Anger management: how to turn rage to your advantage

Anger is one of the emotional experiences of a person, which is closely related to cognitive processes, physical arousal, and aggressive behavior. In adverse situations, anger can spiral out of control and become an affect, interfering with a person's social functioning and overall well-being. Anger management - how to learn to cope with emotions on your own and when should you consult a specialist? You will find the answers in this article.

Why do anger attacks happen?

To more accurately understand the causes of anger, it is necessary to consider a number of factors that collectively influence the manifestation of anger:

Biological factors: a type of choleric temperament that is prone to anger. A mobile, strong nervous system reacts faster and more vividly to external stimuli.

Physiological factors : lack of sleep leads to levels of physical exhaustion, chronic stress leads to mental exhaustion. In states of neuropsychic exhaustion, a person reacts to external stimuli with negative emotions and maladaptive behavior, including aggressive behavior.

Psychological factors : dissatisfaction with work, financial situation, personal problems, obligations regarding the behavior of other people, inconsistency of the surrounding world with internal standards, inability to control and express anger - all this causes growing internal tension, which is just waiting for psychological release.

Anger in the structure of mental disorder . This individual factor affects different types of disorders: anger often accompanies personality disorders, bipolar disorder, relapses in eating disorders, chemical and non-chemical dependencies, and addictions. It can also act as a factor in the decompensation of psychopathology in loved ones.

EXPLOSIVE AGE

Young people are much more aggressive than adults, and young men are the most explosive.
The more youth there are in a country's population, the more likely conflicts are. Here, for example, are data for Russia indicating the percentage of youth to the total population: Moscow and Moscow region - 22%, Oryol region - 19.5%, Ingushetia - 30.8%, Dagestan - 29.8%, Chechnya - 28.9 %. American demographer Richard Cincotta, having analyzed the age composition of the population in countries where revolutions took place from 1972 to 1989, concluded that the outcome of the revolution and the system that will be established in the country after it depend on the age of the population.

Cincotta used a measure called median age. This is the age at which the same number of people in the country are older and younger. All countries where the median age was 25–35 years old at the time of the revolution came to democracy. Nine out of ten countries with a median age below 25 have slipped back into undemocratic regimes. If the median age is above 35 years, then the revolution most often does not occur.

What explains this connection? Yanir BarYam from the New England Institute for Complex Systems (USA) believes that an older population indicates that a society has developed social institutions and infrastructure.

For reference: the median age of the Russian population in 1991 was 33 years old, now it is about 38 years old. It is difficult to say what it was like in 1917, but according to the 1897 census, the median age was about 21 years.

https://www.newscientist.com/article/

https://www.fadm.gov.ru/regionmain/

First steps when dealing with anger

Step one. First you need to track how often, after an angry affective discharge, a person justifies his actions, for example:

• "She took me out"
• “This time he really asked for it”
• "We got what we deserved"
• “They had no right to express themselves like that, I answered them correctly.”

It is necessary to try to abandon self-justifying attitudes in order to further successfully work with anger

Step two : determine the degree of intensity of your own experiences. Often, people with anger problems downplay the intensity, which also makes it difficult to deal with aggressive behavior because intense anger limits volitional regulation of emotion control, increasing the risk of impulsive behavior.

Step three : Determine your anger frequency (how many times during the day you feel angry).

And one more stage in the initial work: prescribe ways to express anger (this is the behavior that a person chooses for psycho-emotional release). Write a list of actions (throwing things, breaking dishes, avoiding communication, physical violence towards an irritating object, obscene language, breaking fists until they bleed) and distribute them into groups: verbal (verbal) aggression, physical aggression, passive (hidden) aggression.

Assess the possibilities: what will happen if you remain silent?

Often it’s easier for us to pretend that nothing happened. It’s worth thinking: why are you making this decision? Are you afraid of losing the love and sympathy of others? In this case, your irritation will accumulate and result in passive aggression. You will still lose the favor of those around you. Silence is golden, but in a different situation. Your silence makes the problem worse, confusing the relationship. Those who hold back their emotions suffer from excess weight, depression, stress and cardiovascular disease. Your silence is also a refusal to eliminate the cause of irritation.

