Managing emotions - is it possible to control your feelings, techniques and exercises?

Managing emotions is an essential skill for every civilized person. Some, faced with the destructive effect of emotions in conflicts, consider them evil, strive to suppress, tightly control them, and even get rid of emotionality altogether. Have they achieved success? No, this path can only lead to neurosis, making emotional reactions inadequate to the real situation. It would be correct to accept emotional reactions as an integral mental phenomenon, without painting them in negative tones as something inherently bad or harmful.

The importance of the ability to manage emotions is explained by the fact that they are easy to stimulate, emotions have an impact on many processes, both in the personal and interpersonal reality of everyone, they are easily included and activate our behavior patterns. Emotion management is sometimes mistakenly understood as suppression, but this method of processing emotional reactions when abused is not only ineffective, but also extremely harmful.

Managing emotions involves the ability to engage them and give them direction—for example, to inspire oneself and others to take action. And today the question before us is no longer “how to get rid of emotions,” but “how to let go of your emotions.” We have learned to suppress ourselves and have lost the ability of natural self-expression, roughly cutting off reactions instead of competently transforming them, directing them, like a river in a different direction, sublimating them. Suppressed reactions are a common cause not only of a person’s mental problems, but also of many diseases that are psychosomatically closely related to experiences.

The importance of expressing and controlling emotions

In the social world you need to be able to control your emotions, it should be a skill.
But what does control mean? Usually, when people say “control your emotions,” they mean suppress them. But suppressing emotions is literally like the following: you turn on some kind of spring, a stream, and you concrete it. But the source itself continues to work. The reason for the reaction has not been removed. It is one thing for you to be filled with joy but hold it back, but it is quite another for you to be filled with contempt and anger. If you suppress an emotion and do it regularly because you are regularly in the same workspace or with the same person and perform repetitive actions, then you have a repressed negative emotion constantly present in your body. This is a direct path to illness. The centers of emotions are always located in some part of the body in the form of sensations. And the organs that are located in this place, next to it, are susceptible to damage, they are literally filled with repressed emotions. Sometimes it happens that a person 20 years later, remembering the past, begins to cry - this is because he did not cry then. If your picture of the world is too inadequate to reality, you will always be overwhelmed by emotions. If you constantly exercise them, then, from a health point of view, it will be easier for you. Emotional, hot-tempered, unrestrained people are usually healthier, while well-mannered, cultured people get sick more. Because those who dump emotions spoil relationships, and those who suppress emotions maintain relationships but spoil themselves.

Neither one nor the other is useful, but the skill itself is useful - being able to show emotion at will. Because there are people who find it very difficult or scary to say what they feel, what they are going through. You need to be able to speak openly - one, and be able to restrain your emotions - two. But if you are holding back an emotion, you need to know how to defuse it. For example, Adriano Celentano chopped wood in the film The Taming of the Shrew. You can play sports, shout, or write and burn a letter - the emotion needs to be put into action.

To learn how to maintain balance, you need, first of all, to work out your picture of the world, make it more flexible, softer. For example, it’s not “should”, but “can”, it happens like this - and it happens like this, maybe in another way. I am like this, he is like this, and they are like this - we are different. So that the picture of the world is not a flat picture, but consists of many details, elements where you can move freely. When you have a rich picture of the world, it allows for a lot, you perceive what is happening more easily, and then emotions are no longer initially critical. This approach is deeper. It naturally takes more time, because simply containing and expressing emotions is a technical skill, like doing push-ups.

One of the most difficult issues is coexisting with other people's emotions when they do not match yours. The worst option in this situation is to start worrying and think: “It’s somehow wrong to say something to a person, because he’s worried, but it’s somehow not quite right for me”... Then you sacrifice yourself. And your task, on the contrary, is to express yourself so that a person understands you - activity is important. But people who consider themselves well-mannered prefer to sacrifice themselves for the sake of decency. In fact, we are not talking about good manners, but about an inferiority complex and uncertainty. The key problem is not even that the person “overwhelms you” with his emotions, but that you suppress your emotion and cannot say: “I don’t like this, let’s do it differently.” You are suppressing yourself, not him.

The option of constantly holding back and shutting down is not suitable here, because even if you put in a lot of effort, you will still be “infected” and will not be able to be natural in your state. A good option is to talk, talk, convey your feelings to the person: “You know, it’s wonderful that you are so happy, but I perceive it differently.” You need to prove yourself to the other person. After all, your counterpart is not very worried about how his emotions affect you - he simply actively expresses himself. Do the same

It is important that he hears what is important to you and begins to take it into account

Example of positive manipulation

In the film “The Taste of Life”* a child who has lost his parents categorically refuses to eat for a long time, despite all the persuasion of those around him. There is an episode in the film when a girl is sitting in the kitchen of a restaurant. The young chef, knowing that she does not eat, first hangs around her for a while, preparing spaghetti for himself and telling all the nuances of the recipe, and then eats it appetizingly, sitting next to her. At some point, he is asked to go out into the hall to meet clients, and he seems to mechanically thrust a plate of spaghetti into the girl’s hands. After hesitating for a while, she begins to eat...

*"Taste of Life" (English: No Reservations) is a 2007 romantic comedy. The film was directed by Scott Hicks from a script by Carol Fuchs, based on the work of Sandra Nettlebeck. This is a remake of the German film "Martha Irresistible". The American version stars Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart, who played a couple of chefs in this film. Note ed.

Self-control

Often, especially in stressful situations, we lose control over our own thoughts. Under the influence of strong emotions, we experience experiences that leave a strong imprint on our consciousness. Today, it is perhaps impossible to completely avoid stress, but what we do with its consequences is our own choice. The basis of stress resistance is primarily emotional intelligence. It is expressed in the ability to read one’s own feelings, understand the nature of their origin and manage them. With low emotional intelligence, we simply give in to the situation and allow stress to build up in our body. As a result, we mentally return to the traumatic situation, intensifying our experiences and increasing our anxiety. This leads to intrapersonal conflict, which literally destroys our psyche and body. When new stress arises, we become even less stable, problems with sleep and nutrition appear, and diseases may even develop. This is due to a pathogenic type of thinking - when we repeatedly replay negative events in our heads, harbor resentment, and think through a plan for revenge. Gradually, this turns into a habit, which is difficult to get rid of, because we find ourselves in a vicious circle: we think negatively and begin to suffer from this, as a result we again think that everything is bad - and provoke deterioration.

Useful habits that you need to develop consciously will help you avoid falling into such a trap. As soon as you notice this behavior, analyze why it is happening. Reflection is a powerful psychological tool that can help you get to the root of a problem. Perhaps self-doubt makes you replay awkward situations in your head over and over again, and the manifestation of even the slightest symptoms causes fear of a serious illness. In each specific case, you should eradicate the cause of apathy through action - develop confidence, visit a doctor, carry out prevention. Control your thoughts and don't let your emotions take over. The opposite of pathogenic thinking is sanogenic behavior, when reason takes precedence over feelings.

