How to understand that a guy is lying in a relationship, about feelings, cheating? Verbal and nonverbal signs of lying. A complete manual with rationale and techniques.
The relationship between a man and a woman is a subject for discussion not only among psychologists, but also philosophers, sociologists and various types of researchers. In fact, they have a lot to talk about, given that this is an issue that goes back deep into history. Everyone builds their relationships differently, types, varieties, everything changes over time, but the essence remains the same. Love, family, procreation and everyday life.
However, as we know, all people lie. This is not a whim or a compulsion, but just human nature. The lies can be different, ranging from the fact that he forgot to put on the laundry at home, ending with the fact that he supposedly went on a business trip, but in fact spends time with someone else.
So how can you determine that your boyfriend has started lying and, worse, cheating on you? Next, we will take a closer look at how your young man lies to you: in phone calls, correspondence, SMS messages, in life, whether he lies about his feelings for you, whether he lies when he says that he loves you, and also consider the advice of psychologists and physiologists. Let's get started.
Attention to detail
First of all, it is worth noticing the little things. From them not only the whole picture is built, but it is from them that one can determine the “frequency” of lies. This is how a man lies most often. Oddly enough, women most often lie about little things related to everyday life, while men lie about everything that has to do with their personal life.
What is the easiest way to “catch” such a liar, how to understand that a guy is lying and cheating? It’s very simple, psychologists advise paying attention to the details of the “noodles” that they diligently hang on your ears. During a dialogue with a man, for example, in response to the question “where have you been?”, he will begin to colorfully describe how he was late at work, then got stuck in a traffic jam, and also the clueless neighbor’s children rode the elevator for about 20 minutes, and getting up “I’m so tired” .
Just ask, after this whole tirade, to tell everything in reverse order. The fact is that the human brain is designed in such a way that it is much easier for him to invent than to remember, and when telling a story “on the contrary”, your companion will begin to frantically remember what exactly he lied, will begin to stutter, get confused, stammer, his eyes will run around, his hands will sweat and etc., it’s easier to determine that the guy is lying. These are all clear signs of a liar.
How can you tell if a man is lying to you with questions?
Social networks2
If your man begins to pay more attention to his phone, he always receives some messages, which he reads with a smile on his face and enthusiastically types something in response, is there anything else that needs to be said? If you have access to your boyfriend’s social networks, then it is better to use it to reassure yourself or remove the noodles that he is hanging on you. But before that, try to talk about it and find out the reason, perhaps he has finally found some old friend, and now they are remembering past exploits and you have nothing to worry about.
Again, it’s worth thinking about if you previously had free access to your man’s pages and correspondence, but now he has begun to hide them and is generally ready to snatch his phone out of your hands, almost along with your fingers.
Asking the right questions
A question, not an interrogation, is important. No one, under any circumstances, encourages you to tie your significant other to a chair and, with a soldering iron in your hand, “extort” the coveted truth, poking it in all possible and impossible places. Everything is much simpler. To understand or determine that a guy is cheating, just start asking him leading questions, unobtrusively. An honest person will answer in detail and in order, without nerves and psychosis; on the contrary, a liar will twitch, get angry and avoid answering by any means.
Bites his lip
«Why did you come so late?
“, you ask your husband, who showed up in the morning and didn’t warn you that he would be late.
“ You can’t imagine what happened!
I saw a stray dog with a broken leg on the road. I wanted to take the poor guy to the vet, but not a single taxi driver wanted to take us. I had to help myself... ,” the hero tells the tales with gusto, biting his lower lip.
Psychologists believe that such a gesture signals a lie. And the liar himself does not believe in what he says. Therefore, he subconsciously tries to close his mouth so that the truth does not break out.
