We live in strange times when everyone tends to think only about themselves. The general pursuit of maximum comfort and all kinds of pleasures leads to the fact that the souls of many become callous. We easily pass by the grief of others, do not pay attention to the weak and suffering, we try to protect ourselves from any negativity, forgetting that life is fleeting and often cruel. Youth, strength, health are by no means eternal categories, and compassion for one’s neighbor and readiness to come to the aid of one’s own kind are necessary conditions for the survival of society. Therefore, the question of how to help people is very relevant. If you look around, you can see how many of our fellow citizens need support and immediate assistance. Children, old people, disabled people – these are the weakest and most defenseless categories of the population.
Who needs help?
Young, strong and healthy people are able to cope with emerging problems themselves. But the weak and infirm, which primarily include children, the elderly and the disabled, often require help and support from other people. Look around: perhaps there is a lonely sick person living next door to you, who from time to time needs to replenish food supplies and buy medicine at the pharmacy, but it is difficult for him to do this himself.
Not all older people have relatives either. So old men and women hobble through the ice to the store and pharmacy, risking falling and breaking their arm or leg. And if such a person gets sick, he often finds himself in a disastrous and helpless situation. Take a closer look at your neighbors: which of them needs your support? If correspondence has not been removed from a mailbox for a long time, and you know that a lonely elderly or disabled person lives in this apartment, ring his doorbell and ask what happened and why he does not leave the house for a long time.
The help of volunteer volunteers is always needed in nursing homes, boarding schools for the disabled, orphanages, hospitals and hospices. In any city there are sure to be several institutions where volunteer helpers will be welcomed with open arms. If you don’t yet know how to help people, then first call one of these places, or better yet, go and find out how they can help.
What is rescuer syndrome
Rescuer syndrome is not an officially recognized disorder, but it really darkens people's lives and requires serious work. Unlike other people, the “rescuer” helps not out of a sincere desire, but as if forcing himself. He is convinced that the only way to get something is to fulfill the desires and requests of others. This is how the authors of a study prepared by psychotherapists from the French business school INSEAD and the European School of Management and Technology explain the basis of the syndrome. Dependence on the desire to help is even compared to food, alcohol, nicotine and drug addiction.
The syndrome was first described in 1968 by psychotherapist Stephen Karpman in the article “Fairy Tales and Analysis of Scripted Drama.” In it, he presented a psychosocial model of relationships, the so-called Karpman triangle, where he identified three roles that people can occupy in different life situations: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.
- The Persecutor, or Aggressor, tries to control, blame, and threaten others.
- The victim believes that he is under the influence of a person or situation and does not take responsibility for what is happening because he thinks that he cannot change anything.
- The Rescuer strives to help the Victim or the Aggressor, but his actions are driven not so much by concern for his neighbors as by the desire to assert himself, to feel complete and significant. As a result, the Rescuer takes on someone else's responsibility, forgetting about his own needs, and at the same time does not solve the other person's problem.
Psychotherapist Amy Lander, writing for a UK therapist matching service, points out that a rescuer chooses this role to provide a sense of self-image and a way to connect with others. When a rescuer doesn't have the ability or means to help for a period of time, their self-esteem is likely to suffer greatly, she said. By immersing himself in the problems of others, he avoids his own unresolved issues.
The rescuers themselves are not happy with their role.
Coach and supervisor Andrea Durban writes in Pure Coaching that rescuers may enjoy helping, but find it difficult to achieve complete satisfaction. They risk disappointment if they don't get the expected response from people. Rescuers are also afraid to refuse and perform certain actions to their own detriment for fear of being rejected. Arina, 22 years old
I lived with rescuer syndrome from about 14 to 20 years old. I felt that I had an obligation to help everyone, whether they asked me for it or not. I found a kind of pleasure in this and, by “helping others,” I tried to increase my self-worth, primarily for myself. But at the same time, I also felt disappointment. It was unbearably offensive when they literally sent me with my seemingly good motive to help.
The syndrome manifested itself in friendship. A particularly telling situation was when my friend was having problems in her relationship. I tried to solve them, but in the end I remained extreme. This also affected my relationships: I felt like a horse that was carrying everything, this entailed quarrels, discontent, scandals, reproaches and the end of the relationship. This is a typical scenario that has been repeated time after time.
The syndrome is scary because you don’t notice it in the moment. At the age of 20, after another “failed” relationship, I found myself in a psychotherapist’s chair, I found an amazing specialist, my syndrome was worked out, and it took very little time. My life has changed: the eternal “whiners” disappeared, they were replaced by conscious and purposeful people, I met a worthy person with whom the rescuer syndrome never even turned on.
Nursing homes and boarding schools for the disabled
It just so happens that in our society it is customary to think about the elderly as the last thing. If someone says: “I want to help people,” then he first of all goes to an orphanage, and this, of course, is very good, but the question is: who will visit the elderly in a nursing home? After all, old people are like children in their helplessness and weakness, but, unfortunately, they can no longer evoke either tenderness or special sympathy.
Yes, old people can be obnoxious, capricious, and irritable, but they have lived a long life and, of course, deserve that society treats them more gently and attentively. Yes, in nursing homes, elderly people should be provided with professional medical care, but, as is known, there is a catastrophic shortage of service personnel in such institutions, which cannot but negatively affect the quality of life of their residents.
Come to a boarding school for the elderly and disabled, visit the head and find out how you can help. Sometimes not much is required: sitting next to you, reading a book out loud, or just listening to an old person. And sometimes the help is more serious: cleaning the room, feeding the weak, etc.
To become a good knight
Catherine became a good knight
I like animals. My husband and I have already adopted a house cat, but we haven’t decided on more yet. I feed the cats in the yard and always carry a bag of food in my bag.
