Arguments: “How to understand another person?” from life and literature

• October 6, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Ekaterina Vladimirovna

Not every person has the ability to understand the motives and actions of other people. But without this it is extremely difficult to build personal and work relationships. The ability to understand others, as well as to determine the inner essence of each person comes with years and experience. Therefore, you need to start learning this art as early as possible. Fortunately, this is not as difficult as it might initially seem. There are several simple ways to understand people. To complete them, you only need to develop such qualities as sensitivity, attentiveness and the ability to observe.

Arguments

1. Understanding is associated with concepts such as sympathy, empathy and compassion.
2. Mutual understanding between people is not always possible, but we must strive for it.
3. Other people are better understood by those who have rich life experience.
4. Constant self-development helps you better understand others.
5. To understand another person, you need to respect his worldview.
6. Understanding is not an innate quality of a person, but an acquired one.
7. Understanding another person means taking part in his life.
8. In order to understand another person, you need to take into account the characteristics of his character.
9. Understanding is a long and labor-intensive process that requires considerable time and mental investment from each person.
10. The best way to understand a person and find out his thoughts is to ask him about it.

Look at it objectively.

You need to approach compiling a psychological portrait with an open mind. After all, how can you truly understand a person if you have a long-established image before your eyes? Thus, parents of excellent students cannot believe that their son smoked during recess, because they know how many diplomas their child received and how neatly he folds his briefcase.

Interesting research. Soviet psychologists asked two groups of people to describe a person from a photograph. The first group was casually told that there was a killer in the photo. And the second group of subjects believed that they were describing a valiant hero. In fact, everyone had their point of view imposed on them. This is proven by the result, because the first group saw a proud and arrogant person, and the second group saw an honest and courageous one.

Epithets for the word “man”

Real, understanding, extraordinary, legendary, outstanding, thoughtful, unique, suspicious, authoritative, strong-willed, popular, independent, creative, unique, independent, significant, influential, charming, talented, strong, worthy, noble, wonderful, significant, exceptional, conscientious, moral, mature, serious, respected, worthless, amazing, ordinary, ordinary, brilliant, conscious, influential, developed, heroic, original, interested, artistic, responsible, adequate, fair, powerful, insignificant, free, independent, failed, insolvent, unpleasant, unknown, restless, proud, gambling, restless, artless, cheerful, proud, delicate, businesslike, kind, friendly, lively, cheerful, seasoned, wonderful, golden, proactive, seeking, sociable, strong, meek, affectionate, peaceful, courageous, soft, rebellious, persistent, gentle, independent, kind, incorruptible, sociable, open, flexible, truthful, beautiful, simple, straightforward, direct, ardent, decisive, even, selfless, independent, bright, free, accommodating, reserved, nice, brave, meek, collected, calm, persistent, happy, firm, quiet, confident, enthusiastic, persistent, compliant, good, integral, honest, generous, emotional.

Nature of the phenomenon

Glossolalia can have a very different style; it is influenced by the speaker’s usual speech and the number of languages ​​he speaks.

The first theorists who studied this phenomenon were convinced that glossolalia had nothing to do with real language. She cannot perform any of the functions of speech. In addition, such “sentences” are quite often immediately forgotten by the speakers themselves.

Moreover, it is also impossible to transform glossolalia into some language that is close and understandable to us; it is simply an imitation of ordinary speech and nothing more.

Such speech behavior can be easily mastered if desired; you just need to relax and improvise. You can also train the pronunciation of such pseudowords. So, during one of the scientific experiments, people were given recordings of very emotional expressions, and against this background, many of the participants themselves were able to glossola. That is, in this state a person is aware of what he is saying and can easily control himself, but still more often glossolalia is associated with special emotional experiences. For the same reason, it cannot be classified as a symptom of any mental disorder.

But still, some mental disorders - schizophrenia - can be accompanied by schizophasia and glossolalia. Incoherent speech may be the only way autistic people can communicate.

And glossolalia sometimes resembles baby babble - that is, it can be considered as a type of pre-speech behavior consisting of individual sounds and syllables. Babbling is a kind of training for a child who in the future will learn to pronounce words and link them into sentences. And babies often accompany their “conversations” with rhythmic movements of their arms and legs; speech therapists say that coordinated actions are a very important stage in speech formation.

Some forms of glossolalia can often be found in art. For example, singing without words (vocalism) or the work of poets of certain movements (futurists, symbolists).

