fist). After this, you need to quickly lean forward (legs straight) and relax your arms down. Exhale sharply, saying a short “ha.” Straighten up, inhaling and raising your arms up. Exhale through the nose, lowering your arms down. Repeat 3-4 times. The exercise must be performed 23 times during the day.

K. V. Dineika explains the effectiveness of this exercise by the fact that there is a reflex relationship between emotions and breathing processes. A slow, full inhalation promotes protective arousal, and the verbal formula during inhalation plays the role of a psychodynamic stimulus aimed at realizing the strength of an unwanted emotion, which should be transformed into positive energy. The movements of the diaphragm massage the solar plexus, which improves venous outflow from the abdominal cavity and nutrition of the heart. Against this background, the spoken phrase strengthens the will and confidence in success.

Managing mental state by switching attention

Attention is the most important condition for the successful performance of any type of activity. A person needs it in his work, study and everyday life - in everyday life, communication, during rest. Without it, integration of mental activity, voluntary and involuntary orientation of our consciousness is impossible.

Attention ensures the accuracy and completeness of perception, the ability to selectively retrieve necessary information from memory, highlight the main and essential, and make the right decisions. It also regulates the course of all mental processes and conscious human behavior. That is why attention training is necessary to strengthen memory, external and internal control, and to develop the abilities of mental self-regulation, including the management of stressful conditions.

Attention exercises do not require complex equipment or a special room. They can be done alone with yourself at any time of the day, as long as you have the opportunity to be silent for a while and immerse yourself in your thoughts. The object of attention is your body or objects located at a close or fairly distant distance from you.

K. S. Stanislavsky proposed to divide the entire space of attention into four circles:

1. large - all visible and perceived space;
2. middle - circle of direct communication and orientation;
3. small is your “I” and the nearest space in which it resides and acts;
4. the inner world is the world of your experiences and sensations.

Switching attention from a large circle to a medium, small and internal one is an excellent exercise for training self-control. This is one of the techniques that can be used to relax, restore psychological stability and prevent emotional exhaustion. Switching attention allows you to rearrange your train of thought, the nature of sensations, and reduce cognitive tension, thereby promoting voluntary change and mental tension. Let's look at some of these exercises.

3.1. "Spotlight". Choose a point in the large and a point in the small circle of attention. Imagine that you are able to send a beam of light with your eyes (like a spotlight beam), which can illuminate anything with colossal power and brightness. When the "ray" is aimed at something, nothing else exists, everything else is plunged into darkness. This “spotlight” is your attention! Now swing the “spotlight” from the first point to the second and back. The tempo of the swings can vary from 1 second to several, depending on the degree of mastery of the exercise, i.e. the ability to catch every point with the utmost concentration of attention.

3.2. "Continuous Contemplation" In a comfortable, free position, look closely at some not too complex object for 1-5 minutes, trying to find as many details in it as possible. In this case, you are allowed to blink as much as you like, but your gaze must remain within the boundaries of the subject. Repeat the exercise until you can hold your attention on it relatively easily.

3.3. "Rhythmic Contemplation" Select any object - subject. As you inhale, look closely at it, illuminate it with your inner “spotlight”; As you exhale, close your eyes and try to erase the impression. Do the exercise 30-50 times. After mastering this rhythm, do the opposite: contemplation while exhaling, “erasing” while inhaling. You can change not only the rhythm, but also the tempo of the exercise.

3.4. "Mental Contemplation" Without interruption or being briefly distracted by anything, contemplate any object for 3-4 minutes. Then, closing your eyes, try to recall in your memory a visual image of the object in all its details. After this, open your eyes and compare the “original” with the “copy”. Repeat the exercise 5-10 times. The purpose of the exercise is to achieve a clear inner vision. Not everyone succeeds in this task.

3.5. "Inner Spotlight" While in a comfortable, relaxed position, focus your attention on any part of your body, “illuminate” it with a “spotlight” beam, disconnect from external noise, extraneous thoughts, and immerse yourself in the feeling of what you are contemplating (1-3 minutes). Remaining in the inner circle of attention, move the “spotlight” to another part of the body, “get used to” this bodily sensation. In addition to training internal attention, this exercise promotes contact with your physical “I”.

3.6. "Focusing". Sit comfortably in a chair, eyes open or closed. On command: “Quiet”, concentrate your attention for 10-20 seconds on any point or part of your body. Then move your attention to the other part/point closest to it. For example, consistently focus on your hand, finger, etc. Exercise helps you learn how to manage your attention and develops self-control.

3.7. "Mirror". Sit straight in front of the mirror, without tension. Breathe evenly. On the mirror, mentally mark a point at eyebrow level. Focus your attention on it, look at the point without blinking, straight, without straining your facial muscles. When the need to blink appears, you should rest, directing your gaze into the distance. After concentrating on a point for a long time, the image of the face in the mirror begins to blur. Close your eyes and in your thoughts figuratively reproduce pictures of nature, imagine yourself healthy and cheerful.

