15 ways to become more confident and achieve success

Greetings, friends!

Everyone needs self-confidence and self-confidence. It helps you cope with complex tasks and make important decisions. A self-confident person in any situation behaves more calmly and with dignity, arousing the respect and sympathy of others. But a lack of self-confidence leads to serious problems. It is difficult for such people to meet and communicate; it is more difficult for them to improve their personal lives, get a job and move up the career ladder.

An insecure person never takes risks, so he is forced to watch life rush by. If, while reading these lines, you caught yourself thinking that due to self-doubt you periodically miss the chances given by fate, you urgently need to start working on yourself. Today we will look in detail at how to develop self-confidence by following a path consisting of 10 steps. But first, let's find out what confidence is.

Train yourself to get up early

The first three hours after waking up are the easiest time to concentrate.
The hardest thing in the morning is to force yourself to get up early and endure five minutes of discomfort. The trick is to get out from under the covers immediately after the alarm and do something. Take a shower or just go to another room. It is important to change the environment so as not to give in to the temptation to lie down again. Otherwise you will feel guilty all day. Those five minutes of discomfort will determine whether your day is successful or mediocre. If your first decision in the morning is to take a nap, what will the rest be? And if you continue like this day after day, what will your life be like?

Start the day with a priority task

It's not enough to just get up early. You need to immediately get down to business that is important to you. Author Stephen Covey explained this concept in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Imagine that you need to put stones in a bucket. If you put small pebbles in first, the larger ones simply won’t fit. But if you do the opposite and place the large stones first, the small ones will easily fill the empty spaces. It's the same with business.

Deal with the main tasks first, and fill the rest of the day with small tasks.

Overcome resistance and do what you've been avoiding

Most likely, you have some important matter in your life that you are avoiding. For example, write a thesis, draw up a business plan or learn a foreign language. It is very easy to occupy time with urgent matters and hobbies. But the thought that you are putting off something necessary to achieve your goal will constantly haunt you.

Force yourself to work on what you are avoiding for at least a couple of hours. You will definitely feel a surge of energy. You will believe in yourself. Your motivation will increase. You will want to do more in other areas of life.

The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence

There is an opinion that self-confidence is more than just knowledge and skills. Of course, this is not entirely true, but there is a grain of truth in this thought. It is easier for a self-confident person to get what he wants, while an insecure person is characterized by doubts and delays.

Every day, every hour and every minute we decide how we will behave. And if we don’t do this consciously, we will only react to circumstances and the demands of other people. Confidence is necessary in order to know what you want and take all possible actions in order to get what you want.

If you don't have confidence, you automatically become insecure. It may seem that calmness and regularity are what lies between confidence and uncertainty, but in fact they are precisely part of confidence.

Imagine confidence as a certain desire, on the way to which there is an obstacle - external or internal. Internal may be fear or doubt. External - lack of money or experience. But even in this case, we are still talking, rather, about internal obstacles. You see a goal, but you're afraid of the imaginary pain you imagine and come up with dozens of reasons why you won't be able to achieve it.

This article is a confidence guide for anyone who wants to believe in themselves and get rid of fears. Or at least start acting without regard to them.

Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem is a person’s idea of the importance of his personality, evaluating himself and his own feelings and qualities, strengths and weaknesses. There are three levels of self-esteem: low, adequate and high.

With low self-esteem, a person tends to often criticize himself (even when it is inappropriate), perceive criticism addressed to him painfully, and please others in order to increase his self-esteem.

High self-esteem is the opposite of low self-esteem. Often associated with exalting oneself and one’s merits, inadequate assessment of one’s own importance, etc. Inflated self-esteem, if it is fueled not only by imagination, but also by real qualities and successes, is not always a negative phenomenon. A person with high self-esteem can be both self-confident (which is bad) and driven (which is good). In the latter state, he believes in his abilities so much that he receives a fair amount of motivation and even luck, due to which he succeeds in whatever he undertakes.

Adequate self-esteem is an ideal state for professionals in their field, people who are not shocking and who know their worth. With this level of self-esteem, a person can learn from his mistakes, take criticism well, and gradually move towards success.

