Are you an egoist? Fine! 10 reasons for healthy selfishness

Adviсe

• I am an egoist! Problems of egoism and its nature
• Reasons why a person becomes selfish

• Moms and children
• A life lived for the sake of the whole planet

• Selfishness and altruism

The problem of selfishness in modern society is becoming increasingly relevant. Is it because people, pursuing their own interests, have stopped noticing the problems of those around them? We stop feeling other people’s pain and move towards our goal “over our heads.” Maybe this is the normal behavior of a person who strives to become successful and achieve recognition in society?

What determines the boundaries of human egoism, which public opinion is still able to recognize and come to terms with? After all, initially every living being is selfish. So, how to differentiate between reasonable and unreasonable egoism? This is a fine line, crossing which a person will face censure and rejection by the public.

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They pay us money for the work done. They are the equivalent of our contribution to the overall process of social development. Fruitful work should be well paid.

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Excess hours or days worked must be paid. If a job does not have prospects for growth and increased income, then there is no need to cling to it. There are many other places in the world where your efforts will be properly appreciated. Look for something new! Is it selfish to act in your own interests?

Who is an egoist?

The word "egoism" comes from the Latin word "ego", which means "I". Most often, this concept is interpreted as behavior that is determined only by the thought of one’s own benefit and the desire to use others, regardless of their preferences, interests or desires.

Egoism is usually divided into rational and irrational. In the first option, a person evaluates the possible consequences of his actions and decisions and takes this into account when making a decision. In the second case, the actions of a selfish, short-sighted and impulsive person are governed solely by his own desires, goals and interests.

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Personal relationships

Everyone knows the concepts of “ex” or “former”. Some people try to remain friends after a breakup. How pitiful their meetings and communication sometimes look! You should not continue communication if even a photo on a social network causes pain. This is a form of self-mockery. Reasonable egoism is the saving grace here. Think, first of all, about yourself and what advantages have opened up to you. Don't maintain a broken connection and it will die on its own.

Egoism: what is it, is it good or bad to be an egoist - examples of selfishness

The opinion has long been established in society that an egoist is a very bad person. From childhood, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers raise their children in the spirit - deny yourself, but share with a friend. If a child shows reluctance to live and act in the interests of others, he is generously rewarded with reproachful glances and instructive statements about how bad he is.

As a result of growing up, a person comes to terms with his fate and the understanding that he is no one. That being selfish is bad.

Fortunately, not all parents do this, and not all children become anti-egoists. In modern society you can find many who, as a tribute to fashion, raise children according to the principle - you are the best, and the rest are nobody. This practice is also in most cases not correct and can offend the interests of other people.

Where can you find that golden mean when you can live for your own pleasure and not offend anyone? There is an opinion that you need to learn to separate super-egoism and reasonable egoism.

Important: Selfishness is behavior in which a person puts his own interests above the interests of others. At the same time, on the way to the goal, a person hurts the interests of other people and does not take into account the opinions of others at all.

Examples of selfishness:

1. An egoist considers himself better than everyone else, period.
2. An egoist knows only two opinions - his own and the wrong one.
3. The egoist is indifferent to many, but he puts himself above all.
4. An egoist cannot enter into the position of another person.
5. He waits and is sure that they should give in to him, but he himself will not do it.
6. In any of his actions he seeks benefit or openly demands it.
7. Goes ahead, regardless of the fact that it hurts others.
8. He demands love and respect for his own person, while he himself cannot offer anything in return, and does not consider it necessary.

Egoist - who is it?
There is still a golden mean between superegoism and self-abasement. It's called healthy egoism.

Important: Healthy selfishness is the ability to live in your own interests, without contradicting the interests of others. Behavior in which a person knows how to find a balance between his desires and the opinions of other people.

Examples of healthy egoism:

1. A person with a healthy sense of selfishness gives primary attention to his interests, while he understands that other people have opinions and takes them into account.
2. He is not afraid to express his opinion, even when it does not coincide with the opinions of others.
3. Respects the wishes of the partner, but does not betray his principles.
4. When choosing in favor of yourself, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt later.
5. He knows how to refuse if the offer does not suit him.
6. He also knows how to accept refusal, doing it without offense or complaints.
7. Such a person is ready to compromise.
8. He knows how to refuse what, in his opinion, can cause harm.

