How to overcome anxiety and fear?

Something is constantly bothering us - so constantly that we are used to existing in this state and not even suspecting that we are preventing ourselves from living the way we want. Unfortunately, you cannot completely get rid of anxiety, especially in a constantly rushing world, but you can reduce its intensity on your own. We re-read Tanya Peterson’s book “Inner Peace. 101 ways to cope with anxiety, fear and panic attacks” and selected several practical tips for dealing with strong feelings.

Why are people worried?

Excitement is an emotion for which the limbic system of the brain is responsible. This part of the brain is virtually uncontrollable, but it plays a major role in human development and survival.

The limbic system works quite complexly. In a dangerous situation, the amygdala stimulates the hypothalamus region of the brain. It, in turn, signals the adrenal glands, which turn on the mechanism for producing stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol). This triggers the fight-or-flight survival response. It was she who saved our ancestors in life-threatening situations. It turns out that we are the descendants of people who were afraid, worried and anxious, and these emotions are embedded in us at the level of evolution.

Excitement is not anxiety, but a mild form of it. The body of a worried person is alert, and seems to be thinking: “Is there a danger or will it be okay?” If the defensive reaction of “resistance and/or flight” is triggered, then the person begins to have an anxiety disorder.

External factors that cause anxiety are events and circumstances. The internal causes of this condition can be the individual characteristics of a particular person: from the size of the brain to the characteristics of child-parent relationships, upbringing and development.

How to identify anxiety

It’s worth saying right away that anxiety is a completely normal state that performs a very important function of alerting us to possible danger. And everything would be fine, but modern people are not often threatened by something in the literal sense, but it seems that more and more triggers appear. So anxiety becomes more of a problem than a survival aid. It leads to emotional burnout, chronic stress and constant fatigue, due to which we cannot function fully.

There are several symptoms that can help you determine how anxious you are lately:

I can't stop thinking about what has already happened.
I worry about what will happen in the future; I worry equally about tomorrow and about what will happen in a few years.
I feel tired, but I am constantly on edge.
I often “switch off” and cannot continue working.
I'm plagued by obsessive thoughts.
I have little obvious cause for great concern.
I try to avoid people and certain places.
I feel like I'm at a dead end.
I'm trying to get rid of anxiety, but it doesn't go away.
My relationships with people, my work and I suffer.

If you've been experiencing at least a few of these symptoms for a long time, it may be time to slow down a little and pay more attention to yourself, your mental health and lifestyle changes that can help reduce your stress levels.

Storytel is an international audiobook subscription service. The Storytel library contains audiobooks of almost all genres, from classics and non-fiction to lectures, stand-ups and podcasts. This is a service that solves the reading problem. It allows you to listen to audiobooks anytime, anywhere: while working out, while cooking, on the way to and from work, on the plane, before bed, and whenever else. Storytel creates and records its own unique content - lecture projects, podcasts, audio series, and also collaborates with the best voices in the country.

Is anxiety normal?

It’s normal to worry, because worry is our defensive reaction, which does not pose a danger to health. People worry when faced with something unfamiliar because the brain at such moments calculates and evaluates the situation in order to adapt to it, hedge its bets and ultimately cope.

But if a person is constantly worried, then stress hormones have a negative effect on the body. Increased heart rate and breathing, increased blood sugar levels, and altered blood circulation in a regular manner can lead to disturbances in the functioning of the heart.

Coping with anxiety at work

No matter how much we love our work, it often comes with a certain level of stress, which is quite normal until anxiety begins to affect results, concentration and relationships with colleagues. The most common cause of anxiety at work is the presence of someone “above us”, whose opinion determines your performance, sense of self-worth, motivation and much more. However, there are methods that will help you shift your focus and gain self-confidence.

Good morning ritual

Many will agree that almost the rest of the day depends on our morning rise. Often, in fact, the reluctance to wake up and get out of bed is not laziness at all, but an alarm signal, since it may seem to you that something is bound to happen at work that will only confirm all your worst fears. By getting up in the morning with these thoughts, you reinforce a certain behavior that does not set you up for productivity at all. What can you do?

