How to leave an abuser and break off a relationship: what is an abusive relationship, how to break up with a toxic manipulator man or woman?

If you've ever tried to leave a manipulator, you know that it's hard to do, and forgetting about him is even harder. But I'll tell you how to achieve this! In this post you will learn how to forget a person who manipulates you “closer and further”.

“Closer-further” is one of the most common manipulations at the early stage of a relationship. It leads to emotional dependence on the manipulator, which can only be broken if you work hard on yourself.

However, let's take it in order.

The post will be structured as follows.

First, I will tell you what the “closer-farther” manipulation is and why it works. Below I will give an example of such manipulation. Finally, I will give you three steps to help you let go of this person and become immune to such manipulation in the future.

I’ll start by describing what the “Closer-Farther” manipulation is.

Who is it?

Abuse is translated from English as “cruel treatment” . Abusers are people who oppress their significant other in every possible way.

Moreover, the person tries to arrange the situation in such a way that his partner begins to feel guilty for actions that he did not commit. The abuser uses a complex of psychological influences, which often involve violent methods.

A relationship with such a person is also called toxic. By this term, psychologists mean a type of connection between people in which one of the partners constantly exerts emotional, psychological or physical control over the other.

Types of abuse in relationships

The following types of abuse are distinguished:

Physical .
This is the worst kind of abuse. Brutal physical force is constantly applied to the partner.
At the same time, the abuser will think that he is thereby educating the person.
Economic . The partner makes his other half completely financially dependent on him. The victim does not have the right to independently make purchases or order services. Even her personal salary is controlled, because her partner “is concerned with how to spend the money better.”
Psychological. The most common type of abuse. It manifests itself in threats, humiliation and insults. The abuser tries to convince his partner that he is a stupid and incapable person, to whom no one else can pay attention.
This quickly kills self-esteem in people. The victim begins to think that this is really so and gradually narrows his social circle.
Psychological abuse can be open, when one does not hesitate to insult a partner in the presence of other people, and closed, when partners are courteous in society, but in private one of them displays despotic character traits.
Sexy . This is not simple violence. The companion is given the idea that he must satisfy the sexual desires of his partner. In this case, the personal wishes of the victim are not taken into account. In fact, the abuser simply uses her as an object to satisfy his lust.

Get ready

Be clear about the fact that you are being manipulated. Sometimes such relationships continue for a very long time only because the woman does not want to admit that she is being controlled. She simply chalks it up to the fact that the man is going a little too far, while he deftly crushes her under himself. The following points may be “bells” in such a relationship:

A man decides for you how regularly you should see your friends, and sometimes even your relatives.
Declares his love immediately after sudden outbursts of anger.
Threatens to commit suicide or kill you if you leave him.
Gets furious if you go out with friends.
Humiliates you in front of other people.
Makes you do things you don't like.
You try once again not to do those things that pissed him off last time.
You constantly catch yourself thinking that you are trying to please him, at all costs.
He convinced you that no one else needs you except him.

Guilt manipulation

Analyze all the reasons that indicate to you that you need to leave. Imagine what your life will be like without this man, or rather, without all the suffering that he brings to you. Write down on a piece of paper all the advantages of breaking up, for example:

you will become yourself;
you will get the opportunity to meet a man who will love and respect you;
your self-esteem will increase;
fear and anxiety will disappear from life;
you will no longer be afraid of his reaction to your words or actions.

Rehearse the words that you will say to a man about your intention to break up with him. This must be said briefly, convincingly and without emotion. Don't try to explain to him the reason for the breakup. Because for every fact you have, he will find a thousand justifying arguments. Don't raise your voice or cry. Just tell him that you are leaving him. Your excessive emotionality will give him the opportunity to play on your feelings again

If he is aggressive. It is dangerous to start a conversation about a breakup with some manipulators. Moreover, alone. After all, you don’t know how he will react: he will cry, get angry, or use physical force. In such a situation, you need to take care of your safety, so tell him the news in a public place or leave him a note. Postpone the breakup conversation if the man is drunk.

Live partings in your thoughts. Imagine that you have already taken this difficult step and now you are free. Going through this in reality will become much easier.

How the victim position is formed and how to deal with it

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Unhealthy abusive relationships - how to recognize them?