Anger management - exercises and techniques for doing it yourself

The most effective and fastest techniques for solving the problem of how to cope with attacks of anger - cognitive behavioral psychotherapy techniques, mindfulness skills, self-regulation methods

Before performing the exercises, it is necessary to understand the chain of anger, and to realize which segment of the chain the work of a particular technique is aimed at. It is important to select techniques so as to involve the development of all segments.

Sometimes the chain can look simple:

Trigger situation - angry thoughts - anger - aggressive behavior

Sometimes its appearance is much more complex:

Trigger - angry thoughts - emotions of indignation, anger, irritation - self-inflation - rumination - anger - aggressive behavior

This must be taken into account when choosing techniques.

Learning to manage emotions

Trigger : We make a list of situations that provoke anger, ranking them by intensity, from the most powerful to the least annoying. We write down strategies for weakening its effect next to each trigger, for example:

Trigger – children demand attention when I come home from work tired.

A way to ease the trigger is to go to a cafe after work, drink coffee, relax after a hard day and gain strength to communicate with children. Try to find a solution for each trigger yourself.

Thoughts and self-inflation : use cognitive therapy techniques, write down the pros and cons of each thought, correlate thoughts with reality, remove value judgments, develop an alternative thought for each angry one, introduce alternative thoughts into your life after the trigger.

Rumination : the so-called “mental chewing gum” that a person plays in his head over and over again. These are thoughts about the triggering situation that cause new waves of negative emotions.

Advice: learn to put off rumination, set aside one time for it during the day (for example, at seven o’clock in the evening), and not allow it to invade your consciousness at another time of the day.

Emotions of anger, anger, irritation: breathing techniques, Jacobson muscle relaxation, pleasant visualizations and other self-regulation techniques.

Aggressive behavior : use of coping cards. Cards are prepared in advance; alternative methods of behavior that replace aggressive ones are written on them. These cards can be quickly used when anger arises.

Emergency self-help methods

Let's look at emergency self-help techniques in acute situations.

Count to ten

When you can no longer contain your aggression and anger, tell yourself “stop” and slowly count to ten. Don't do or say anything else during this time. You need to restore the balance between your mind and emotions. The account will help you with this.

Most likely, after this simple action you will no longer want to destroy everything and hurl curses. Of course, the anger itself will not go away, but at least you will take control of it.

Distance yourself from the source of irritation

Anger rarely arises suddenly and out of nowhere. As a rule, it is preceded by other negative emotions: irritation, annoyance, disappointment. As the situation escalates, they snowball and eventually lead to an emotional explosion.

Therefore, try to leave the source of negative emotions as soon as possible, if possible. For example, leave the store if you are nervous about a long line, interrupt a conversation that is unpleasant for you, get off a crowded bus and call a taxi. Yes, this may cause some inconvenience, but it will save your nerve cells and prevent acute conflict situations.

Breathe slowly and deeply

During attacks of anger, breathing quickens and becomes shallow. Start breathing deeply, engaging your chest and stomach. This will help you calm down. Let each inhalation and exhalation last at least 5 seconds.

The ratio of carbon dioxide and oxygen will return to normal, mental clarity will return, and emotional intensity will decrease.

Move

When possible, neutralize anger through movement. If he finds you, for example, at work, find a secluded place and do a short exercise.

Forcefully clench and unclench your fists, squat, jump in place. This will help reduce the concentration of cortisol in the blood.

Write

When there is no way to express your emotions in a natural way - to shout, cry, talk to someone - entrust them to paper. As they say, she will endure anything.

If someone has seriously offended you in a way that provoked anger, calling them out loud may not always be the best idea. And you can express your indignation on paper without damaging your relationships or reputation. You don’t have to be shy in your expressions and cover up the offender with the most offensive words, if that makes it easier for you.

It is better to do this immediately after a conflict arises. So that aggression does not accumulate and poison you from the inside.

