We all want to be liked by others. Even if we say the opposite, deep down in our souls there is always a secret desire to make an impression, to catch admiring glances and bask in the attention of friends and acquaintances. It is quite rightly believed that it is charming and sociable people who achieve more in life, who know how to please others, which opens up new opportunities and prospects for them. In this article I want to talk about how to become charming, sociable and interesting to other people.
Smile
It sounds simple, but it really works.
The brain reacts to a smile (even a not entirely sincere one) with the release of endorphins, which lifts the mood. Plus, a smile is contagious. To people, your body language and facial expressions are much more important than your words or tone of voice. Your smile is an invitation to immediately relax, it disarms and establishes a pleasant a.
When you smile back, you are being both friendly and sincere. Often people do not respond with a smile if, for example, they do not know the person who smiled at them well.
When you return the smile, you are saying, “I like you too.” This makes you more attractive to the other person.
GET RID OF BAD HABITS
Since the old Domostroevsky ideal has long gone, where a woman had to be an obedient slave of her husband, who previously allowed himself everything - adultery, rudeness, lousy habits, such as craving for alcohol, smoking tobacco, gambling, etc., women in the present Society is increasingly less likely to tolerate a person in the family who suffers from similar weaknesses.
Bad habits have always ruined people. A person who believes that 100 grams of vodka will help him solve a problem only aggravates this problem. Instead of solving problems, a person begins to either drink, overeat, or remain inactive. To solve a problem, it needs to be solved.
This is already clear. Let's imagine that one of the spouses drinks alcoholic beverages in large quantities. This habit not only has a devastating effect on his personal health, but also poses a threat to the other spouse.
Under the influence of regular drinking, a person changes. Drunks are jealous, suspicious, irritable and capable of unexpected temper.
Therefore, if there is such a person in the family with such cravings, you should immediately do everything possible to persuade him of the need for treatment.
And if this person is surrounded by love and understanding from his family, he has a much better chance of healing and returning to a normal lifestyle than a person left completely alone and not needed by anyone.
Therefore, loved ones should not immediately abandon a person who has become a victim of this terrible vice. It’s worth trying to persuade him that the only way to save himself and regain the respect of others is through treatment.
A person can have quite a lot of bad habits, someone smokes a lot, someone is too lazy, someone is used to playing music very loudly. It is worth finding the right compromise and solving such problems peacefully.
But it is best to eliminate bad and bad habits and cultivate the habits of a successful person. Be aware, remember that your relatives live next to you, whose interests you need to take into account and respect.
Watch your body language
We have not gone as far from our cave ancestors as we would like to think. Our brains still continue to look for danger in our environment and judge the degree of threat posed by other people by their body language.
To get someone to like you, you don't have to be dangerous. Therefore, along with a smile, you can use other visual cues: raise your eyebrows, tilt your head to the side.
Tilt of the head opens access to the carotid artery. This way you demonstrate trust. It sounds strange, but this once again proves that we are not as far from our wild ancestors as we would like to think.
Kathryn/Flickr.com
Our brain is constantly looking for threats in the environment. Stressful situations, such as interviews or meetings with clients, are assessed as potentially dangerous. After this, a defensive reaction is activated, and the body unconsciously takes a defensive position.
By eliminating the physical cues of tension and replacing them with a smile and an open body posture, you will cope with this reaction, feel less tense, and appear more attractive to other people.
How to make a person like you when you first meet?
How to make a person like you when you first meet?
There are many situations in life when you need to please a person from the very first minutes. And it doesn’t even matter whether you are planning a long-term relationship or not. This could be a client, boss, or seller. How can they all please them? Let's look at the general methods.
As a rule, when the conversation has not even begun, people look for nonverbal cues that allow them to understand whether a person is hostile or friendly. Since people usually see and only then hear each other, nonverbal cues play a big role. How can you show that you are positive?