Considering the above, you need to understand that adequate self-esteem is good, but appropriate inflated self-esteem can also come in handy. Miracles happen when there is a balance between them.

Factors that influence self-confidence

Factors that influence our self-esteem and self-confidence are also internal and external. But since they often intersect and shape each other, we will consider them together.

People around

Successful, confident people avoid pessimists or those who constantly doubt. They, like no one else, understand that the environment influences how a person thinks. Therefore, rule one: surround yourself with confident people.

Lack of sleep and poor diet

It's hard to imagine a confident rock man who eats poorly and doesn't pay attention to his health. You can practice self-hypnosis as much as you like, but if your body fails you, it will also affect your psyche.

A person who has slept poorly cannot be self-confident for the reason that this requires great willpower. Willpower is energy that must be replenished through sleep and rest.

Willpower level

If you've ever struggled with breaking a bad habit or starting a good one and lost, know that 50% of the time it was due to a lack of willpower. It is needed in order to wake up in the morning and ask yourself the question “How confident am I in myself?” and having received the answer “Not at all sure,” you could instantly pull yourself together and begin to follow the recommendations (which will be discussed later).

It turns out to be a vicious circle. You cannot become confident because you are not confident in yourself. Willpower training will help you get out of the vicious circle. You can instantly cheer up and feel confident in your abilities if you really want it. It's like when you lie exhausted on your bed after work, and then you receive an invitation to a cool party and your strength instantly appears. The fact is that they did not disappear.

Willpower allows you to access your inner strength. You just have to want it.

Competence/Confidence Loop

Psychologists have long noticed one interesting pattern. The more a person engages in any activity, the more confident he becomes. Two conclusions follow from this: good and not so good. The good thing is that confidence will come as you begin to gain experience and improve your professional level. What's not so good is that it takes time.

But in this case we are talking about the purest self-confidence. The one that becomes second nature to you.

Level of fear and doubt

Take good care of yourself. The next time you feel unsure, listen to what exactly you are feeling. Most likely it will be fear or doubt. Therefore, the first step is the ability to recognize them and honestly admit to yourself that you are afraid or doubtful.

Fears and doubts are accompanied by the same thoughts or questions. For example:

What if I get rejected?
What if I don't succeed?
I can not.
Anything but this.

We are afraid of pain, often far-fetched. Ask yourself other questions, preferably in writing. Analyze why you think this way. Is it really that bad?

Inner voice

What words do you say to yourself immediately after waking up? What words do you say to yourself when you go to bed? What words do you say to yourself when faced with difficulties?

The inner voice has an incredible impact on the psyche and dozens of different aspects of our lives.

Stress and pressure

Failing to deal with stress and pressure can kill confidence. It is important not only to fight them, but also to notice them in time. If it’s difficult to notice, then plan a mini-vacation in advance. You can't go wrong with these things—tension will still arise.

How to increase self-confidence

Considering all of the above, let's get down to ways to develop self-confidence.

Get ready . You can rely on impromptu only in unforeseen situations; in everything else, you must prepare carefully. The speaker must study his speech and practice his gestures, but at the same time he must learn a lot of additional information - just in order to increase the level of competence. A businessman must not only know how to create a company, but also understand the characteristics of the product being produced, marketing, and sales. Confidence comes from preparation and knowing you know enough.

Use correct body language . Google “Power Pose,” go to the pictures section, and practice some power poses. If some of them seem too pretentious to you, do the minimum - don’t slouch, look straight into the eyes of your interlocutor, relax your body.

Pay attention to the voice . When you mumble or speak uncertainly, a conversation takes place between you and the other person on an intuitive level: you know that he knows that you are not confident in yourself. Which makes you even more uncomfortable. Don't be loud or quiet, don't chatter, control your voice.

Develop optimism and positive thinking . This means that you must develop a certain attitude towards your failures and mistakes. Once failures stop bothering you, half the job is done. Be persistent.

Vicarial learning . It is observing the achievements of others. This includes both working with successful people, masters of their craft, and reading biographies. Don't hesitate to use any of these methods. This way you can see how people deal with the same challenges you face.

Verbal persuasion . Oddly enough, even the banal thought “Come on, you can do it” is much more effective than a train of thought that instills fear. If you take the time to talk to yourself for at least a few minutes, the effect will be even stronger. It is important to understand that such phrases should become a habit, and not be used occasionally.

Increase your emotional intelligence . A confident person will never experience emotions that are inappropriate for the situation. He is in complete control of how he feels and does not allow negative and destructive emotions to take him by surprise.

Action, action, action . Pull yourself together and start doing something. It hardly matters how valuable these actions are. You can water the plants in your home and feel a huge surge of strength and energy. Have you noticed that when you do nothing, you get even more tired? When we are not confident in ourselves, we cannot get down to business and bring anything to the end. You need completed things, you need to show yourself that you can do it.

Get to know yourself . Before entering battle, a wise general carefully studies his enemy. You cannot defeat the enemy without knowing him. When it comes to developing self-confidence, your biggest enemy is yourself. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about what you think, analyze the reasons for negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, about what you can do better than many people, about what you like. Start thinking about your limitations and whether they are real. Know yourself.

Focus on solving problems . If you are a complainer or problem-focused, change your focus. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for confidence.

Clear your work area . It may seem inconsequential, but just do it. Insecurity comes from confusion, don't add it to your life even on a physical level.

Features of confidence of men and women

For men, self-confidence is the ability to act, to perform confident and measured actions, to achieve mastery in something. Men are motivated by achieving goals and success; their specific measurement is important to them.

Women increase their self-confidence through self-esteem, as well as their inner attitude. If for men it is sometimes enough to behave confidently and gain a surge of strength through actions and deeds, then for women it all starts from within.

A woman cannot feel confident in herself if she does not feel comfortable in the situation. Having found peace within, she is able to believe in herself. At the same time, for women, external factors are of great importance, which are then interpreted internally: her appearance, her gait, the compliments she receives.

Speaking about self-esteem as the main character of female self-confidence, it is worth saying that it is formed from many factors: addiction, social anxiety, general anxiety, shame, depression, inferiority, helplessness, perfectionism (and its consequence - procrastination).

There are several ways you can improve your self-esteem:

Change history . We all have a self-image that shapes our self-perception and on which our core image is based. If we want to change it, we must understand where it comes from. Is this our personal opinion? Sometimes automatic negative thoughts, such as “you're fat” or “you're lazy,” can be repeated in the mind so often that a person begins to believe they are true even when they are not. But what do you really want to believe? Repeat this to yourself every day.
Be aware . We cannot change something until we admit that it needs changing. Simply by becoming aware of our negative self-regulation, we begin to distance ourselves from the feelings it causes. This allows you to identify with them to a lesser extent. But without this awareness, we can easily fall into the trap of believing in our limited potential, and as meditation teacher Allan Lokos blazes: “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just thoughts.”
Set up a new channel . Albert Einstein once said: “Each of us is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.” We all have strengths and weaknesses. Someone can be a brilliant musician but a terrible cook. No single quality defines your core value. Recognize what your strengths are. Ask yourself: “Have you ever experienced a situation in my life where my self-esteem increased? What was/was I doing at that moment?
Remember that you are not a product of circumstances . By accepting your imperfections, you create the potential for growth. With this knowledge, you can grow freely rather than fear failures that don't change your core value.

What books can you read?

To develop self-confidence and make it a personality trait, you need to work hard on yourself. To do this, you need not only to follow these tips every day, but also to analyze yourself, not stop improving, and read books on this topic. Here are some of them:

Dale Carnegie: How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.
Robert Anthony "Secrets of Self Confidence"
Alice Muir "Self Confidence" A book for working on yourself."
Amy Cuddy "Presence of Mind"
Malcolm Gladwell "David and Goliath"

We can also recommend videos of Tony Robbins, which you can find on YouTube: pay attention to what he says, how he speaks and how he behaves. Robbins can be a great role model for many who want to be confident.