Another positive effect of this practice is that after a while you will be able to read what you have written and draw important conclusions. Emotions will subside - the situation will appear before you in a completely different light. You realize that you made a mistake and reacted inappropriately.

Use your sense of humor

Anger and laughter are incompatible emotions. The brain cannot experience them at the same time. Therefore, if you manage to find something comical in the situation and laugh at it, then the anger will disappear by itself.

You can imagine, for example, how a boss shouting at you grows horns. Or how people in line at the bank sing in chorus the song of the group “Hands Up”. You can simply remember a funny joke or a comical incident from life.

And the best option is to find a reason for self-irony and laugh at yourself. Very often anger arises from an inflated sense of self-importance. Self-irony helps to return from the imaginary throne to earth and look at the situation with an adequate perspective.

Look at the situation from the outside

Try to abstract yourself from the situation. Imagine leaving your body, standing back and observing what is happening, as if you were watching an emotional scene in a movie.

Here in front of you is your figure in a tense pose with a red face from anger. Not the most pleasant sight, is it? It’s unlikely that you would want others to remember just such an image of you.

While all these thoughts are running through your mind, you will not even notice how the intensity of your anger will decrease. This is because your brain will switch from experiencing emotions to thinking.

Direct your energy towards destruction

In a state of anger, we want to break, destroy, destroy everything around us. Give yourself this opportunity. You just need to do this in a socially acceptable way so as not to cause harm to yourself and other people.

You can take old dishes you don’t need and smash them on the floor with all your might. Or smash some broken equipment with a hammer. Just don’t get too carried away – it’s very easy to get the hang of it. Naturally, no one should be nearby.

A more harmless way is to tear the paper. Perfectly calms the nerves and helps you relax.

More than 100 cool lessons, tests and exercises for brain development

Start developing

I recommend reading Dan Dubravin’s book “Anger Management.” You will delve deeper into the topic of emotional intelligence, learn to control your emotions and competently manage such powerful energy as anger.

Other Anger Management Tips

It is very important to concentrate your attention on the first signs of anger (it is at this moment that the volitional component of control has not yet been weakened, which means that you can more successfully cope with the effect of an unpleasant emotion).

Be attentive to the factors that cause anger: it is always better to prevent the entire chain than to deal with the consequences

Watch how other people express their anger, focus on the consequences, note the most adaptive behavior for yourself.

You can deal with anger on your own or together with a psychologist.

You have a hormonal imbalance

Dozens of reasons can throw your hormonal balance out of balance. Here are the most common Irritability Causes / Healthline:

• premenstrual syndrome (PMS);
• polycystic ovary syndrome;
• menopause;
• hyperthyroidism - increased production of thyroid hormones;
• diabetes.

What to do

If irritability hits you on the eve of your period and goes away after it ends, you don’t need to do anything special. Just note to yourself that this is exactly your reaction to PMS, and try to reduce physical and emotional stress these days.

But if the period of irritability drags on for weeks or even months, it is worth consulting with a therapist. The doctor will conduct an examination, ask you to take blood and urine tests and, if necessary, refer you to a more specialized specialist.

In what cases is specialist help needed?

In cases where attempts to cope with anger on your own have failed. A person begins to use emotional and physical violence against close family members: child, wife, etc., in the case of a previously established diagnosis of a personality disorder or mood disorders, it is necessary to seek the help of a psychologist.

How does a psychologist solve the problem of anger?

The most important function of a psychologist , which cannot be achieved when working with anger independently, is to find unique personal reasons for anger, a person’s responsibilities, and deep-seated beliefs. Help him understand where and in what ways his boundaries are violated, build a step-by-step, competent work with anger.

Usually, after outbursts of anger and irritation towards a child, a feeling of guilt falls on the person, and the emotional picture becomes complex. A psychologist helps you understand these difficult feelings. Develops a personal strategy for solving a problem for a person, monitors results, and supports the person in working on anger.