What feelings destroy us

Control can improve psychological well-being. When there is an understanding of what behavior is undesirable, it becomes easier to refuse it. The personality is aware of individual aspirations and tries to make attempts to improve the situation. Self-knowledge begins with a conscious desire to become better. This is a natural desire that is wrong to deny. To do this, you need to learn to cope with your feelings and follow the voice of your heart.

So, let's take a closer look at destructive feelings that do not bring any satisfaction. You need to know about them in advance to try to avoid them.

Uncontrollable anger

Anger does not benefit a person and certainly does not decorate anyone. In moments of strong indignation, a feeling of hopelessness and uncontrollable aggression appears. It seems that the whole world is against it and there is no chance of finding harmony. Uncontrollable anger does not allow you to remain in a state of control for long. There is a “breaking through” of boundaries, a violation of behavior.

READ Willpower: what it is and ways to develop it

In a fit of rage, people sometimes say things to each other that they would never dare to say in a normal state. Anger depersonalizes, shifts relationships, and spoils the perception of each other.

Constant worry

If a person worries endlessly about anything, it prevents him from enjoying life. The surrounding reality appears in a frightening light. Being in such a state, it is impossible to make the right decision or learn to cope with everyday difficulties.

Constant worry not only causes you to lose nerve cells, but also misses opportunities. There is no time for control, since the internal dialogue is all centered around negative thoughts.

Self-pity and resentment

Closedness and isolation from reality provokes countless grievances. A person begins to feel that nothing can be improved. The habit of feeling sorry for yourself cannot be called constructive. Being in such a state, a person cannot show the best qualities of character and begins to reproach himself at the slightest reason. Age doesn't play a big role.

The psychology of people is such that grievances accumulate the more, the less the ability to value oneself. A lack of understanding of one’s essence and purpose creates obstacles to remaining a harmonious person. The feeling of happiness is subjective and depends on many factors. Pity prevents you from perceiving the world as a whole. Emotions are wasted. A lot of energy goes into thinking about the situation and trying to make the best of it.

Inappropriate pride

Inflated self-esteem definitely interferes with managing emotions. We are talking about inadequate pride, which interferes with life and creates obstacles on the path to self-knowledge. Usually people tend to hide their own shortcomings from themselves.

Pride does not accept advice and moralizing, even fair ones and dropped in passing. Such a person strives to demonstrate his character at any meeting and event. In the most general case, dissatisfaction is manifested due to the reluctance to follow other people's rules.

Envy and timidity

It has been noticed that self-doubt interferes with enjoying life. It seems that the person is afraid to make decisions for fear of making a mistake. Some people feel that it is impossible to act correctly without positive experience. Envy and timidity close the doors on the road to success. It becomes difficult to imagine that a person can enlist his own support and realize the prospects available.

A restrained temperament often indicates an unwillingness to deal with difficulties. A person either lives in the past or unconsciously gravitates towards the future, which means he refuses to accept the present reality.

Conflict and self-criticism

The most common problem that occurs in relationships between people. The inability to accept another, to come to terms with the shortcomings of a partner leads to alienation and isolation. Increased conflict prevents trust and the establishment of normal friendly relations. An individual becomes overly fixated on the shortcomings of others, but at the same time, he ceases to notice his own shortcomings.

A person with conflict makes everyone around him irritated for every reason. Developed self-criticism blocks emotional impulses. It becomes difficult to track your own shortcomings and feel the pain of another person.

READ Emotional burnout: essence, symptoms and methods of combating

Why do you need to control your emotions?

There are many reasons why a person should be the master of his feelings, actions and even facial expressions.

• Feelings can come out at the wrong time.
• This may be inappropriate.
• Unpleasant for others.
• This may offend loved ones.
• Causes indecision, makes you blush, feel embarrassed. This bothers a person.

But, most importantly, people must be different from animals who express their feelings openly. People consider themselves beings of a different rank. You need to conform. A reasonable person decides for himself when to show feelings and when it is better to keep them to himself. After all, the fate of important relationships: personal or professional may depend on such a situation.

The other side of the issue: emotions harm the person himself. When they go off scale, it begins to affect the body: pressure rises, anxiety and suspiciousness appear. Such disorders harm health and reduce the overall quality of life.

Protection Mechanisms

The autonomic nervous system is divided into two sections: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic system, or “fight to fight,” is activated precisely in stressful situations. During this period, the pupils, bronchi, kidneys, tracheas dilate, urine output decreases, and the blood vessels narrow. But the opposite parasympathetic system, or “relaxed”, has a resuscitating effect on our body: during the period of its activation, the lacrimal and salivary glands are abundantly secreted, and the stomach secretes more juice. It is very important to learn how to use the parasympathetic system to restore the body.

read books

If you love to read, then you know that feeling when you are so engrossed in a book that you forget about everything that is happening around you. Reading an interesting, fascinating book can make you feel like a truly happy person. You will receive a whole range of emotions and impressions.

Reading good literature helps fight negative attitudes, bad mood and even depression. The more you read, the more interesting and wider your inner world will become. You will increase your level of intelligence, which will help you find a way out of any situation. Also, while reading, you can achieve a state of very deep relaxation.

Stages of emotional maturation

It's similar to how a person grows. But not everyone comes with emotional maturity along with physical maturity.

To become emotionally mature, you need to go through these stages to know and understand yourself, and then learn to manage it.

When you meet yourself halfway, you need to first cleanse yourself of negative and repressed feelings and emotions. This is the way of growing up.

First stage. Allowing yourself to enter into the process of growing up

It's like deciding to give birth.

At this point, acknowledge and accept that you are emotionally immature and make the choice to grow up and get to know yourself.

Initially, you may not realize it, but you are already striving for it. Moreover, such a decision may come to you without understanding how emotionally immature you are.

You will simply want something different in life, or circumstances will develop in such a way as to push you towards a “new birth”.

You may not be satisfied with your own reactions to events, the behavior of children, people, and you will want something qualitatively new.

Second phase. Recognizing your reactions

When you were forced to hide negative reactions all your life, raised to be a respectable person, taught to suppress with all your might what might seem indecent to someone, you grew up as a person absolutely far from your true self and ignorant of your real emotions.

You don't know what you are capable of in anger or in joy. Like a small child who accidentally waves a hand near his eyes and does not realize that it is his hand.

The child is just beginning to recognize himself that these are his arms, his legs, they move like that.

Understand and track that you are hiding your emotions or, conversely, throwing them out too violently.

At this stage, recognize your emotions, and to do this, react and show this reaction. Don't hide and muffle, but show it.

Sometimes it will look indecent and shock people who know you as a “balanced person.” And you will be surprised that you can do this.

If you were unable to do this in an environmentally friendly way, then thank the situation, forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness from your interlocutor (you can mentally, if you don’t have the courage to do it personally) and let go of the situation.

After all, she gave you back a piece of herself!

Third stage. Training skills to manage emotions

When you have learned how you can react, what situation causes what emotions, it is time to master the skills of managing your reactions.