Selfishness is neither good nor bad. Each of us must have healthy selfishness. It is incorrect to condemn a person for being an egoist. The only thing is that not everyone can come to terms with the degree of selfishness in a certain person. If a person is over-egoistic, this can have a negative impact not only on the people around him, but also on his own life.

Many people are accustomed to the mistaken belief that being selfish is great. Such people go ahead, and all doors open for them. Actually this is not true. It's great to be a reasonable or healthy egoist. Such a person can build his life in such a way as to maintain good relationships with others and not live at the expense of himself.

The price for over-egoism is loneliness. People who are over-egoistic cannot build trusting relationships. Their acquaintances end in superficial communication; even close people may turn away sooner or later, because such behavior is socially unacceptable.

Is selfishness good or bad?

Extra politeness

Many children were taught as children to apologize for any reason for what they did. Sometimes the object or cause was not worth such humiliation. Now you have grown up, but the habit remains. You still need to apologize if you accidentally step on a passerby's foot on the subway. It's a different matter when it comes to career growth. Everything is different here. A nice girl who is applying for a good job should be pushed aside if she wants to take the place for which you are applying. Gallantry in such matters is inappropriate. The same principle applies in other areas of life.

Examples of rational egoism and manifestations of this feeling

Moms and children

Why, when choosing between a dress for herself and a new hat for her daughter, does a mother buy a gift for her child? She may already have a hat, but this particular color and style will suit the girl. Have you seen young mothers with strollers, who don’t have a drop of makeup on, their hair is pulled back into a ponytail, but they look absolutely happy? What is this? What are they happy about and why is this happening?

Answer: these mothers do not know how to have fun to the detriment of their children. Even the kids won't notice it. They pursue a selfish goal - to make the baby happy, to give him everything that her loving heart is capable of. Refusing other pleasures, mothers live by caring for their children, which is where their selfishness lies. Nature gave them children, and they, in turn, must provide them with a decent existence. Mothers who perform their duties correctly receive a feeling of true selfish pleasure from this.

A life lived for the sake of the whole planet

Pleasure, which is the result of the manifestation of egoism, is obtained in different ways. How can we explain the life of a scientist who works for all of humanity, makes discoveries, doesn’t sleep at night and invents new technologies that will later be used by all the people of the world? Why does a person need this? He wastes his personal time, forgets about his family and the world that exists around him. Thus, the scientist seeks to satisfy the selfish desire to be “superior” to other people who will not do what he is doing. He enjoys his power over the world and humanity, whose future depends on his invention.

The same goes for artists, poets and other outstanding personalities who live only by their own interests, but at the same time give us the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of their labors for centuries

Children

Stories about people living together just for the sake of children are truly terrifying. What positive example will a child receive if for many years he sees only anger and scandals around him? For children to grow up happy, you need to be that way yourself. A reasonable egoist will act wisely if he breaks this vicious circle. You should also not sacrifice your career for the sake of your child. You can always find a compromise.

It turns out that the essence of selfishness lies in happiness and harmony. Then life will be a joy. Be a worthy member of society, and not a separate piece of gray mass. Remain selfish and live in pleasure.

Are there types of egoism?

Psychologists say that there are two types of egoism - passive and active.

An active egoist, often well versed in the world, knows very well how to please people, and can conduct lengthy small talk. However, when talking with him, in 10 minutes you will understand that all the words of this person are aimed only at achieving his goal. To do this, he is ready to make almost any sacrifice, for example, to show hypocrisy, bribe and even sacrifice his own reputation.

A passive egoist chooses a completely different line of behavior. Such people do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals by acting arrogantly and rudely, “going over their heads.” Often people around him quickly realize the true nature of such a person, as a result of which they begin to avoid him. Therefore, a passive egoist in most cases simply becomes lonely, without friends and relatives who can be relied on in any situation.

How to understand how selfish we ourselves are?

People often do not notice selfishness in themselves because they do not listen to what others tell them. Why do this if they already feel great?