Behavior and sudden mood changes
A “jumping” mood is the moment to find out if a guy is lying about his feelings or even cheating. Psychologists usually attribute mood swings to the fair half of the population, but they do this very recklessly. Now I’ll explain how, imagine a situation... A guy comes home from his friend’s birthday party. There are no visible signs of betrayal, such as the smell of perfume from a shirt, traces of lipstick, but there is no limit to your doubts. You sit down next to him and begin to ask him what was there, how you noted, who was there, and if your partner begins to fidget, actively gesticulate, and at the end of the story he suddenly changes in mood, changing the topic of the dialogue, you can definitely be sure. He's lying.
Breathes like a locomotive
For every liar, deception is a stressful situation. The blood rushes to the face, the pressure jumps, the pulse quickens. It is these indicators that are considered during a polygraph study. The machine measures your heart rate and blood pressure and then gives its verdict.
But let's leave this device for specialists. You better use your wits and observation skills. If the spouse breathes quickly during standard questions, and a blush appears on his cheeks, he is hiding something.
Gestures and facial expressions
One of the most reliable methods and an obvious “innate” traitor. In this regard, pay attention to small children: when they lie, very often immediately after this, they cover their mouth with their hand. This is evidence of a lie. The same thing works with an adult, despite the fact that over the years this aspect becomes less and less noticeable. So, whether a guy is lying or not can be understood by the following non-verbal signs:
- Eyes
As the sages said, “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” They are capable of revealing not only lies, but also 90% of the spectrum of all human emotions that lie within (all poker players are virtuoso liars, but even they wear opaque glasses when sitting at the table and playing). Let's find out how to find out if a guy is lying about feelings, cheating, etc. according to the “mirror of the soul” - the eyes.
There are quite a lot of aspects here, from the pupil to the direction of gaze. Now, in order. As you know, pupils enlarge when a person looks at something he likes and decrease during stress. So they also decrease at the moment of lying, due to the fact that a person will be scared if he “gets caught”, so this is how you can understand whether a man is lying to you about something or not. As for the direction of the gaze, probably many people know the expression “the eyes were running”, so don’t be categorical, if this happens to your interlocutor, it’s not always a lie. According to scientific “physiognomists,” a person lies only in those cases when his gaze is directed upward to the left and straight to the left; in other cases, he remembers real sensations, events and sounds.
- Arms and shoulders
Restless hand movements and lack of perseverance indicate that your young man is lying. In addition to the fingers, which indicate excitement, twitching and rising shoulders can also give it away. Nervousness, uncertainty and lies.
- Lips
Another “traitor” who will give you a traitor. Everything matters here, from the shape to the angle of the corners of the lips. They can change in a second, so it is important to “catch” this change in facial expressions. Fear, contempt, excitement and anger, your lips will give it all away. So, for example, if a person purses his lips when talking to you, it means he is keeping silent about something.
True, it’s not worth looking at his lips under a magnifying glass to find out whether he’s lying or not. It is enough to pay attention to this from time to time. If your partner is embarrassed by your views, just say that he has “juicy lips.” This will definitely turn him on.
- Body
In addition to the unilateral movement of the arms, it should also be noted that this applies to the entire body and more. For example, if a person, when answering a question, takes a step back and crosses his arms in his chest, this indicates uncertainty in what was said. If your arms and legs are initially in a “closed” position, it means your interlocutor doesn’t particularly want to have a dialogue.
Also, if a person puts his hand forward when talking to you, but his palm remains open, it means he wants to abruptly end this topic of conversation. A very “talking” gesture is a raised finger, it is simultaneously regarded as intimidation (pay attention to the eyes) and as arrogance. By the way, the latter also includes a raised chin.
- Nose
This moment of facial expressions and gestures is called Pinocio syndrome. A simple and “popular” movement among men has a very funny name. When they speak and lie, their nose often “itches.” A clear sign of a liar. For example, you asked “do you love me?” to understand whether he was lying about his feelings, to which they heard, “yes, of course,” and he immediately began scratching his nose - which means he doesn’t really love, as he says. You stop building pink castles and enjoy life without him. Just don't bend it too much. Suddenly he has a runny nose.
How to break up a cheater in a relationship
How does a man feel after a divorce?