There comes an understanding of what caused this reaction, acceptance of the situation and the opportunity to choose: to show it or not. There comes an understanding of how it can be useful to you and others.

This is a mutual process - you will never react to a person who does not have aggression, and if he does have it, then yours points it out to him.

Or, realizing that this is your reaction to your own dissatisfaction with yourself, you will be able to restrain yourself and express your opinion in the mildest form.

And then you will find a way to release this reaction from yourself, based on what is appropriate for the health of the body and relationships, maintaining balance, satisfying your need and not offending the other person.

You will now be able to choose when to react and when to work through it alone with yourself. Not by assessing yourself as “good” or “bad,” but by accepting the fact that it is in you and it needs to come out.

Thus, you maintain your health, both physical and psychological.

Manipulation or game?

I have no time to look after. You are attractive. I'm damn attractive. Why waste time in vain... (From the film “An Ordinary Miracle”)

In addition to positive manipulations, there are also manipulations when both parties are interested in continuing the “game” and willingly participate in this process. Almost all of our relationships are permeated with this kind of manipulation, which is most often unconscious. For example, following the idea that “a man must win a woman,” a woman may be flirtatious and shy away from directly agreeing to a date.

An example of such “game” communication is described in the film “What Men Talk About”*. One of the characters complains to another: “But this question is “why.” When I tell her: “Come to my place,” and she: “Why?” What should I say? After all, I don’t have a bowling alley at home! Not a cinema! What should I tell her? “Come to my place, we’ll make love once or twice, it’ll definitely be good for me, maybe for you... and then, of course, you can stay, but it’s better if you leave.” After all, if I say so, she definitely won’t go. Although he understands perfectly well that this is exactly why we are going. And I tell her: “Come to me, I have a wonderful collection of lute music of the 16th century at home.” And this answer completely suits her!”

To which he receives a completely fair question from another character: “No, well, would you like sleeping with a woman to be as easy as... well, I don’t know... shooting a cigarette?..” - “No. I wouldn't want to..."

Not in all cases an open and calm behavior that includes an honest statement of one's goals will be most effective. Or at least be pleasant for both sides of the communication.

* “What Men Talk About” is a 2010 Russian film comedy filmed in the road movie genre by the comic theater “Quartet I” based on the play “Conversations of Middle-Aged Men about Women, Cinema and Aluminum Forks.” Note ed.

Managing people also involves a huge amount of manipulation. This is largely due to the fact that the leader for his subordinates is associated with dad or mom, and a lot of child-parent aspects of interaction, including manipulation, are included. Most of these processes occur at an unconscious level, and as long as they do not interfere with work efficiency, you can continue to interact at the same level. Therefore, it is important for a manager to be able to counter manipulation by subordinates. But learning to manipulate is not worth it. We all know how to do this very well, but most often it happens unconsciously.

Since, when controlling the emotions of others, we do not always state our goal (“Now I will calm you down”), in a sense, of course, we can say that this is manipulation. However, in many situations of managing the emotions of others, one's goal can be directly disclosed (“I'm here to reduce your anxiety about upcoming changes” or “I want to help you feel better”); In addition, focusing on the principle of civilized influence, we act not only in our own interests, but also in the interests of others. The following principle tells us this.

We're going to be a plus

After a reliable feeling of a neutral state, it would be good to get into the black. To do this, feel what you can be grateful for in life right now. This is at least the opportunity to walk, hear, sleep on a bed with clean linen. For those who try, but do not feel gratitude, the advice is to try to imagine themselves without it.

For those who are especially inquisitive, who want to feel it in such a way that it “gets through”, there is an effective recommendation. You need to tie your hands behind your back and try to live a normal life like this for at least an hour. The understanding that there is value and for which life can be grateful with feeling will quickly appear, I assure you.

Experiments

Russian physiologist Evgeny Yumatov conducted a series of experiments proving that emotions are influenced by personal attitude towards something. Yumatov experimented on a rat - the rodent was placed in a space where there was a huge number of wires with a small electrical voltage on the floor. The rat jumped for a very long time, trying not to step on the wires, and then, when it saw the house (it was installed in the corner), it ran to it and stayed there for a long time, completely calm. Before this, several rats died in the same house, apparently due to some unfavorable situation, and there were no wires near the house - the dead rats were completely safe.

Controlling emotions: exercises

The exercises presented below can be performed at any time when you need to control your emotions, i.e. in real time. Traditionally, they are suitable for negative emotions, but for variety and to hone the skill, you can practice them while experiencing positive emotions. We will offer four exercises in total:

• The first exercise is to replace any negative emotions with positive ones, for example, anger and malice with joy and laughter. For example, you are arguing with a person, and the atmosphere is becoming increasingly tense. At the moment of apogee, when emotions are rushing out, tell the person something that he does not expect to hear at all. For example, you can say to your loved one: “You are so dear to me” or “I love you.” If this is a friend, say: “You are the best friend in the world!” Answer your boss: “You are a very cool leader.” But be careful that it doesn’t look like a mockery. Having done everything correctly, you will instantly extinguish emotions – both yours and your interlocutor’s.
• The second exercise is a variation of the first, but it is designed more to change your own state. At the moment when you realize that you are unable to contain negative emotions and a corresponding reaction is about to follow, transform it into the exact opposite. If something annoying and very unpleasant has happened, and you want to “erupt in thunder,” make an effort and smile, laugh, jump for joy. Think about what good can come out of the situation and start enjoying it like a child. Do the same with other negative emotions.
• The third exercise is journaling. It may seem unusual, but it is very helpful in controlling emotions and controlling anger. Buy a notebook and make it an “emotion diary.” Whenever you feel yourself starting to get angry, sad, guilty, or resentful, sit down in a chair or at a table and start writing. But write not what worries you, but on the contrary - all the good things that happened during the day, what is in your life, what you are happy about. Switch from negative to positive. You will begin to think in a different direction, and your mood will begin to change. Save your notes, and in moments of the next negative experience, make new ones and re-read old ones. As a result, your “emotion diary” will be filled with a lot of pleasant impressions and memories that will help you control your emotions better and better.
• The fourth exercise allows you to neutralize negative emotions or at least minimize their manifestation and impact on the psyche. It is similar to the previous one, but if then you wrote down all the good events in your diary, now you are throwing out on paper everything that worries you. You don’t need a diary for this - you just take paper and pen and write everything that comes to your mind. After you have expressed all your thoughts, take this piece of paper and burn it, imagining that all negative emotions turn into ashes. You can also use one more variation: divide the sheet into two parts, where the first will contain bad emotions, and the second will contain the opposite good ones. Then cut the sheet, burn the “bad” half, and keep the “good” half for yourself and re-read it several times, concentrating on the positive. This exercise will help you endure bad events more easily, restrain your emotions, and endure anger.

