We are glad to welcome you, dear readers! Positive thinking is a way of life when a person feels happy and productive. He looks for opportunities, not limitations, which is why he usually achieves success and realizes his goals. Such people are called lucky ones, who were born and “kissed by fortune.” But in fact, each of us is capable of becoming the darling of fate. You just need to change your train of thought a little, and today we will look at what exercises you can use to do this.
The difference between positive thinking and rose-colored glasses
The expression “rose-colored glasses” smacks of a little naivety. A person wearing “rose-colored glasses” perceives the surrounding reality in a somewhat illusory way and idealizes it. Such people usually lack common sense. They are filled with happy childish infantility and do not want to see the world in a real light.
Positive thinking has a slightly different meaning. Such a person is able to sensibly assess current events. He does not panic over mistakes made. He critically evaluates the results and moves on to eliminate negative consequences.
The world is complex and multifaceted. People often encounter misunderstandings and do not always act correctly. A positive-minded person is able to withstand the thorny path and sweep away all the negative feelings of apathy and doubt. A person achieves great success thanks to the power of a positive attitude.
Active listening method
This method goes like this - sit down and talk. For what? I hear this question often. This is how humans are designed that it is difficult for us to live without feedback from others. If a woman stands at the stove all day, she expects a kind word about herself, an assessment of her work. When a spouse goes to work, spending days on end there, he also expects feedback - in the form of wages.
We keep this in mind when raising children by diligently practicing active listening. But we completely forget when communicating with our partners. More and more often we say, and sometimes shout at each other: “You are this, you are that!” And where are the notorious open questions and descriptions of your feelings: “Darling, I’m upset that you came late, let’s discuss why you’re not in a hurry to go home”? Conversation, communication, open-ended questions help us not to think or write for our partner - something we, unfortunately, often suffer from.
Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter introduced the concept of active listening into our lives. Simply put, this is a manifestation of maximum empathy for the interlocutor, “listening to him with the whole body” (one would like to add – and “with the whole soul”).
The following active listening techniques are distinguished:
A pause is just a pause, as it is. It gives the interlocutor the opportunity to think. After a pause, the interlocutor may say something else that he would have kept silent about without it. A pause also gives the listener the opportunity to step away from himself (his thoughts, assessments, feelings) and focus on the interlocutor.
The ability to step away from oneself and switch to the internal processes of the interlocutor is one of the main and difficult conditions for active listening, which creates trusting contact between people.
Clarification is a request to clarify or clarify something said. In ordinary communication, minor understatements and inaccuracies are thought out by interlocutors for each other. But when complex, emotionally significant topics are discussed, interlocutors involuntarily avoid raising painful issues. Clarification allows you to maintain an understanding of your partner’s feelings and thoughts in such a situation.
Retelling (paraphrase) is an attempt by the listener to briefly and in his own words repeat what has just been stated by the interlocutor. At the same time, the listener should try to highlight and emphasize the main ideas and accents in his opinion. Retelling gives the interlocutor feedback and helps him understand how his words sound from the outside. As a result, the interlocutor receives either confirmation that he was understood, or the opportunity to correct his words. In addition, retelling can be used as a way of summing up results, including intermediate ones.
Development of thought is an attempt by the listener to pick up and further advance the course of the interlocutor’s main thought.
Message about perception - the listener tells the interlocutor his impression of the interlocutor, formed during communication. For example: “This topic is very important to you.”
Self-Perception Reporting—The listener communicates to the interlocutor changes in his or her own state as a result of listening. For example: “It really hurts me to hear this.”
Comments on the flow of the conversation are the listener's attempt to communicate how he thinks the conversation as a whole can be understood. For example: “We seem to have reached a common understanding of the problem.”
Exercises to develop a positive attitude that will really help
You can develop positive thinking on your own, without resorting to the services of psychotherapists and psychologists. Below are some effective and fairly simple exercises.
Exercise 1. Changing settings
Our thoughts are material. The way our thinking is configured, so is the world around us. Negative attitudes need to be changed to positive ones. Track your thoughts. Carry a notepad with you where you will record the replacement. It is important to then read several times the positive attitudes that you have transformed from negative thoughts.
For example, you can't learn English. You accuse yourself of laziness. Write in your notebook: I am capable. I will learn English. It is important not only to form positive thinking, but also to take further actions to achieve a positive result. Sign up for English courses. Watch movies or TV series in English every day. Do 1-2 grammar exercises. Read 5-10 pages in English. After all this, how can you tell yourself that you are lazy?
Exercise 2. Gratitude
Learn to be grateful to yourself first. This is a very effective exercise if done on a daily basis. Thank yourself for failures, because now you have gained tremendous experience on what not to do next time and not fail.