Examples from fiction

1. F.M. Dostoevsky "Crime and Punishment" .

In order to understand other people, you need to develop qualities such as tolerance, responsiveness and empathy. Only thanks to these properties of the soul was Sonya Marmeladova able to understand the necessity of her life choice, and later, Raskolnikov’s act.

Sonya was the only daughter of the official Marmeladov. They lived modestly, but did not starve. After some time, her father decided to marry again and his choice fell on a poor, useless widow with three children. The burden Marmeladov took upon himself turned out to be too much for him to bear. As a result, he started drinking and lost his job. Sonya was the oldest of all the children in the family and her stepmother repeatedly reproached her for being an extra mouth, unwilling to help her family. Unable to look any longer at the torment of her hungry sisters and brother, the girl decided to sell her honor. Having taken the road of dissipation, she lost herself, but saved her entire family from starvation. Over time, Sonya was able to understand and forgive her stepmother, who pushed her to this choice.

The next person whom Sonya was able to understand and accept for who he really was was Rodion Raskolnikov. She turned out to be the only person he could trust and confess to the crime he had committed. Rodion expected condemnation from her, but Sonya entered into his position and helped him take the path of repentance. Only thanks to her faith, Raskolnikov realized the inconsistency of his inhuman theory, because of which he killed two people.

1. A.P. Chekhov "The Wonderful Doctor" .

The main character of the story A.P. Chekhov's “Wonderful Doctor” is an outstanding doctor and a wonderful person who could not ignore someone else’s misfortune. Seeing despair in the eyes of a random person he met, Professor Pirogov treated him with understanding and tried to help him in every way he could.

Emelyan Mertsalov, when meeting with the doctor, behaved very unrestrainedly: he shouted and swore, blaming his new acquaintance for the fact that everything was fine with him. However, Professor Pirogov was not offended by his interlocutor and did not leave him alone on the bench in the park. He reacted with understanding to such behavior, guessing that Mertsalov had some problems. Wanting to understand the reasons for his misfortune, the doctor began to question his new acquaintance. It turned out that Emelyan was fired from his job after he suffered from typhoid fever for a long time. All the money he had saved was spent on his treatment, and now his wife and children were forced to starve, besides, his daughter was seriously ill, and they had no way to cure her.

The professor could not ignore the misfortune of the starving family; sympathy led him to the basement where the Mertsalovs lived. Doctor Pirogov saved the life of a sick girl by examining her and prescribing medicine, and also gave her money for food and firewood to warm her home. He helped completely disinterestedly and left without even giving his name. And since then, life has improved in the Mertsalov family; it’s as if a white streak has come in their destiny.

1. V.G. Rasputin "French Lessons" .

One of the main characters in the story by V.G. Rasputin's "French Lessons" is taught by Lidia Mikhailovna. She taught French at the school where the main character of the work studied.

Lydia Mikhailovna understood and felt all her students. Her responsiveness and caring helped the children not only in their academic performance, but also in life.

Before each lesson, Lidia Mikhailovna carefully examined the class and only then allowed the children to sit down. At this time, she always noticed that if something happened to someone, nothing could escape the attention of the sensitive teacher. Lidia Mikhailovna understood how difficult it was to live in the post-war period, especially for children, so she always tried to help them.

One day she noticed signs of a fight on the protagonist’s face and found out that he was playing for money with other schoolchildren in order to earn himself a glass of milk necessary for treatment. His family lived very poorly and the money sent by his mother was not enough even for the most necessary things. Having entered into the position of her student, Lydia Mikhailovna decided to help him. The boy refused to accept any help openly, so his teacher had to use cunning and intelligence. She assigned him extra lessons, during which she tried to feed him and treat him to something tasty. Then she began sending anonymous parcels. However, a sense of pride did not allow the main character to admit that he needed help, so Lydia Mikhailovna came up with the idea to start playing with him for money in order to give him the opportunity to earn his own food.

The French teacher was sympathetic to the boy’s decision, respecting his dignity and willpower. But evil tongues informed the school management about her unacceptable games with a student, and Lydia Mikhailovna was forced to resign and leave this city.

Having grown up, the main character of the story always remembered the help provided to him by his kind and understanding teacher. She not only taught him French, but also raised him to be a decent person, showing by her example how to treat people.