Egoists are people who rarely notice that they bring a lot of problems to other people. But then how can they understand that they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and watch. Then the egoist will notice that he has been asked for some kind of service or favor for several months. And if a large number of people have accumulated around you who are dissatisfied with your behavior, this is a reason to think about it.

How to stop being selfish?

This question may arise when an individual realizes that he is behaving incorrectly. Getting rid of selfishness requires conscious work on yourself. To help, experts have developed a number of tips:

1. You need to try to make friends with someone.
2. Join some team. In a team you can learn how to interact with other people.
3. Learn to express empathy and sympathy. You need to be more interested in other people's affairs.
4. Showing appreciation for the kindness of others will help change the mentality that “everyone should.”
5. In controversial issues, a compromise must be sought.
6. For any reason, try to share.
7. Make a gratitude list at least once a month. You need to learn to say “thank you” for everything.

What is the difference between selfishness and self-love?

Selfishness is more of a sensation or feeling than a physiological state. It depends entirely on how we perceive ourselves, the benefits we bring to society, and our desire to help ourselves or those around us.

We can say that selfish people are painfully proud. This is due to the fact that they constantly try to assert themselves and do not tolerate if someone tries to challenge their superiority.

Self-love manifests itself differently. In this case, we do not go over our heads, but remember our interests and do not allow our feet to be wiped all over us. That is, this is a rational and healthy approach to communication, when people try to respect each other while defending their interests.

How to recognize an egoist?

Such a person has a number of traits that characterize his behavior. What an egoist means can be understood by finding the following in a person:

1. In communication, he does not know how to listen to his interlocutor. There is a strong desire to express one’s own opinion.
2. Ignores other people's comments. Considers them beneath his dignity.
3. It's always everyone's fault except him.
4. Likes to brag a lot with or without reason. Often embellishes his own merits.
5. Considers himself ideal. He thinks that others should imitate him.
6. Manipulation is a favorite means of interacting with other people. A prudent egoist encourages and himself supports intrigues and squabbles in the team.
7. Strives to constantly attract attention. Has a strong desire to be in the center of public opinion.
8. All his aspirations are aimed at satisfying his own ambitions and desires, regardless of the needs of others.
9. Clearly divides people according to their social status. Behavior is structured according to a person’s status.

Healthy or reasonable egoism - is this possible?

Certainly. Rational egoism is nothing more than the call of our soul. The main problem is that we often drown out this voice. And then it is replaced by narcissism, which tries to pass itself off as healthy egoism, and it is very difficult to get rid of it. That is, pathology appears when we suppress our natural need to take care of ourselves for a long time.

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So, your egoism is healthy if:

• in achieving your goal, you do not infringe on the interests of other people; • know how to look for compromises and benefits in any situation; • in order to love yourself, you do not need a positive assessment of others and the blind adoration of other people; • you have your own opinion and can express it freely, but do not try to impose it on other people; • are ready to protect themselves and their loved ones from dangers in any way; • know how to give constructive criticism without getting personal; • do not want to obey anyone, but do not seek to subjugate others; • do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of others and do not require sacrifices for your sake; • know how to respect the desires and capabilities of other people, but do not overstep your principles; • Having made a decision that you have been thinking about for a long time, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt.

I would like to end this article with the words of Howard Roark, the main character of the novel “The Fountainhead,” an American writer with Russian roots, Ayn Rand: “In an absolute sense, an egoist is by no means a person who sacrifices others. This is a person who is above the need to use others. He gets by without them. He has nothing to do with them either in his goals, or in the motives of his actions, or in his thinking, or in his desires, or in the sources of his energy. He is not for other people and he does not ask that others be for him. This is the only form of brotherhood and mutual respect possible between people.”

Ethical Egoism

▪️ The definition of ethical egoism is one of the most controversial in this topic. It is believed that each person should pursue his own interests, and the totality of interests of people in society thus becomes an incentive for the improvement of society as a whole. But this theory is utopian and is possible only in some ideal world, where all aspirations are subordinated to one goal.

As an example, we can cite the socialist system, and especially the one that now exists in the Asian region of our planet. Probably everyone is familiar with common moral values, standards of material well-being and other signs of socialism. Such egoism can only exist in an artificially created space.

