Useful tips
There are many pretty good reasons why this or that person cannot or does not want to answer you.
You shouldn’t stare at your smartphone or computer screen all the time waiting for an answer, think about the bad, and come up with various reasons in your head why he or she refused to call back or answer a message.
In this article you will find a list of almost all possible reasons why you were not answered immediately or at all.
Reasons to Not Answer Texts or Phones Related to Emotional Intelligence
- You wrote or called too often. You could say there was a “communication overload.”
- The interlocutor simply prefers to answer less often and more slowly.
- The person is an introvert, which means he needs some pause to prepare his social batteries before responding.
- He or she is a loyal friend that everyone relies on, but right now he or she just wants to take some time for themselves.
- Your message or call is not urgent. It may seem like this to you, but in reality it is not.
- Sometimes people want to communicate face to face rather than through technology.
- Your communication may interrupt their thoughts.
- The interlocutor decided to take a break from technology, or take a sabbatical.
- He/she tries to find the right words.
What is ignore for?
Typically, ignoring on social networks and instant messengers is used for two purposes - to protect yourself from an intrusive interlocutor or to manipulate a person. If everything is clear with the first point (you have a colleague or friend who suffers from parcellation or simply likes to communicate too much), then the second type of ignore is used in close relationships. For example, teach a friend or significant other a lesson for something, for example, for ignoring messages. Some psychologists believe that this is the most powerful tool in interpersonal relationships.
To be honest, this was my first time encountering this tool. What do you think about this?
What is the reason
Some people think that the answer is so easy, so why can’t it be done. But it often happens that a person opens a message and forgets to reply to it, or sees a pop-up notification and tells himself that he will respond later when he has time to think about the answer. And as a result, you always end up in the same situation, responding with “Sorry, I just saw that” or “Damn, I saw it and forgot to answer” a week later, trying not to look like a completely terrible person.
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Be a professional (not a dumbass)
Deadlines and urgency can cause serious stress.
Anyone who has developed software professionally knows that the above statement is a huge understatement. However, stress is not an excuse for acting like a dumbass. I have seen countless questioners who simply destroy the one who tried to help. Shouting “that didn’t work” in all caps or “that’s a stupid answer” won’t do you any favors and certainly won’t lure anyone into the battlefield to help a stranger.
Remember that the people helping you do so entirely voluntarily. They spend their time and energy to help you overcome a difficult situation. Don't forget this when you're about to switch to uppercase in your response.
People waste their time answering your question, only getting a few questionable internet scores, so just keep that in mind throughout the process.
It gets especially bad when the questioner finds someone's email address and decides to attack people directly instead of asking on forums.
Don't expect an apology
If you think that it will become easier if the person apologizes to you, then know: it will not work. He is fine without you, and your demands will only confirm that he made the right choice - life without you.
Even if you receive an explanation for the action, most likely it will not satisfy you and will only make the situation worse. No girl wants to hear that she's just not attractive enough or that there's someone out there who's much better.
Give yourself time to get over the pain of a breakup.
Ebbon Utley, a professor of communication studies at the University of California, says that trying to forget about anger and frustration will not help these emotions disappear forever.
Feel it. Really feel it. Take some time to sit with your frustration.
Don't overdo it: Remember that at some point you will need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. The professor recommends setting a limit for your frustration—a few days or a week—and then when the time is right, move on.
Start working through it
As I already said, and as you yourself understand intellectually, your worries about the fact that the person did not answer you are absolutely useless and even harmful. Instead of just letting go of the situation and doing something, being in emotional balance, you ruin your nerves with your inner negativity.
What is included in this negativity? A whole list of things:
- Resentment. If you are offended by this behavior, you perceive this behavior as devaluing you and the relationship with you. Although a person may have a dozen reasons why he did not answer you, none of which have anything to do with you personally.
- Fear. In this situation, you can be afraid of anything - from the fact that something happened to the person, ending with the fact that he doesn’t want to communicate with you anymore
- Jealousy. This is if you are in a romantic relationship with this person. If he didn’t answer within an hour in the evening, that means he’s definitely fucking someone!
- Low self-esteem. You probably don’t value yourself very much if you react this way to a lack of attention from another person.
- Your limiting beliefs about relationships. You're convinced that friends don't do that. You think messages shouldn't be ignored. You think that if messages are ignored, then you are being neglected and so on.