1. I.A. Goncharov "Oblomov" .

The plot of the novel is based on I.A. Goncharov “Oblomov” is the life story of Ilya Ilyich Oblomov. This young man spends most of his time daydreaming, lying on the sofa. He loves to dream about Oblomovka, where he spent his entire childhood. This was the happiest and most carefree time in Oblomov’s life, so he was always mentally there, either remembering the days that had already passed, or making unrealistic plans for the future in his native village.

Unexpectedly, two women appeared in the life of Ilya Ilyich who played a significant role in his fate. Each of them tried to understand him and leave a mark on his life. Olga Ilyinskaya wanted not only to understand, but also to change her lover, making him better. Olga did not try to figure out what the reasons for his current lifestyle were; all that mattered to her was a future that would suit her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t succeed, and she gives up the stupid idea, leaving Ilya Ilyich alone.

Agafya Pshenitsyna had a completely different attitude towards Oblomov. She perfectly understood the true essence of the main character and guessed what exactly he needed at this stage of life. Pshenitsyna did not force him to go to theaters, read newspapers and magazines, or receive guests; she surrounded him with comfort and created indestructible peace for him. The atmosphere created by Agafya Matveevna was very reminiscent of the one that reigned in the former Oblomovka. That is why Ilya Ilyich eventually got married and devoted his life to his family. His wise wife accepted him as he was and did not try to change him or re-educate him. Having understood a person, you can always adapt to his way of life, which is exactly what Agafya Pshenitsyna did.

1. L.N. Tolstoy "War and Peace" .

Pierre Bezukhov and Natasha Rostova are the main characters of the novel by L.N. Tolstoy "War and Peace". They had to go through many trials before finding their happiness.

Natasha was not distinguished by her external attractiveness, although she was a very pretty girl. But she had a rare inner beauty. It is no coincidence that the author pays special attention to Natasha’s shining eyes, because, as we know, they are a reflection of the human soul.

A distinctive feature of Natasha is her ability to love without reserve. At first she loves her parents, sister, brothers, then she gives her heart to the noble Andrei Bolkonsky. But the love of her life turns out to be Pierre Bezukhov, who was always there and understood Natasha like no one else.

Pierre Bezukhov first appears on the pages of the novel in Anna Scherer's salon. He is very different from the steely representatives of high society. Pierre's life is full of vicissitudes and trials; from the illegitimate son of a count, he unexpectedly turned into the most eligible bachelor in the capital. He was too naive and gullible, so he often followed the lead of dishonest people. This is exactly how Pierre got married for the first time, falling under the influence of Prince Vasily Kuragin and his beautiful daughter Helen.

At the beginning of his family life, it seemed to Pierre that he was happy, but it soon became clear that there was no understanding between him and his wife. She directly said that she considered him a fool and did not want to have children with him. Moreover, Helene betrayed not only her husband’s trust, but also his own. Many knew about the betrayals of the wife of the young Count Bezukhov, but the whole city began to talk about her connection with Dolokhov. In the end, for Pierre it all ended in a duel with a friend and a divorce from the hypocritical Helen.

It was an unhappy marriage that pushed Pierre Bezukhov onto the path of moral quest. Many discoveries and disappointments awaited him before he met Platon Karataev in captivity, who discovered the long-awaited truth. It turns out that the happiness of life lies in life itself; you shouldn’t look for anything, you should enjoy the simple joys that fill every day.

After this realization, Pierre once again met with Natasha Rostova, but she was no longer the same funny girl. Instead of her, he saw a sad, emaciated woman and at that very moment he realized that he loved her more than anything in the world. Suffering gave the lovers spiritual wealth, which united them and made them one.

1. A.N. Ostrovsky "Thunderstorm" .

The main reason for misunderstanding lies in human egoism and reluctance to listen to others. If a person is not interested in anyone's fate except his own, he will never be able to understand other people. Marfa Ignatievna Kabanova was confident that she was right and wanted everyone to live the way she lived. She cared only about her own needs and desires, she did not think about the views, feelings and fate of those around her. That is why complete misunderstanding reigned in her family.

Varvara did not want to put up with her mother’s orders, she constantly deceived her and acted in her own way. And Tikhon obeyed Kabanikh, but this put too much pressure on him, so he often drank and left home at every opportunity. Katerina was the only one who tried to defend her rights and improve relations with her mother-in-law, but instead she received the most reproaches and insults from her.

