Quiet is not the main thing
The problem with soft-spoken people is usually not that they speak quietly, but that they are not heard. Or rather, they don’t listen. Otherwise, this wouldn't be a problem. In fact, imagine a person begins to speak quietly and, lo and behold, everyone around them stops their conversations and listens to him attentively. But, if this does not happen, then your word is not so important that those around you will be distracted from their affairs and turn their attention to the speaker.
This is fine. People react to a loud voice. If a person speaks loudly, it is perceived as an important message (usually). Very often, loudness and confidence are synonymous. Therefore, if a person speaks quietly, then, very often, it looks like uncertainty. I must say, in most cases, this is true.
Why did my husband and I stop talking?
Change the scenery
A clever psychological trick that helps distract, or rather switch, the child’s attention. Let's say a baby starts screaming loudly at home. Tell him, “I see you want to use your loud voice, which is meant for the street? Then let's go into the yard."
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When the child is out of the house, believe me that he will no longer want to scream. You will somewhat discourage him with your proposal. The passion and excitement will disappear, the baby will not see a negative reaction from you, so he will calm down.
Where did this come from?
So why do some people speak quietly, where does this come from in their lives?
In fact, there may be several factors here and they are related to childhood and, therefore, upbringing.
Speech is the way we present ourselves to other people. Perhaps in most cases a parallel can be drawn between speech and the significance of the place we are claiming right now. Volume is one of these characteristics, but not the only one. There is also timbre, notes of the voice, which can be no less important. We impose ourselves with loudness, of course, up to a certain limit. Much depends on the situation. If we are having a calm conversation, then the volume will be “normal”; if there is a “loud” conflict, then the volume will probably increase. If, under conditions where the same volume is expected, a person’s volume is reduced, then it makes sense to wonder why this is happening.
When do we learn to regulate our volume? Quite obviously, this happens in childhood. One of the main regulators is the position of parents and other relatives in the family.
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If a child loudly declares himself (screams, loudly rejoices, loudly gets angry), then he can be told that this is bad, that with his “loud” behavior he is preventing adults (important) people from talking and he should leave and think about his behavior. In general, if a child is punished for his “loud” behavior, then he will develop the habit of speaking quietly. And, secondly, he will be afraid to do this near people. It is possible that all people in general. They will seem dangerous to him, but he is not very significant, no one is interested in his opinion.
The situation may be a little different. For example, parents (or only one parent, if he is raising a child) were constantly tired, or sick, lay a lot, then the child, of course, learned that in order not to disturb an important person, one must behave quietly and be silent, or speak so as not to interfere. And, in general, guess his desires.
In general, there are options.
An additional factor may be the lack of social contacts with peers, among whom it would be possible to learn appropriate communication styles and acquire useful skills. Obviously, this will not happen if peers for some reason “bully” the child; then the problem will only get worse.
We should not exclude genetic predisposition, that is, the child’s temperament. It can greatly contribute to the formation of such behavior.
Very often, parents are happy that the child is very quiet and obeys, even if he is embarrassed to ask for something. They call such children “golden”. Unfortunately, the gold that goes to the child himself is rather leprechaun-like.
As a result, there is a high probability that a person will develop who is not very confident in himself, who believes that he should first of all think about other people, that he himself is not very important, and who is afraid to “present” himself to society. And, of course, his voice will be quiet, unnoticeable and lost.
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Help your child release energy
Sometimes children start screaming and squealing when they are excited or overexcited. They are still small enough to be able to control their emotions. The parents' task is to help them with this.
Do you see all the prerequisites for a child to make noise and destroy everything in his path? Get outside for a walk. Let the child frolic on the playground and throw out the accumulated energy.
Sports sections help well in this regard. If you have a hyperactive, active, emotional child of a choleric psychotype, it makes sense to think about enrolling him in some section: enrolling him in football, basketball, swimming, etc.
What to do about it?
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Obviously, the problem with a quiet voice is not in the vocal cords. In what direction should we work to improve the situation?
Most likely, this will require comprehensive work with a psychologist, and possibly additional training. Below are a few areas to work on. These are not techniques, these are things that will allow you to direct your thoughts in the direction of changing the situation.
Recognize mistakes in parenting
Most likely, such a person develops the idea that speaking quietly is generally correct and corresponds to the wishes of the parents. If he speaks loudly, then this is not very correct. So, you need to realize that this is not something from which you should make a fetish. And this is not necessarily a virtue. Quite the opposite. This is simply the desire of the parents and the prevailing circumstances. This means that a person has the right to refuse this “virtue”, which is not a virtue at all and not his at all, but assigned to him as a badge of distinction. But not the difference he would like.