- Your emotional traumas and unforgiven grievances of the past. Subconsciously, you perceive this person’s behavior as a rejection that you once experienced, perhaps more than once. His behavior presses on your sore spot of rejection, and you react.
- The desire to know the reason . This is an interesting point. Do you think that knowing the reason will make you stop fooling yourself? You're wrong. You'll just start fooling her in a different way. For example, if before you found out the reason, you were afraid of something, then after you found out, you may feel angry and resentful.
- Emotional dependence on this person. When someone doesn't respond to your messages, you perceive it as a disappearance, albeit temporary. And as soon as you start to think like that, negative emotions immediately turn on. Look at this from the outside - doesn’t this remind you, for example, of alcohol addiction - an alcoholic will also have a kaleidoscope of negative emotions and thoughts if he is deprived of booze.
You can name a few more points, but these are enough to understand that the problem is complex, and your feelings about the fact that the person did not answer are just symptoms.
How long should you wait before replying to a message?
This question caused the most controversy and disagreement among respondents. And these are the tactics people usually follow.
- Tactics for doubling response time: they answer you in five minutes, you wait ten. This way, you will always be in a better position because you will appear busier and less approachable than your interlocutor.
- Some wait a few minutes to show that there is something more important in their life than a phone.
- Some respondents believe that it is better to double the response time, but sometimes you can answer quickly, there is nothing wrong with that (as, indeed, with a response that takes too long).
- Some people claim that they expect exactly 1.25 times the response time.
- Others say that waiting three minutes is enough.
- There were also those who were already fed up with such games, so they responded immediately as soon as they saw the message. They believe that their answers without feigned anticipation seem more lively and confident.
But do these tactics really work? And why do so many people adhere to them? Let's see if these strategies compare with actual psychological research.
She's testing you so she decided to ignore you
There are provocateur girls who like to test a man. She wants to understand how interested you are in her and how you will behave. Usually, she chooses an insignificant excuse to ignore, which she will speak about only after resolving the situation.
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What do texting and gambling have in common?
Messaging is an environment in which our minds begin to operate in specific ways. Before everyone had cell phones, people always waited a while (hours or days) before calling back without the other person being bothered. Correspondence has taught us to receive faster answers. According to surveys, this indicator varies from person to person in the range from 10 minutes to one hour.
Natasha Schüll, an anthropologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (USA), studies gambling addiction, specifically what happens to the minds and bodies of people who become addicted to slot machines. Unlike cards, horse racing or the weekly lottery, which force players to wait (for their turn, when the horses finish, for the start of the weekly drawing), slot machines allow gambling without delay, since the player receives information quickly.
Natasha Shul
Anthropologist at MIT
You are accustomed to expecting instant results, so you begin to lose patience at any slightest delay. When you're texting someone you like but don't know well enough yet, it's a lot like a slot machine. There is also a lot of uncertainty, anticipation, and anxiety here. You are set to receive a message. You want it, you need it right now. But if you don't get a quick response, it throws you off track.
Text messages are different from the messages people left on answering machines before the advent of smartphones. A message on an answering machine can be compared to buying a lottery ticket. You know in advance that you will have to wait until you find out the winning numbers. You don't expect a call back right away. You may even enjoy this feeling of uncertainty because you know in advance that you will have to wait a few days. But with texting, if you don't get a response after 15 minutes, you start to freak out.
What to do when a man doesn't write
First of all, don't panic or assume that he's losing interest and doesn't like you. When did premature panic draw someone to the right place? Never.
If he hasn't texted you back, it's probably due to one of the reasons we listed above. If you can't tell exactly what it is, then just leave it alone. And please don't dwell on it.
Also, don't text him a million times to follow up. If you've been texting and he hasn't responded, just leave it alone. Don't mess with words:
Are you here??
Hello???
I know the phone is working because you just posted something on Instagram!
Doing this will just make you look like a crazy and pathetic woman. Just don't do anything. If he still doesn't respond... well, then remember that the message doesn't mean much to him. Accept him for who he is and move on.
What to write to a man
To make sure he is the last thing on your mind before he falls asleep, send one of the sweet good night texts to melt his heart. Read this article and arm yourself with sweet messages.
We hope this article helped you understand the real reasons why men don't text or call. Essentially, you are afraid of the man's loss of interest. There will come a time when a man can pull away and start walking away. Do you know how to react correctly when this happens? If not, read this article.
We recommend watching a video from which you will find out why a man doesn’t write and whether you should write first:
