I'm afraid of relationships with men: what to do with the phobia and why it appeared

New relationships always evoke a whole range of emotions - joy, excitement, adrenaline in the blood, you want to show your best side. But all this can be overshadowed by such a complex feeling as fear.

The nature of fear is in each of us, and it is stupid to say “I am not afraid of anything.” Afraid. And fear of a new relationship is a very common phenomenon, since there can be many reasons for such fear. What options? For example, a previous relationship ended badly, it was painful after the breakup and you don’t want to experience that pain again or something else. Whatever your fear is fueled by, not starting a new relationship because of it will not be the smartest move, so let’s figure out how to stop fear. You want your “happily ever after”, right?

So, we have figured out what fear is in general terms. I will make just one addition - the reasons for your fears, recurring emotions, feelings, experiences and reactions to certain situations must be sought in the past. So get ready to turn around and look - what from the past are you carrying with you and how is it affecting you?

In the fight against your fear of new relationships, let's start with analysis.

Nobody comes near

One of the most popular reasons for fear of a serious relationship is excessive demands on a partner. As a rule, such people say something like this: “All the good ones are already taken, but I just don’t want anything” or “Everything about it is good, and I love it, but I just don’t like cats (snores, earns little) "and stuff like that.

It happens that such people break off relationships even with those they truly loved. Such specimens usually have inflated self-esteem or even narcissism. The more years pass, the more likely it is that the other half will never be found.

Because at the age of twenty, young people experience a feeling of falling in love, thanks to which a lot is forgiven and their eyes are closed to a lot. But over the years, we stop experiencing such vivid feelings, and rather choose a partner based on the compatibility of our views on life, common hobbies or aspirations.

Sequencing

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of serious relationships with men,” then you’ve probably had to think more than once about how to overcome this fear in yourself.

1. First of all, it is important to identify the cause of fear. If you cannot determine it yourself, then it would not be a bad idea to seek advice from a psychologist.
2. Try to explore your needs and also find out what your partner needs. The girl must determine whether they are ready to move to the level of a serious relationship, whether there is a tendency to cheat, what is their financial stability, whether their lifestyles are similar, and whether there are traits in the guy that she cannot come to terms with.
3. Stop being afraid of what lies ahead, don't think about future obligations. It is possible that your fear arose due to the fact that thoughts appeared about the possible loss of your personality, that one day a child will be born who will have to devote himself, there will be no time left for his own life. In such a situation, it is important to realize that you will not find yourself alone, there will be a loving partner nearby. To make it easier to overcome the fear of the future, make lists in which you can clearly distribute responsibilities, as well as write down the things that you will do together. You can try to start an experiment, see if you can exist together.
4. Learn to compromise and eliminate unnecessary conflicts. If you see that there are scandals in your relationship with your boyfriend at the moment, then it’s time to stop them. It is important to learn to calm down yourself and bring your partner to his senses. Remember that sometimes it is the girl who becomes the source of scandals. Try to look at yourself from the outside, reevaluate your priorities.
5. If you are afraid of future obligations, you can try to test yourself. If you are afraid that over time a baby will appear that will be difficult to cope with, then you can try to babysit a neighbor’s child or even get a job as a nanny.

Condemnation of others

“She’s a mother of three children, it’s time to calm down, and not run around with men!” - Many potential brides are so worried about public opinion that they do not dare to challenge it.

What to do. Ignore stupid and envious people. Let them think what they want, you can’t please everyone

But the opinion of children is really important. If a suitable candidate appears on the horizon, try to carefully introduce him into your family

Make it clear to the children that he does not pretend to be their dad and do not in any way interfere with meetings with their real father. Let your lover try to become a friend to your kids - then there will be less jealousy towards the “newcomer”. And don’t be tormented by feelings of guilt: the children will soon grow up and start families. And who will you be left with if you give up on women’s happiness?

Psychological block

There is a category of people who have a huge barn lock hanging on their hearts, the key to which cannot be found. They can be cheerful, open and cheerful people, but they stubbornly refuse to let anyone into their hearts.

It is often said about such people that they do not love anyone. This is partly true. Even at the slightest hint of an emerging feeling, they stubbornly extinguish it within themselves, and if this fails, then they stop communicating with such a person. The reason for this behavior could be unrequited love or an example of a bad relationship.

Let’s say, if a couple you know or in a family, the parents didn’t get along well with each other, but at the same time they loved each other. Then a clear attitude arises that love only brings suffering, and therefore this should not be allowed.

Treatment by a doctor

For symptoms of heterophobia, group therapy has proven itself very well.

In modern society, heterophobia is considered something shameful and is often associated with a person’s secret homosexuality. Because of this, many people suffering from this disorder are afraid to talk about their problem for many years, which is why their quality of life is significantly reduced.

