You have set major life goals for yourself. Your dreams are amazing. But nothing works. If you're good with hard work, attitude and willpower, why haven't you achieved success yet?
Let's find out!
What is the problem?
You are not lazy and at the end of each day you feel tired. It's not about motivation: you're inspired by those who have already achieved their dreams. It's not a matter of confidence: you know you have the ability; know that you have everything you need; you can literally touch success with your hands. But what's wrong?
If you're good with hard work, attitude and willpower, why haven't you achieved success yet? The main reason: you need to change your perspective. In other words, your idea of success is complete bullshit.
This is not your fault. As you grew up, a limited idea of success was ingrained in your brain. And they also told you that everything that does not fit into this pattern is considered a failure.
You have been taught to define success by the size of your house, the cost of your car, or the amount of money in your bank account. The truth is: you don't need any of these things to succeed.
If you had told me in high school that by age 22 I would be living in a van outside Las Vegas, working part-time for a solar energy company and devoting my free time to growing my own business, I would have called my life senile.
But today it's the way it is, and I really like it. My income exceeds my expenses, I sleep under the stars every night, and I spend most of my days helping others achieve their goals.
I changed my idea of success and it found me.
Trouble has many reasons. Most of them are boring and monotonous. Little experience, lousy genes, need more money. If you need these prosaic reasons, you've come to the wrong place; you won't find them here.
But we are focused on results. Every time I achieve one of my goals, I feel such a strong tingling throughout my body that it makes me squirm.
I want you to feel it too. And it all starts with a change in perspective.
You're Still Using Someone Else's Definition of Success
Your life is not like anyone else's.
You have your own set of beliefs, values, goals, and your own body to store it all. You are unique. So why are you wasting your time using someone else's idea of prosperity?
In his "ultimate success formula" Tony Robbins says:
A clear formulation of your desires is the first and main point that you need to get to in order to change everything for the better
I couldn't have said it better.
Decide what you want and that will be the definition of success. Forget about what others think. My ingredients for success are helping others, living within my means, and daily personal growth. This is your life, give your own definition of happiness.
Nothing works out in life: 7 possible reasons and how to fix it
Nothing works out at work? Before questioning your qualifications, we advise you to meticulously examine the table at which you are working. There is a mug with the tea from the day before yesterday on it, a pile of papers resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and none of the six pens writes?
Don’t underestimate the negative role of chaos in the surrounding space on your productivity and composure. The clutter around can be distracting and cause a “mess” in your head, because of which you grab onto one task, abandon it halfway and switch to something new and insignificant, ultimately not getting anything done.
We strongly advise you to finally put things in order and be surprised to discover how easier it will become to concentrate, set priorities and cope with those work “blockages” that previously seemed overwhelming.
Enlist the support of loved ones
When you experience failure over and over again, it is easy to become discouraged and stop trying to succeed. You need to get out of this state as soon as possible, and your family and friends can help you do this.
If the “black streak” doesn’t seem to end, don’t hesitate to turn to your loved ones for help, who can not only encourage you, but also help with practical advice.
Take up self-help
Support from friends is good, but the help you can give yourself to end a series of failures can be much more effective.
From meditation to reading affirmations, modern psychology offers a host of self-help tools and techniques that can improve your mental state, give you confidence and set you up for victory.
Do not miss
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My life is beautiful: what is an affirmation and how to make the most of positive statements
Reward yourself for the work done
Photo by Jonathan Borba, pexels
With desire and conscientious work, it will take very little time from “nothing works” to the first small victories. First day without cigarettes. Opportunity to introduce yourself in a foreign language. Praise from the instructor for how well you parked.
This is not yet achieving what you want, but do not underestimate the importance of these steps in the direction in which you have decided to move. Reward yourself for how great you are with kind words and something pleasant.
Allow yourself to make mistakes
Even if you have made a firm decision to achieve certain heights and make the necessary efforts for this, you are still not immune from mistakes, mistakes and loss of motivation. Remind yourself that you are just a person, not a superhero, although, judging by the movies, even they make mistakes sometimes.
When learning a new language, sometimes you may encounter a particularly difficult and incomprehensible rule, some day you will have absolutely no energy to go to training, and the presentation prepared at work will not be particularly successful. And that's completely normal.
Remember, a loser is not someone who is sometimes unlucky and loses at times, but someone who stops trying to move forward and finally gives up.
Contact a psychologist
Not all problems can be solved on your own, and you can’t always get out of a series of failures on your own. If literally every attempt you make to do something ends in failure, you no longer have any faith in yourself or positive changes in your life, and the future seems hopeless, you should probably seek professional help.
There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed of this. Although a psychologist is not a wizard who can instantly solve your problems with the help of a magic spell, he can help you find the “root of all evil” and advise an individual strategy for getting out of a depressed state. The main thing is to find the right specialist for you and set yourself up for success.