It is noteworthy that Marfa Ignatievna herself did not feel happy, because those who needed to obey her unquestioningly constantly tried to disobey her. As a result, she is destined to remain alone: ​​her daughter runs away, her daughter-in-law dies, and her obedient son begins to contradict her. All this could have been avoided if Kabanikha had tried to understand her loved ones, and not think only about her personal well-being.

How to become aware of your own desires

It is very difficult to break stereotypes acquired in childhood. Sometimes it is impossible to cope with this task without the help of a psychotherapist. However, it is quite possible to try.

What should be done? Psychologists advise freeing the day from all affairs and worries, staying alone, picking up a notebook or notebook and writing down those desires that have not come true, starting from early childhood. The list should be completed only when not a single desire is remembered within 10-15 minutes.

After this, the list should be carefully reread and highlight the simplest things in it, what can be easily implemented. For example, a child’s dream about a particular toy is quite feasible for an adult. This is what needs to be done.

The next step is to read the list again. However, the emotions will be different, not the same as when viewing it for the first time. The purpose of the second reading is to cross out those dreams that are no longer relevant.

It is important to be honest with yourself and listen only to your intuition, and not to think about the content of your desires. There were extra items on the list because a person who does not realize his own dreams involuntarily begins to want “everything around”

As soon as one wish is fulfilled, the view of the list immediately changes.

The remaining points should be divided into paragraphs, for example, like this:

• house;
• Job;
• leisure;
• hobby;
• family;
• personal.

There can be as many paragraphs as you like.

After this, you need to look at the desires again and determine which of them is most important. There is no need to read and be guided by generally accepted standards when choosing

If a person wants to buy a new bowl for a dog more than gifts for relatives, then this is his priority. At this moment you cannot take into account what someone will think, or reflect on what is good and what is bad.

Which paragraph contained your most important desire? Its name is the most important thing of all that a person wants from life. The remaining paragraphs are other, less important, but still significant, wishes

A general list of paragraph titles is a complete list of what a person really wants.

Having sorted out their desires and priorities, people begin to understand themselves, and, accordingly, others too.

Examples from life

A striking example of a person who has learned to understand others is the Catholic nun Mother Teresa. She became a real legend of the 20th century.

Saint Teresa of Calcutta dedicated her entire life to serving the poor and disadvantaged. Her example demonstrates how you can unselfishly receive universal love and recognition thanks to your ability to understand others. Mother Teresa's real name, given to her at baptism, was Agnes Gonje. She developed a desire for mercy in early childhood. The girl's parents were sympathetic people who were always ready to help those in need. They became an example of understanding and compassion for their daughter, instilling in her love for her neighbors.

When Agnes was four years old, the First World War began, during which her father died. The girl's mother worked tirelessly and was able to feed her family. After the end of the war, there were many orphans left, and the caring woman took six more children under her care. Agnes spent a lot of time in prayer and serving God. Having read in the newspapers about missionaries in India, I wanted with all my heart to become one of them. She dreamed of becoming a nun and in 1928 she went to Paris, where she joined the Order of the Sisters of Loretto. Remaining true to her desire to go to India, Agnes began actively studying English and a year later she ended up in Calcutta, which for a long time replaced her home. In 1931, she became a novice under the name Maria Teresa and began teaching at the convent school. The nun was worried about being far from people’s troubles, because it was the desire to help those in need that guided her in life.

Throughout World War II, Mother Teresa helped the hungry and wounded. After graduation, she got the opportunity to independently engage in charity work. The selfless woman decided that she could help those who really needed her help only by being close to them. Therefore, she left the walls of the monastery and devoted herself to the sick, the poor and the dying, sharing shelter and food with them. Over the course of several years, other nuns joined her, and a whole community was created around Mother Teresa, which became known as the Order of Missionaries of Love. The sisters worked selflessly; they were not allowed to accept any gratitude for their help. This movement quickly spread throughout the world and soon, under the leadership of Mother Teresa, shelters, hospitals and schools began to be built. The nun's work was widely recognized, and at the age of 69 she received the Nobel Prize for her works of mercy and helping suffering people.

Artificial intelligence

In fact, the ability to try on a particular situation has nothing to do with predicting the behavior of another person in such circumstances. After all, each person has his own consciousness, which can be very different from ours. Therefore, today psychologists are increasingly relying on the capabilities of artificial intelligence, which may turn out to be more accurate in predictions.