Asking yourself the question “Who said it should be this way?” you can most likely find the source. Parents do what they can and what they want. Children have the right to take it or not take it into their lives and refuse at any time.
If you don't remember the situations that lead to this behavior, then the result is the same - you can still abandon the "legacy".
Specific situations
Try to remember situations that could lead to similar results. This will help you set goals for your work. Some psychologists advise experiencing them on your own, but this is not always good - you can get “stuck” in a situation and, as a result, gain nothing, but only immerse yourself in difficult experiences.
You are important
You must understand that you are no less important than any other person in this world and there is no reason to doubt this. This should manifest itself at the level of feelings and sensations. You almost certainly understand this intellectually, but this is not enough.
How to cope with anxiety in life?
Work with fears
When a person speaks quietly, it is very often associated with the feeling that other people are dangerous, that speaking loudly is dangerous, that attracting attention to oneself is dangerous. These fears are obviously associated with situations from childhood when our “loudness” irritated our parents. It is entirely possible to either remove these fears altogether or bring them to an acceptable level. See if you have a significant fear of death. Very often many fears are layered on top of it. If you “pull” it out, then other fears may begin to fall apart like a house of cards.
Analyze your feelings
If it seems to you that you have few feelings or none, this means that they are repressed, again due to the costs of upbringing. Feelings are the key to our real desires and needs. First, learn to talk about them with your loved ones. Through awareness of your needs, try to present yourself. That is, if you, for example, are irritated, then behind this there may be a need for rest, which you can tell your loved ones about and agree not to be disturbed.
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Get rid of illusions
You almost certainly have a lot of ideas about what people think, what they think about you. All this, as a rule, is not true. To get the true picture, you will have to ask, communicate, and only then will you be able to put the picture together.
Get rid of illusions about yourself. You may not seem like a very attractive character to yourself. But, this is just an assessment. Your mark. There is an assessment of your parents. There is an assessment of other people. If your parents rated you poorly, how can you be sure that they knew you well? Perhaps it would be more accurate to assume that they wanted to see you the way they wanted?
If you don’t rate yourself too well, then ask yourself why you need this? How can a person evaluate himself poorly? Who benefits from this? You are what you think you are. If you think that you are bad, then perhaps in this way you receive some important preferences for yourself, for example, you can afford not to do something. Or, elevate suffering to greatness of spirit. And this is quite difficult to live with.
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Andrey Petrakov
This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Symptoms of stuttering
As we said at the very beginning, a person who stutters often repeats words or syllables and tends to draw out certain sounds. He may also find it more difficult to say certain words.
Also, people with this disorder sometimes become completely unable to speak for a few seconds at a time or begin to use interjections frequently to delay the onset of a word that the speaker knows is causing problems.
Examples of interjections include words such as “um,” “like,” “I mean,” “well,” or “hm.”
Here are the common symptoms associated with stuttering:
- Trouble starting a word, phrase, or sentence;
- Hesitation before pronouncing certain sounds;
- Repetition of a sound, word or syllable;
- Duration of some sounds;
- Stuttering of speech;
- Replacing some sounds with others.
In addition, physical symptoms such as:
- rapid blinking;
- lip trembling;
- foot tapping;
- jaw trembling;
- tension in the face and/or upper body.
Diagnosis of stuttering
Some aspects of stuttering are obvious to everyone, while others are not. To obtain a comprehensive and reliable diagnosis, the patient should be examined by a speech therapist. The specialist will note the types of problems the person has when speaking and how often the speech impediment occurs.
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He will also evaluate how the patient copes with stuttering. A speech therapist can identify other features of a person's speech, such as speech rate and language skills, and evaluate them according to the patient's age and medical history.
The doctor will analyze all the data and determine whether there is a speech fluency disorder. If present, the doctor will assess the extent to which the disorder is affecting the patient's ability to function and participate in daily activities, and then suggest treatment.
Why do babies cry
When it comes to babies who have just been born, crying loudly is the only way to show parents that they are uncomfortable. Babies cry for a variety of reasons:
- hunger;
- full diaper;
- bad feeling;
- desire to be close to mom;
- fatigue;
- fear, and much more.
When a baby cries for a long time and for a long time, parents need to eliminate all possible causes of discomfort. If the child continues to cry hysterically, you should show him to the doctor.
