I have said more than once that relationships between a man and a woman are formed much earlier than everyone thinks. Any interaction between a woman and a man already creates a certain “relationship”.
Casual sex, a casual glance, a couple of dates or five years of marriage are all different types of the same thing. And each of them provides a certain experience necessary for your development.
Based on this principle, even your first (by definition) relationship with a man is no longer such.
It could be your first romantic kiss at sixteen and your first year of marriage with a man when you're thirty.
But in both the first and second cases, all the thoughts in your head at first revolve only around his image. It is also quite acceptable that you are simply “stormy”. :)
Then you want it all to end. And after a minute, you look over and over again to see if you missed the one coming from HIM.
I have 8 useful tips that will help you not get lost in your first serious relationship.
Forget that opposites attract
The myth that two opposites can create a successful union has long been debunked. In physics, plus is attracted to minus, but with people it’s the other way around. We feel good and comfortable with those who understand us and share our views and values. Being with someone who is too different from us leads to tension. No matter how much you like each other outwardly, if there is no common ground, the relationship will not last long.
It is difficult for an inveterate healthy lifestyle enthusiast to get along with a beer and cigar lover, for a believer to get along with an atheist, even an extrovert will have to make an effort to establish contact with an introvert. After the bouquet and candy period, these contradictions will be felt more acutely. Therefore, at the very beginning, it is important to understand how different you are and whether you are ready to work together on a relationship.
Self-esteem at the level
Self-confidence and self-sufficiency always attract attention. You want to communicate and interact with such people.
This quality is key for first relationships. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings and be sincere, don't be afraid to open your heart. It may happen that you become really close to your boyfriend, and then a breakup occurs.
It happens. Life is like a roller coaster - up and down. And the latter is not at all the same as bad. No need to make a wish, JUST LIVE.
Listen carefully
There are no secret techniques to help you find out what's on another person's mind. Often we are told everything about ourselves, but we are so focused on continuing the relationship that we ignore the obvious. Meanwhile, it is on the basis of the partner’s previous experience that one can build a true forecast of the development of relations.
Is he shirking his responsibilities with the children from his previous marriage? It will be the same with your children in the event of a divorce. Lived in a civil marriage twice, but didn’t get to the registry office? And most likely it won’t work out for you. If your partner is well over 40, and has never had a long-term relationship in his life, then he probably won’t have one with you either.
You can spend a long time figuring out “why he did this” and “why it didn’t work out for him before,” but this is not our task, we just need to understand where this relationship can lead.
Time balance
In the first relationship, there are two extremes related to time. The first is to spend all your free time together or 24/7.
Here we are talking more about emotional dependence and the lack of one’s own range of interests and needs.
It doesn’t matter whether a self-sufficient person, a man or a woman, always needs time for YOURSELF.
You get used to being with each other, you have fun, good and calm together.
It seems that life without him stops playing with bright colors, chocolate becomes tasteless, and the sky is not so blue... Your mood worsens not by minutes, but literally by seconds, when the date comes to an end.
Another option is a long distance relationship. Someone moves to another city, someone goes to live abroad, study, work... There are a lot of options.
This is how the illusion of relationships is formed. You seem to have started dating, but what will you do next? I will repeat until you remember...
One of the main indicators of a serious relationship is if you meet not only on Saturday night in a hotel room.
Extremes are not comrades in relationships. You can go somewhere without it. This is not only normal, but also healthy.
And yes, if he invites you somewhere, it means he really wants to go there with you. I'm telling you exactly.
Check your goals
People enter relationships with different desires. Some people want a family, while others need a nice person to meet once a week. Both are good, it’s just important that your goals coincide. The easiest way to clarify this is to ask directly. Perhaps you are looking for a future husband, but the man is afraid of the registry office, you love children, but he doesn’t need them.
Counting on him to turn from a bachelor into a family man and become a loving father to your five children is creating additional difficulties for yourself. If a person is not ready for a serious relationship, he will tell you about it. Every adult has a personal position on marriage and children - find out what your partner’s position is.
Start of a relationship
July 18
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The problem with building a healthy, harmonious family is quite common. This may be due to completely different reasons, but mainly it is a lack of proper upbringing and training in this area - we are basically used to doing everything intuitively, without preparation and conscious choice. As a result, couples are created without basic compatibility or desire to improve relationships. Also, not everyone has a good role model - the divorce statistics are extremely sad, children unconsciously adopt the behavior model of their parents and invariably find themselves in a similar situation. How to start a relationship correctly and create a truly good family? We need to break the vicious circle and consciously approach this issue.
What does happiness depend on?
First of all, it is important to listen to your needs and desires, not to be led by public opinion and principles. This means that serious relationships, marriage and offspring should appear only with sincere desire and readiness, and not because an ex started a relationship with a new guy or a classmate has already given birth to a second child. This approach will only do harm and create a lot of problems in the future.
Unfortunately, it is often only after trial and unfortunate errors that an understanding of true values comes. And when the beginning of a relationship appears on the horizon, it is important to get everything right this time. If the question arises whether it is worth starting a relationship, then you need to determine a number of decisive criteria and check whether the upcoming romance meets your expectations.
The beginning of a relationship and the end of a relationship
Passion and love are wonderful feelings that should certainly accompany a couple after they meet. But this passes quite quickly, even the beginning of the relationship and the year of the relationship are significantly different. And when the emotional component fades into the background, something more should remain - common interests, acceptance of everyday habits, one point of view on global issues, respect, helping each other. Some things take hard work, but some are obvious from the start.
When dating, it is not recommended to touch upon such sensitive issues as religion, politics, the role of men and women in marriage, and raising children. But they should definitely be discussed before starting a life together and getting married. This is especially important if one of the partners has a categorical opinion regarding any issues, beliefs and worldviews that can significantly affect not only the beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman, but also their future life. Minor disagreements are quite acceptable, because all people are different and this is wonderful - this way the couple will be even more harmonious in complementing each other. But fundamental views must certainly coincide, otherwise such a relationship will either end painfully or will squeeze the juice out of the participants who are in constant conflict. If such a situation exists, this may be the beginning of an open relationship without obligations and further continuation. But if the goal is to create a family, it is better to call it a day and look for a more suitable candidate.
Main mistakes
Loneliness, despair, falling in love or gullibility can push us to rash actions. First of all, it is important to draw conclusions from your previous experience and not step on the same rake. This is a common problem, as there is an established taste for a certain type that one is attracted to. It is necessary to exclude the possibility of repeating negative experiences, determine the positive and negative qualities of the prospective partner, and not fall into the same traps.
Even worse, starting a former relationship will definitely not lead to a good outcome. An exception may be serious changes in the personalities of each partner, but often upon repeated meetings everything returns to normal, along with the problems that led to the breakup.
There is no need to hope for re-education or changes in character - an adult with established views can adapt, but sooner or later his essence will make itself known. If there are problems initially, they will remain to one degree or another, so you need to either accept your partner for who he is, or leave him. The sooner incompatibility is determined and meetings are stopped, the better. This will get rid of attachment, which will only be a burden, preventing you from finding a truly suitable match.
What should be a good start to a relationship?
Selecting a partner using a dating site is one of the best methods, as it allows you to first find suitable candidates based on basic characteristics without unnecessary emotions, and only then communicate with them and get to know them better. After this, a period of meetings begins - already at this stage much will be clear. The right start to a relationship includes the following points:
- freedom - if restrictions in some areas, prohibitions, instructions and attempts at control are immediately stipulated, then in the future this is precisely the pattern of relations that is destined, only in harsher tones;
- honesty - of course, not everything can be told about yourself at first meetings. But each of the couple must share important aspects of their life (presence of children, health status, goals and plans for the near future);
- calm - romantic excitement is always pleasant, but obvious discomfort in the presence of a person is a bad sign. It is important to tune in to the general wave, feel open and have the opportunity to be yourself;
- physical compatibility – coincidence in matters of intimacy, sex life and basic acceptance of the partner’s appearance and smell;
- discussion of problems - coherent presentation of a point of view, clarification of the essence of the conflict and compromise, instead of unreasoned quarrels;
- attention to yourself - you should not completely devote yourself completely to a new hobby, work exclusively on ways to please your partner. Such a sacrifice is only an indicator of self-doubt; it will not bring any benefit and may cause dissatisfaction with one’s life in the future. This kind of beginning of a relationship with a man is often typical for girls with low self-esteem.
Healthy approach
Starting a new relationship comes with different ways to get to know each other. In this situation, it is important to pay attention to the chosen one’s family and his/her attitude towards loved ones. This is one of the main indicators showing possible options for the development of events. Copying is not always expected - often a person tries to do everything the other way around and does not accept the attitudes of his family, which also allows us to draw conclusions.
Harmonious and long-lasting marriages are achieved if you start a relationship with a friend - long-term communication, trust, common interests and respect are fundamental factors for a successful marriage.
It is also important to make the beginning of a relationship with a girl or guy bright and memorable. Dating in different places and situations will not only help you get to know each other, but also bring you closer, create shared memories and a love story. A wise combination of emotions and rationality will allow you to achieve happiness, openness, kindness and mutual understanding - a guarantee of a wonderful life with your soul mate at any age and at every stage of the relationship.
Be yourself
It is difficult not to succumb to temptation and embellish yourself in the eyes of another. If we like someone, we want to live up to their expectations. This tendency is so strong because as children we tried to gain the approval of the people closest to us - our parents.
You don’t like to cook, but he thinks that a woman is this kitchen sorceress who will surprise him every evening with a restaurant masterpiece? It is better to immediately inform your chosen one that this will not happen. Perhaps all your other advantages will outweigh, and he will not go in search of a chef, and you will no longer have to do what you don’t like.
At the beginning, you can pretend to be anyone and even honestly try to match this image for some time, but you won’t last long - it’s too emotionally costly. When you get bored, both you and your partner will feel irritated and dissatisfied.
Treason6
Not many people are able to start over after adultery. After all, it is not enough to simply forgive a person for his infidelity (which in itself is difficult). The main problem is that it is very difficult to begin to feel not only love, but also trust towards a cheating partner. And without trust, real relationships are impossible.
As a result, people seem to forgive, and even agree to start dating from scratch. But in fact, inside the forgiver there will be a worm of doubt and mistrust. And it may take months or even years for the offender to remove it. And even then, the deceived partner will feel a slight aftertaste for the rest of his life.
Listen to your feelings
Regularly ask yourself if you are comfortable with this person. We enter into relationships to make things better, not worse. If you feel good together only during sex, and the rest of the time is spent in tension and petty grievances, this is not the person for you.
Healthy relationships make us stronger, happier and even more self-confident, and not the other way around, and this is perhaps the main criterion for the success of a union. Remain yourself, look soberly at your partner, ask questions and listen to your feelings, then everything will definitely work out.
Do not rush things
This doesn't mean playing hard to get.
Any relationship has several stages. After the “candy-bouquet” stage comes the rapprochement stage. Usually “they” spend a lot of time together, meet almost every day, call each other and write to each other, and post photos together.
During this period, a man may show unprecedented activity, especially if it has not yet come to sex. Flowers, sweets, gifts...
Perhaps in this way he wants to please you, but there is another option. Maybe he is a professional "courtist" or simply puts his personal interest first.
And under the influence of dopamine, you relax, forget about yourself and begin to discover your true self. All boundaries, rules and frameworks disappear, and you are ready to surrender to him right now.
This is where I strongly recommend turning on your head. People in love tend to idealize their partner with all possible consequences.
Tips for guys on behavior at the beginning of a relationship with a girl
The question of how to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship torments not only women. There are categories of men who also worry about showing off the wrong side of themselves, so as not to frighten off their muse. We invite you to familiarize yourself with five points that women pay attention to when choosing a companion:
- Appearance. Yes, women love with their ears, this is a fact, but they are absolutely not indifferent to what kind of man will be next to her. She sees him neat, in good physical shape, with well-groomed nails.
- Intelligence. You don't need to have five college degrees and a couple of scientific degrees to impress a pretty girl. It is important to be able to maintain a conversation on various topics, to be able to express your point of view on a particular issue, and to be an interesting interlocutor.
- Upbringing. Agree, any girl is pleased when they give her a hand at the exit from the transport, hold the door, and offer to carry heavy bags. This is a serious plus for the gentleman.
- Character traits. Women love confident men who clearly know what they want from this life, who know how to give love and care, who are kind, honest, and decisive.
- Feeling of reliability. A woman needs support, support, a strong shoulder. When a man is in no hurry to share household chores, does not see the prospects for his life, and sometimes is not averse to living at the expense of his chosen one, then such a gentleman is unlikely to be interested in a serious girl.
Not all men can understand women on a subtle psychological level: rarely can any of them put themselves in her place, sincerely empathize and feel certain emotions as vividly as a woman. This is what makes life difficult for a guy at the stage of building a relationship. Let's listen to the advice of psychologists on this topic:
- be passionate in bed;
- don’t forget about romantic surprises and dates;
- show care and attention to your chosen one;
- say pleasant things in your ear;
- give flowers and cute gifts just like that, for no reason;
- take an interest in your loved one’s hobbies;
- Spend weekends together more often, alone;
- be friendly with her parents and close social circle;
- don’t lie, don’t betray;
- know how to listen to your girlfriend;
- don’t criticize, there’s even a reason for it.