One day I saw an advertisement for the teddyfood project and subscribed to them. The guys have a cool website, each animal has its own page with history, photos and an online camera, several shelters around the country are connected. You can watch your favorite character in real time and provide targeted assistance: for food, care, medical services and advertising. The minimum payment for a portion of food is about 40 rubles. It's very inexpensive and very simple.
Orphanages
As was said earlier, orphanages are the first thing that comes to mind when you think about how to help people. And yet there is always a lack of help there. After all, there are a lot of children who, by the will of fate, find themselves in the care of the state, and each of them requires care, affection, and attention. Are they getting all this in the proper quantities? Of course not! Sponsors can send toys, arrange a children's party, but the child needs constant attention.
So if you are determined to take the path of mercy, then in any orphanage there will be a job for you. Come and talk to the service staff, they will tell you what kind of help the children need most.
Which one of us is helping?
We are not very philanthropic. In the World Philanthropy Index of the British foundation CAF, which, simply put, measures human generosity and sensitivity, Russia took 123rd place out of 135 in 2013. In previous years, our place was even lower.
According to statistics, money is most often donated by middle-aged people belonging to the middle class. As a rule, they already have children, and they are gradually beginning to think about their own old age. These are people who do not want to leave anywhere: they want to build a better future here, at home. They now have time and money. They know how to set problems and solve them. After looking around, they choose an area of charitable activity and begin to help with money, time or knowledge. The problem is that enough time must pass for this thoughtful middle class to become large, and not only in Moscow and other megacities.
“The charity of the rich in our country is a different story,” says Levina. — Our millionaires are not hereditary. They were also simple people and remember past hardships, so they help the young, especially if they are somewhat similar to themselves. Our oligarchs create funds to support young talents and come up with awards for the winners of Olympiads.
“In any case, no matter what the motivation for helping is, it is better when a person gets satisfaction and pleasure from the fact that he gave something to others, and not from the fact that he quietly ate a chocolate bar under the blanket,” concludes Levina. “Whatever their reasons, they help those in need.” They say that a person who takes part in the life of another, who tries on someone else’s life and pain, changes forever. In addition to personal satisfaction, inner peace, and increased self-esteem, we come to the realization that we are capable of doing a very important and meaningful task. We begin to feel that good deeds are a norm of human behavior that should spread like a virus.
The most humane professions
If you are a young person and have not yet decided what exactly you will do in life, but have a penchant for compassion, then perhaps you need a special profession: helping people constantly and every day, if you become a doctor or nurse. By the way, nurses used to be called sisters of mercy.
The professions of teachers and educators are also among the most humane in the world. There is also such a type of activity as a social worker. All of the above types of professional activities provide an opportunity to show love for people most fully.
World Giving Index data for 2013
Experts from the British CAF Foundation summarized three key indicators: what part of the population makes monthly donations to the funds, what part acts as volunteers, and what part provides direct assistance to those in need.
This study is the largest ever conducted in the field of philanthropy. It turned out that, despite the continuing decline in global economic growth, the share of the population that gives money to charity is growing: in 2012, 47% of people donated money, while in 2011 - 45%.
Emin Agalarov
On stage, Emin is brutal and daring, but in life he is kind, empathetic and helps older people. The singer initiated the opening of the capital’s Dobrodomik cafe, where pensioners can dine for free any day. Everything in the establishment is thought out so well that even people with disabilities can feel comfortable. And the musician is personally responsible for the quality of dinners, because the dishes here are prepared by professional chefs from prestigious restaurants. Neither Emin nor the other organizers of the project plan to stop there. The team is confidently moving towards its main goal - opening a network of social cafes throughout Russia.
Photo: @eminofficial
Leonardo DiCaprio
It is known that already in his youth, being a wealthy and promising actor, Leo realized that a multi-million dollar fortune would not make him happy. The Hollywood handsome man never wanted to spend money on an expensive car or buy a private jet, but he always helped when it came to polluting the planet. For DiCaprio, charity is not PR, but a real desire to protect nature and animals from the gross influence of humans. It was for this that Leonardo created his charitable foundation. But realizing that other organizations also still needed help, he continued to transfer large sums to them. The actor once sent about $15 million to wildlife protection companies. And to attract attention to the environmental problem of more people, he made a documentary film on the topic of climate change. The star does not hide how proud he is that he has been involved in environmental conservation for more than ten years and donates most of his income to charity.
Photo: @leonardodicaprio
Choosing the right volunteer job is critical
“Balance is key here,” says Shelley. “When choosing a volunteer position, make sure you can do what is asked of you calmly and happily, otherwise you will be faced with another source of stress.”
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Maintaining a balance between stepping out of your comfort zone and playing to your strengths will also help.
“While volunteer work that puts you in contact with others will likely benefit your mental well-being, be selective,” Shelley said. “If you experience social anxiety, group work may not be for you.”
Natalya Vodyanova
Natalya often talks about the childhood she spent with her younger sister Oksana, who was born with a severe form of autism. Because of this, many avoided girls and teased them. The model still cannot forget how the family could not afford to buy expensive medications for her sister. Therefore, having become successful and rich, the Nizhny Novgorod beauty considered it her duty to start helping those who are in a similar position. Another impetus for the creation of a charitable foundation was the tragedy in Beslan - in the hope of helping the affected children, Natalia fulfilled her dream and founded the Naked Heart Foundation in 2004. Thanks to the model’s great desire to please and develop special children, children’s centers and special play parks have appeared in Russian cities. In addition, Natalya regularly organizes charity evenings, races and marathons, and also teaches her children to be open to helping others. When asked how Natalya manages to keep up with everything, she answers briefly: the more she gives, the more strength and energy she receives in return.
Photo: @natasupernova
