Incredible facts
Refusing someone can be difficult and awkward. You don’t want to break his heart with careless words, and at the same time, you don’t want to give him vain hopes.
You've been on one or more dates and realized that you're not too interested in going on more dates. How to explain this to a guy or man politely, without cutting off the connection completely and without offending him?
In matters of the heart, it is important to be honest, but also try to be tactful.
Fortunately, there are several beautiful ways to gracefully refuse a guy.
You can use ready-made phrases or change them at your discretion, and also listen to a few psychological tips.
Refusing a date is not easy, but it is possible: the main thing is honesty and tact.
Beautiful pictures of love in movies and books always set the mood for romantic relationships, fairy-tale love, and reciprocity. Couples meet at the institute, at work, in a fitness club, in a cafe.
But with the advent of the pandemic, virtual relationships that are developing in social networks and related applications are becoming increasingly popular. The real and virtual worlds connect diverse audiences, different interests and goals. Experience shows that this is not always sympathy for each other, so modern communication is often different from the magic of melodrama about the happiness of romance and love.
Contacts with the opposite sex suggest that one person may not be interested in the other, much less in a romantic relationship. Everyone is pleased when they invite you on a date, show attraction and care. Therefore, it is difficult to refuse a date if the proposal is sudden and the feelings are not mutual.
If you want to be polite and even noble, but you are not happy with the prospect of meeting this or that person asking you out on a date, our advice will definitely come in handy. So, in order not to hurt your dignity, pride and not to make an enemy in the person of your counterpart, we follow the basic rules of etiquette:
For fans of virtual: do not answer or formulate answers briefly
If most of your dating takes place online, then it may be more difficult for you to get rid of an obsessive admirer. Internet users have no idea who you are and tend to meet as many people as possible. Therefore, unless a potential partner wrote something personal based on studying your profile, you can safely ignore him. By even responding to someone you know you don't like, you're again giving false hope and dragging yourself into a conversation that will only waste your time.
If you still want to respond so as not to seem rude, then online dating experts (there are some!) advise wording the phrases as follows:
- “I looked at your profile. I think you're cool, but I don't see us as a couple, so I don't think we should go on a date. I don't want us to waste each other's time."
- “I already kind of had my eye on someone on the site and I don’t think it’s fair to date you while I’m trying to make things work with someone else. I hope you find who you are looking for."
Honesty and straightforwardness
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These human qualities will keep you from getting hurt too much, especially if someone makes crazy romantic gestures.
First, be honest with yourself. Everyone deserves a chance to reciprocate. In the absence of reciprocal feelings and attraction, it is better to refuse immediately. You should not include pity, otherwise wasting time will cause more harm than good.
Secondly, honesty with your partner is maintained. If you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is better to inform about it right away. In the case when there is no loved one, but there is no interest, you need to tell the truth. It is not necessary to explain the reason, but you can say that now there is no goal of dating someone - this will help both of them to live peacefully further without unnecessary insults.
Heather Viets, a marriage and family therapist with the website PreEngaged, recommends telling it like it is:
Don't make up lies, but be graciously honest. If you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend, let the person know. If you don't have a loved one but are still not interested, tell him or her the truth. You can simply say, “No, thank you.” If this is true, you can tell him or her that you are simply not interested in dating anyone right now.
see also
5 Behaviors to Watch Out for on a First Date
He was more than 15 minutes late
Being late is a woman's prerogative. It is men who must languish in anticipation of their beautiful ladies. The guy must arrive on time or even a little earlier. And if he stays for more than 15 minutes without warning, it means he is neglecting you. In principle, if a quarter of an hour has passed since the appointed time, and still no gentleman, you can leave.
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Treat others the way you want them to treat you
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This golden rule of morality makes it clear that being polite will make saying “no” less harsh. Opening up to a potential partner takes courage and courage. Therefore, maintaining a calm and gentle tone when declining an invitation is a sign of respect.
Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, suggests showing them the same respect you would if things were different. Always be aware of your tone, remain calm and gentle, and make sure you still speak with confidence.
If there is no reason to be offended, then expressing gratitude and keeping the situation secret among mutual friends will be a beautiful ending to the conversation. We do not take into account cases of deliberate aggression and resentment - that’s another story. In any case, politeness is your armor.