We hope that our article, although it did not open your eyes to the importance and features of managing emotions, has expanded your knowledge and given food for thought. The only other thing we can advise is to try with all your being to accept the idea that you are capable of becoming the master of your feelings and emotions, stop being their slave and follow their lead

We wish you to always believe in yourself and, looking in the mirror, see in the reflection a successful, joyful and satisfied person with life. And finally, some more advice from psychologists. Good luck!

Techniques for managing other people's situational emotions

Anger management

If too many people are chasing you, ask them in detail why they are upset, try to console everyone, give everyone advice, but there is absolutely no point in reducing your speed. (Grigory Oster, “Bad Advice”)

Aggression is a very energy-intensive emotion, and it is not for nothing that after its outburst people often feel empty. Without receiving external recharge, aggression dies out very quickly, just as a fire cannot burn if there is no wood left. Nothing like that, would you say? This is because people, without noticing it themselves, periodically add firewood to the firebox. One careless phrase, one extra movement - and the fire happily flares up with fresh strength, having received new food. All our actions in managing someone else’s aggression can be divided into such “poles” that kindle the fire of emotions, and “ladles of water” that extinguish it.

Please note what “ladles” are. These are techniques that work if you really

want to reduce the level of other people's aggression. There are situations when, faced with someone else’s aggression, people want something else: to hurt an interaction partner, to “revenge something”; prove yourself “strong” (read “aggressive”); and finally, just scandalize for your own pleasure. Then please see the list from the left column.

One of our friends was going through a period of unpleasant dismissal from the company. In one of her last conversations with the head of the HR department, she persistently reminded him what rights she had under the law. The boss snapped: “Don’t be smart!” After some time, he answered one of her questions: “Don’t be stupid!” Then, with an emphatically polite intonation and a sweet smile, she sang back to him: “Do I understand you correctly, are you suggesting that I should not be smart and stupid at the same time?..” Which made the boss fly into complete rage.

Here, as in most other cases of managing emotions, the principle of goal setting comes into force. What do I want in this situation? What price will I pay for this? It is not always necessary to reduce the intensity of someone else’s anger: each of us has probably encountered situations when there is only one correct way to react to frank and undisguised aggression - to show similar aggression in response.

In this section, we are referring to situations where you are interested in maintaining a good relationship with an interaction partner: this could be a loved one, a client, a business partner, or a manager. Then it is important for you to put your interaction on a constructive track. This is what the “ladles” contribute to, each of which we will now consider separately. We will not consider “Poleshki” in detail: we believe that each of the readers understands and is familiar with what we are talking about.

Take a rest

Rest is a great way to relieve emotions; it is especially good at combating irritability. The more tired you are, the more difficult it is for you to adequately respond to the world around you. This happens because your level of thinking drops to the lowest level. Many people understand that they need to rest more, but still underestimate it.

You can work hard for a long time, but then, due to fatigue, make a bunch of mistakes, which will negate all your work and efforts. The best rest for the brain is sleep; it also reboots the entire body. You should improve your sleep, because people who get good sleep are less irritable than those who don't get enough sleep.

Emotions are the colors of experiences

Emotions are experiences through which a person can express his attitude towards the world around him and himself. All emotions are expressed not so much verbally as through facial expressions, which involve the eyes, eyebrows, and mouth. Very often, strong emotions are accompanied by expressive movements and gestures.

Rice. 1. Human facial expressions.

The range of human emotions is very wide, and it is not difficult to distinguish them by facial expression. The most important of them include the following:

• Anger, rage, anger are very strong negative emotions that a person expresses as a protest against perceived injustice. In a fit of anger, the lips are compressed tightly or, on the contrary, parted slightly, exposing the teeth. The eyes are narrowed, the eyebrows are drawn together on the bridge of the nose, the forehead is furrowed.
• Joy is a bright positive experience associated with a person’s internal state or a situation favorable to him. It’s hard not to notice such an emotion: the face breaks into a smile, the eyes are slightly squinted and literally glow with happiness.
• Fear is a natural protective reaction of the body when a threat to its well-being or health arises. A person constrained by fear raises his eyebrows and involuntarily opens his mouth and eyes.
• Sadness is a depressed state in which the mood worsens, sometimes for no apparent reason. The corners of the lips droop, the gaze becomes sad, thoughtful.

Rice. 2. Sadness.

• Surprise is a vivid experience that reflects the contradiction between old knowledge and new experience. A surprised person, as a rule, raises his eyebrows, widens his eyes, and opens his mouth slightly.
• Calmness is a state of complete satisfaction with yourself and the world around you. Facial expressions are almost completely absent.

Of course, at different moments in life a person experiences many more emotions, including excitement, interest, indifference, resentment, embarrassment, pity and many others.

Emotions are experienced not only by humans, but also by animals. Looking at a cat or dog, you can easily determine what mood it is in. Scientists have proven that the more complex an animal is organized, the wider the range of emotions it is capable of experiencing.

World of Psychology

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Chapter 4. The structure of consciousness

Emotional Processes and Emotion Management

Cognizing reality, a person relates in one way or another to objects, phenomena, events, to other people, to his personality. Some phenomena of reality make him happy, others sadden him, others outrage him, etc. Joy, sadness, admiration, indignation, anger, fear, etc. - all these are different types of a person’s subjective attitude to reality. In psychology, emotions are processes that reflect personal significance and assessment of external and internal situations for a person’s life in the form of experiences. Emotions and feelings serve to reflect a person’s subjective attitude towards himself and the world around him.

Emotions are a special class of subjective psychological states that, in the form of direct experiences of pleasure, reflect the process and results of practical activities aimed at satisfying its current needs. Since everything that a person does ultimately serves the purpose of satisfying his various needs, any manifestations of human activity are accompanied by emotional experiences.

Emotions, Charles Darwin argued, arose in the process of evolution as a means by which living beings establish the significance of certain conditions to satisfy their actual needs.

Emotional sensations have become biologically entrenched in the process of evolution as a unique way of maintaining the life process within its optimal boundaries and warn of the destructive nature of a lack or excess of any factors.

The oldest in origin, the simplest and most common form of emotional experiences among living beings is the pleasure obtained from satisfying organic needs, and the displeasure associated with the inability to do this when the corresponding need intensifies.

The diverse manifestations of a person’s emotional life are divided into affects, emotions, feelings, moods and stress.

The most powerful emotional reaction is affect - a strong, violent and relatively short-term emotional experience that completely captures the human psyche and predetermines a single reaction to the situation as a whole (sometimes this reaction and the influencing stimuli are not sufficiently realized - and this is one of the reasons for the practical uncontrollability of this state).

The development of affect is subject to the following law: the stronger the initial motivational stimulus of behavior is, and the more effort had to be spent to implement it, the smaller the result obtained as a result of all this, the stronger the resulting affect. Unlike emotions and feelings, affects occur violently, quickly, and are accompanied by pronounced organic changes and motor reactions.

Affects, as a rule, interfere with the normal organization of behavior and its rationality. They are capable of leaving strong and lasting traces in long-term memory. Unlike affects, the work of emotions and feelings is associated primarily with short-term and operative memory. Emotional tension accumulated as a result of affectogenic situations can accumulate and, if it is not released in time, lead to a strong and violent emotional release, which, while relieving the resulting tension, is often accompanied by a feeling of fatigue, depression, and depression.

Actually, Emotions, unlike affects, are longer lasting states. They are a reaction not only to events that have happened, but also to probable or remembered ones. If affects arise towards the end of the action and reflect the overall final assessment of the situation, then Emotions shift to the beginning of the action and anticipate the result. They are anticipatory in nature, reflecting events in the form of a person’s generalized subjective assessment of a certain situation related to the satisfaction of human needs.

Emotions and feelings anticipate the process aimed at satisfying a need, have an ideational character and are, as it were, at the beginning of it. Emotions and feelings express the meaning of a situation for a person from the point of view of a currently relevant need, the significance of the upcoming action or activity for its satisfaction. Emotions can be caused by both real and imagined situations. They, like feelings, are perceived by a person as his own internal experiences, communicated, i.e. are transmitted to other people, empathize.

Feelings are the highest product of human cultural and emotional development. They are associated with certain cultural objects, activities and people surrounding a person.

feelings - even more than emotions, stable mental states that have a clearly defined objective character: they express a stable attitude towards any objects (real or imaginary). A person cannot experience a feeling in general, without reference, but only to someone or something. For example, a person is unable to experience the feeling of love if he does not have an object of affection. Depending on the direction, feelings are divided into moral (a person’s experience of his relationship to other people), intellectual (feelings associated with cognitive activity), aesthetic (feelings of beauty when perceiving art, natural phenomena), practical (feelings associated with human activity).” .

feelings play a motivating role in a person’s life and activity, in his communication with people around him. In relation to the world around him, a person strives to act in such a way as to reinforce and strengthen his positive feelings. They are always connected with the work of consciousness and can be voluntarily regulated. Having a strong and lasting positive feeling for something or someone is called passion. Stable feelings of moderate or weak strength that last for a long time are called moods.

Mood is the longest lasting emotional state that colors all human behavior.

Emotional states that arise during activity can increase or decrease a person’s vital activity. The former are called sthenic, the latter - asthenic. The emergence and manifestation of emotions and feelings is associated with the complex integrated work of the cortex, subcortex of the brain and the autonomic nervous system, which regulates the functioning of internal organs. This determines the close connection of emotions and feelings with the activity of the heart, breathing, and changes in the activity of skeletal muscles (pantomimics) and facial muscles (facial expressions). Special experiments have discovered deep in the brain, in the limbic system, the existence of centers of positive and negative emotions, which are called “suffering, hell.”

Passion is another type of complex, qualitatively unique and unique emotional state found only in humans. passion is a fusion of emotions, motives and feelings concentrated around a certain type of activity or object (person).

S.L. Rubinstein believed that in the emotional manifestations of a person three spheres can be distinguished: its organic life, its interests of a material order and its spiritual and moral needs. He designated them respectively as organic (affective-emotional) sensitivity, objective feelings and generalized ideological feelings. Affective-emotional sensitivity, in his opinion, includes elementary pleasures and displeasures, mainly associated with the satisfaction of organic needs. Object feelings are associated with the possession of certain objects and the pursuit of certain types of activities. These feelings, according to their objects, are divided into material, intellectual and aesthetic. They manifest themselves in admiration for some objects, people and activities and in disgust for others. Worldview feelings are associated with morality and a person’s relationship to the world, social events, moral categories and values.

4.1 Theories of emotion

For the first time, emotional expressive movements became the subject of study by Charles Darwin. Based on comparative studies of the emotional movements of mammals, Darwin created a biological concept of emotions, according to which expressive emotional movements were considered as a rudiment of purposeful instinctive actions that retain to some extent their biological meaning and at the same time act as biologically significant signals for individuals not only of their own, but also other types.

The result of deep theoretical thought is the biological theory of emotions by P.K. Anokhina. This theory considers Emotions as a product of evolution, as an adaptive factor in the life of the animal world.

Consideration of emotions from a biological point of view (P.K. Anokhin) allows us to recognize that Emotions have become entrenched in evolution as a mechanism that keeps life processes within optimal boundaries and prevents the destructive nature of a deficiency or excess of any factors in the life of a given organism. Positive Emotions arise when the real result of a completed behavioral act coincides with or exceeds the expected beneficial result, and conversely, the lack of a real result, a discrepancy with the expected, leads to negative emotions.

Emotion acts as a kind of tool that optimizes the life process and thereby contributes to the preservation of both the individual and the entire species.

Repeated satisfaction of needs, colored by positive emotion, contributes to learning the corresponding activity, and repeated failures in obtaining a programmed result cause inhibition of ineffective activity and the search for new, more successful ways to achieve the goal.

Although the presence of a need is a mandatory condition for the emergence of Emotion, it is hardly the only and sufficient one. This provision was the starting point for the construction of P.V. Simonov information theory of emotions. According to P.V. Simonov, emotion is a reflection by the brain of higher animals and humans of the magnitude of the need and the likelihood of its satisfaction at a given moment.

P.V. Simonov formulated a rule according to which the relationship between emotion (E), need (P), information prognostically necessary for organizing actions to satisfy this need (N), and available information that can be used for purposeful behavior (C) is expressed by the formula E = P (N - S) .

From this formula it follows that:

1. emotion does not arise if the need is absent or satisfied, and if the need is present, if the system is fully informed;
2. when there is a shortage of available information, a negative emotion appears, reaching a maximum in the case of a complete lack of information;
3. a positive emotion occurs when the available Information exceeds the information predictively necessary to satisfy a given need.

Thus, the formula of emotions reflects the quantitative dependence of the intensity of the emotional reaction on the strength of the need and the size of the deficit or increase in pragmatic information necessary to achieve the goal (satisfy the need).

P.V. Simonov showed that Emotions arise when there is a mismatch between a vital need and the possibility of satisfying it, i.e. when there is a lack or excess of relevant information necessary to achieve the goal, and the degree of emotional stress is determined by the need and the lack of information necessary to satisfy this need. Thus, in a number of cases, knowledge and awareness of the individual relieve Emotions, change the emotional mood and behavior of the individual.

Emotion can be considered as a generalized assessment of a situation. Thus, the emotion of fear develops with a lack of information necessary for protection, such as the expectation and prediction of failure when performing an action that must be performed under given conditions. Very often, fear that arises in unexpected and unknown situations reaches such strength that a person dies. Understanding that fear can be a consequence of a lack of information allows you to overcome it. The reaction of surprise can be considered as a peculiar form of fear, which is proportional to the difference between the expected and actually received dose of information. With surprise, attention is focused on the causes of the unusual, and with fear, attention is focused on anticipating the threat. understanding the relationship between surprise and fear allows one to overcome fear if one shifts the emphasis from the results of an event to the analysis of its causes.