Are you afraid to ask for help?
For some reason, there is a belief that the path to success is a nameless forest path that no one has ever set foot on.
And only if you are lucky and manage to get out of the thicket, you will become an accomplished person. What nonsense? In the famous book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill states:
It's really true: you can become more successful faster by helping others succeed.
He wrote this in 1937.
Since then, millions of people have used this advice to climb to heights they never dreamed of. The easiest way to grow is to help others grow. Only this approach seems paradoxical, because you were taught to think that there is no wealth that can be shared with everyone.
If you are only interested in personal growth or think that you can only succeed alone, then you are missing the point.
And this leads us to the next reason.
Are you afraid to stand out?
Any society monitors each of its members so that they do not demonstrate excessive self-confidence.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
American essayist, poet and philosopher
People don't like it when others change or do things that make them feel uncomfortable. When you challenge yourself to achieve your ideal, others perceive it as a threat to their inner balance. The success of others makes them reflect on their own failures and wasted potential. This is quite unpleasant, so most people will react to your actions with aggression.
This is the truth of life. If you want to achieve something extraordinary, something that will set you apart from everyone else, you will have to understand that you are different and learn to live with it.
People will call you weird, crazy, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, obnoxious, stupid, rude, shallow, insecure, fat, and ugly. They will try to “bring you back to reality,” to force you to behave like a “normal” person. Perhaps those closest to you will be the most cruel to you. If you are not confident enough in your ideas and desires, then you will not get far.
Your thirst for success is selfish
We are all somewhat selfish, and it is completely normal to have such emotions.
After all, if you spend your life serving others, you will die in poverty. But if your thoughts about success are only about improving your standard of living, you will never succeed.
A study on the side effects of greed and generosity by The Scientific American found that while generosity keeps you healthy, greed leads to stress and the production of the stress hormone cortisol.
The more you get, the more you have to lose. If you only want success for yourself, you will pay for your greed. You will have a lot of money, but you will be bankrupt in pleasures, love, hobbies (except for the desire to accumulate even more bills).
Now do you understand why a new car and a big house are the wrong definition of success?
If I'm not improving the world, then I'm allowing other things to derail my goals, and I need to change my perspective. Make the effort to make the planet you call home a better place than it was when you were born. Then you will never lose your focus on success.
Rework author Jason Fried called it “leaving a mark on the universe.” Leave a mark, big or small, that will live on for years after you're gone.
You lack persistence
In 2009, Karl Marlantes finally published the novel Matterhorn, based on his own memories of the Vietnam War. The book became a bestseller. The New York Times called it "one of the most profound and affecting works about the war." According to Black Hawk Down author Mark Bowden, Matterhorn is the greatest book about the Vietnam War.
How did Marlantes achieve such success? For 35 years he sought to have his book published. This is more than half of his entire life. He rewrote the manuscript six times. In the first two decades after the book was written, publishers rejected the novel as soon as they read it.
There are quite a lot of such stories. Remember Walt Disney, who was considered untalented. For twenty years he persuaded Pamela Travers to agree to the film adaptation of her book.
Most of us give up too quickly on the path to our cherished goal. But almost every success story is also a story of perseverance and struggle. Nothing truly worthwhile comes easy.
Your schedule is terrible
I know, the thought of micro-managing your life seems like torture.
I thought the same thing until I realized that I couldn't do anything. I was busy—doing laundry, answering emails, checking Twitter. But there is a huge difference between being productive and being busy.
Writer John Tolkien put it best:
All we need to do is decide what to do with the time we have.
If you don't manage your time and think through what needs to be accomplished, someone else will do it for you.
Scott Dinsmo of Live Your Legend has come up with an excellent weekly planning process that turns scheduling into a ritual that has become one of my favorite parts of the week.
Spending an hour organizing the important things on your calendar will give you a clear picture of the steps you should (or shouldn't) take to achieve success.
Whatever is on your schedule will get done. Clear and simple.
You don't take responsibility for what happens to you
Do you constantly find excuses for yourself? This way you won't move forward. To solve problems, you need to take control of your life. But you can't take control of your life unless you take responsibility for it. Therefore, if you do not take responsibility, you will fail.
Yes, it is very tempting to blame what is happening on external factors, to insist that you could not do anything, that you are not to blame, he came himself. But maybe it’s still worth giving yourself an imaginary slap in the face and soberly assessing your contribution to the current situation? The sooner you do this, the sooner it can be fixed.
You've stopped growing
Here's one of the biggest misconceptions about success: Once you get to your destination, you're ready for life.
This is just another lie that has been spread by society for years. Even if you become successful, you can still lose everything. People who have received something they never had do not know what to do with it.
And they lose everything.
In his book “Laws of Lifetime Growth,” Dan Sullivan talked to businessman Dan Schmidt, who, to avoid stunting growth, asks himself the question:
If everything I've done so far is just the beginning, then what's next?