And such a man, accustomed to lying to his wife, gets divorced. Contrary to the popular belief that divorce is more difficult for women, the psychology of family relationships says the opposite. In our society, it is customary to give all sympathy on this matter to the fairer sex, and, on the contrary, to blame men for what happened. But it should be taken into account that men cannot allow themselves to grieve openly; they have to carry all their experiences within themselves, which is doubly difficult. During this period they experience feelings such as:
- feeling of loss;
- loneliness;
- mental pain;
- bitterness for lost years;
- disappointment.
A man has to push negative emotions deep inside, and lie to those around him that everything is fine with him, which results in depression, alcoholism and somatic illnesses. If communication between spouses has been maintained, then the habit of lying remains, only the motivation for this is different. An attentive, albeit ex-wife, will easily understand that her ex-husband is lying, based on facial expressions, gestures and intonation.
How to create “stress” for a liar and why?
No one is asking to portray Freddy Krueger in order to scare a potential liar and expose him in a lie. In order not to fall for the bait, it is enough to do (unexpectedly, of course) just a couple of actions. They will confuse your interlocutor and it will be more difficult for him to invent anything for you.
- Violate his personal space. Imagine what a shock this is, your husband or boyfriend comes home later than usual, tries to justify himself, and at that moment you come close to him. An effect of surprise is created and it is more difficult for the brain to find excuses, but if your partner tells the truth, then he will not be embarrassed at all.
- Take a higher position. You can sit on a hill or rise above your interlocutor (when changing shoes, for example), which will create a kind of intimidating effect and put the insidious liar in a stupor.
- Don't shout or blame him for anything. This will rather “lead” the liar away from the subject of the dialogue, which will not allow you to “catch” him on the “hook”, because in the future he is unlikely to want to return to this conversation. It’s better to listen to him calmly and ask him again from time to time, and the “smaller” the details are, the more difficult it will be for a liar.
Gestures to help you4
Our body also has its own language of communication, which does not deceive, especially if it is not conscious, but you need to be able to read it correctly. Ask a man a provocative question and watch his actions. If he plans to deceive you, then most likely he will need time to come up with what to tell you, so his eyes begin to run around in search of a clue, his hands begin to wander over his body, shake off non-existent specks, fiddle with his sleeves and pull down his jacket. Lively facial expressions are also possible, the man will bite his lip or simply lick his lips, also a kind of time gain.
As a rule, in stressful situations, a person begins to blush, sweat, turn pale, and fall into a stupor. Cheating is also a stressful situation, especially if a man is trying to hide his mistress, and his wife suspects her presence and is actively looking for her. In such situations, men’s cheekbones often turn red and the forehead appears.
Even if a man lies to a woman and is used to doing it all the time, no matter how professionally and masterfully he does it, sooner or later he will give himself away. If you can’t catch him, but the worm of doubt haunts you, you can try to catch his friends; close friends definitely know something. In a casual conversation, try to catch and extract the information you need, or at least some hint that will allow you to draw the right conclusions.
Read about how to maintain trust in a relationship while it is still possible in our next article.
So why are they lying to us?
This question is asked by the “lion’s” part of the beautiful half of the population. But in fact, “Why?”, “Why?”... It all depends on the degree of the lie itself. If it is small, then most likely your partner did not want to inconvenience you, make you worry, or appear a little better than he really is. This could be a simple exaggeration of achievements or concealment of information that can later harm you. In this case, you should not check whether the guy is lying or not. You need to clearly understand that deception will not always be based on betrayal.
If the lie is serious, then most likely, in addition to the fact that he is simply avoiding conflict, he also experiences tender feelings not only for you. Also, if the lie concerns the financial aspect of life together, then this can be called either “preparation” for a surprise or banal greed.
How to tell if a guy is lying via SMS
Observationi
Take the position of an observer, do not focus on your thoughts, just watch how your young man behaves. It is quite possible that his behavior has changed a little due to work or some kind of conflict has occurred, and you have already come up with something incomprehensible.