- Play with your eyebrows . If people raise their eyebrows for less than a second, then they are not threatening each other. The brain is able to detect such a signal at a distance of up to 1.5 meters, and reacts immediately. By the way, people are rarely aware of this movement, because it is done unconsciously. At the same time, the process is accompanied by eye contact for a couple of seconds. This is also a sign of friendship or enmity. The game should be natural. When the rise is delayed, it is no longer the same. When a person raises his eyebrows unnaturally, this is already a manifestation of hostility.
- Head tilt. Leaning in any direction is considered a sign of friendliness. If a person feels threatened, he instinctively hides the carotid arteries. To do this, the head is pulled into the shoulders. When a person tends to tilt his head when communicating, he seems much more attractive. At the same time, women more often bow their heads, because men try to keep it straight, proving their own superiority.
- Smile . She conveys confidence and shows interest. Only in this case we are talking about a sincere smile. If it is done on purpose, it turns out crooked. She has no synchronicity. If you really need to fake a smile, then try to think about nice people.
- Sight . It works together with other signals. To express friendliness, it is enough to look into the eyes for a second. Longer contact may be perceived as aggression.
There are several techniques to enhance a person’s perception:
- Touching . They should be fleeting. For example, ask for help and lightly touch your hand. It will be much more effective. Just be careful with this method, because not everyone likes it. If you accidentally rub the back of your interlocutor’s hand, his attitude will immediately become clear.
- Imitation . If you copy the speaker's gestures, he will have a positive impression. Try this technique on new acquaintances. They will not understand that you are imitating, because such behavior fits into their standards and the brain does not react.
- Lean towards the interlocutor. This will reduce the distance between people and make them feel closer to you. The rapprochement indicates that the relationship is positive.
- Gestures . Gestures indicate interest in the topic of conversation and help maintain interest. So, to show the speaker that you are interested, nod your head. If you nod twice, this is recognized as an invitation to speed up.
- Friendship rule. If you want to please someone, you have to like yourself first. If during communication a person begins to feel better about himself, then he will be grateful for this feeling.
- Sympathy . This allows you to shift the focus of attention to the speaker. He rises in his own eyes. Such statements help show that the person is truly being listened to. It also provides closure and shows that you understand what is happening.
- Compliments . Some of them repel, and some, on the contrary, attract. It is best not to say them yourself, but to let the person do it. When a person praises himself, he does not doubt his sincerity.
- Asking for a favor . When a person helps someone, he becomes higher in his own eyes. So in this case, the point is not in you, but in who you ask.
Make others feel good
If you want people to like you, make them feel better in your presence and see themselves in a favorable light. You need to shift your focus away from yourself and pay more attention to those with whom you communicate.
There are many ways to do this: gratitude, recognition, direct eye contact, compliments, asking for advice. All these ways make other people feel important, correct, wise.
Avoid direct flattery - it is alarming and repulsive. Instead, carefully monitor the person's condition. For example, if he seems happy, ask, “Does it seem like you had a good day?” If your interlocutor responds, “I just closed the deal,” you can say, “You must have done a good job.” The person will leave you feeling better and will treat you better in the future.
How to please an employer over the phone: methods, tips
How to get liked over the phone?
Often we have to talk on the phone and, of course, the question arises of how to please people when they can only hear us. This is mainly required when a person calls about work. In this case, it is important that he is eventually called for an interview.
In many ways, the recruiter’s reaction depends not even on the specific words spoken, but on how exactly it was done. The ability to make an impression is important not only when the first conversation takes place - it is a very useful professional skill. So how to speak correctly on the phone to please a potential employer?
- Emotions . You can only make an impression once, and therefore you should not run to the phone as soon as the next vacancy is found. Work with your emotions first. For example, too much joy will be out of place, and pessimism is destructive if you set yourself up for failure. During the first 30 seconds of a conversation, everyone imagines the interlocutor, and therefore it will not be superfluous if you work on your image.
- Timbre . Speak calmly and confidently. The timbre can and even should be adjusted. For example, a low one allows you to show that you are confident, but a high one shows irritation. At the same time, people always like a low tone more and can even have a positive effect, especially if you are talking with a member of the opposite sex.
- Plan . It's important to think it through. First of all, you don't just have to answer questions. You will have to ask them. Your task is not to ask about things that are too simple or difficult. This way, you will look stupid or too clever, and the interlocutor may end up in a dead end.