Experts from the University of Westminster have already developed automated software and analyzed almost 8 thousand email addresses. The program was supposed to distinguish fake addresses from real ones, and its predictions turned out to be accurate in 70% of cases. In the future, there are plans to use the software to identify fraudulent visa applications or check marriage forms.

And scientists from Vanderbilt University, using artificial intelligence, were able to predict a suicide attempt. They collected data from more than 5,000 patients with physical signs of self-harm and, based on a study of their medical history, gender, age and place of residence, the program was able to identify a subsequent suicide attempt with an 80-90% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt within the next two years, and with a 92% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt. within the next two weeks.

Folk wisdom

1. “What is treasure for when there is harmony in the family . This proverb talks about mutual understanding in the family. Happy is the one in whose home there is peace and tranquility.
2. . ” This proverb says that it is necessary to act together, but it is difficult to do anything alone.
3. “In a willing herd, the wolf is not terrible . The meaning of this proverb is that no trouble is terrible where harmony and understanding reign.
4. “Harmony and harmony are the main happiness . Our wise ancestors believed that true happiness lies in friendship and harmony. There is nothing more important than a peaceful and quiet life, in their opinion.
5. “Kind words are worth more than wealth . This proverb says that there is nothing in life more important than understanding and sympathy. Good words have more value than money, the main thing is to understand.
6. “To a kind greeting there is a kind answer . The meaning of this proverb is that if you treat others well, they will treat you the same.
7. “A person is not a nut, you can’t figure it out right away . This proverb says that a person cannot be understood immediately. This takes time.
8. “To get to know a person, you have to eat a ton of salt with him . This proverb says that you can understand a person only after you go through trials with him. Our ancestors believed that a true friend is found in trouble.
9. “Don’t be quick to argue . With this proverb, our ancestors wanted to warn those who like to argue. It is better to try to understand a person than to try to convince him that you are wrong.
10. “He who is cool in character is no one’s friend . This proverb talks about people with bad character. It is difficult to achieve understanding with them, so true friendship is rare in such an environment.

Using the Big Five Method

This concept is based on several of the most pronounced aspects of personality: openness, friendliness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and extraversion. These personal qualities can reflect how predisposed a person is to conflict, new knowledge and communication. Understanding a loved one thanks to these properties is quite simple, since these qualities will constantly emerge during close communication. But with a stranger, for example, a colleague, distant relative, new friend or business partner, it will be more difficult. To determine the level of these personality aspects, you need to do the following:

• Constantly monitor a person’s reaction to change.
• Pay attention to his habits to assess conscientiousness, responsibility, organization and awareness.
• Observe the interaction of a person with the people around him. This way you can determine the level of his extraversion.
• Ask open-ended questions to the person you are interested in. Detailed answers will allow you to evaluate his friendliness.
• Monitor the presence of neurotic states: moodiness, pessimism, anxiety, irritability and unpredictability.

Learning how to understand people is not difficult. You just need to always be attentive and closely observe the person you are interested in.

Aphorisms

1. “If you want to understand others, look more closely at yourself . The English writer Oscar Wilde believed that it is necessary to understand oneself in order to learn to understand others.
2. “We all get lonely and we all need understanding and warmth . Russian writer Oleg Roy said that every person needs understanding, especially when he feels lonely.
3. “We must admit the obvious: only those who want to understand understand . Contemporary French writer and philosopher Bernard Verber believes that only those who sincerely want to understand another person can understand.
4. “In order for others to understand you, you need to understand yourself . Swedish writer Maria Griepe talked about the need to understand yourself so that others can understand you too.
5. “He who understands people does not seek their understanding . Polish satirist Boguslaw Wojner believed that a person who can understand others does not expect the same from them in return.
6. . ” The Dutch rationalist philosopher Benedict Spinoza believed that understanding between people is the key to their peaceful coexistence. Peaceful relationships are impossible where there is no understanding, in his opinion.
7. “A person can see in another only as much as he himself possesses, and he can understand another only in proportion to his own mind . The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer said that a person will never be able to understand another and accept him as he is. All people understand others only from their side, according to their life and moral principles.
8. “We discover something new for ourselves only when we are ready to perceive this information. Until the right moment comes, we don’t even notice those things that seem obvious to most . Australian speaker and writer Andrew Matthews says that a person can understand another only when he himself is ready for this. Otherwise, mutual understanding is impossible, in his opinion.
9. “To understand each other, you don’t need many words. It takes a lot not to understand . Russian writer V.G. Rasputin said that words are not needed to understand another person. Sometimes, on the contrary, they interfere with mutual understanding.
10. “People love to talk about happiness. But no one knows that the greatest happiness is in understanding . Soviet writer and teacher K.G. Paustovsky believed that true happiness lies in understanding. There is nothing better when there is someone in a person's life who can understand him and accept him for who he really is.

Using the STEVE method

This method is very similar to the Big Five, but it measures how calm, precise, playful and dominant a person is. With its help, you can figure out how to understand people, find common ground with them, and influence them. To do this, it is necessary to take a number of measures:

• Pay attention to the person's openness, extroversion, playfulness and tendency to have fun. The most open people are more organized, responsible and have increased creativity.
• Monitor a person’s behavior in stressful situations. This will tell you how capable he is of solving problems on his own.
• Determine whether a person is prone to domineering behavior. If he has determination, purposefulness, activity and perseverance, then he is a rather powerful person.
• Pay attention to a person’s pedantry by assessing his appearance and surroundings. People who take care of order in their things are more responsible and constant.

The combination of the “Big Five” and “STEVE” methods will help quickly reveal the inner essence of the person of interest.

Socionics: us and information

The essence of socionics is as follows. People differ in how they perceive information, process it, and produce results. According to this theory, all people are divided into 16 sociotypes (and the type does not change throughout life). Each type has certain unique features that distinguish it from others. Therefore, knowing the type of person, you can say, if not everything, then a lot about him. Skeptics usually say: “So, it turns out that every 16th person is your copy?” Of course not. A sociotype is the backbone, but the “meat” can be different. For example, upbringing, education, intelligence, creative abilities form a personality based on a certain type. And, of course, as individuals we are all unique.

The sociotype, in turn, shows what our strengths and weaknesses are, what the direction of our psyche is and what motives drive us.

In short, the type is obtained as follows. There are 4 pairs of characteristics that form a type:

1. How we perceive information: sensory (based on the 5 senses) or intuitively (based on the same 5 senses, but primarily on the 6th – intuition);
2. How we process information: using logic (analysis, calculation, structure) or using ethics (emotions, relationships);
3. How do we produce the result: rationally (plans, predictability, reliability) or irrationally (spontaneity, inspiration, inspiration, unpredictability);
4. How the psyche is aimed at interacting with the world: extroverted (openness, contact, expansion) or introverted (closedness, minimal contact, deepening).

We are designed in such a way that everything is mixed in us at once, but from each presented pair of signs, one thing always (!) predominates. For example, you cannot be 50% logical and 50% ethical; something is inherent in nature.

Combining with each other, these characteristics make up 16 sociotypes. For example, from the first pair, sensory is dominant in a person, from the second – logic, from the third – irrationality, from the fourth – extraversion. So we got one of 16 types. He is called a sensory-logical extrovert. By studying the characteristics of this type, we can learn a lot about this person.

How to communicate with toxic people

There is a certain category of negative personalities with whom you need to be as careful as possible:

1. “Energy vampires”, after communicating with whom a person feels broken and empty. Try to promptly identify such people in your environment and not succumb to manipulation.
2. Parasites who try to use others for their own selfish purposes. You can communicate with them, but you should not help, because there is no gratitude or payment for their work.
3. People with an unbalanced psyche. Constant disruptions that no one expects should raise alarm bells. Talk to the person about his behavior. If such conversations do not lead to the desired results, only a doctor can help.
4. Aggressive personalities. It is better to stay away from such people, because they are prone to fights and physical violence.
5. Manipulators. It is better to immediately tell the manipulator that you know about his character trait or try not to succumb to manipulation.
6. Immoral individuals for whom there are no social and legal norms. Try to minimize communication with them.
7. Weak personalities are characterized by shyness, touchiness, vulnerability, timidity, and anxiety. You should not indulge their weaknesses, so as not to become a “wish granter.” You need to compensate for your refusals by helping a person solve his problems independently.
8. Egoists love only their own person. You can communicate with them in two ways: tell the truth or constantly flatter.

The main thing is to know that there are people in your environment who pose a certain danger. Then it becomes possible to minimize their negative impact.

The use of speech without meaning

Glossolalia is a universal human phenomenon, therefore it is often found in a variety of countries and cultures. But it still does not arise so often, since in ordinary life situations rarely arise for its logical application. But you definitely shouldn’t underestimate the potential of this phenomenon.

