The psychologist named 4 main styles of parental behavior

Psychologists and teachers told COLADY more about parenting styles

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The liberal type of relationship between adults and children is inherent in the most democratic families. This type of relationship is based on the fact that parents are the authority, but they listen to the opinions of their children and take them into account. In a family where a liberal type of communication reigns, the child observes discipline and certain rules, but at the same time he knows that his parents will always listen and support him. Children who grew up in such a family are usually very responsive, know how to control themselves, are independent, and confident. This type of communication in the family is considered very effective, as it helps not to lose contact with the child.
Indifferent parental style is the most anarchic. In a family where a permissive style of communication reigns, anarchy most often flourishes, since the child is given too much freedom. The child becomes a dictator for his own parents and does not take anyone in his family seriously. Parents in such families most often spoil their children a lot and allow them more than they allow other children. The first consequences of such communication in the family will begin immediately after the child goes to kindergarten. In kindergartens there are clear rules, and children in such families are not accustomed to any rules at all. The older a child raised in a “permissive family” becomes, the more problems there will be. These children are not used to restrictions and believe that they can do whatever they want. If a parent wants to maintain a normal relationship with such a child, then boundaries should be set for the child and forced to follow the rules of behavior. You cannot start scolding a child when you are already tired of his disobedience. It is better to do this when you are calm and able to explain everything without unnecessary emotions - this will help the child understand what exactly you expect from him.
The authoritarian type of relationship between adults and children in the family is based on strict submission and violence. This type of relationship implies that parents expect too much from their children. Children in such a family usually have extremely low self-esteem, and sometimes they have complexes about their skills and their appearance. Parents in such families behave very freely and are completely confident in their authority. They believe that children should completely obey them. Moreover, quite often it happens that the parent cannot even explain his demands, but simply puts pressure on the child with his authority. Read also: Negative consequences of family conflicts for a child. For offenses and non-compliance with the rules, the child is severely punished. Sometimes they punish for no reason - simply because the parent is not in the mood. Authoritative parents do not show feelings for their child, so very often children begin to doubt whether they love him at all. Such parents do not give the child the right to choose (very often even work and a spouse are the parents’ choice). Children of authoritative parents are accustomed to obeying unquestioningly, so it is quite difficult for them at school and at work - weak people are not liked in teams.

In their pure form, these types of relationships can be found very rarely. Most often, families combine several communication styles. The father may be authoritarian, but the mother adheres to “democracy” and freedom of choice.

Authoritarian style: features, consequences, recommendations

An authoritarian parenting style is the complete opposite of an authoritative one. His main task is to achieve complete submission from the child, to drive him into the framework of life, and not allow him to take a single step on his own. With this model of upbringing, parents take on a dominant role, occupying a very advantageous position, but completely forgetting that the child must express himself. For them, it is not so much the mental state of the baby that is important, but the level of his education and obedience. Adults destroy children's individuality, which has an extremely negative impact on both the child's psyche and his relationship with his parents. By constantly reproaching the child, scolding him and forbidding him everything, adults will achieve the absolute destruction of mutual understanding and love between generations.

If a child is raised according to an authoritarian method, he will never be able to express his opinion on certain issues, he will only indulge everyone and everyone, trying to please and at the same time stepping on the throat of his own pride. Personal self-esteem will also suffer. Even if the child is the most talented, smart, responsible in the world, he will never admit it, he will constantly blame and humiliate himself, thinking that he is insignificant, and this will be solely the parent’s fault.

Having matured, a person can begin to run away from his own self-destruction, go into a state where the brain is clouded, that is, begin to take drugs, constantly drink and other harmful consequences for which the parents of this person are to blame.

Main characteristics of the authoritarian style:

A style in which there are a large number of clearly defined rules, and there are also consequences for non-compliance.
Children are given insufficient attention, which is not enough to develop normal behavior in children. Only exceptions and deviations from the norm are taken into account, no matter how minimal they may be.
Mistakes are not allowed, even if they are necessary to do something right.
In a family, it is very difficult to combine power with dialogue between parents and children.
Several expressions of affection.
Inability to listen to children.

Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:

They feel resentment towards their teachers, reacting with falsehood or rebellion.
The main criterion for decision making is to avoid punishment.
Children, as a rule, are conformist people, not very creative, with a low level of autonomy, and in need of external control (passive people).
Low levels of self-esteem and anxiety.

Experts recommend not using this technique with a child. An authoritarian parenting style can be used, but only in a “gentle mode” and in extreme cases. If the state of mental health of the child is important to parents, then psychologists advise choosing a different way of upbringing.

Union-fortress: “Both in joy and in sorrow”

Priorities. These partners are tightly connected to each other, they experience hardships and joys together, dreaming of “living happily and dying on the same day.” Sharing each other's tastes, they always try to come to a common opinion.