- Calmness . It must be maintained throughout the conversation. The professional feels all the excitement. It’s better to imagine that you have already been answered rudely and think about what you will do about it. If you have already mentally accepted a small failure, it will be much easier for you to talk.
- Professional suitability . The way you speak on the phone may be required in your professional activities, and therefore calling a recruiter is already a kind of interview. Your negotiation skills are immediately visible. For example, if you get a job as a salesperson, then the very first thing you have to sell is yourself. And if your position is related, for example, to calculations, then it is enough to clearly answer the questions.
In any case, the first conversation is very important. It allows you to get an invitation to an interview and stand out, and this will not be unnecessary at all.
Get involved
Moiggi Interactive/Flickr.com
If during a dialogue you make the other person feel like the most important person in the world, then you will automatically become more attractive and pleasant to him.
Turn off and put away your phone, look the person in the eyes, and completely immerse yourself in the conversation. If you come to dine together, do not pay attention to anyone else, with the possible exception of the waiter.
During a conversation, evaluate the details of your surroundings. Maybe there is a barrier of glasses or cups between you and your interlocutor? If so, remove it.
ACCEPT PEOPLE AS THEY ARE
The most common mistake people make is the belief that by setting out to re-educate someone, they can achieve complete success.
Of course, the human psyche is a rather flexible and plastic system. You can influence it to slightly mitigate any shortcomings, but it is unrealistic to completely remake it to your taste.
Attempts to rebuild a partner are most common in young families. Everyone tries to rebuild (remake) the other, in accordance with their habits, worldviews and concepts, but these attempts give only one result - divorce. The ex-spouses themselves suffer from this and, to a greater extent, their children, who are ultimately left without one of the parents, and less often the father is left behind.
If we recall the statistics according to which only 5 out of 10 men and only 4 out of 10 women improve their personal lives by starting a new family, you can see with the naked eye how expensive their efforts to “rebuild” each other cost people.
Of course, in every communication, especially in marriage, compromises are required, otherwise it will be unrealistic to adapt to the conversation or life in the family.
Therefore, instead of mercilessly criticizing your fellow man, expressing your disapproval of him for certain offenses or characteristic traits, it will be better to accept this person for who he is. After all, it was you who made the decision to choose him as your life partner, which means you saw merit in him.
Focus your attention on these virtues and try to maintain faith in the best qualities of your lover.
People are their own critics. Whatever action you take, people evaluate it. People always evaluate and criticize something. If you criticize, then criticize to the point.
If you have to pronounce negative judgments on a person, try to do it tactfully and gently. But if you hear well-deserved criticism addressed to you, try not to be offended, but rather immediately confidently and courageously admit that you were wrong in this situation.
Try not to talk to your family, friends or partners in a directive tone. Judge for yourself, if they talked to you the same way, you wouldn’t like it either. A directive tone creates a desire in a person to do the opposite.
However, never spare a kind word for your loved one. Sincerely praise him if he really deserves it, and do not be greedy with words of admiration and approval.
Love people for who they are. There is no need to rebuild or redo them. You won't be able to do it anyway. A person can change only if he wants to.
If you truly believe in him, it will be uncomfortable and difficult for him not to justify your faith. Therefore, in married couples, those husbands and wives more often win who, during their life together, maintain faith in the best virtues of their chosen one in life, sincerely encourage his/her best qualities, believe in him/her, do not criticize him/her mercilessly and rudely, the more more on the little things. They try to create a good reputation for their chosen one in the eyes of friends and others.
So, remember once and for all, you shouldn’t “break” anyone. Accept people as they are. This way you will preserve comfort and peace both in your family and in friendly company.
Be interesting
The most interesting and significant person for every person is himself. That's why people love to talk about themselves.
First, ask the person about his favorite projects or things to do, something that really excites him. Listen carefully to what he says. These conversations often don't take five minutes, but they will be the best five minutes of your conversation.
You can then ask follow-up questions to find out a little more (but don't turn it into an interrogation), or listen and share similar experiences. When you share your story, you connect, you find something in common, and people love to connect with people who are similar to them.