According to the theory of the American psychologist James, the fact that Emotions are characterized by pronounced changes in the activity of internal organs and in the state of muscles (facial expressions) suggests that Emotions are the sum of only organic sensations caused by these changes. According to this theory, a person is sad because he cries, and not the other way around. If a person takes a tense, constrained position with his shoulders and head drooping, he will soon develop a feeling of uncertainty, depression, and sadness. Conversely, a pose with shoulders turned, head raised, and a smile on the lips will soon cause a feeling of confidence, cheerfulness, and good mood. These observations are partly true, but still physiological manifestations do not exhaust the essence of emotions. Scientists have come to the conclusion (E. Gelgorn) that Emotions carry out energetic mobilization of the body, for example, joy is accompanied by increased innervation in the muscles, while small arteries expand, blood flow to the skin increases, the skin becomes warmer, accelerated blood circulation facilitates tissue nutrition and helps improve physiological processes. Joy makes you young, because... optimal conditions for nutrition of all body tissues are created. On the contrary, the physiological manifestations of sadness are characterized by a paralyzing effect on the muscles; as a result, movements are slow and weak, blood vessels are compressed, tissues are bleeding, chills appear, lack of air and heaviness in the chest. Sorrows make you very old because they are accompanied by changes in your skin, hair, nails, teeth, etc.

So, if you want to preserve your youth longer, then do not lose your peace of mind over trifles, rejoice more often and strive to maintain a good mood.

Thus, James and, independently of him, Lange proposed a “peripheral” theory of emotions, according to which emotion is a secondary phenomenon - awareness of signals coming to the brain about changes in muscles, blood vessels and internal organs at the moment of implementation of a behavioral act caused by an emotiogenic stimulus. In other words, an emotiogenic signal, acting on the brain, turns on a certain behavior, and reverse somatosensory and viscerosensory afferentation causes emotion. James expressed the essence of his theory in a paradox: “We feel sad because we cry, we are afraid because we tremble.”

In this aspect, of interest is Arnold's concept, according to which an intuitive assessment of a situation (for example, a threat) causes a tendency to act, which, when expressed in various bodily changes, is experienced as an emotion and can lead to action. If James said “we are afraid because we tremble,” then Arnold’s concept implies that we are afraid because we have decided that we are threatened.

The James-Lange theory played a positive role, pointing out the connection between three events: an external stimulus, a behavioral act and an emotional experience. Its weak point remains the reduction of emotions only to the awareness of sensations arising as a result of peripheral reactions. Sensation appears here as a primary phenomenon in relation to Emotion, which is considered as its direct derivative.

Dalibor Bindra, after a critical analysis of existing theories of emotions, came to the conclusion that it is impossible to draw a strict distinction between emotion and motivation, between the corresponding typically specific actions. There is no evidence that Emotions are caused only by stimuli from the external environment, and motivations are caused only by changes in the internal environment of the body. There is no reason to accept the existence of any single specific cerebral process as the “emotional process” postulated by a number of theories. Emotion does not exist either as a single process or as a separate class of behavioral reactions, and it cannot be completely separated from other phenomena - sensations, perceptions, motivation, etc. It is also not an “intermediate variable” that connects individual components of a behavioral reaction into a holistic act.

Bindra puts forward his own concept of a “central motivational state” - a complex of neural processes that arises as a result of the action of a combination of incentive stimuli of a certain type. The development of a “central motivational state” creates selective attention to a certain class of motivating stimuli and a reactive tendency in favor of a certain class of typically species-specific actions.

4.2 Stress and frustration

One of the most common types of affect these days is stress. It is a state of excessively strong and prolonged psychological stress that occurs in a person when his nervous system receives emotional overload. Stress disorganizes a person’s activities and disrupts the normal course of his behavior. Stress, especially if it is frequent and prolonged, has a negative impact not only on a person’s psychological state, but also on a person’s physical health. They represent the main “risk factors” for the manifestation and exacerbation of diseases such as cardiovascular and gastrointestinal diseases.

Translated from English, stress is pressure, pressure, tension, and distress is grief, unhappiness, malaise, need. According to G. Selye, stress is a nonspecific (i.e., the same to different influences) response of the body to any demand presented to it, which helps it adapt to the difficulty that has arisen and cope with it. Any surprise that disrupts the usual course of life can cause stress. At the same time, as G. Selye notes, it does not matter whether the situation we are faced with is pleasant or unpleasant. All that matters is the intensity of the need for restructuring or adaptation. As an example, the scientist cites an exciting situation: a mother, who was informed about the death of her only son in battle, experiences terrible mental shock. If, many years later, it turns out that the message was false and her son suddenly enters the room unharmed, she will feel intense joy.

The specific results of the two events - grief and joy - are completely different, even opposite, but their stressful effect - the nonspecific demand for adaptation to a new situation - may be the same.

Activities associated with stress can be pleasant or unpleasant. Any event, fact or message can cause stress, i.e. become a stressor. At the same time, whether a particular situation will cause stress or not depends not only on the situation itself, but also on the individual, her experience, expectations, self-confidence, etc. Of particular importance, of course, is the assessment of the threat, the expectation of dangerous consequences that the situation contains.

This means that the very occurrence and experience of stress depends not so much on objective as on subjective factors, on the characteristics of the person himself: his assessment of the situation, comparison of his strengths and abilities with what is required of him, etc.

The concept of frustration is also close to the concept and state of stress. The term itself, translated from Latin, means deception, futile expectation. Frustration is experienced as tension, anxiety, despair, and anger that grip a person when, on the way to achieving a goal, he encounters unexpected obstacles that interfere with the satisfaction of a need.

Frustration thus creates, along with the original motivation, a new, defensive motivation aimed at overcoming the obstacle that has arisen. Old and new motivation are realized in emotional reactions.

The most common reaction to frustration is the emergence of generalized aggressiveness, most often directed at obstacles. The appropriate response to an obstacle is to overcome or bypass it if possible; aggressiveness, quickly turning into anger, manifests itself in violent and inadequate reactions: insult, physical attacks on a person (pinching, hitting, pushing) or an object (breaking it).

Retreat and departure. In some cases, the subject responds to frustration by withdrawing (eg, leaving the room), accompanied by aggression that is not overtly expressed.

Frustration leads to emotional disturbances only when there is an obstacle to strong motivation. If a pacifier is taken away from a child who has started drinking, he reacts with anger, but at the end of sucking there are no emotional manifestations.

4.3 Physiological mechanisms of stress

Let's say there was a quarrel or some unpleasant event: a person is excited, cannot find a place for himself, he is gnawed by an unfair insult, annoyance due to the fact that he was unable to behave correctly, did not find words. He would be glad to be distracted from these thoughts, but again and again scenes of what happened appear before his eyes; and again a wave of resentment and indignation rolls in. Three physiological mechanisms of such stress can be distinguished.

Firstly, an intense, persistent focus of excitation has formed in the cerebral cortex, the so-called dominant, which subordinates all the activities of the body, all the actions and thoughts of a person. This means that in order to calm down, it is necessary to eliminate, defuse this dominant, or create a new, competing one. All distracting techniques (reading an exciting novel, watching a movie, switching to doing something you love) are actually aimed at creating a competing dominant. The more exciting the activity that an upset person is trying to switch to, the easier it is for him to create a competing dominant. That's why it wouldn't hurt for each of us to have some kind of hobby that opens the way to positive emotions.

Secondly, following the appearance of a dominant, a special chain reaction develops - one of the deep structures of the brain is excited - the hypothalamus, which forces the nearby special gland - the pituitary gland - to release a large portion of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) into the blood. Under the influence of ACTH, the adrenal glands secrete Adrenaline and other physiologically active substances (stress hormones), which cause a multifaceted effect: the heart begins to contract more often and stronger (remember how it “jumps out” of the chest in fear, excitement, anger), blood pressure rises (here why you might get a headache, a heart attack, or your breathing becomes faster). During this phase, conditions are prepared for intense muscle activity. But modern man, unlike primitive people, usually does not use accumulated muscle energy following stress, so biologically active substances circulate in his blood for a long time, which prevent either the nervous system or internal organs from calming down. It is necessary to neutralize stress hormones, and the best assistant here is physical education, intense muscle activity.

Thirdly, due to the fact that the stressful situation remains relevant (the conflict was not resolved successfully and some need remained unsatisfied, otherwise there would be no negative emotions), impulses that support activity is dominant, and stress hormones continue to be released into the blood. Therefore, you need to reduce the significance of this unfulfilled desire for yourself or find a way to realize it. The best way to get rid of lingering stress is to completely resolve the conflict, eliminate disagreements, and make peace. If this is impossible, you should logically reassess the significance of the conflict, for example, look for excuses for your offender. There are various ways to reduce the significance of the conflict. The first of them can be characterized by the word “but”. Its essence is to be able to derive benefit, something positive, even from failure. The second method of calming down is to prove to yourself that “it could have been worse.” Comparing your own misfortunes with someone else’s even greater grief (“and the other is much worse”) allows you to react steadfastly and calmly to failure. An interesting way to calm down like “green grapes”: like the fox from the fable, tell yourself that “what I just unsuccessfully strived for is not as good as it seemed, and therefore I don’t need it.”

One of the best ways to calm down is to communicate with a loved one, when you can, firstly, as they say, “pour out your soul,” i.e. defuse the source of excitement; secondly, switch to an interesting topic; thirdly, jointly find a way to a successful resolution of the conflict or at least to reduce its significance.

Sometimes, once experienced, strong fear in any situation becomes fixed, becomes chronic, obsessive - a phobia arises for a certain range of situations or objects. To eliminate phobias, special psychological techniques have been developed (within the framework of neurolinguistic programming).

An emotionally charged attitude towards a task contributes to its effectiveness, but if there is too much interest in the results, a person experiences excitement, anxiety, excessive arousal, and unpleasant vegetative reactions. To achieve an optimal effect in an activity and to eliminate the adverse consequences of overexcitation, it is desirable to relieve emotional tension by focusing not on the significance of the result, but on an analysis of the causes, technical details of the task and tactical techniques.

To create an optimal emotional state you need:

1. correct assessment of the significance of the event;
2. sufficient awareness (diversified) on this issue or event;
3. backup fallback strategies - this reduces excessive excitement, reduces the fear of receiving an unfavorable decision, and creates an optimal background for solving the problem.

In case of defeat, you can make a general reassessment of the significance of the situation along the lines of “I didn’t really want to.” Reducing the subjective significance of the event helps to retreat to previously prepared positions and prepare for the next assault without significant losses of health. It is no coincidence that in ancient times in the East people asked in their prayer:

“Lord, give me the courage to deal with the things I can do, give me the strength to deal with the things I cannot do, and give me the wisdom to know the difference.”

When a person is in a state of strong excitement, it is useless to calm him down; it is better to help him defuse the emotion, let him speak out to the end.

When a person speaks out, his Agitation decreases, and at this moment the opportunity arises to explain something to him, to calm him down, to guide him. The need to relieve emotional tension in movement sometimes manifests itself in the fact that a person rushes around the room, tearing something. In order to quickly normalize your condition after troubles, it is useful to give yourself increased physical activity. To urgently reduce tension levels, general muscle relaxation can be used; muscle relaxation is incompatible with the feeling of anxiety. Relaxation methods and autogenic training are very useful when you need to quickly, in 5-10 minutes, put yourself in a calm, good state. Emotions can also be controlled by regulating their external manifestation: if you want to tolerate pain more easily, try not to demonstrate it.

An important way to relieve mental stress is to activate your sense of humor. As S.L. believed Rubinstein, the essence of a sense of humor is not to see and feel the comic where it exists, but to perceive as comic that which pretends to be serious, i.e. be able to treat something exciting as insignificant and unworthy of serious attention, be able to smile or laugh in a difficult situation. Sp*ex leads to a drop in anxiety; when a person laughs off, his muscles are less tense (relaxation) and his heartbeat is normalized. In terms of its functional significance, laughter is so powerful that Fry even called it “stationary jogging.”

Develop self-confidence

How to learn to turn off emotions? Train self-confidence. A person who considers himself an excellent specialist and a wonderful person will be less irritable and more objective. A self-confident person will be cool-headed. Look at any famous businessman. Its very appearance inspires calm and tranquility. A person feels a similar state within himself. A person can suppress his emotions by withdrawing from them. High self-esteem does not allow the brain to break through the psychological defenses, and it does not panic every time it hears not very pleasant things about itself or about loved ones. A person who can independently judge certain circumstances and not listen to gossip will go very far.

Why can people deliberately spoil the mood of others? Energy vampires feed on the emotions of weak-willed people. How do vampires turn off emotions? They piss you off and boost their self-esteem at your expense. Don't let anyone do this.

How to effectively manage your emotional state

We have already discussed the non-working methods of managing emotions. Are there any that are effective? Yes!

Here are 4 rules for working with emotions. Implement them in your life and you will become a person in control of your emotions.

Rule #1. Change your attitude towards emotions

Be accepting and loving of all the emotions you experience. Understand that dividing them into negative and positive is only a convention. All emotions have the right to exist, because they are yours. So love and accept them!

Promise yourself that from now on you will not be angry with yourself for showing any emotions, even if they seem destructive to you.

Let's say you got angry and even rude to someone. How to accept this emotion? Very simply, tell yourself: “Okay, I can handle this, it’s okay, I’ll ask the person for forgiveness and honestly admit that it was too much.”

This is what it means to control emotions!

Rule #2. Live the emotion to the maximum

Suppose you are angry and there is a storm inside you. You want to throw out everything that has accumulated.

Don't try to drown it out! It’s better to find a secluded place where no one will disturb you or hear you (a separate room, a storage room, a toilet, an elevator).

Let off some steam. Talk or even shout out everything that has accumulated. Engage your body: stomp your feet, shake your head, cry if necessary. In a word, live this emotion to the fullest. And then - say goodbye to her and let her go, returning to a normal, measured life.