It is also difficult for a teenager to cope with anger on his own, since during the period of maturation of the body, the psyche becomes mobile and unstable, and the area of ​​the volitional coping component is not yet sufficiently developed and cannot cope with the control function.

The task of a psychologist is to teach a teenager the skills of control and coping with anger. Explain the mechanisms of aggressive behavior. Role-play daily situations in which the teenager cannot cope with anger and aggression.

A DRILL

1. A sense of humor, or rather a benevolent attitude, allows you to see in any situation not a traumatic, offensive element, but a harmless, funny one. A well-meaning joke about the situation (!), and not about the participants, is the best way to defuse an impending conflict.

2. Remember: “He who is without sin...” After all, there were situations when you were wrong and your loved ones suffered from this? If you learn to forgive others more often, people will forgive you more easily. “The best cure for resentment is forgiveness.”

3. View conflict as a learning situation. Analyze it. In the process of interaction, in every possible way emphasize the similarities of your positions, not their differences. A German proverb says: “Even from the biggest swine you can get at least a small piece of ham.”

Anger management: cost and time frame for solving the problem

In the absence of concomitant mental disorders that complicate working with anger, this problem can be dealt with in 5-8 meetings with a psychologist, with the frequency of sessions being 1 time per week. The cost of one consultation in our clinic starts from 1000 rubles. When working with anger in the structure of a mental disorder, 10 to 15 meetings are necessary.

An appointment with a psychologist at PsiMedClinic can be made by calling +7 (3532) 45-95-03 or using the feedback form.

You are trying to give up cigarettes, coffee or alcohol

When you try to say goodbye to a particular habit to which you have already developed an addiction, withdrawal syndrome occurs (also known as abstinence, or withdrawal). The brain became accustomed to the effects of psychoactive substances that came with nicotine, alcohol, coffee, and drugs. And it takes time for it to start working without regular outside help.

Withdrawal symptoms include depressed mood, sleep problems, anxiety, and irritability.

What to do

Wait. When your body is rebuilt, that is, the dependence on the bad habit is overcome, you will regain peace of mind.

Let's sum it up

Coping with anger without understanding its mechanisms and structure (chain) is not so easy. When working with anger on your own, it is important to remember that a single technique or exercise will not help you cope with this difficult task. An integrated approach is important: working through all components of the structure of anger.

If you cannot cope with anger on your own, there are outbursts of aggression towards a child, emotional and physical violence towards a partner, as well as if you have an established mental disorder, you need to contact a specialist for professional help.

Psychology, Anger Management

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You eat too many sweets

Sugar is also an addictive drug. How Sugar Affects Your Mood / International Bipolar Foundation. It stimulates the areas of the brain that are responsible for pleasure. With regular consumption of sweets, the brain gets used to the stimulation, its sensitivity decreases - and as a result, we need more and more sugar to get the same dose of joy.

To process a large amount of sweets, the body begins to release a lot of insulin into the blood - a hormone that causes cells to actively extract glucose from the blood. Because of this, blood sugar levels drop sharply. Since its rapid fall means a threat to life, the body immediately releases adrenaline. This stress hormone triggers the notorious “fight or flight” response - we described its consequences above.

What to do

Try to figure out if you are consuming too much sugar. “Too much” is, of course, a flexible concept, but there are still some officially established limits.

For example, the American Heart Association insists How Much Sugar Is Too Much / American Heart Association:

• men should consume no more than 9 teaspoons (36 g) of sugar per day;
• women - no more than 6 teaspoons (24 g).

The American Dietary Guidelines are a little more humane: they limit the Dietary Guidelines 2015–2020. Executive Summary / US Department of Health and Human Services maximum sugar intake is 10% of daily caloric intake. For a person consuming 2,000 kcal per day, the maximum allowable dose of sugar is 200 kcal, or 50 g.

Please note that a standard can of cola contains 10 teaspoons (about 40 g) of sugar. If you drink one such jar every day, you are already exceeding the maximum dose established by cardiologists.

Therefore, try to reduce the usual amount of sweets - perhaps this is what will help you overcome irritability.