▪️ In order to look after your interests and strive for personal well-being, thus developing the entire society, you need to think the same way. This can only be achieved through total propaganda and education of an entire generation (and possibly several generations) of people with a certain way of thinking.

▪️ In a normal state, ethical egoism is impossible, since there is a constant clash of interests even at a small, everyday level. As an example, we can take the behavior of different groups of people - motorists, pedestrians and cyclists. Their interests are in constant conflict and interaction is possible only by observing strict rules. Complete and absolute well-being for each of these groups is possible only with the elimination of competitors.

The theory of ethical egoism does not tolerate compromise, but in real life this is impossible. Therefore, the concept of ethical egoism is considered untenable and rather theoretical.

Is it possible to rehabilitate an egoist?

It is possible, but only in rare cases. If a person has become selfish after experiencing severe shock or grief, then there is hope that he will understand: he is also surrounded by living people who have their own feelings, desires, problems and dreams. But it is almost impossible to change an adult if he does not want it himself and is not ready to make efforts and spend time on it. So if your partner, whom you truly love, is afraid of losing you and is willing to change for you, then there will be progress. You will just need to be patient.

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Pros and cons of selfishness

The most important disadvantage of egocentrism is the impossibility of harmonious personality development. A selfish person is unable to grow spiritually. Only such feelings as compassion, participation, mercy, altruism are capable of correctly educating the human soul. Other disadvantages of selfishness:

1. Problems with building a full-fledged family. This social unit of society requires dedication and patience, which is alien to the egoist.
2. Lack of friends and outside help. The attitude of the egoist’s consciousness says that he needs to cope on his own. It is difficult to be friends with a person who thinks only about himself.
3. Difficulties in social life. Egocentrism makes it difficult to get close to people.

Many people think that there are no positive aspects in such an attitude towards oneself, but this is not true, for example, the advantages of selfishness:

• providing self-care;
• the ability to distinguish between one’s own and others’ interests;
• quickly achieving goals;
• the ability to refuse where necessary;
• gaining a sense of self-preservation;
• realization of one’s ego within the framework of an individual personality.

Types of egoists

As many people as there are, there can be as many varieties of this phenomenon. Selfish behavior is individual and varies according to several indicators:

1. Depending on the degree of external manifestation, there are obvious and hidden. The first demonstratively express their selfish inclinations. The latter can masquerade as altruists.
2. According to internal characteristics, they are divided into narcissism (narcissism in all forms) and egocentrism (all life positions are focused on oneself).
3. According to social activity, they are divided into passive (remain indifferent to the interests of others) and active (energetic in satisfying their ambitions).
4. Who is this egoist according to the principle of self-sufficiency: “parasites” and “consumers”. The first type is characterized by the fact that it lives entirely at the expense of others, while the second type works to achieve their own selfish goals.
5. According to the type of behavior, they are divided into rational (they show reasonable selfishness) and irrational (they realize their needs, often to their detriment).

What to do if you need to communicate with an egoist?

Naturally, communicating with egoists is usually very difficult, because they are self-absorbed and do not pay attention to others. Narcissistic people need listeners, not people who will talk. Moreover, it is desirable that the listener be fascinated and fully support the selfish person in his plans and aspirations.

You have two ways to build a relationship with such a person. The first is to immediately criticize his views, reminding him of his previous failures and shortcomings. In this state of affairs, you will have a chance to get rid of communication with an egoist for a long time, if not forever.

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However, if you do not want to ruin the relationship, then you should choose the second strategy, namely, start praising the person and flattering him. Convince your interlocutor that he is the one and only, and interrupt the conversation only under the pretext of urgent matters. Then the selfish person will treat you as an intelligent and pleasant companion.

Reasons for selfishness

They should be looked for in improper upbringing. A selfish person can turn out if:

1. There is an example of selfish behavior on the part of parents. Children copy all behavioral guidelines given in the family.
2. The child is often alone. His needs are ignored. This causes offense to the whole world.
3. Otherwise, all the baby’s whims are satisfied even beyond measure. A sense of responsibility and action is not instilled. There is a stereotype of thinking that everyone owes him.