It is better to recognize abusive relationships in the early stages. This will avoid unpleasant consequences and psychological trauma. Here you should pay attention to the following signs:

Excessive romance .
If a companion shows excessive romanticism and fulfills any desire of the partner at the first call, this should alert you. A normal person will not offer to meet his parents 3 days after meeting, and then go on a trip a week later. More likely, he simply seeks to gain the trust of his companion as quickly as possible. This will help him in the future more easily violate the personal boundaries of his victim. In the standard development of relationships, a person should ask the opinion of his other half, and not confront her with a fact.
Poor attitude towards the opposite sex . If a man or woman thinks in stereotypes (for example, that a wife should cook well, and a husband should only earn money, and nothing else is important), this is a reason to think. Such people do not always turn out to be abusers, but this should still raise concerns. Partners who think this way often become violent if their partner refuses to live by certain rules.
Availability of restrictions .
An ideal relationship is not about restrictions, but about freedom and mutual support. If a partner begins to limit his significant other in some way, this is a sure sign of an abuser.
Such things begin with innocent prohibitions “not to wash dirty linen in public” after yet another conflict, and end with the complete social isolation of the victim.
Control . A person controls his partner in all areas of life. First, this is a request to report on the funds spent, then control over correspondence on social networks, and then control of a broader type begins, right up to intimate areas.
Insults . After the touch of romance between the partners subsides a little, one of them, as if as a joke, begins to insult the other. If your companion has a developed sense of humor, there is no cause for concern. However, in the absence of constant jokes in his speech, it is recommended to pay attention to other points and think about whether the other half is an abuser.
Mood instability . The abuser's emotional state often changes from positive to depressed. After a barrage of accusations, such a person quickly calms down and then begins to behave as if nothing had happened.

Gender characteristics

Men:

he himself does what he considers inappropriate for his partner to do;
breaks into a scream during a conflict;
tries to demonstrate his physical superiority;
may leave alone in an unfamiliar place;
shows distrust of the partner’s words;
checks phone calls and messages on social networks;
jealous of any other man, even if it is his brother.

Women:

refuses physical intimacy and mocks the partner’s sexual capabilities;
during a conflict, breaks dishes, tears clothes, etc.;
controls every step of the partner;
upon meeting, she finds out where her companion was while they were not seeing each other;
your partner’s behavior causes constant dissatisfaction;
doubts the mental abilities of his companion.

Breaking up a relationship with a manipulative girl

Girls often manipulate guys through feelings of pity. A woman may promise her boyfriend that she will commit suicide if he leaves her. To end a relationship, you need to prepare for it. How to do it:

Convince yourself that the love affair no longer exists.
Make appointment.
Briefly say about the desire to stop communicating.
Do not react to manipulations and touches.
Leave.

After a breakup, you need to delete your partner’s contacts from your phone book and social networks. Surely, she will again try to contact and return her old feelings.

If you have any questions, please let us know Ask a Question

Preparing for separation

The first thing you need to do in order to at least a little rein in the abuser is to try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him and frankly tell him about your intention to break up.

Often words do not reach such people, however, in the minds of some abusers, after realizing a possible loss, a significant change can occur; it is only important to choose the right words so as not to anger the partner and not get another conflict with broken dishes and threats.

First of all, you need to talk calmly . It's better to look your partner in the eyes. This calms many abusers down. It is important to demonstrate that this is no longer his victim, but an independent person who can really leave.

The partner must learn to demonstrate his own “I” and stop following the abuser’s lead. Having noticed this, some people are able to correct themselves before realizing a possible loss. If this does not happen, the satellite will simply prepare the ground for separation.

How to resist female manipulation?

As mentioned earlier, women tend to use more gentle manipulative techniques that are not associated with aggression or direct insults.

Usually they tend to press on pity, use their own tears as a means of persuasion, and resort to indirect influence (for example, the use of pseudo-concern).

In addition, manipulative women love to “get offended”: they use their pseudo-resentment as a means that can cause discomfort, remorse, and shame in the victim .

How to avoid being deceived? It is not always easy to recognize such manipulations, but if this is possible, it is important for the recipient to use the protection methods described above:

remain calm, no matter what the woman does, and stand your ground,
under no circumstances resort to any form of violence,
use countermanipulation
say "no"
if she chose silence and ignoring, do not try to interrupt it and act casually,
respect yourself
if constructive communication seems like a possible option, discuss the situation with the woman, report your discomfort, give advice, suggest options that will correct the situation.