Take a different path: everything you know is just a piece of information circulating in the universe.
There is always room for development. It doesn't matter whether you're trying to stay in shape, starting your own business, or learning the secrets of cooking. If you learn, it means you grow.
Develop your curiosity about everything, and you will never have to worry about stopping your development in your life.
You lack modesty
Just don't confuse modesty with shyness. Many people, having barely achieved something, begin to consider themselves experts in their field. Modesty means understanding that you don’t know everything.
Truly great people know that they know nothing.
It’s interesting that the people who most like to talk about their success are people whose achievements do not represent something supernatural. They are the ones who often become coaches and begin to teach everyone and everything how to achieve high results in their business.
Conversely, self-made people who have made a real breakthrough in their industry usually talk little about how they managed to do it. They either downplay their accomplishments or simply don't mention them. Instead, these people admit that they make mistakes and openly talk about their weaknesses and what they still have to learn.
You keep looking for shortcuts or get-rich-quick schemes
The only shortcut you'll need is so useful that it can outshine everyone else.
And I can show it to you right now. Ready?
There are no shortcuts.
Don't believe me? Ask Richard Branson, one of the richest and most successful people in the world. He said:
If you spend time looking for shortcuts, then you are sure to find one - straight from business
Get-rich-quick schemes involve stealing from many to filthy enrich a few.
Do you want to become such a person? Is wealth the main thing? If you're trying to lose weight, would you really rather take weight loss pills that destroy your body than diet and exercise?
Shortcuts exist only for destructive people who care only about themselves. You are not like that.
Be strong and act smart. It may take longer, but you will live a better life as a result.
You're afraid of being cared for
Many people catch the virus of indifference. Nothing really inspires them. Such people do not dare to fully devote themselves to any business, project or goal. Many of them give up very quickly. Others simply lose interest. And many don’t even have the strength to start.
Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It saps the motivation and inspiration you need to get rid of it. This is how a person ends up in a vicious circle.
On an unconscious level, many people are afraid to take on something with all their might because they understand that they may fail. This failure can trigger in them a flood of thoughts for which their psyche is not at all prepared: questions about their own worth, competence, the question of whether you are worthy of love, and so on.
Typically, people who use this mechanism get rid of it only when a new emotionally intense situation occurs in their life, which they manage to cope with.
Their values do not match their goals
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“It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” - Roy Disney.
The more important the goal, the higher it will be in the hierarchy of your values, and the more order and discipline will be associated with it. Less important goals are lower in the hierarchy of values and are associated with less discipline and more disorder. Losers mistakenly confuse being busy with being productive. They do everything except what aligns their values and their goals. Write down your goals and strategies for achieving those goals in your journal. This will help you better identify the values that best align with your goals.
They never take the initiative
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“People think that success in one area can compensate for failure in other areas, but is that really true? True effectiveness requires balance." - Stephen Covey
So, you have a terrible boss and you really hate your job. However, this is not a reason to work carelessly. You are paid to come there and do everything right, this is a universal law of life: you get exactly as much as you put in. It is simply maturity and wisdom to try to achieve excellence no matter the circumstances.
Losers are those who simply accept bad results. Those who don't bother to find effective methods that will help them explore their abilities better. It’s just like with students: a lot depends not on how smart you are, but on how well you can prepare and plan. This, in turn, makes you feel smarter and will result in great results.
They procrastinate
© www.telegraph.co.uk
“Only what is put off until tomorrow you will willingly leave to die undone,” Pablo Picasso.
And the funniest thing is that losers really like to drag their feet. And they don’t see anything reprehensible in this. This point brings us back to the point about not understanding the value of time. These people agree to live a life that is always one day behind. They live their lives as if they have another one left. It is worth realizing that you begin to die from the moment you are born, and that every day you have is a real gift. Therefore, for your own sake, you are obliged to do everything you can in these twenty-four hours, because no one promised you that you will see tomorrow.
They don't handle adversity well
© Wikimedia
“Sun without rain creates a desert” - Arabic proverb.
Once upon a time there was a shepherd boy named David. He was not a warrior. And he wasn't big. He looked at the giant and said: “I will knock you down and then cut off your head.”
And that's exactly what he did.
It's much the same with problems: they are only as big as we allow them to seem so, and they are only as strong as our weakness allows them to be. Losers don't understand this; they give up too quickly, simply because things aren't the way they want them to be. They want roses without thorns, children without birth pains and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but they hate adversity.
Overcoming challenges not only brings us closer to our goals, but also transforms us into someone we could not previously imagine.
Don’t give in to your own fears, don’t be afraid to enter uncharted territory, leave your “comfort zone” and challenge yourself. In desperate situations, courage is born. Otherwise, you will simply never know how strong you are.