Positive thinking gives confidence in difficult situations. It creates the basis for overcoming the stresses of life, because a person is able to view a difficult situation more sensibly and optimistically; mood and feelings are “fuelled” by resources such as faith, hope and optimism.

Nothing underestimates stress resistance resources more than one’s own uncertainty and low self-esteem. Belief in one's own capabilities helps to mobilize the reserve capabilities of the human psyche. Lack of self-confidence manifests itself in actions, deeds, feelings, so it is very important to be able not to succumb to a bad mood, apathy, inactivity, to always control yourself, to believe in your abilities, to find something positive in any circumstances.

Thoughts, beliefs, and internal dialogue have a creative influence on the scenario of a person’s life. They manifest themselves not only in behavior and experiences, but also in attitudes and readiness to overcome life’s stresses.

To get started you need:

1. Identify irrational thoughts and beliefs that cause or increase suffering and mental discomfort.
2. Conduct an introspection of the internal dialogue and eliminate from it all destructive speech patterns, self-referrals (thoughts-images), which show doom, self-blame, self-deprecation, lack of faith and hope for success, which are imbued with denial of resources to support and overcome stressful situations. For example, “I can’t change anything in my life,” “I always make mistakes and I can’t forgive myself for this,” “I don’t believe that my life can change for the better,” “I’m unhappy and will always be like that...”, “no one can help me, all people are cruel and selfish”, “I have no strength...”, “I don’t deserve anything good”, “no one wants to understand me, I will always be a lonely person”, etc.
3. Replace them with constructive or positive ones that help mobilize internal psychological resources and strengthen self-confidence. This will require a transformation of not only internal speech (dialogue with oneself), but also external speech, addressed to other persons, society, the Universe (Table 1).

Table 1. Reworking Negative Thinking

The positive thinking of an optimist finds the positive side in everything and, based on this, draws up a plan of action, starting from the present moment. In this case, life and events inevitably have their justified meaning. As Peter Lawrence said, “Optimists make dreams come true. Pessimists have nightmares."

Anyone who is fixated on past failures and predicts the same in the future will not be able to turn the tide of events in his favor and falls into the “trap” of expected disappointments and new defeats. Anyone who judges himself, life and other people for past events misses the chance to develop the most important resource of resilience - the quality of optimism.

The ability to think positively is your individual resource that can support you in any cognitively difficult and emotionally stressful situations.

Be the master of emotions: suppress or manage?

Many people confuse and believe that suppressing and managing their emotions are the same thing..

To suppress means not to consider them important, not to pay attention, to forbid oneself to understand what is happening to me.

Managing emotions means showing them in the right place: after all, sometimes they are inappropriate, can offend other people, and do not allow you to calmly think about the situation.

Controlling your emotions also means understanding and taking into account that sometimes too intense emotions are a consequence of lack of sleep, hunger, fatigue, illness...

Where self-control skills are required:

• conflicts between friends: quarrels, disagreements;

• crises of family relationships: infidelity, divorce, the problem of mutual understanding between generations;

• public discussions: defending one’s position at meetings, lectures, consultations;

• scientific experiments: trial and error methods are not always successful;

• force majeure situations: fire, flood, equipment failure, injuries;

• diplomacy: the art of negotiating, giving in, compromising.

Top 7 ways to leave the past in the past

In fact, remembering the past is important and very necessary. For, as the American philosopher and writer George Santayana aptly noted, “those who do not remember their past are doomed to relive them.” However, there is a small nuance: past experience, conclusions from experienced events should help us move forward, and not pull us back. And this is exactly what many people have a problem with! But with the help of this article we will try to solve it. Or at least understand what should be done to let your past float freely. Read more…

4

Common complexes and overcoming them. Part 1

Psychological complexes are a very common phenomenon. We can say that almost every person has their own “cockroaches in the head,” and some have a serious psychological problem that darkens their lives. As can be understood from the name, a complex is not just some kind of oddity in behavior, but it is a whole set of elements: ideas about oneself, beliefs and views, emotions and reaction patterns, behavior patterns and compensations. It is not surprising that it can be difficult to deal with complexes, because the rational approach and the “stop thinking about it” method are ineffective, because does not address the full range of components of the problem. Read more…

7

Techniques and exercises for mindfulness

Lack of awareness is the cause of many troubles. In this state, a person makes erroneous decisions, does not know how to listen to his intuition, rejects common sense and exaggerates the importance of emotions. Conversely, mindfulness allows you to pay attention to many internal and external moments that matter here and now. If you start developing awareness, your concentration and memory will automatically improve, i.e. it is also a matter of self-development. And, perhaps, a conscious person is closer to happiness than a distracted and uncollected person. In this article we have collected several good exercises with which you can begin to develop awareness. Read more…

10

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

How often do you encounter negative thoughts and emotions? How do they affect your life? Are they burdening you? Are you being sucked into a funnel of unpleasant sensations? The acceptance and commitment therapy discussed in this article will not rid your life of negativity, but it will help you more easily bear all the hardships of life and not become paralyzed by every painful experience. If you want to live and achieve what you want without being distracted by self-depressing thoughts and unpleasant emotions, if your goal is to learn how to cope with stress and intense emotional states, read on and learn new skills. Read more…

5

What is self-control?