If various means of influence do not work, you should move away from her.

What to do if the relationship has gone far?

Abusers quickly gain the trust of their partner, so it is possible that when his partner understands the seriousness of the situation, the relationship will have already gone far. It is especially difficult to part with a tyrant if there are children in the family .

If violence manifests itself physically, you need to act immediately. You can even combine breaking up the relationship with calling the police. If a person does not want to involve law enforcement agencies in his family conflicts, it is recommended to take a number of preparatory measures before leaving the abuser:

Save money .
If you have to run away from your partner, it is better to have a small cash reserve. It should be enough for a person to last the first few months of his life, until he finds a job and gets used to the new place.
The money you put aside should be kept secret from your partner.
Prepare a retreat . You can agree with relatives or friends so that they are ready to accept the person at any time.
Always be ready . In a fit of jealousy, the abuser can damage documents and valuables, so it is recommended to put them in a bag and store them in a safe place. In case of a stormy breakup, this will help you escape from home faster. As a last resort, you can make copies of important documents.
Buy a spare phone . The abuser strives to control everything, so he quickly learns about the preparations for separation. To avoid this, it is better to buy a spare phone and hide it in a safe place. You can agree on escape plans and acquire the necessary contacts.
Change passwords . Just before you leave, it is better to change the passwords for your pages on social networks and delete any information that can be used to track a person’s location.

What does a potential victim look like?

Here are some common traits of those who are vulnerable to manipulators:

You only feel useful and loved when you can take care of other people's needs. This goes beyond treating other people well. Your sense of self-worth comes from doing things for others. In fact, you go so far as to please other people at the expense of your own well-being. For example, you might buy something especially nice for your girlfriend or friend, although you would never spend that kind of money on yourself. Manipulators are drawn to this type of people and do not hesitate to take full advantage of their generosity.
You need approval and acceptance from those around you. While it is normal to want acceptance, it is important for the classic victim of a manipulator to be accepted and approved by everyone, without exception. The main problem here is the fear of being rejected or abandoned. And it is so strong that you are ready to do anything to avoid this feeling. The manipulator works according to the following scheme - first he gives approval, praises, admires, and then creates such conditions that you become dependent on this approval and are afraid of losing it.
You are afraid to express negative emotions. Although expressing anger and engaging in conflict is never pleasant, some people will go to great lengths to avoid an argument. They want everything to always be smooth and pleasant. They are afraid that they simply cannot withstand negative emotions. Manipulators in such relationships have a simple task - all they have to do is raise their voice slightly, and the victim will immediately give in, so as not to cause a conflict to break out.
You can't say no. One of the characteristics of a healthy relationship is personal boundaries , which clarify who you are and where you stand. But to maintain healthy boundaries, you must sometimes say “no” if someone tries to step out of line. If you are afraid of conflict because of your refusal, then this plays into the hands of the manipulator. Learning effective assertiveness techniques is a way to regain a sense of control in a manipulative relationship.
You lack a strong sense of self. A clear sense of yourself means that you know your values, who you are, what you are worth, and that you clearly respect the inviolability of your personal boundaries. If you have an unclear sense of self, it is difficult to trust your own judgment or make decisions that work in your favor. Without a clear definition of yourself, you can become an easy target for a manipulator.

If you are in a manipulative relationship, it is helpful to immediately recognize all the ways the other person can gain control over you.

You can understand them and study them safely with the help of a professional psychologist.

You probably won't be able to change the manipulator's behavior, but you can change your own reactions to manipulation attempts to gain a stronger sense of your own integrity.

The unhappiness that results from a manipulative relationship can lead to life-altering experiences.

How to report?

Psychologists advise that when breaking up with an abuser, do it abruptly. Not in terms of words, but in terms of time. There is no need to try to somehow humiliate a person. This can infuriate him and lead to extremely unpleasant consequences. A man can reach the point of assault, even if this has not been noticed before.

You can't listen to his excuses . The abuser can lie on his knees and beg to stay, while promising to improve. Theoretically, this is possible, but it’s worth waiting until he proves it in practice.

The simplest and most effective way to leave an abuser is what is called “running under the cover of darkness.” After this, it is advisable to completely disappear from his field of vision for at least a few months.