But if your thoughts are not groundless, you will see this very soon. Pay attention to whether your man is late home, how regularly, how long he stays late, whether he hides his phone from you, perhaps there is a password that you don’t know. Your man is irritated by questions and your increased attention. This is the first call.
How can you tell if he is lying via SMS or over the phone?
Well, now we come to the highlight, the type of lie that is most difficult to recognize. Why, you ask? But because it is so impossible to see the interlocutor and understand exactly when and what he is lying about. Let's find out how to understand that a man/boyfriend is lying via SMS or phone:
- Long sentences
It would seem that this is a “so-so” sign, but if you think about it, it is completely justified. The partner has time to think, come up with ideas, consult with someone, or warn someone. After which he dumps a lot of information on your head, which is worked out in great detail, and you honestly believe it. But this point should only be an addition to the others in order to accurately find out whether a man is lying to you or not.
- Replays
When a guy or husband starts saying everything two or three times, not only is it annoying, it is also an obvious sign of lying! “Who is she?” - “Yes, just a classmate. At the alumni meeting we still agreed to meet. We just studied together."
- Silence
When you ask a series of direct questions, or ask for something, and your partner simply ignores or writes something that has nothing in common with the information you convey, rest assured. Lie.
- Pressures on pity and conscience
If, when talking on the phone or in SMS correspondence, He says something like “This is what you think of me, well, everything is clear with you” and everything in the same vein, trying to subconsciously put pressure on you, you know, he’s a liar, a liar, a liar. Yes, yes, like in the comedy of the same name with Jim Carrey.
- "Throwing" arrows
If, for example, to your question “Did you delete the correspondence?”, a guy or spouse answers “Why always me?!”, you should know that this is how he diverts unnecessary attention from himself, which means that, correctly, it’s a lie.
- Change of intonation
While talking on the phone, in the absence of the opportunity to see this “shameless face,” pay attention not only to all of the above signs, but also to the way he says it all. Changes in intonation and tone are also of great importance.
Why does my ex-husband avoid communication?
In many cases, after a divorce, a man tries to break off relations with his former family. This usually happens when the husband initiates the separation. He is burdened by constant quarrels and an eternally dissatisfied wife. He is getting a divorce to gain freedom and does not want to hear anything about his ex-wife. Resentment towards his wife also interferes with communication with his children, while he either lies or does not speak to anyone at all. Often after a divorce, men go to their mistresses, now devoting all their energy and time to building new relationships and a new family. This is another reason why ex-husbands do not communicate with their previous families, they simply do not have time.
When a man tells a woman: “You are my only one,” girls, know that he is lying! Even if a man has the most beautiful woman, he still looks to the left. Still looking. It's in our nature. How can I explain it to you without offending anyone... In short, even if you have been vacationing in the Maldives all your life, you still want to go fishing for a day in Astrakhan. If you eat marbled beef, it’s still once a year, up, and fell for dumplings. Later, of course, you will regret it, but you ate. And when I ate it, I liked it. Pavel Volya
Another reason that forces men to break off relations with their ex-wife and children is regular employment. After all, they now have a different way of life, they must manage to do all the things themselves, both at home and at work.
Mumbling and stalling for time
«Darling, why didn't you answer my call last night?
?,” you ask insistently.
And suddenly your eloquent and verbose man begins to mumble like a poor student at the blackboard: “ Uh-uh... Well, you understand, this is the thing...
”. He deliberately drawls out his words, inserts interjections, trying frantically to come up with a more or less true story.
When cheating, you will also notice how the man mostly uses adjectives rather than verbs in his justification speech. This means that he does not remember yesterday’s real events, but composes another story.
Disappointing statistics
If you're worried that your partner is lying to you, you may well be right - lying is much more common than we would like. Sometimes it's not just a white lie or omission, but a serious deception related to your relationship or infidelity.
Unfortunately, there is no scientific way to determine whether your partner is cheating on you. However, you can easily tell when he is cheating. Here are seven ways you can tell if he's hiding something important from you.