The following techniques help to effectively combat manifestations of heterophobia:

• behavioral and cognitive therapy;
• group therapy, as a result of which the patient can understand that fear is present not only in him, but also in other people;
• psychoanalysis, which allows us to identify the very root cause of the problem (the presence of a traumatic situation that became the impetus for the development of a phobia);
• psychological support from a specialist and loved ones;
• hypnosis according to Erickson, which allows the specialist to identify the very essence of fear, removing it from the patient’s subconscious.

If psychotherapeutic treatment turns out to be ineffective, a specialist may prescribe psychotropic and sedatives to the patient.

Due to the fact that female frigidity and male erectile dysfunction have a psychological cause, symptomatic treatment of these pathologies is not carried out. Once the root cause of the phobia is eliminated, the physiological problems go away on their own.

Strategies for avoiding close relationships

• “Other people reject me” - a person is convinced that no one wants to approach him or start a relationship with him, he projects his own fear of approaching him onto other people, which is why he notices only those manifestations of other people that prove their reluctance to communicate with him .
• “People cannot be trusted” - a person is convinced that everyone around him is unreliable, mean, evil, so he does not let anyone close to him, he looks for it again and again, and finds confirmation of this, ignoring the good deeds of other people.
• “I scare everyone away” - a person behaves in such a way as to repel, scare away other people so that they do not want to come closer.
• “It should always be easy in a relationship” - as soon as conflicts arise, a person with such a strategy breaks off the relationship, moves away or starts new ones, he believes that relationships should always be easy and pleasant, and if some problem appears in them, then this bad relationship.
• “I’m not ready for a relationship yet” - a person is convinced that he is not yet ready for a relationship, but he needs to wait until readiness appears, years go by, but nothing changes, a person with such a strategy does not realize that the reason for unreadiness is fear, he believes in just waiting.
• “You must always show your success, strength and good mood” - a person believes that in a relationship you cannot show your vulnerability, your pain, your failures, as a result, you create only superficial relationships where no one knows your real self.

Consequences of a phobia

Fear of women is a serious problem. A gynophobe cannot feel like a full-fledged member of society, since most of society is women. He cannot enter into a close relationship with a woman, start a family or have sexual contacts. The result is depression, mental and physical dissatisfaction. The person withdraws into himself and does not appear in public. Then we can already talk about anchoretism - voluntary hermitage leading to the degradation of the social personality. A gynophobe risks not starting any relationships until old age.

According to research, many maniacs were driven to crime precisely by the fear of traditional contact. Therefore, they raped the victim and this was the only way they received satisfaction. However, the fear did not disappear.

A gynophobe may remain alone for life

Adviсe

Look at the happy couples and families. It is important to make sure that the relationship can have a happy continuation when moving to a serious stage

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of relationships with men,” then it’s time to come to the realization that it’s time to overcome these fears within yourself, learn to live fully, and easily establish relationships with people of the opposite sex.

1. If a girl is afraid to start a relationship because of a bad experience, she must come to the realization that no two people are exactly the same, and if she was betrayed once, this does not mean that this will happen again.
2. A woman must learn to listen to her inner voice, to her intuition. If she feels that the person who is next to her is not sent to create a serious relationship, then she needs to let him go. Perhaps you are not afraid of relationships in general, but you are afraid of the future together with a specific partner who is now nearby.
3. If a girl is afraid that a guy will sooner or later stop loving her or meet someone else, then with such thoughts she only provokes this. It is important to believe in yourself, in your uniqueness, perfection, in the fact that your partner’s feelings are real and he will never betray you. At the same time, it is necessary not to exclude such a possibility and treat it with a calm soul. A woman must understand that if this happens and the guy really breaks up with her, then he is not her destiny, there is nothing to be upset about. He was simply sent for experience.
4. If you are afraid to start a relationship with a man because he may turn out to be a tyrant or despot, you need to realize that if something happens, you can simply pack your things and leave. Of course, there is no need to endure such bullying. If this fear is dictated by a sad experience from childhood, then you need to program yourself so that on your way you will not come across the same man as your mother once met. Convince yourself that you deserve a good, caring person and sooner or later he will be there.
5. If the unknown scares you, then watch couples who are happy and spending time together, for example, walking with their children on the playground or having fun at the shopping center. Think about the fact that you deserve to be happy and have your own family.
6. If you have too low self-esteem and fear that the guy will eventually be disappointed that he decided to start a family with such a girl, then it’s time to start loving yourself, prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are a beautiful, smart and caring woman.

Now you know what to do if a girl is afraid of a relationship with a guy. Remember that, first of all, you need to determine the reasons that provoke the emergence of fear. If you can’t cope on your own, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. Every woman deserves the right to be happy and have the opportunity to start her own family, to find a loved one nearby who will become her support and support for the rest of her life.