There is one unpleasant type of abuser who perceives complete blocking as a kind of challenge. He will throw all his energy into searching for his ex-partner. If a person comes across exactly this type, you can go out to him for short contact once every few months, preferably remotely. But we should not forget - you cannot date an abuser.

Manipulator, who are you?

In our daily life, we very often encounter manipulation. We are manipulated our parents, children, work colleagues, and store clerks. Yes, and we ourselves resort to manipulation and all in order to get the desired result. But these tricks seem harmless. Then where is the danger?

A manipulator is actually very dangerous. This is a man who thinks only about himself, his opinion is also wrong, he doesn’t care what others think. He likes to impose his way of life. I hadn’t thought about it before, but these men like to use people.

At first glance, it's perfect. He always knows how to properly communicate with women. He is intelligent, romantic, with a great sense of humor, charismatic, and courteous—just the kind of man that women might like.

How will the manipulator behave after?

The abuser will definitely try to get his partner back.
Her departure will be a complete shock for him, because he believed that he did everything right. The person will try in every possible way to make contact . If this does not work out, you should expect revenge.

He may post damaging photos or spread unpleasant rumors about his ex. However, there is also a more or less adequate type of abuser.

They will also try to make contact, but after a while they will stop trying. Such people, having realized the loss, are really capable of changing. It is only important to recognize them in time and not confuse them with previous species.

What is abuse and how does it happen?

In a fairly short period of time, this concept has become very widespread. In general, abuse is violence. Moreover, the violence is not only physical and sexual, but also emotional. And it can manifest itself in various kinds of relationships.

Yana Slyusareva, practicing psychologist:

Manifestations of physical and sexual violence are, in principle, understandable. You can't hide it. Psychological abuse is much more difficult to recognize. Suppression, violence, criticism, mockery, torment, devaluation - it can take different, not always obvious forms. Therefore, it is more difficult for the victim to understand who he is dealing with.

Psychologist Yana Slyusareva

Archive of Yana Slyusareva

How to break up?

Leaving an abuser is difficult for a number of reasons. First of all, this type of people is very attached to themselves . Abuse can also be perceived as a sign of caring.

For example, a form of control in the form of phrases “Where are you going?”, “Who will be at your party?” many perceive it as concern for their companion.

Some forms of violence may not be noticed by the victim due to the fact that her parents had a similar model of behavior, so on a subconscious level she believes that this is how it should be. For her, an abuser is something domestic and natural.

In any case, such relationships need to be ended. Otherwise, the victim runs the risk of suffering moral trauma, including suicidal tendencies.

Parting with an abuser occurs approximately according to this scenario:

Getting out of control .
Here it is necessary for a person to understand for himself that he is under constant control by his partner. Demands to show correspondence or report on your relationship with someone with whom a man or woman spoke in line at a store is not normal and a person must understand this. You need to stop adapting to the abuser and remember your personal opinion. A person must analyze the relationship and understand where the partner crosses his personal boundaries.
Set your personal priorities . We need to finally understand that, for example, hitting does not mean loving, which means Article 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Constant control and insults are also not normal. Until a person realizes this, he will continue to indulge the abuser.
Stop trusting your partner . Abusers speak very beautifully. They are able to lower the vigilance of their victim with beautiful promises and flattery. We need to stop listening to them. The main thing is to realize that they are not caused by great love, but by the desire not to lose control over your partner, because... It is important for people of this type that someone is constantly under their control.
Reduce communication . You can't do this abruptly. This can make the abuser angry and lead to unpredictable consequences. A person must gradually reduce communication to nothing. If previously, after work, a woman immediately met with her partner and fell under control, you can, for example, sign up for a fitness class, citing your desire to look even more beautiful.
Avoid serious conversations .
The abuser is used to the fact that he knows absolutely everything about his companion. We need to deprive him of this right. It is recommended not to enter into serious conversations with him, but to limit communication to discussing the weather, a recent football match, etc.
This will help you gradually get out of the person's control and make parting with him easier for both parties.
Analyze words and actions .
If the abuser once again expressed doubts about the beauty of his partner, you need to look in the mirror and honestly answer the question - is this true? In most cases the answer will be no. Same with actions. If after work the abuser forbids his companion to go for a walk with his colleagues and goes to meet her in person, it is worth considering whether this is caused by a manifestation of concern or a banal reluctance to lose control. Often this is the point that allows you to end a toxic relationship.
Talk about your problems . No, if your partner has already tried to talk to the abuser about this topic, it is not worth repeating. It’s better to tell a close friend or relative about your troubles. This allows you to look at the situation from the outside and get advice from an uninterested person.
Healthy selfishness . This is the abuser's worst enemy. We must finally understand that a person’s actions should correspond to his desires, and not to the needs of other people.
Hardness _ The abuser will try to get his partner back after the breakup. Moreover, everything will be used, from huge bouquets of flowers and oath promises to improve, to threats and open revenge. This is where you need to be firm. A person must understand that the relationship he had with an abuser is not normal. Perhaps they contain a number of received fears and complexes.
Don't blame yourself . Self-flagellation is not the best way to calm down after a breakup. A person must understand that it is not his fault for the cessation of communication. This was a necessary measure. During this period, new hobbies and travel can be good helpers.