Their individuality stems from the word “we”: together they work to ensure that the husband achieves professional success (the wife often does not work), and also educates the children. Partners value consensus and unity of opinions. A good couple, they believe, is one within which there are almost no disagreements.

Distribution of roles. One of the partners’ tasks is to reduce the number of reasons for dissatisfaction. Their daily life consists of many rituals: there is a place and time for everything, and the roles of each family member are clearly defined. Here, more often than in other unions, responsibilities are distributed depending on the gender of the spouse: it is assumed that the wife takes care of the house, and the husband earns money. Nevertheless, partners make decisions together.

Relations with the world. The wife rarely goes out. She tends to view influences from the outside world—new ideas and trends—as more of a threat. The husband shows more interest in innovations, different ways of living and ways of thinking. He is a kind of “authorized representative” of the couple, who is responsible for “external relations” and the social integration of the family. The wife is rather focused on “internal issues”: security, care, tenderness. This complementarity increases the dependence of family members on each other.

Advantages and disadvantages. The main trump card of a fortress family is stability. When partners take on certain responsibilities, life becomes more harmonious. Spouses try to avoid clashes by giving up some of their positions. When solving problems, they prefer traditional, proven methods. Peaceful life in the “fortress” borders on routine. Such relationships can become “numb” if the partners do not start new projects from time to time.

Style 5

The spouses conduct peaceful negotiations, patiently listening to each other and respecting the wishes of the “opponent.” During the negotiations, it turns out that the husband, for example, wanted to announce his promotion to a circle of close people, and therefore insisted on a family dinner. The wife dreamed of confessing her eternal love to her husband in a romantic setting (autumn forest, golden foliage) and saying that she was pregnant. As a result, they spend a wonderful day in the forest with their parents and close friends, celebrating two significant events at once!

Experts highlight the style of cooperation here.

Style 4

Each spouse stands on his own and tries his best to realize his desire. Orders, screams, reproaches, accusations, hysterics, and tears are used. Both husband and wife insist on their option, in no way wanting to make concessions. A dispute flares up: “Either dinner with the family, or nothing. And if you love me, you will agree!” and in response: “If you loved me, this conversation would not even begin. That’s it, I’m calling my friends and inviting them!” The dispute turns into a conflict: “Well, if you don’t want to give in, then what kind of relationship can we talk about?”

There is a style of rivalry with all the ensuing consequences.

Indifferent style: features, consequences, recommendations

Detachment, coldness, indifference - all these words are characteristics of an indifferent system of raising children. The peculiarity of this method lies in the provision of absolute freedom to the child, in the reluctance or inability of the parent to participate in the development of his child. Adults in this model of upbringing are divided into two types: the first satisfy the child’s primary needs (food, clothing, a roof over their head), the second do not even do this. Both options are united by complete detachment and indifference to the fate of the child.

What are the consequences of an indifferent parenting style? Unfortunately, they are quite deplorable. Being in a family that adheres to this model of upbringing, the child does not receive proper affection and care, he lacks attention, and this can lead to the fact that he will grow up to be an embittered person prone to antisocial behavior. The personality will be very closed, because the process of socialization did not take place; in childhood he was simply not taught to communicate with people. The disadvantages of this style of parenting also include: addiction to alcohol and drugs, suicidal tendencies, predisposition to depression. In addition, it will be very difficult for such a person to fall in love and start a family, because he simply will not know what people experience when they fall in love and how parental warm feelings are manifested.

Characteristic features of the style:

Parents do not pay attention to the various behavior of the child: normal, exceptional or erroneous.
Low level of demand.
Parental responsibilities are transferred to others in the child's environment (homework, other family members, schools, etc.).

Consequences of personality development of children raised in this style:

If children learn anything, it happens by accident.
Children do not acquire adequate habits and do not have adequate levels of demand.
They look for support from other people outside the family circle, without finding it within the family.
They have high levels of anxiety and low self-confidence.
Low self-esteem.

Psychologists do not advise resorting to such a method of raising children, because an indifferent system has a huge number of negative influences on a person, the child’s psyche suffers, and the consequences of such upbringing in the future will greatly interfere with the individual’s interaction with society.

Let's take the test!

Spouses are faced with the problem of choice every day. Every day they make decisions, adapt, compromise, abandon their interests for the sake of the interests of their partner, and look for ways to resolve conflicts.

It is precisely such situations that are the most revealing; they can tell about the future of a given family.

So, I suggest you take a little test. Imagine the situation: you have a couple of free days, and you and your spouse are deciding how to spend them. The husband, for example, wants to lie down on the couch, and you drag him into the forest to pick mushrooms, or he wants to go to his parents for a quiet family dinner, and you are planning a grand party with the participation of your mutual friends.

An argument breaks out between you, and you...

There are five possible situations and the same number of ways to resolve the conflict. So…