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How not to solve the problem?
Many women react incorrectly to male deception. First of all, avoid scandals and mirror behavior . A scandal is an expression of a person’s powerlessness in the face of a problem, so you won’t be able to achieve anything with another quarrel.
Also, many girls think that if they start behaving the same way as a man, they will get attention and truth from their loved one. Unfortunately, this method often fails the fair sex. Mirror behavior can only work if the man still has strong feelings for you, and even then the result cannot be predicted for sure - your changes can lead to new scenes of jealousy.
Now you know how to spot a man's lies. If you suspect your husband of lying, do not rush to quarrel with him. As soon as you find enough reasons, you can bring him to a frank conversation and resolve everything peacefully. Remember, scandal is not the answer.
You can find more information on the topic in the following video :
Comments:
- 12.04.2019
Anna:
There are such skillful deceivers that you will never declassify their lies. I recommend that all women communicate closely with all of your man’s close friends, then any questions will not confuse anyone. Also take an interest in a man’s life; hiding a large amount of information and building a complex chain of lies is much more difficult than hiding one fact.
- 18.04.2019
Alyona:
When you constantly communicate with a person, you begin to distinguish moments that are uncharacteristic of his usual behavior, increased excitement and insincerity. But it is useless to prove anything to him at this moment.
- 12.07.2019
Galina:
Good advice, but nowadays it’s extremely difficult to catch a guy cheating. I dated someone for three years, he claimed that he was a student and was studying at one of the local universities. He supposedly left in the morning to study and came back in the evening. He had dinner and sat for a long time at his laptop, claiming that he was preparing for school, writing coursework and so on. And then the truth was revealed - he was expelled 2.5 years ago! And all this time he cleverly fooled me by visiting his mistress during the day!
- 23.07.2019
Lera:
If you suspect that you are being deceived, then ask as many leading questions as possible.
Listen to the sound of the voice
Canadian researchers recently asked a group of volunteers to listen to several recordings of voices and rate how attractive each one sounded. After this, the scientists were asked to estimate how likely it was that a particular person would be unfaithful to his partner.
Female volunteers most often noted that men with a low-pitched voice were more likely to cheat, while male volunteers, on the contrary, believed that women would cheat more often if they had a high-pitched voice. Men with higher testosterone levels have deeper voices, according to research - and high testosterone levels are associated with the likelihood of cheating. However, scientists could not explain where people get the psychological awareness of this. In the future, they will study this fact, but for now you can simply evaluate your partner’s voice and, based on this, understand whether he is generally inclined to cheat - the timbre will tell you this.
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One of the most obvious signs of infidelity
If the husband decides to cheat, the last thing he wants to do is talk to his wife about his action. When you see the first signs of your husband’s betrayal, be sure to talk to him about it. He will begin to avoid the conversation by any means and do everything possible to take the conversation in a different direction.
The spouse may begin to blame his partner for lack of trust, but you should not consider yourself to blame for this. As mentioned above, if intuition tells you that the husband is walking “to the left,” then that’s the way it is. After all, having lived with a person side by side for many years, you feel and understand this perfectly. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Physiognomy lesson
“I can see in your eyes that you are lying” - this is a phrase parents often say to their children, realizing that their child is a little liar. It would seem that such a trick would not work with adults. But no. Anyone who is at least a little familiar with physiognomy can understand where the lie is and where the truth is. Even in voice and gestures. Well here are some examples.
Another useful article: How family quarrels affect children
Eyes
Someone who is calm and does not intend to deceive looks like this:
- right-down (a sign of confidence);
- right-straight (memory of sounds);
- right-up (visual memory);
- left-down (memories of sensations and smells).
Anyone who wants to lie will look like this:
- left to top (a sign of fantasy, unrealistic pictures);
- left-straight (about to voice the deception).
And only straight-looking eyes are a sign that a person is listening carefully to his counterpart. By the way, at this time a man can study your view of lies and truth.