Coldness is the worst enemy of an abuser. It helps protect the victim after breaking up with this type of person. There is no need to succumb to provocations and follow someone’s lead again. We need to finally start living for ourselves.

How to live with a husband who manipulates you?

A significant percentage of women regularly find themselves involved in outright toxic relationships in which partners seek to hurt them and force them into submission.

In such relationships, various types of violence are common, including manipulation, sometimes in extremely cruel forms.

Why is this happening? “Oh, they probably want this themselves, since they didn’t stop all this earlier,” many will say with confidence. But in general, everything is quite complicated .

There are a number of features that lead to a woman ending up in a toxic relationship and unable to get out of it:

At the beginning of a relationship, a toxic man behaves exactly the same way as other men in love behave: he tries to look after, gives gifts, strives to please. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to quickly recognize his toxicity, especially if a woman is sincerely in love with him: when falling in love, everyone looks at the chosen one through rose-colored glasses.
Toxicity is uneven: periods when a man manipulates, mocks, resorts to violence, followed by periods of calm, during which he asks for forgiveness, showers him with gifts, and gives attention. As a result, a woman develops mental dependence, she can calm down and postpone plans related to leaving the family.
Also, a lot depends on the conditions : not every woman has the opportunity to quickly leave her husband and leave, especially if she is afraid or lacks support in the form of sufficient income or a roof over her head.

How to fight? Male manipulators do not always resort to other types of violence , but relationships with them are usually built according to the above-mentioned scenario.

Coexistence with a manipulator is an extremely difficult matter, and a woman faced with regular harsh manipulations should think about divorce.

How to put it in place? If she wants to continue the relationship and believes that she is able to tolerate manipulation and can find some approach to her husband, it is important for her:

Always be aware of who she is dealing with. Remember: your husband is a manipulative tyrant, so you need to be on your guard.
Don't forget about self-esteem. Do not humiliate yourself in front of your husband, try not to react if he presses on your pain points, and always remember that you are not at all such a bad person as your husband may try to make you out to be.
Be polite and restrained. If you show strong emotions when communicating with a manipulator, he will feel like he is in control of the situation. In addition, if you are really sure that you want to find an approach to him, aggression, hysterics and tears are unlikely to help you.
Talk to him about the problem, offer constructive solutions. During the dialogue, again, try to remain calm. Tell your husband what exactly you are not happy with in his behavior and attitude, and talk about your feelings rather than blaming him. For example, say something like, “When you act like that, it makes me very upset,” but don't say, “You're being mean to me.” If during the dialogue he does not try to put pressure on you and is ready to solve problems, suggest that he visit a psychologist. Be prepared for the fact that the dialogue may not lead to anything good and that it will need to be repeated.

How to get over a breakup?

Any separation is an emotional shock for a person.
Even breaking up with an abuser. Many people experience depression at this time . The person believes that he acted recklessly, but one should not forget that this is a consequence of psychological trauma that was inflicted by the partner.

Emotionally, you need to occupy yourself with other things and try to learn to enjoy life. If this is not done, a person risks completely undermining his self-esteem.

You need to remember that an abuser won’t just leave you alone, so it’s better to take care of protection from such a person in advance. It is recommended not to go anywhere alone. A rejected abuser is unpredictable. When leaving, you should not forget valuable things in such a person’s home. He will try to take advantage of this factor and get in touch with his partner.

If you are too persistent, you can contact law enforcement agencies , because... persecution and moral pressure are punishable by law.