And always remember: it won't last longer than 15 minutes! Is this insignificant period of time really worth a ruined relationship or a damaged reputation?

Rule #3. Develop Emotional Intelligence

An emotion without a “tail” in the form of a negative attitude is not so scary. But this is a great opportunity to get to know yourself better.

The next time you feel out of control, try to recognize what your emotions are expressing and what they are trying to tell you. Observe your reactions and try to outline the full range of emotions that you are capable of experiencing. It will gradually expand.

But remember an important rule: first, we experience the emotion as safely as possible for others, and only then consciously analyze it. Not the other way around.

Over time, you will begin to feel the world more subtly. You will watch the film and see several layers deeper than other people. You will listen to music and hear more than others. In many ways, you will get to know yourself again.

Emotional perception will become sharper, the level of empathy and compassion will increase, you will begin to better understand others and be more loyal to their expressions of emotions. After all, not everyone knows how to control their emotions, and may not always cope with them either.

Rule #4. Swear "kindly"

I overheard this rule from cosmonaut Sergei Ryazansky, and therefore I called it “cosmic” to myself. When asked in an interview how cosmonauts manage to avoid quarreling with colleagues during long flights, he spoke about the ability to “swear kindly.”

The technique is simple. When someone annoys you to such an extent that you want to kill him, you need to step aside and calm down. You can return to dialogue only when you are ready to sort out the situation “kindly.”

Sergei shared that during such dialogues it always turns out that one of the warring parties had problems that were not related to this quarrel. But, since he was excited, he communicated accordingly. The conflict is over. This is what emotion means!

Note that this rule does not encourage you to avoid conflict or hold back your emotions. On the contrary, the dialogue must be completed, but only in a calm state.

Take this space method into service!

How to control emotions in a specific situation

#1. Try to focus on what is happening

It is very easy to give in to feelings and react irrationally to things that happen. When you feel yourself spiraling into uncontrollable emotional reactions, take a mental step back and focus on your physical sensations. This will help you “distract” your mind from the emotions that prevent you from perceiving the reality around you.

If you experience strong emotions, you will also experience various physical symptoms, such as a rapid heart rate, muscle stiffness, and rapid shallow breathing. Consciously monitor your physical reactions. Imagine you are a doctor looking at a patient

For example, if you suddenly feel very anxious, pay attention to what is happening to you: “My heart is pounding very hard and my palms are sweating,” “I suddenly feel dizzy,” “I have a really bad stomach ache,” etc. Be aware of these feelings and accept them as they are.

Don't try to classify them as "bad" or try to get rid of them. Consciousness is formed from many information paths that are combined into one. Feeling overwhelmed by emotions can be caused by emotional reactions and experiences that are tormenting you. In the event of any sudden emotional outburst, always focus on one thing, such as a smell, touch or visual perception. This will help your brain process these information pathways more efficiently, avoiding emotional overload.

#2. Focus on your breathing

When your body experiences strong emotions, a defensive reaction is activated, tension and spasm occur in the body. The brain begins to work on the “attack or flight” principle.

To avoid this, you need to calm your body and brain. This is why deep breathing is recommended in any stressful situation. When you breathe deeply and evenly, the body receives oxygen, which is necessary for relaxation and normalization of mental processes.

Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach under your ribcage. Take a deep breath through your nose and count to four. Feel your lungs and stomach stretch. Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Try to breathe about 6-10 times per minute. If you find it difficult to count to four, you can start with two, gradually increasing the duration

It is important to breathe as deeply as possible.

#3. Use visualization techniques

This method helps some people relax even in stressful situations. It may take you some time to learn, but once you find the right visualization for you, it will help you deal with stressful situations more confidently.

“Putting out the fire” - quick methods for reducing someone else’s emotional stress

If we can help another become aware of their emotional state, their level of logic will begin to return to normal and their stress level will begin to decrease. At the same time, it is important not to point out to the other that he is in a strong emotional state (this may be perceived as an accusation), but rather to remind him that there are emotions. To do this, you can use any verbal methods of understanding the emotions of others from the third chapter. Questions like “How are you feeling now?” or empathic statements (“You seem a little angry right now”) can be used not only to become aware of the emotions of others, but also to manage them.

Our empathy and recognition of another's emotions, expressed in the phrases: “Oooh, that must have been really hurtful” or “You're still angry at him, right?” - make someone else feel better. Much better than if we give “smart” advice. Such statements give a person the feeling that he is understood - and in a situation of strong emotions, this is perhaps the most important thing.

It is especially important to learn to recognize the emotions of others in this way in business communications. If a client or partner complains to us about a problem, we frantically begin to think about how to solve it. This, of course, is also important. Although at the beginning it is better to say something like: “This is a very unpleasant situation,” “You must be very worried about what happened,” or “This would irritate anyone.” An upset or frightened client will almost never hear such words from anyone. But in vain. Because such statements, among other things, also provide an opportunity to demonstrate to the client that for us he is a person, and not someone impersonal. When we as clients demand “human touch,” we want our emotions to be acknowledged.

Knowing yourself strengthens mental control

We all consider ourselves great experts on human nature, and above all our own. However, this is not always the case. Each person is a separate and unique individual and is not at all immutable.

Our behavior can greatly depend on our mood and external circumstances. The psyche of any person is incredibly complex, and therefore many of us find ourselves completely unable to recognize what specific character traits and subconscious impulses push us to certain behaviors and habits.

Remember how often, when someone did something bad, you later heard from him: “I don’t know what came over me - as if it wasn’t me.” But in fact, there is not an ounce of truth in this statement. Because this man was just himself, and did what was typical for him - he simply did not understand it.

The better we know ourselves, the more self-control we have - after all, we know how we can react to various situations, that is, we are able to prepare for it in advance.

An example of a controversial positive manipulation

Remember the film “Girls”*, when the quarreling Tosya (Nadezhda Rumyantseva) and Ilya (Nikolai Rybnikov) do not talk to each other for a long time and have almost gone “on principle”. Friends arrange a situation when, during the construction of a house, Tosya has to drag a box of nails to the top floor where Ilya works, because there are “supposedly” not enough of them there. As a result, the heroes make peace.

Why is this manipulation controversial? In fact, reconciliation did not happen simply because the heroes collided in one place thanks to the efforts of friends. If you remember, at first Tosya was very angry when, having dragged a box upstairs, she found Ilya there... and also a whole box of nails. She was about to leave when she caught her clothes on something and thought it was him holding her. Twitching several times and loudly shouting: “Let me go!!!” - She heard him laugh, realized her mistake and began to laugh too. As a result of this joint fun, reconciliation occurred. What would have happened if Tosya hadn’t caught on to anything? She could just leave or, who knows, they would only end up quarreling over this box.

* “Girls” is a 1961 comedy feature film filmed in the USSR by director Yuri Chulyukin based on the story of the same name by B. Bedny. Note ed.