Probably almost every person has experienced disappointment in his life. In people, in animals, in yourself... During such periods of life, you want to withdraw into yourself, not talk to anyone and not trust anyone. However, it is strictly forbidden to do this, otherwise ordinary disappointment in a person can result in real depression. What to do and how to live next is discussed in the article.
Getting wiser
Whenever a person experiences disappointment in people, it brings him a certain experience. It is thanks to the latter that wisdom accumulates. If the disappointment was more or less justified and not far-fetched, then in the future the person most likely will not allow similar situations and will not make the same mistakes. The main thing in this case is that disappointment does not become clinical. Otherwise, a person will never be able to trust people again, and this is bad. Then it will be useless to talk about wisdom and life experience, and you can only refer the disappointed person to a psychologist. True, a case can be called truly clinical if the feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction with others lasts for a long time, and not for a couple of days or weeks.
Five stages on the path from charm to maturity
Psychologists say that a person feels disappointed for as long as it takes to reorient the psyche and consciousness. Moreover, such experience is a mandatory step on the path to maturity.
How the completed process of disillusionment occurs:
First stage: charm.
When a person is CHARMED, it is as if he falls under the spell of: an idea, a hobby, another person, a profession, a new place of work. A very pleasant and necessary state, but also very short-lived.
Stage two: disappointment.
This is a process of disenchantment, when illusions collapse. The main symptoms of the second stage: loss of hope, indignation, attempts to drown out the pain with bad habits (alcoholism, drug addiction), denial. At this stage, people either “break down” or analyze the reasons for their condition. Sometimes they go to a psychotherapist for an answer.
Third stage: recovery.
Those who managed to pull themselves together and get out of a dangerous turn reach this stage. Recovery provides inspiration for creativity and frees up strength for new relationships.
Fourth stage: maturity.
During this period, a person is at the peak of his capabilities. He becomes the Master, not the Victim: he builds comfortable relationships with others, stops complaining, and feels gratitude for any opportunities.
Fifth stage: satisfaction.
This is the satisfaction of being able to pull yourself together and enter a new stage of life. This is the pleasure that an old problem has been solved and no longer bothers you. In general, people who reach this stage become kinder. Perhaps it comes from wisdom.
This is such an interesting transformation. But to pass it, you will have to work on yourself.
Why is this happening
Disappointment in people can occur for many reasons. The most common ones are listed below:
- Betrayal. When a person betrays, it hurts. And this leads to disappointment. And it’s good if only that same traitor becomes the “object of dislike,” otherwise the idea that all people are bastards and that no one can be trusted may creep in. It all depends on the scale of human meanness.
- Treason. This is the same betrayal, but due to the fact that it is committed not just by an acquaintance, but by a loved one, people react to betrayal more violently. Most often, they are disappointed in potential “soul mates” and then are afraid to start a relationship.
- Lie. Lies, especially large ones, are perceived, again, as betrayal. There is a difference, of course, but the meaning is the same: we understand that we have been deceived for a long time, we become disappointed in a particular person, and then, perhaps, we stop trusting people altogether.
- Unjustified expectations. This is the most basic reason; all of the above and many more come from her. Any disappointment occurs because a person hopes for something too much. He builds (in his head) illusions that arose not from the real state of affairs, but from his own imagination, so it is not surprising that they fall apart like a house of cards, leaving the dreamer with nothing.
Important Steps on the Path to Healing
The feeling of disappointment is devastating and instills uncertainty. It leads to many negative consequences, from loss of trust to awareness of the meaninglessness of life as such.
A person feels depressed, helpless, abandoned, unnecessary. He loses hope and faith and becomes a pessimist.
The fact that a loved one turns out to be different is regarded as betrayal and deception.
You forgave, believed, hoped, but nothing changed - and finally, your eyes were opened. Remember four important things:
1. Firstly, disappointment in one person, even very strong and painful, cannot affect your entire life.
Fight your anger, resist the surging depression, but don’t let yourself be drowned.
Crying and worrying are allowed; for some, tears help to let go of the situation.
Chat with friends, look for new hobbies, dance, hit a punching bag - any means are good when you need a distraction.
2. Secondly, revenge is the worst way out of the situation. Pain for pain, an eye for an eye - this is all unproductive nonsense that will only worsen your internal conflict.
3. Third, disappointment can be useful and sobering. It gives a lesson in life psychology.
Next time, you will not blindly trust the first impression; you will be more careful in opening your heart. Or maybe you decide to get rid of illusions forever and learn to evaluate people realistically?
4. Fourthly, you most likely noticed for a long time that something was wrong with this person. You had doubts, suspicions, but you tried to ignore them.
There were a million prerequisites for his final bad act, which became a critical point. Therefore, this is also your fault.
This is normal, we prefer not to notice what is unpleasant to us. Like little children believing in Santa Claus, we hope for a miracle: maybe it just seemed like it?
But now you have to admit that the chosen one is far from ideal, has a hundred minuses and unacceptable qualities.