We wish you good luck!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Key principles of self-confidence
Three masks of pathological narcissism
10 Steps to Healthy Self-Esteem
How to gain self-confidence
Formation of correct self-esteem
How to communicate with manipulators
How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP
Overcoming impostor syndrome
Mental tricks for self-confidence
Characteristics and types of conflict personality

Key words:1Self-knowledge

Use different learning styles

Everyone has their own dominant learning style. We believe that we can only develop within its framework. And we consider styles that are unusual for us to be inaccessible: they are simply beyond our ability.

For example, you like and are good at mathematics. You are an analytical thinker and view problems and failures as opportunities to learn. You are confident that you can become even better at mathematics. But you don’t like writing. You think that this is not yours and you will never succeed. It's just not built into you.

This is wrong. Everyone has different learning styles. By doing something that you find difficult, you activate areas of the brain that were not used before. You are moving towards goals that were outside of your comfort zone.

You gain confidence by seeing yourself succeed at something difficult.

Keep your thoughts under control

The average person has approximately 65,000 thoughts every day, and 85% of them are negative. Most of these thoughts are fears and doubts, and that's okay. Blalock says it's a relic passed down to us from our ancestors. If we extend our hand over the fire, our brain will give a pain signal so that we do not think of doing it again. A defense mechanism that allows us to survive.

But this defense mechanism sometimes works against us. Try to maintain a balance between positive and negative thoughts. Here's what you need to understand: thoughts are just thoughts, they don't have to reflect reality.

Be clear about the reasons for your goals.

Think about what you want. Then ask yourself why this is so important to you. Don't overthink it. Answer the first thing that comes to mind.

For example, if you want to work from home, the chain of questions would be something like this. Why is it important for me to work from home? I need a flexible schedule. Why is flexible scheduling important to me? This way I feel less stress and pressure. Why is it important for me to experience less stress and pressure? I work better and feel happier when I am in control of my life.

Do this exercise for each of your goals. Try to ask seven questions per target.

By being honest with yourself, you can discover key events that have shaped your personality.

Often we see only our superficial motivation. As a result, our actions do not come from our real desire. Understand your deepest motivation. And then remind yourself of it every day.

Afterword

Uncertainty does not come from the future. Uncertainty grows from the past, and through its prism we see the present. All insecure people once experienced a situation that made them like this. But there is no point in dragging on the past. Find the original source and work through it.

We can talk about old grievances, unfinished relationships, traumas. Lots of things. It's very individual. If you can’t find the root yourself, please go for a personal consultation with a psychologist. Until you pull out and throw away that stone that is tied to your neck, any training to develop confidence, alas, will be ineffective. It’s like a painkiller: it relieves symptoms and seems to allow you to lead a normal life, but the infection continues to fester and grow.

Eradicate old negativity, don’t collect new ones, don’t get hung up on failures (yes, you still can’t do without them, you need to accept it). You may be surprised, but the human brain itself has the power to remove unpleasant memories. So you just need to help your brain work for your benefit.

Believe that you deserve better

Your life reflects your idea of what you deserve. When you strive to give more to people, this vision expands. It grows with the desire to help others. In psychology this is called expectancy theory. It is based on the following:

How much you want something.
How much do you believe you can do it or get it.
How much do you believe that your actions will help achieve your desired goal.

As you develop your skills and confidence, your expectations rise. The future becomes predictable.

Appreciate your uniqueness

Self-doubt can develop due to a person’s awareness of personal differences from others. Inconsistency with generally accepted parameters and standards often causes complexes, timidity and other complexes that lead a person to lack self-confidence.

The world's popular plus-size model Tess Holliday in the book “My Body Positivity. How I fell in love with the body I live in” says that her complexes arose during her school years. But she was able to become successful and self-confident only after she sincerely fell in love with her non-standard body.

Psychologist, writer Oksana Sergeeva in the book “How to develop self-confidence in 7 days. 50 simple rules” explains that a person’s external attractiveness consists of many factors, including not only the correctness of shapes and features. Often unattractive in appearance, but charming and friendly, a person in the process of communication can become so attractive that his interlocutor will stop noticing shortcomings and even fall in love with these unique features.