The art of self-control allows you to not be a slave to your emotions. Having mastered its basics, a person becomes less vulnerable and more self-sufficient; in any situation he knows how to cope with anger, anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt.

In a word, this is a good school that allows you not to be afraid of life's trials. Psychologists advise going through it as early as possible and suggest the following stages in mastering self-control skills.

1. Self-control in conflict situations

You can use minor everyday quarrels as training exercises. Try to analyze your behavior: how hot and angry you are. Identify the reasons for your excessive temperament.

Methods of mental self-regulation

If you manage yourself, you manage your life! This is an immutable truth that is relevant in our time as never before, because the modern world is not only a world of high speeds and a huge number of things to do and worries, but also a world of stress and emotional instability, in which even the calmest person can easily get out of myself. And today we will talk about mental self-regulation, thanks to which a person can learn to control himself, his manifestations and mental states. Mental self-regulation is a person’s control of his psycho-emotional state, which is achieved by influencing himself through various methods, which we will talk about. Read more…

2

Self-Compassion as a Path to Success: Suffer the Right Way!

Self-compassion means the same thing as compassion, only in relation to oneself. The first to raise this topic in psychology, as they say, “in full force,” was Christina Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas. She was the first to propose a complete scientific definition of the concept of “self-compassion” and developed the so-called self-compassion scales, which to this day remain the only tool for measuring this phenomenon. So, it is precisely these scales and, of course, the essence of self-compassion that we will talk about in this article, and you can take all this into account. For what? To find out, start reading the article. Read more…

3

Techniques for developing self-control:

• music therapy as a practice of optimizing internal reserves;

• meditation, teaching you to control emotions;

• art therapy, relaxing, distracting from obsessive thoughts and filling with life-giving energy;

• diaphragmatic breathing, which allows you to relieve tension and quickly calm down.

Mental balance, which everyone strives for, but only a few achieve, is a god-like state . It gives strength to overcome internal problems and overcome external obstacles. With him, insidious difficulties recede and goals are achieved. Thanks to him, thoughts become clearer and feelings calm down. Weaknesses, fears and complexes are afraid of him like fire. Without it there can be no self-improvement.

Having mastered the ability to control oneself and achieve mental balance, a person enters a time of true maturity. The boiling of passions is a sign of youth. However, if you spend your whole life being upset and beating yourself up over trifles, you can remain a yellow-haired youth until you turn gray.

LiveJournal

LinkedIn

Email

Related Posts
• Personal development
• How to deal with anger?
• What a leader should be like: personality analysis

« Previous entry

Common complexes and overcoming them. Part 2

“Complexed”, “complex” are words familiar to everyone, as is the very concept of a complex. What kind of psychological mechanism this is and how it distorts a person’s perception, we examined in detail in the previous article. In it, we figured out why these same complexes are complex and insidious, and dwelled in detail on five of them. In this article, we decided to take the time to figure out what to do with them and how to find freedom from them and your psychological well-being. Of course, working with an experienced and expert professional is a great option, but what to do if professional psychotherapy is not possible? Let's talk about this. Read more…

8

Stress resistance. How to stay calm and productive?

Stress is one of the most common diseases of modern man, and therefore we can not only talk about the undeniable relevance of this topic today, but also find a lot of interesting statistics on this matter. According to some data, for example, about 80% of Russians live under stress every day. In general, stress is a disease of the 21st century, and it has reached global epidemic proportions. And this statement has the most compelling reasons, because today life is replete with a huge number of stress factors. What leads to the development of stress in people today? Read more…

9

Online program “Mental self-regulation”

In this online program, in just 6 weeks, you will learn to cope with stress at work and school, difficult relationships in a team, anxiety and fear before important events, apathy, difficulty taking the first step and procrastination. For you, we have collected scientifically and practically based techniques and presented them precisely from the point of view of real application in life, and at the same time we tried to give the necessary minimum of theory and more games, tests, exercises that will allow you not only to gain knowledge, but also to develop the necessary skills. Find out more...

Learning to manage yourself is not that difficult. You just need to start doing this and apply the appropriate techniques and techniques. We think now you will have enough knowledge to start acting differently!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Eight Strategies to Improve Self-Regulation
• Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
• Mastery of Self-Control
• The best blog content in 2021: psychology
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Methods of mental self-regulation
• How to develop self-control and self-discipline
• How to cope with fear: a selection of useful materials
• Self-Compassion as a Path to Success: Suffer the Right Way!
• Anger management: a selection of useful materials

Key words:1Psychoregulation