Getting sober is unpleasant, you'll get a bad hangover, and you don't have to fight it alone.
How to deal with disappointment
After yet another exposure of human vices, unseemly acts and other unpleasant situations, a completely understandable question comes to mind: how to survive disappointment in people? It seems that everyone around you is exactly like the person who did not live up to your expectations. In reality, this is, of course, not the case. The only way to survive any disappointment, including in people, is to understand, forgive and come to terms with the idea that there is no one/nothing ideal on Earth. There is no way without this. Only realizing the futility of trying to find a person without a single flaw can help get rid of disappointment now and prevent similar situations from happening in the future. However, the latter is discussed in more detail below.
How to avoid being disappointed in people in the future
The tips below will help you learn how to avoid feeling dissatisfied with unfulfilled expectations from people.
- First, you should stop idealizing others. It is impossible to find a perfect person, so you shouldn’t even try.
- Secondly, you need to become tolerant of other people's opinions and thoughts. To be disappointed in a person just because of his musical, political or other preferences is stupid.
- Thirdly, you need to try to forget about the person who disappointed you and not judge other people by him. If only because there are simply no absolutely identical people.
- Fourthly, you cannot see everyone around you as an enemy. After disappointment, it seems as if everyone around is bad, but this is not so.
- Fifth, you need to listen to other people. Then in the future there will be no disagreements and shouts from the “rival” in the style: “I already told you about something, what are your complaints?!” and so on.
- Sixthly, you cannot place high hopes on people. The less you expect something from a person, the less likely you are to be disappointed in the future. Treat others the way they deserve and don't expect anything from them.
Statuses and statements about disappointment in people
Everyone sometimes wants to show their pain. Then statuses about disappointment in people can be very useful, so that, without complaining to everyone you meet, you can still tell others about what is going on in your soul. Another reason for using them is to turn a situation into a joke or look at it with a new perspective. What primarily helps with this is not ordinary statuses, but wise statements about disappointment in a person. They will not only help you cope with pain, but also think about the future in which you can avoid making such mistakes.
- A dog is man's best friend. He will not betray, will not let you down, will support you in difficult times and will never disappoint.
- Ah, the wedding. Women marry out of curiosity, and men marry out of boredom. The end result is that both sides are severely disappointed.
- The more disappointments you experience in life, the less you believe in the existence of worthy people.
- The main thing is to never expect anything from others. And then you won’t have to experience disappointment in people.
- It's not loneliness that attracts me. I just don’t want to get to know someone again so as not to experience another disappointment.
- There is a beauty in not loving anyone. You don't feel disappointed.
So, now that you know a little more about this feeling, you can avoid it in the future. Treat people more simply - and life will become easier.
— Ways to solve
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1) Don’t rush to blame everyone and everything, look deep into yourself and the circumstances that happen to you and you will become less disappointed in people. Maybe they want to point out something to you, maybe it’s time to change something in your life.
2) Try to think about why this happens, and perhaps more than once. If circumstances are repeated time after time, then this is a reason to start with yourself, and not look for reasons outside.
3) If you want to speak up and you want to change your circumstances for the better, then find someone who can listen to you, but at the same time give the right advice on what to do next, and not just someone who will console you and agree with everyone your dissatisfaction caused by disappointment in this or that person.
4) Don’t accumulate emotions in yourself - know how to express them correctly and cleanse yourself internally. Here are some ways to cleanse yourself of negativity and develop inner satisfaction:
a) Cleansing with water - take a shower (preferably cool at the end) with your head, try to escape from the circumstances pressing on you and just relax.
b) Fresh air - go outside and try to walk in a quiet, pleasant place (it's excellent to walk near a body of water: water and fresh air have a positive effect, calm you down - this is a time when you can calmly reflect on yourself and your life).
c) Get rid of old unnecessary things and conduct an audit in your home. Do the cleaning, and thus, by bringing cleanliness and comfort to the house, you put your thoughts in order.
d) Exercise. Yoga classes - asanas - have a positive effect on balance for stability and balance of mind and body. e) Listen to music for relaxation.
f) Find your own ways to be inspired and develop, don’t sit still - improve and you will see how your inner state will improve and disappointment in life will go away.
5) Remember that what is inside is what is outside. If we are happy, then we pay attention to the positive around us, if we are unhappy, then we concentrate on the negative. So, appreciate what you have, rejoice in what is given to you from above and know how to correctly cope with the lessons that are given to you for personal development.
6) Try not to get attached to results, otherwise disappointments will arise in your life again and again. Set goals, do everything that is required of you, but at the same time be prepared to accept any turn of events.
7) By doing the right thing ourselves, we set an example for others. Starting with ourselves, we will change our environment. The main thing is to develop a full-fledged and harmonious personality, become self-sufficient and then you will not depend so much on the circumstances that put pressure on you, then there will be much less disappointment in life and people. Appreciate the present and believe in a wonderful future!
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