The main rule after leaving such a relationship is to keep yourself from returning to the abuser. Some people are afraid of pressure and persecution, others are lured by gifts. There is a third category of people. Abusers are very attached to themselves. Some time after a breakup, a person begins to feel like he is doing everything wrong. That he made a mistake.

In this case, you need to remember what motivated the departure . It is better to write this down on a piece of paper on the first day after leaving the relationship and every time thoughts about returning appear, look at this piece of paper. This will help you resist temptation.

Shield from manipulation

You come to work, and the boss tells you:

- You are our best employee! Therefore, we will put you to work at the most unprofitable point! Who, if not you, will cope with this?

What should be done?

Track your feelings. I am glad that my superiors appreciate me. I'm afraid of letting my colleagues down.
Take a break. “Thank you very much, I’ll think about it until tomorrow.”
Ask yourself the question “why?” Why should I agree to this?
Realize your desires. Yes, I am interested in this task. But only if my efforts are rewarded.
Think through your answer based on your goals. “Thank you for your trust. Let’s discuss increasing my salary due to the additional workload.”
Maintain internal balance during a conversation. Speak to the point. At this moment, if the interlocutor is ready for a constructive solution to the issue, he will compromise: “Okay, we will increase your salary by 10%.”

In most cases, this shield is enough for you. He will help you make the right decision and not promise too much, which you will regret later.

If you refuse or doubt, a simple shield against manipulation will not work. In this case, the opponent is trying to bend you, get you emotional and deprive you of your sense of balance. In this case, it remains to exit the communication with dignity:

Don't get emotional in response. They are trying to unbalance you so that you switch to an emotional dialogue: “Me? But you..." One of my life hacks in this situation is to “play like a fool” and answer neutrally: “good”, “it happens” and the catchphrase “what do you mean?” This puts the attacker into a stupor, and you get time to normalize your breathing and think about how to take communication in a different direction or not to get involved in further communication at all.

Manipulation Shield is a basic technique. If he doesn’t help, we fight the manipulator with his own weapons.

The shield does not help with aggressive manipulators. Therefore, if you feel increasing pressure, it’s time to take away from the enemy his own weapon - manipulation.

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Common Mistakes

What you shouldn’t do to finally get rid of an abuser:

Sort things out . Telling the abuser before breaking up about all the negativity that the partner has accumulated over the years of pressure is not the best option. This can lead to conflict with unpredictable consequences.
Give in to persuasion . The abuser may kneel and crawl at his partner's feet, begging him to return. We should not forget that this is just another method of psychological pressure.
Meet . You can't date an abuser after a breakup. Seeing his victim, he can go to any extreme. The maximum is a phone call, which you can always cancel.
Blame yourself . Every person has a moral limit. People shouldn't feel guilty about being bullied for years. The abuser only got what he sought.

New life

StockSnap / Pixabay
After breaking up, try to meet with friends and family as often as possible. Don't try to find a new man right away. Give yourself time to understand yourself, understand what you need to change in yourself so that you never attract a manipulator into your life again. Load up all your days with things to do, do what he didn’t let you do. Over time, you will notice that you have become calmer: fear and anxiety have left you. In their place came self-confidence, the ability to implement your plans, and – freedom!

In this world - I am a very significant person, or a rise in self-esteem

Who can be an abuser?

The abuser has no gender: it can be either a man or a woman—your colleague, friend, spouse, or even relative. They are skilled manipulators, their goal is to squeeze out as much emotion as possible and to assert themselves at your expense.

Yana Slyusareva, practicing psychologist:

Abusers typically come from two personality types: psychopaths and narcissists. The former have no problems with themselves: they do not take responsibility for their actions, are not inclined to introspection - they do not look for problems in themselves. Therefore, it is very difficult for them to build relationships with others. In addition, psychopaths have a flat spectrum of feelings: they experience only negative emotions. No matter what you do, love will never come to a psychopath.
Narcissism in a person manifests itself in excessive self-love. Although in reality such people are very insecure inside and depend on other people’s opinions. In their life, the main goal is success, and often their victims are those who have achieved success in life, are bright and successful.
By the way, the cause of abusive behavior is not always childhood trauma or family script processes, as everyone is accustomed to believe. Scientists have not yet established the exact causes of such behavioral disturbances.