Finding common ground is a classic technique that helps build rapport. You can find common activities, work moments, hobbies, but it will take time. The simplest and most effective way is to find common ground in the person of a mutual friend who works in the same field as your interlocutor.
What can you like and attract in a person?
What do we like in people?
The very first thing you should learn about is not even how to please people, but what can attract them in general? In fact, this is really important, because it may determine exactly how you behave in the future.
So, a person may be attracted to the following:
- Need-satisfying traits . When a person is cheerful, everyone likes it. But being sad is no longer accepted in society. However, when you are really sad, it will not be very comfortable to be with a cheerful person. We must look for at least a neutral person or one prone to sadness.
- We are attracted by those who respond to us . Those who are in the center of attention and have a lot of people around them are always attracted. However, once you get closer, the person is no longer so attractive. And all because he continues to attract everyone to himself, instead of being distracted by you for at least a minute. So we only like those who respond to our emotions, experiences and actions.
- Like-minded person . When a person has opposing views, it is difficult to communicate with him. That is why it is more pleasant for us to communicate with those who have similar views. Values and beliefs have always been important. Some are ready to share them with you, but others are not.
- Appearance . It's sad, but it's true. Outwardly, those people who are rated higher are always attracted. But after a while, it becomes not so important what a person looks like, but what he has in his soul. The critical moment is about 1.5-2 years after the start of communication. Then people begin to value you for other qualities, or not, and communication stops.
- Facial expressions and gestures . In this case, everything is individual. Some people like complex people who constantly gesticulate, while others prefer calm and measured people. Everyone chooses people according to different criteria. As a rule, if most of the parameters coincide, then it seems to us that the person is “one of us.” Over time we begin to consider it more interesting.
Of course, when meeting, while people are just getting to know each other, stereotypes have a very strong influence, that is, some features of upbringing, social circle, habits. Even the most interesting and pleasant person can turn out to be unnecessary if his behavior patterns do not match.
Be visible
We prefer to communicate with people we know: colleagues, neighbors, or people we often meet at the gym.
“Familiarity has a simple effect on people, and that means being visible more often,” says Theo Tsaousides, a neuropsychologist and author of Brainblocks: Overcoming the 7 Hidden Barriers to Success Hidden Barriers to Success).
Presence is important, but it must not be allowed to become harassment. For example, you can drink coffee in the morning in the same cafe as the person you want to like, or comment on his posts on social networks. This is a way to show yourself, to communicate that you remember this person.
Give more and help
Whoever you meet, first of all think about how you can help this person. It doesn't always pay off right away, but when the time comes, it works 100%.
When you help someone, you show that you value that person. This is a whole philosophy that helps to improve relationships with others.
If you accept this attitude in life, you begin to think differently. If you consider the business sphere, then you begin to treat clients differently. You are already thinking not only about how to benefit from them, but also about how to make them more valuable and meaningful.
Tim Sanders has a simple way to achieve this goal. During every conversation, you should strive to give advice or give something to your interlocutor. This will make you stand out from other people and make you more attractive.
Touching a person during a conversation is not scary
I recommend lightly touching the person during the conversation. You might say, “Are you crazy? It wasn’t enough for a stranger to think that I wasn’t doing well at home, or for a new colleague to accuse me of sexual harassment!”
Yes, today we are afraid of all types of touch in initial interpersonal contacts; even handshakes have lost some of their significance. But touch is powerful and always works because a harmless warm touch has a positive effect on our body chemistry. A touch that is neither threatening nor sexually suggestive can change how we feel in less than a fortieth of a second.
Much research has been done on the impact of touch on first impressions, and it clearly shows its positive effects. For example, in one study, researchers asked participants to sign a petition and lightly touched their hand while making the request. As a result, 81% of participants agreed. When the experiment was repeated with a different request, 70% of those touched agreed; and of those who were not touched, only 40% agreed.
A waiter touching a customer's arm or shoulder increases the tip size. Of course, one note to make here is that 8% of people in the United States don't want to be touched at all.