Every night before going to bed, remember all the good things that happened to you during the day. Write down 2 positive things in your notebook. Thank yourself for these happy moments. This seemingly easy exercise will help switch your mind to a positive attitude and teach you to think in the right way.
Exercise 3. “Perfect day”
This exercise will teach you how to set goals and plan your day around your interests in a positive way. Write down a plan for your ideal day.
- Work or look for a good job;
- Do an interesting activity, hobby, read a book;
- Play with the children in the evening;
- Go to a beauty salon, manicure, massage, etc.
Create a plan around activities that make you happy. Tune in to positive moments, to achieve goals, to make dreams come true. It is important to track your emotions that accompany you throughout the day. Try to switch to positive feelings when performing any work and tasks. If some activity irritates you, analyze it. Think about what you need to change in your life so that there are fewer negative feelings.
Exercise 4: Meditation and Affirmation
The art of meditation is aimed at clearing the mind of negative thoughts and promoting the development of positive thinking. In the process of short meditation, you calm down, relieve stress and improve your mental health.
Phrases for affirmation:
- I love life!
- My soul is filled with joy and love!
- Today is the best day of my life.
- I am filled with positive energy and have a positive attitude.
- I love myself the way I am
- I have a brilliant mind and a calm spirit.
- I believe that I can do anything.
- Everything that happens to me is for the better.
- I build my own life.
- I forgive everyone who has offended me, I move away from them.
- I am able to cope with everything that fate throws at me.
- I give up old habits and adopt new ones that are good for me.
Exercise 5. “Turquoise bracelet”
This simple exercise can radically change your life towards positive thinking.
This is another technique to learn to monitor negative thoughts. The technique of the exercise is that you need to wear a turquoise bracelet for 21 days. All this time you will learn to live with a positive attitude. As soon as unpleasant thoughts and negativity come into your head, you need to put the bracelet on your other hand and start counting down the 21 days again.
Exercise 6. “How cool”
Try to react to any unexpected situation in a positive way and always say the phrase “How great...”. Try to use these words more often and you will see how your mood will begin to change in a positive direction.
Research by scientists
Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D. from Stanford, after numerous studies that she conducted over 20 years, came to the conclusion that while a person experiences pleasant emotions, such as joy, tenderness, peace, happiness, etc., he is able to not only notice the mass of opportunities provided, but also develop and acquire skills.
A person, on the contrary, who is pessimistic is unlikely to try something new, experiment and follow his interest. And then her life will seem gray, monotonous and boring. And this leads to apathy, depression and various diseases. This is human psychology, the body reacts sensitively to any experiences, and the excessiveness of any of them can disrupt its integrity.
So, from pent-up anger your teeth crumble and your head hurts, from understatement - your throat and shoulders worry - when there is too much responsibility... You can learn more about pessimists from the article here.
What it is
Positive psychotherapy is a direction centered on conflict, which is resolved with the help of the abilities (innate and acquired) of the person himself. It is widely used in both psychology and psychiatry for the treatment of serious personality and behavioral disorders. Rooted in transcultural psychodynamic psychotherapeutic methods. Initially, Pezeshkian called his brainchild differential analysis. The basis is a humanistic point of view.
Pezeshkian positive psychotherapy has been actively promoted in Germany since 1968. But she received recognition much later. In 1996 it was declared an effective and official direction by the European Association of Psychotherapy. Following her in 2008, the same thing was proclaimed from the high rostrum of the World Council of Psychotherapy.
Professor Pezeshkian in the last years of his life (died in 2010) constantly traveled around the world with seminars, symposiums, and public lectures. Conducted interviews with the press, television and radio. To date, more than 40 positive psychotherapy centers have been opened in different countries. For the active implementation of his method, the doctor was awarded many awards:
- Germany's main medical award "Richard-Martin-Price" for quality assurance;
- Ernst von Bergmann Prize;
- Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany;
- International Avicenna Prize for Ethics in Science;
- Nobel Prize nomination.
Many of his books have been translated into Russian:
- "Positive psychotherapy - theory and practice of a new method."
- "Positive family psychotherapy."
- "Psychosomatics and positive psychotherapy."
- “Psychotherapy of everyday life: conflict resolution training.”
- “The merchant and the parrot. Eastern stories and psychotherapy."
Pezeshkian created positive psychotherapy based on transcultural studies of more than 20 world cultures. Therefore, many call his direction innovative and interethnic.
In everyday life you can find different names: positive dynamic psychotherapy, differential analysis, transcultural psychodynamics and others.
Complexities of etymology. Despite the fact that in PP there is a moment that provides the patient with an exclusively positive attitude, the name of the direction has nothing to do with the Latin word “positivus”, which translates as “positive”. It goes back to another Latin concept - “positum”, which means “occurring, actual, given.”
Revision of rules
Most stress is generated by rules that we ourselves have come up with or heard in kindergarten. You shouldn’t set boundaries for yourself and then suffer because of it. Many settings are outdated and require revision. From grandchildren, we ourselves have turned into grandparents, and, without realizing it, we continue to behave as before. This gives rise to internal conflict and neurosis. How to think positively in such a situation? I'll have to work on myself.
It is necessary to develop positive thinking. Exercises specially designed for this will help you do this in an interesting, playful way.
Basic principles
Positive psychotherapy is based on three “pillars” - three basic principles. Each of them corresponds to a specific technique.
The principle of balance
It corresponds to the methodology of meaningful differential analysis of personality psychodynamics. The name just sounds so scary, but in reality everything is simple. Positive psychotherapy works with a person’s innate (primary) and acquired (secondary) abilities. The specialist tries to identify and differentiate them at the very first sessions.
Most often, the problem arises due to the fact that the former turn out to be undetected and rebel somewhere from within, while the latter, although lying on the surface, do not find a field of application. The task of the PP is to harmonize and literally “bring out” innate talents and at the same time help to actualize acquired ones.
Principle of Hope
It corresponds to the method of a positive approach in seeing innate and acquired abilities, as well as human capabilities. There are patients whom one or another referral refuses because it does not have the necessary tools to work with it. But here psychotherapists do not have the right not to believe in a successful outcome. Even if the case is unique or advanced, it is necessary to act as if recovery will come tomorrow. Moreover, most of the hope is placed on the internal resources of the patient himself.
The principle of self- and mutual assistance
It corresponds to a metamodel that involves 5 steps. Its goal is to harmonize, adapt and develop any personality in the shortest possible time. And if at the very first sessions the work is carried out mainly with the patient himself, then at the end he is given an algorithm on how to improve the life of not only himself, but also those around him. Moreover, this list is quite impressive: loved one, family, business partner, colleagues, employees of the organization, community. The humanistic orientation of positive psychotherapy manifests itself most clearly in this principle.
However, these principles do not exhaust the methods of positive psychotherapy. In the hands of specialists there is a much richer toolkit.
Positive Psychology: Definition and Brief History
Positive psychology is a special psychological direction that studies the positive aspects of the human psyche. If classical psychology focuses on problems and pathologies, then the subject of positive psychology research is everything that helps a person achieve happiness.
The basis for the emergence of this direction of psychological science was humanistic psychology and the ideas of its supporters, such as Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, Gordon Allport and others. According to one opinion, the first person to use the concept of “positive psychology” was Maslow (work “Motivation and Personality”). But in the middle of the 20th century, quite a few psychologists already said that it was time for scientists to focus their efforts not on pathologies and diseases, but on stimulating mental health.
The foundation of the direction of positive psychology belongs to the American psychologist Martin Seligman, who later became president of the American Psychological Association. He became famous for his research into the treatment of depression, as well as the unusual history of the experiments he conducted, as a result of which he discovered the phenomenon of “learned helplessness.” These experiments served as a prerequisite for the emergence of a new direction.
Finding peace of mind
How to learn to think positively and stop fighting life? To do this, you need to stop dividing events into “bad” and “good”. A logical approach to life events is not always beneficial. Losing a job, which seems like a catastrophe, can turn into a career boost in a new place and financial well-being. Divorce will allow you to meet true love.
Finding positive moments in every event is the answer to the question: “How to learn to think positively?” You need to accept the world as it is. There is no need to fight life - it will still win.
The essence
The whole essence of positive psychology is revealed in the etymology of the term. It works with the problem that exists at the moment and which requires an urgent solution right now. Nosrat Pezeshkian believed that while in other directions they were getting to the bottom of the true causes of the conflict (psychotrauma, disorder), precious time was wasted. Then it is also spent on the possible elimination of provoking factors. And only after that the work begins directly with the problem itself. And during this period it already manages to grow, take root and move into an advanced stage.
Considering these moments to be a clear disadvantage of most psychotherapeutic directions, Nossrat Pezeshkian created positive psychotherapy with a completely different goal - to work directly with the problem situation. Without delving into childhood behavioral patterns and long-standing psycho-traumatic factors, he tried to quickly rid a person of anxious thoughts, depression, nervousness, and personality-behavioral disorders before they became advanced.
This gives excellent and fast results. People get a solution to their problem in just a few sessions, without going deep into the past and without bringing up unpleasant memories in the recesses of memory. While maintaining peace of mind, they also learn to independently get out of difficult situations later.