Clean your room the night before so you don't wake up to stress-inducing clutter.
Place a glass of water next to your bed. When your alarm goes off, take a deep breath, stretch, sit up, and drink all your water. Wait a while, listen to your body. This helps reduce anxiety.
Move from the bedroom to a specially organized space. Sit quietly, consciously observing the surroundings, sounds and smells in the room. Assess how you feel while sitting in your chair. Do a short meditation, concentrating on inhalation and exhalation.
Enjoy a cup of decaffeinated tea or coffee (caffeine tends to increase anxiety).
When you feel ready, stand up slowly and continue to prepare for the day ahead.

Mantra of non-judgment

Judging yourself and others leads to mental limitations, takes away strength and resources, and also increases the level of anxiety. While the basis of any work on oneself is the acceptance of shortcomings and weaknesses, both one’s own and those of others.

To stop the flow of restless thoughts in time, recite the mantra of non-judgment. Like affirmations, a mantra is a statement that reminds you of something important. Tell yourself: “Today I am not judging anyone or anything.”

or
“My mind is open, my thoughts are neutral
. Come up with a mantra that will help you, and repeat it to yourself as often as possible so as not to get stuck in judgment.

Toxic perfectionist

There is a small part in almost all of us that prevents us from enjoying life because “nothing is perfect.” Experiencing anxiety from a feeling of imperfection, you do not allow yourself to feel harmony and satisfaction from what you have done, which is why the desire for ideal only increases. And along with it comes the level of anxiety. This is an unpleasant vicious circle that can be broken by accepting your imperfections. You are already good enough, and the following exercise will help you see that:

Describe a situation when perfectionism only got in your way.
If you made a mistake, what then? Think and write down as many possible consequences as possible - both positive and negative.
Study this list. If each of the consequences happened, how would you cope with the failure?

By thinking about the cause of the anxiety, rather than the anxiety itself, you will learn to look at it in a new way, and also to notice that, despite the imperfections, you have actually already done a lot to ensure that everything is fine and with a minimum of mistakes.

In what cases should you consult a psychologist?

If, due to anxiety, a person:

sick;
cannot perform his/her work efficiently;
unable to complete necessary daily tasks;
afraid to appear in society;
avoids unfamiliar places;
ceases to control himself;
feels depressed;
feels that anxiety is increasing or occurring more often for no apparent reason;
turns to the “life-saving” effect of alcohol or drugs to relieve anxiety,

then he should think about consulting a psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will diagnose the psycho-emotional state, identify the cause of worries and anxieties and offer methods to solve this problem (medicines and psychotherapeutic sessions).

If you wish, you can choose and master a professional retraining course, which will give you the opportunity to study all existing modern psychotherapeutic methods and help yourself and other people in need in the fight against anxiety.

If anxiety has little impact on your quality of life, you can try to cope with it on your own.

Getting rid of obsessive thoughts

It seems to us that the more we think about a problem, the more likely we are to find a solution or prepare for possible unpleasant consequences. In reality, we do little to help ourselves when we think about something that really bothers us. The level of anxiety increases, and even if you have a solution to the problem, this does not mean that you will instantly stop worrying. What to do in such a situation?

Exercise “I have a thought”

When we think about the subject of our anxiety, it is as if we stop being in the present time and are transported to the past or future. The exercise helps you return to reality and remind yourself that your experiences are just thoughts, albeit largely justified (but not always).

Think about what's bothering you and say, “I have a feeling that the conversation with management tomorrow won't go well. And it's just a thought"

. Even better, say it out loud, and it will become easier for you to return to your previous activities and not live with what has not yet happened or has already happened.

The question "What if?"

We are often visited by thoughts that can be formulated through one question: “What if?” What if we're not right for each other? What if the boss calls me to meet in order to cut my salary? Such thoughts appear completely randomly, they cannot be controlled, since they are directly related to our experiences and fears. However, you can develop the habit of always finding an alternative.

Think of a new, positive response to every worrying thought you have. For example, assume that a meeting with your boss will lead to a promotion, or that a potentially tense conversation with your partner will result in agreement. It would be useful to treat this with a little humor and imagine a completely absurd outcome: for example, that the manager gives up everything and moves to the North Pole, and leaves you in charge without explanation. By approaching anxiety with humor, you will change the vector of your thoughts and feel a little better.

Concentration on breathing

It's no secret that in our body all systems are connected to each other. If we are angry, the pulse quickens, if we are in a calm state, it slows down. Obsessive thoughts can cause headaches, and prolonged inactivity will lead to muscle discomfort, causing your body to send signals to move with all its might.

Meanwhile, consciously focusing on breathing will have the opposite effect: if obsessive thoughts lead to rapid breathing, then calmness will relieve unnecessary stress. Your task is to slowly inhale and exhale, concentrating on this process. Think about how the chest fills with air and releases it. Repeat several times until breathing returns to normal.

Strengthening relationships with people

Relationships are very important to us: we worry about what people close to us think of us, we play different roles when communicating with colleagues or friends, because this is more likely to win favor. Whether we like it or not, we need to communicate with people at least sometimes, which can be a cause for anxiety for many of us. While there are many opportunities around us to enjoy communications, rather than carefully avoid them. There are several simple exercises that will help, if not get rid of anxiety, then at least reduce it to an acceptable level.

List of positive points

Experiences make us think about the most negative consequences of communication and completely forget about what good happened between you and, say, your partner. To remember the pleasant things, make a list for yourself of a variety of moments when you were happy.

If you have problems with this, then perhaps your anxiety level does not allow you to truly enjoy spending time with this or that person. A list can also help here, but now of positive aspects that you need to create with your own hands. For example:

Treat a close friend to coffee and spend time with him.
Create a shared playlist with friends or family.
Find someone with whom you can go to exhibitions, to the gym or for your daily morning run.

After that, start implementing situations in which you think you will be happy. And try to live in this moment, and not worry that something will definitely not go according to plan.

Caring for yourself and others

We all experience it - just some to a greater extent, and some to a lesser extent. Nevertheless, each of us has plenty of reasons for anxiety, self-doubt and the feeling that we will eventually be abandoned. Just being reminded of this brings you back to reality and confirms the fact that you are completely not alone in your anxiety.

What to do in this case? Mantras that will be directed both at you and those around you can help you. Formulate life-affirming phrases for yourself that will remind you in moments of anxiety that your experiences are normal and familiar to everyone. For example:

I will allow myself to accept myself as I am. / Let others accept themselves as they are.
I will allow myself to accept my mistakes calmly. / Let others take their mistakes in stride.
I will allow myself to be happy with what I can do. / Let others rejoice in their achievements.

The list can be anything, as long as it reflects your concerns.

Causes of anxiety

Anxiety often begins in childhood. Possible factors provoking this phenomenon include:

inconsistency of the positions of parents, parents and teachers, management at work, one’s own attitudes and actions (the result in each case is intrapersonal conflict);
inflated expectations (setting the bar too high for oneself or excessively demanding parents, for example, the popular “study excellently”);
situations of dependence and humiliation (“If you tell me who broke the window, then I will forgive you for missing school and won’t tell my parents anything”);
deprivation, failure to meet current needs;
awareness of the discrepancy between opportunities and abilities;
social, financial or professional instability, instability.

Features of the behavior of a highly anxious person

The person himself is not always aware of the problem, and it is difficult to notice anxiety from the outside. Especially if it disguises itself, compensation occurs or a defense mechanism turns on. However, we can name several characteristic differences of an anxious person:

Excessively emotional reactions to failures.
Decreased performance in stressful situations or under tight deadlines.
Fear of failure prevailing over the desire for success.
A situation of success serves as an incentive and motivation for activity, a situation of failure “kills”.
The perception of the entire surrounding world or many objects as dangerous, although subjectively this is not so.

Low-anxious individuals have the opposite characteristics. For example, situations of failure serve as a greater motivator for them than success. However, low anxiety is the other side of the coin; it is also dangerous for the individual.

More obvious reactions of the body are somatic signs. With a high level of anxiety the following are noted:

skin abnormalities (itching, rash);
changes in the functioning of the cardiovascular system (hypertension, tachycardia);
respiratory dysfunction (shortness of breath, asphyxia);
dyspeptic disorders (diarrhea, heartburn, flatulence, constipation, dry mouth);
genital-urinal reactions (cycle disturbances in women, impotence in men, frequent urination, pain);
vasomotor phenomena (sweating);
problems of the musculoskeletal system (pain, lack of coordination, stiffness).

An anxious person is prone to professional and emotional burnout, a more pronounced awareness of traumatic factors and dangers (for example, the profession of a surgeon); not satisfied with oneself, life, profession; feels hopeless, “cornered”, “caged”; depressed