Both baby babble, vocalization, and glossolalia have in common that they all give vent to strong and real emotions when a person does not restrain or control himself in any way. In this way, the baby simply enjoys life, and as he grows up, we explain to him that he needs to speak when there is something to say. That is, we teach children to restrain themselves. Meanwhile, scientists have proven that screaming and free speech significantly increase the level of testosterone in the blood, which makes men and women more active and sexually attractive.

And the opportunity to “let go” of your voice is a good psychological release that can help you understand yourself better. And inventing words and improvising is a good way to develop creative and language skills. But still, glossolalia requires certain conditions and it’s not worth practicing it just like that. After all, there are other ways to express your linguistic expression.

Crycotherapy

Screaming along with crying is one of the practices that is actively used in body-oriented therapy. Adherents are convinced that this helps a person get rid of numerous “tightness” in the muscles and tongue. There are not many psychologists working using this method, but if you wish, you can easily find them on social networks.

Screaming alone

If you don't like doing this in a group, you can always scream in private. You will feel complete freedom and do what you really want

But for this it is important to choose the right place. Ideally a forest or river bank

It’s better to scream in a car, parked away from prying eyes, and in an apartment to the sound of water.

Nanny

Some languages ​​contain specific particles that do not carry much meaning. For example, in Japanese there is a pseudonym “nya”, which is often used in anime cartoons.

There are no such particles in Russian, but firstly, you can come up with them yourself, and secondly, borrow them from other languages. Most often, such communication is established in a narrow circle, where people are close and trust each other. It has been proven that such communication can even have a certain therapeutic effect, because you do not need to specifically construct phrases and select words, you can simply speak in short and meaningless sounds.

Making noises when playing sports or during sex

Method 2. With friends

Play a guessing game with a friend.

1. Invite a friend to participate in the experiment.

2. Place a chair next to his chair so that you are facing the same direction. A bench or sofa will also work.

3. Ask a friend to sit quietly for a while (15–20 seconds is enough).

4. Imagine that you are him. You can reproduce his pose and try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.

5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the state in the first person. For example: “I’m calm and I like this game” or “I’m feeling a little irritated because you pestered me with this game and I didn’t finish my coffee.”

6. The task of the person being duplicated is to repeat only that part of the message that was guessed. You can’t say “no” or “wrong”. If not a single word of the “understudy” is suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his condition in his own words.

The dialogue might look like this:

Understudy (D):

I'm a little tired, so much work has accumulated.

Subject (I):

I'm tired because I didn't get enough sleep today.

D:

If I got more sleep, I would feel more alert.

AND:

I would feel more energetic if this exhausting renovation was over.

D:

I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension.

AND:

I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension

The exercise lasts on average 2-3 minutes. If you wish, you can switch roles.

How to use

In its pure form, technology is not used in communication. But if you practice it regularly, you will be able to come much closer to understanding the feelings and thoughts of other people than before. This will help you build good relationships and resolve conflicts more easily.

Anton Vorobyov is a clinical psychologist, business coach, psychodrama specialist. On June 10 and 11 he conducts master classes “Work for joy or play at work” and “Guitar Light” at the Moscow Psychodrama Conference. See website for details

Hanlon's razor

The simple humorous saying “Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity” belongs to Robert Hanlon, who has published more than one collection of similar sayings. The only thing that can be corrected in this statement is to replace the word “stupidity” with “ignorance.” It is the lack of a complete picture of what is happening that affects a person’s perception of any events. Therefore, first of all, you should understand the situation and assess the cause of what happened.

For example, you received an email from a colleague with obvious criticism of an idea or a proposed project. At first glance it may seem that this was done with malice, but perhaps there was a simple misunderstanding of each other. Trivial ignorance in this matter can cause a conflict situation.

What prevents you from understanding yourself

A peculiar defense mechanism prevents a person from understanding himself. What it is? A process in thinking that allows you to move away from the awareness of unpleasant or painful, problematic facts.

In other words, the human psyche is protected from negative experiences and from the need to do anything, make an effort, change.

What does this mean? The fact that the human mind is inclined to replace one phenomenon with another. For example, most people do not want to recognize their own weakness, worthlessness or inadequacy

Protecting themselves from awareness of these facts, people demonstrate inflated self-esteem and talk about their importance, exclusivity and importance.