He constantly talked about his ex
It's completely abnormal to start dating a new girl by talking about your past relationship. A first date is a time to get to know each other, not to dwell on the past. If a guy constantly talks about his ex, then most likely he is still thinking about her, and he is just trying to fill the void with you. It's no better if a guy throws mud at his past lover.
Focus attention on yourself with “I” phrases
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If you decide to explain your lack of interest to someone, then focus attention on yourself, not on the interlocutor. There is no need to list his unsuitable qualities to a potential partner - this will be rude and undermine confidence in the future. Susan Rohan, communications specialist and author of What Am I Saying Next? , recommends using "I" operators instead. Here are some examples:
- “I don’t see you with me, I’m sorry.”
- “I enjoy communicating with you, but I don’t feel a connection between us.”
- “I’m dealing with important life issues, so there’s no way to date anyone.”
- “I admire you, but now I’m looking for something else.”
These phrases do not belittle the interlocutor. You do not elevate yourself and seem to be preparing to talk about “it’s all about me, everything is fine with you.” Then this situation becomes not so tragic.
see also
What is asexuality and how is it different from abstinence?
Take the initiative if the other person is too persistent
Sometimes you realize that you will refuse a person exactly at the moment when he talks to you. Maybe he behaves too provocatively or seems interested only in getting your phone number (you never know, he suddenly collects them).
In this case, take the initiative into your own hands. If someone persistently asks for your number, respond with something like, “Why don’t you give me your number instead and I’ll call you.” Your interlocutor will feel that he has achieved his goal and will leave you alone.
Don't keep people on the hook, be able to put an end to it
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If there are intentions to remain friends, then there must be reasons and endurance for this. There is no need to call, write on social networks, show affection or flirt. After already being rejected, such steps will appear to the other person as hope for a future relationship, and the result will be disastrous. You need to confidently free your failed partner from illusions - this is a manifestation of respect and honesty.
In her blog, author Marcella Purnama explains that there is no need to be overly sympathetic or friendly after you've rejected someone or broken up:
Many people who have been rejected may believe that the door sometimes does not close completely yet and opens at the slightest friendly action. Don't let him/her think there is still hope when there isn't.
The habit of saying “yes”: why it’s bad to be trouble-free at work
One of the most common difficulties is having to turn people down. And although situations often arise at work in which, due to your professional responsibilities, you simply cannot say “no,” other circumstances will arise from day to day that provide you with a certain freedom of choice. How to exercise your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?
Think about it this way: by not saying “no” at the right time, you will put the other person's needs before your own. Is this what you really want? There are many situations at work when your needs are no less important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of your colleagues. Remember how often your colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about someone being upset if you behave in the same way?
The real problem is that saying “yes” all the time can easily become a habit, and changing a ingrained behavior pattern is really difficult. Remember your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Similarly, your colleagues, having become accustomed to your dependability, will most likely begin to turn to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to requests at work will lead you to overwhelm, because you take on more than you can do or what you really should do. This leads to stress, frustration, hostility, conflict and mistakes, and it only gets worse over time.
So, the ability to say no when you feel like it is necessary is an important skill to master. You will probably have situations where you want to help someone, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Remember: assertiveness means respecting your needs and rights as much as the rights of others, and agreeing to compromise when necessary.
Many people don’t like to say “no,” believing that the only way to do it is outright refusal. This “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. You strive to establish good relationships with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. This means you must be able to say no, but in a way that shows respect for the other person's needs. There are different ways to refuse, depending on the situation. Here are three main options.
Outright refusal is the most uncompromising method and is rarely suitable for use at work. It is most often resorted to when someone's rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: “Can’t you hear, I said no.”
A request for additional information or a promise of “some other time” is an opportunity for discussion, while refusal remains an option.
A thoughtful “no” is the most sensitive way because you show that you have listened to the other person.
Below I will explain in detail what each of these options is, but the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude towards it and who is making the request, because this could be your mentor, your direct manager, a colleague or a team member who you really care about. want to help.
Don’t try to radically and suddenly change your behavior. This is especially true for refusals, as you may shock colleagues who were not expecting the leopard to suddenly change its color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.