How to learn to appreciate your uniqueness? Understand yourself and soberly assess whether a defect in appearance or speech really exists, or is it just a figment of the imagination. If it's real:

stand in front of the mirror;
look closely at the defect, look closely and for a long time;
try to create admiration for the shortcoming;
admire the unique feature without taking your eyes off;
smile at yourself and accept your body with all its flaws;
realize that this feature is unique and gives uniqueness to the image.

Make a flaw a highlight, love it. Here are people who have proven that unique differences in appearance can be an advantage in achieving your goals:

Kate Hudson (protruding ears);
Natalie Dormer (facial palsy);
Paris Hilton (lazy eye syndrome);
Sarah Jessica Parker (unique nose shape);
Winnie Harlow (vitiligo).

Learn to perceive individual features of appearance as advantages and begin to appreciate a unique trait. This will help increase your self-confidence.

First decide what you want from life, and then figure out how to get it

Usually salary dictates lifestyle. If you get a lot, you spend a lot. But it's smarter to decide what you want first. And then think about how to achieve this.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more. The problem comes when you become dependent on things. Money is a tool. The more you earn, the more useful you can do.

Don't make your dreams fit your lifestyle. Adjust your lifestyle to your dreams.

How to increase self-esteem and attract success

Most people suffer from low self-esteem, but high self-esteem can also become an obstacle to achieving your goals. A person with low self-esteem is sure deep down that there is something wrong with him, that he is not worthy and does not deserve happiness, money, success. And people with high self-esteem believe that they deserve the best, but are often not ready to work for it - they expect everything to come on its own. Both are problems when achieving life goals.

To achieve success, esotericists advise clearing your brain of debris, forgiving everyone and starting to meditate. Financiers advise simply saving and investing money wisely. But for some reason these tips don’t work for most people.

If you want to become successful and start earning good money, you want to become successful and start earning good money, you want to become successful and start earning good money, first of all you need to realize your worth and get rid of internal conflicts . To understand the mechanism, how it works, how incorrect internal attitudes prevent you from loving yourself and achieving your financial goals, becoming a happy and successful person, come to the free master class from Pavel Kolesov “Formula of Abundance”.

Develop communication skills

Learn to speak simply, clearly and concisely. This will increase your chances of success. Few companies clearly explain why they do what they do. What is your goal? Why does your company exist? Why should anyone care?

There are two ways to influence. You can manipulate people or inspire them. We are drawn to leaders and organizations that can explain what they believe in and why they do what they do. The feeling that we are part of something bigger inspires us. This is the kind of company we want to do business with.

Get interesting

You need to develop a skill that you believe will help you engage in social interaction. You should work on at least one trait that can be positively assessed by others and bring them joy and benefit. A person who can play the guitar or piano is a welcome guest in any company. Learn to tell funny stories or perform magic tricks. It is very useful (and not at all difficult) to learn to dance, especially for men who feel insecure once they start playing the music. Stay up to date with international events and fashionable topics (problems of overpopulation, ecology, etc.). Read good books, both serious literature and bestsellers, and be prepared to discuss them.

In the evening, mentally prepare for the next day.

A successful morning begins in the evening. Take a few minutes to decide what you will do in the morning. You don't have to make a long to-do list. It is enough to know what you will do first.

Meditate, tune in to achieving your goals. Then, after awakening, you will already be aimed at success. All that remains is to get out of bed. Resist the temptation to lie down a little longer. You don't need to make a decision to get up or not to get up, you've already made it the night before.

Your morning and your life will not become successful by accident. To do this you need to make a choice.

Counterarguments

Make a list of your own weaknesses. Write it down on the left half of the sheet of paper. On the right, opposite each item, indicate those positive aspects that can be contrasted with the negative ones. For example:

Weaknesses

No one who knows me likes me.
I have almost no attractive features.

Counterarguments

Those who really know me treat me well.
I have a lot of attractive features.

Expand and justify counterarguments, find suitable examples. Start thinking about yourself in a positive way.