Accordingly, at the heart of all the factors that prevent us from understanding ourselves is the fear of inconvenient truth. The human mind carefully protects the personality, forming a false image of itself. But it is a smoke screen, that is, every person deep down understands that he is not what he seems to be, but does not want to admit this fact.

Dunbar number

Researcher Robin Dunbar has spent a lot of time studying the relationship between the activity of much of the cerebral cortex (neocortex) and social behavior.

Observations were made first on large groups of primates and their social behavior. Research has shown that the larger the surface of the neocortex, the more individuals there are in their communication; there are noticeable connections and patterns.

When studying people, the theory was confirmed. It was found that every person has a social circle. Some people from it are very close people with whom they maintain constant contact. Most often there are about 12 people. There is also a social group consisting of 150 people. There is constant communication with these people, perhaps even rare. Gradually, old ties weaken and disappear altogether. Therefore, you should not be offended if a person stops communicating over time, it means that he has someone new.

Online program "Profiling"

This five-week online program will teach you to analyze people, their facial expressions, gestures, and actions in order to better understand a person’s motives and feelings, identify hidden emotions, lies, attempts to manipulate, and create a psychological portrait. You will gain systematic knowledge about the most effective profiling methods, collected from dozens of different sources, and understand in what situations they are used, and see examples of their use. And with the help of special interactive exercises, you will develop a skill that will help you quickly analyze people and draw reasoned conclusions. Find out more...

We sincerely hope that these materials will help you learn to better understand and analyze the behavior of others. And, of course, we are sure that you will succeed!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Ability to understand emotional state
• Become a detective without leaving home
• How to learn to read a person: 7 tips from a former FBI agent
• 6 Skills to Develop Emotional Intelligence
• The art of seeing emotions
• How to analyze people
• Feelings, emotions and sensations: the first step to profiling
• How to communicate with anyone, anywhere?
• Effective communication techniques: a selection of useful materials
• Everyday magic of communication

Key words:1Profiling

Determining your opinion about your partner

And so you meet one of these strangers, approach him, start a conversation, and after five minutes of conversation you have already formed some kind of opinion about him.

You can already say something to yourself, like: “You know, I don’t trust him, there’s something repulsive about him” or “He’s cool, I’d love to talk to him”, or “I think he’s very He’s smart, I’d like to work with him.”

But in fact, a couple of minutes have passed, you haven’t looked at him or his resume and you don’t know much about him, everything that this person told you may or may not be true. Everything you might have noticed is just subtle hints. Therefore, if you train yourself to notice these hints, you will be able to identify for yourself what relates to what.

Step 2

Focus on the interlocutor (see where the person’s attention is directed). First of all, you need to focus their attention

Attention is what is easiest to identify. Many of us do things intuitively, but if we highlight some points, the first one is visual contact. You understand that if a person listens to you or says something and at the same time looks around or at the clock, it means that he wants to leave

The first thing you need to do is focus their attention. Attention is what is easiest to identify

Many of us do things intuitively, but if we highlight some points, the first one is visual contact. You understand that if a person listens to you or says something and at the same time looks around or at the clock, it means that he wants to leave.

You understand this intuitively. Another thing that people find difficult to control is body position. If you are tempted to leave, then your body itself changes direction: “Yes, yes, great, see you tomorrow!” and the person leaves. By the same principle, if you are in a room where there is a person with whom you want to communicate, but you are talking to another person, then your body will involuntarily begin to turn.

Where your hips are pointing, your legs are pointing, your torso is pointing, basically where different parts of your body are pointing are indicators of where your attention is going. And the last thing that can be attributed to attention is the person who is talking to you or with whom you are talking, and how you are involved in the conversation, what questions you ask

The main tasks when contacting a stranger are:

engage the person in conversation; keep his attention.

If you are not involved in the conversation, then you will react to the conversation like: “Yes, yes, great,” “Yeah, very interesting” - this is abstraction. A person’s involvement in a conversation is indicated by questions on the topic – addition. In this case there doesn't have to be a question. An action can simply be a comment that relates to the topic of the conversation. It is an excellent indicator of whether you have interested a person, which is the first step to forming a contact.

The second step is to understand whether you are holding this attention to yourself. Will your interlocutors be interested or vice versa?

And how can one recognize whether a person is interested in what is happening in front of him? Here we turn to emotions.