The main objectives of positive psychotherapy:
- psychotherapeutic aspect - treatment of personal behavioral disorders;
- pedagogical aspect - education and prevention of deviant behavior and social maladaptation of children and adolescents;
- transcultural-social aspect - development and improvement of intercultural consciousness (study of national traditions that influence the behavior and internal state of their bearers);
- interdisciplinary aspect - interaction and integration (as far as possible) of other psychotherapeutic areas under a common auspices.
Such a variety of aspects that specialists have to work with makes it even more attractive.
About abilities
Innate and acquired abilities are key concepts. Moreover, we are talking not so much about talents, giftedness or genius, but about universal human values. For example, from the point of view of the PP, from birth, everyone has two leading abilities (needs) - to know and to love.
The ability and need to know
This is the rational, intellectual essence of man. The left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for it. Firstly, it is more developed among mathematicians, physicists and people in other specialties related to the exact sciences. Secondly, given the integration of cultures, from the point of view of positive psychotherapy, this ability is a priority for residents of North America and Western Europe.
This is what becomes the main focus when resolving a conflict, for example, for a chemist or a German. The therapist invites them to eliminate it through logical thinking. Constant quarrels with your wife? Because of which? Doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash or iron clothes, doesn’t look after the children, demands a lot of money? Are there any positive moments in living together with her? What is more: advantages or disadvantages? With the help of such leading questions and recording clear answers, a comparative table at the end of the first session, the rationalist sees that there is no longer any point in being with such a spouse and the only way out of this situation is divorce (or vice versa).
The ability and need to love
This is the emotional, sensual spiritual essence of a person. The left hemisphere is responsible for it. It is developed among representatives of humanitarian and creative professions, as well as among residents of the East and South America.
If an artist or a Japanese man comes to a positive psychotherapist with a family problem (quarrels with his wife), it is useless to ask them those clear, rational questions that worked so effectively in the previous case. The answers to them will be vague, long and indefinite, which will only further confuse the client about what he wants and delay the session.
This requires other methods and techniques. For example, metaphors or parables. Seeing his own family life as a damaged canvas or dried out paints, the artist will be able to decide for himself whether to revive them or replace them with new ones. Having heard the story about the stupid wife, the Japanese will understand how to fix everything.
"Supermen"
The most difficult thing to work with is people who have a mixture of physiological abilities and cultural and historical predispositions. For example, with a Chinese computer scientist or an English musician. On the one hand, they are driven by the most developed hemisphere. On the other hand, ethnicity. In such cases, it is necessary to identify the dominant of these factors and work with an orientation towards it. In this case, it is necessary to eliminate the eternal internal conflict between these two entities.
This intercultural approach allows positive psychotherapy to work with a person of any nationality, taking into account his ethnic and cultural-historical predispositions. This gives excellent results.
The “ugly duckling” complex
Often parents, afraid of spoiling their children, never praise them, but they do not leave a single mistake unattended. It is quite possible that they were also raised by their own parents.
How to start thinking positively in this case? You should analyze your life, look at yourself with your own eyes, and not rely on the statements of your parents and teachers. Perhaps you will see a completely successful, positive person who deserves quite flattering characteristics. By the way, remember if you have a habit of responding to compliments with denial. Get rid of this complex, and add compliments to your list of positive qualities.
Advantages
The “here and now” principle is actively used in neurolinguistic programming, psychodrama, client-centered psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, and non-directive hypnosis. And yet, work in these areas takes too long, since they practically do not draw on a person’s internal resources, helping him with external methods. Most of them are focused on eliminating the symptoms rather than the conflict itself.
Given all this, it is not surprising that positive psychotherapy has had such success. Its advantages over other areas:
- conflict-centered rather than symptom-centered;
- short-term: on average, 20 sessions within the framework of psychology and no more than 50 sessions of psychotherapy (taking into account the final recovery from quite severe disorders);
- universality: specialists do not have to look for different methods, techniques and techniques - here everything works to eliminate the conflict almost instantly;
- internationality: this is cross-cultural psychotherapy that integrates the philosophy and intuitive wisdom of the East and the rationalism and science of the West;
- active involvement of the patient in the process of working through their conflicts;
- working with a person as an integral system, and not with his individual thoughts, experiences, conflicts;
- active use of parables and metaphors as a psychotherapeutic tool for working with patients;
- future-oriented, despite the “here and now” principle: positive psychotherapy teaches how to cope with problematic situations in the future.
In addition to all these advantages, this direction also offers methods for working with problems that arise for psychotherapists themselves. For practicing specialists this is a significant advantage. One of the most attractive points for patients is that short-term positive psychotherapy allows you to eliminate conflict in a minimum number of sessions. Where Gestalt therapy takes six months, PP is managed in one and a half months.
